Much Worse Games to Play
by panskiss123
Summary: a POV story showing Peeta's and Katniss's trials and healing after everything they have been through. Heavy on smut, language, and violence. DO NOT read if easily offended! As always, please review! :)
1. Chapter 1

The wheelbarrow makes too much noise as I push it toward Victor's Village. District 12 is quiet, and I wonder if I am the only one awake at this time. Probably. My dad was the one to rise before everyone so he could get a start on fresh bread. I would wake up and help him while my mother and brothers slept. I'm used to baker's hours. And besides, I haven't slept in many nights. Maybe that explains the dark circles under my eyes.

As I approach her house, I start to tense up. There are so many emotions flooding through me and they all involve her. I'm not ready to see her, I don't think. I don't imagine she's ready to see me. The only person I have seen since I've returned is Haymitch and that's because Dr. Aurelius told him to pick me up from the station. I asked Haymitch on our way back to Victor's Village, how Katniss was doing. He merely grunted.

"As well as you'd expect."

Ok, that doesn't really help. But I keep thinking back to the last time I saw her, how I watched her struggle and bite the soldiers who were arresting her. It was right after she had killed Coin, and she had tried to take the night lock but I stopped her. Why did I stop her? Hadn't I wished she would die during the War? Wasn't she my enemy?

No. No matter how much poison flows through my veins, I cannot live if Katniss had died. I had to stop her. I can still feel her teeth sinking into my flesh and the little white scars on my hand prove that I wasn't dreaming it.

My head snaps up as I reach her house and I push the wheelbarrow to the side of the house. Picking up the shovel I had borrowed from town, I start digging up the ground underneath the windows. After a few minutes, I pause to wipe the sweat from my brow and I run my fingers through my hair before I continue to dig. I hear the door slam and I tense up as I see someone rounding the corner.

No way this skeleton could be the girl I once loved. Her grey eyes are clouded with sadness and they are sunken in, her face pale and sickly. Her clothes hang off of her emaciated form and there is dirt on her hands. Her hair is matted in clumps and she's staring at me like she doesn't know if I'm here or not. We just stare at each for the longest time and I wonder which of us will be the first to speak.

"You're back." Her voice is scratchy and makes my heart leap and hurt.

"Dr. Aurelius wouldn't let me leave the Capitol until yesterday," I reply. "By the way, he said to tell you he can't keep pretending he's treating you forever. You have to pick up the phone." Damn. Why did I tell her that? Because I don't really know what else to say, I suppose. She frowns and reaches up to run her hand through her messy hair, as if she's trying to make it look presentable. I can tell she hasn't bathed in a long time. But it doesn't stop me from wanting to wrap her in my arms and hold her until the end of time. At the same time, my head is screaming at my heart. It's telling me I'm a fool for ever loving her, that she will try to hurt me again.

I shake myself. Stop it head. Stop it heart. Just. Stop.

"What are you doing?" Her voice is quiet. Weak. Everything that Katniss isn't.

"I, um…I went to the woods this morning and dug these up. For her," I gesture toward the wheelbarrow. "I thought we could plant them along the side of the house." She looks at the plants and her face reddens. I know what's going through her mind, what she's thinking of, and I grab one of the bushes and hold it out to her.

"Evening primrose," I say softly. I see her face soften and something flicker in her eyes as she stares at the plant in my hand. She'd thought I brought roses. I would never be so stupid or heartless. But these lovely flowers, with her sister's namesake, her deceased sister's namesake, make her expressions soft and lovely again. Her eyes drift back up to mine and are filled with tears. She gives me a brief nod, then without a word she runs back into her house and slams the door. With a sigh, I turn back to the flowers and start to plant them. She needs time. We both do. And I'll be here when she's ready.

* * *

><p>I don't see Katniss again after that. I stay in my kitchen and bake and sometimes leave fresh bread on her porch. Sometimes I find fresh strawberries on my porch, and use them to bake cakes or pie. This little exchange of gifts is great but we don't see each other. I do notice Greasy Sae going to her place early in the mornings and one morning, she invited me along. I declined, saying it was too soon.<p>

"Gotta start somewhere, boy," the old woman had told me.

Almost three weeks after I had returned to 12, Haymitch comes around and has an uneasy look on his face.

"What's wrong Haymitch?"

"You haven't seen sweetheart lately, have you?" Sweetheart? Oh. Katniss.

"No, why?" The uneasy look on his face deepens and I feel panic start to course through me.

"Is she not at home?"

"She told Sae she was going hunting yesterday. She, um…she hasn't been back to her house yet." I grip the counter tightly. As much as she loves those woods, I know they're dangerous. What if she's hurt? What if she's…

"Did anything happen to make her…" I don't know how to finish that sentence. Want to hurt herself, I suppose is what I'm trying to ask but I can't put it into words. Haymitch clears his throat.

"She found her sister's old cat." Oh, Katniss. I know what Buttercup meant to Prim and I'm sure just seeing him set her back. I start to worry even more.

"Haymitch we have to find her."

"It's getting dark now. I don't think we'll be able to get a search party out there tonight."

"Not even for the mockingjay?" I say heatedly. Haymitch bites his lip.

"Fine. I'll go alone." I search my drawers for a flashlight and flick it on to test it.

"I'll go into town and see if anyone has seen her yet. Sae said no one has seen her since yesterday morning." I ignore the pounding of my heart and grab my jacket. When I step outside, I shiver at how cold it's gotten. God Katniss, please be alright.

"I'll head to the woods and see if I can find her. Try to get some more people to look for her."

"Be careful kid."

* * *

><p>I make my way out towards the woods and take a deep breath before entering. I'm not one for these woods, I've never had any reason to enter them. I'll leave the hunting to Katniss. I feel safe in my kitchen and have no need of leaving it. But Katniss could be hurt and I'll be damned if I lose her now. Not after everything we have been through, everything we have overcome. I may not love her as I once did but the girl still makes me feel things. Trying to ignore how much this feels like the Games, I shine my flashlight into the woods and take cautious steps. Katniss has always told me I have very heavy footsteps and in the silence of the woods tonight, I can say she is right. My prosthetic leg doesn't help much either.<p>

I'm not too sure how far I've gone in but I look behind me and see I can still see the fence. Good. I don't need to get lost in here too. But I start to hear something that makes me freeze in my tracks. Birds singing. Mockingjays. As I listen to the birds singing, I immediately recognize the song. It's one that Katniss has sung before. I've seen videos of her singing it to Rue when the little girl was dying. I whirl around, searching in the darkness.

"Katniss!" I call out to the silent woods. "Katniss, where are you?" The mockingjay repeats my frantic words and I run toward the birds. I can still hear the singing, but it's very faint. It's coming from below me. I look down and frown when I see a gaping hole in the ground. Sinkholes. I had heard that since they've abandoned the mines, these sinkholes are popping up all over the place. If I had taken one more step, I would have fallen in. I drop to my knees and peer over the edge.

"Katniss?" I can hear her singing. Her voice is weak and shaky but she continues as if she can't hear me. Or maybe she's thinking I'm not really here. I shine the light down the hole and feel my heart race.

She's lying in a crumpled heap in a puddle of mud. Her legs are bent at a strange angle and I can barely make out her face.  
>"Katniss! Katniss!" I continue to scream into the hole. The singing stops and I see her move slightly.<p>

"Go away."

"Katniss it's me. It's Peeta!"

"Just leave me here to die."

"Katniss! Stop this. I'm here, I'll get you out."

"No. You're not real," I hear her say softly. I'm starting to get frustrated.

"I'm real, Katniss! I'm right here. And I'm not leaving you. Just… hold on!" I look around and grow more panic-stricken. How am I supposed to get Haymitch? I can't possibly leave her. A mockingjay perches on a tree right by my head and I snap my fingers.

"Haymitch, come to the woods. Quick!" The mockingjay repeats my words and I shoo it away. I can only hope it will go towards town and not away from it. I look back down at Katniss and see that she hasn't moved.

"Katniss. Is anything broken?"

"I did something to my leg," she says softly. I can barely hear her. She sounds so frail, so…helpless.

"Katniss, you have to hold on! We'll get you out of there, but you have to hold on."

"It's so cold, Peeta." I yank off my jacket and drop it into the hole.

"Put that on. Try to sit up and get warm. I'm going to see if I can find a tree branch to get you out."

"Peeta. Just leave me here." I whirl back around at her words and shine my light into the hole again.

"You know I can't do that. Just hold on, Katniss. Fight it. For me. Please." She goes quiet again and I try to shake the feeling of uneasiness. I start to hear other voices and I shine my light their way.

"Kid, did you find her," Haymitch gasps as he runs toward me.

"She's fallen down this hole and can't really move. We need rope or something to pull her out."

"It's not very deep," Thom says as he peers in. "I'll tie a rope around my waist and pull her out."

"No," I stop him. "I'll do it." Thom doesn't object and I wrap the rope around my waist, handing them the end. I put an unsteady foot into the mud and suddenly feel very stupid. The fact that I only have one real leg makes this difficult. But I ignore my worries and focus on the girl below me. They lower me into the hole and I drop to my knees in the mud beside her. My hands go to her cheeks and I shiver-she's cold as ice. She blinks up at me with those stormy eyes and I lean in closer.

"I'm here," I whisper. "I'm here, you're safe now." I push her hair out of her eyes and help her sit up. She whimpers as she moves her legs and I notice how swollen her ankle is.

"Ok. Wrap your arms around my neck," I bend to pick her up and she does as she's told. I look up at the anxious faces above us.

"Pull us out." I hold her in my arms as we're lifted out of the hole. When we're free, I don't release her.

"She looks terrible," Haymitch said anxiously. "Let's get her home." I feel her shivering in my arms and I lean down and give her a gentle kiss on her forehead.

"Hold on, Katniss. Just hold on."

* * *

><p>When we get out of the woods, I see more people gathered around the fence. Hazelle Hawthorne breaks away from the crowd and comes to inspect Katniss.<p>

"Where is she hurt?"

"She says it's something with her leg."

"Let's get her to her room and we can take care of her." I nod and lead the way to Victor's Village. Haymitch, Sae, and Hazelle follow me.

Instead of going to her house, I take her to mine and gently set her on my bed. She's still shivering violently and Sae hurries off to make a pot of tea.

"Peeta, draw a warm bath for her. She's half frozen." I hurry into my bathroom and test the water before filling it up quickly. When it's full, I run back to my room and stop when I see that Hazelle is removing Katniss's clothes. I turn back around, my face going red.

"Peeta, carry her into the bathroom for us. She's not going to be able to walk." I swallow and turn back but find that Hazelle has wrapped her in a sheet to give her some privacy. I quickly pick her up, wincing at how light she feels in my arms, and carry her into the bathroom. She's slipped out of consciousness and I bite my lip nervously.

"Hazelle, she's unconscious," I call to the woman. "I don't want to leave her in the bathtub alone."

"Then stay with her," she calls back. I huff. Unfortunately since we are supposed to be "star-crossed lovers" and all of Panem had believed my lies about marrying her and getting her pregnant, I couldn't be shy about this. I wanted to respect her privacy but the fact is, Hazelle and Sae would both just say that I'm the only person who should be taking care of her right now. So ignoring my pounding heart, I pull the sheet away from her and lower her into the bathtub. She lets out a little moan when she hits the water and I pray that she doesn't wake up yet. If she saw me in here with her, while she's naked, she would never forgive me. Keeping my eyes focused on her face, I gently set her up against the bathtub and I notice the water changing color.

Red. That's all I see. I feel panic and anger and terror. I jump to my feet, shaking my head and I grab my hair. Stay here. Stay with her. Don't let the Capitol win.

I have to get out of here. I have to get away from this mutt before she hurts me! I run out of the bathroom and nearly knock Sae over.

"Peeta what's happened?" I don't answer. Gritting my teeth, I run out onto my porch and collapse on my hands and knees. There isn't anything to throw but I grip the wooden planks of my porch tightly. So tightly there are now several splinters in my hands but I don't care. I don't know how long I stay like that to be honest. I vaguely register that Haymitch is sitting beside me. I don't know how I have resisted the urge to strangle him. When I feel myself getting back to normal, I glance at Haymitch, who is watching me with wide eyes.

"Haymitch-"

"Don't kid. I'm glad you got out of there before you did something you'll regret. Hazelle and Sae are taking care of her." Sitting up, I rub at my face. I wince at a pain in my jaw and I look at him again.

"What happened?"

"You attacked yourself. I tried to hold you down but I got hit in the process so decided to let you beat yourself up a bit." His lip is bleeding so I guess I believe him. I struggle to my feet and turn towards my front door.

"I'm going to check on her." Haymitch nods and doesn't say anything as I enter my house.

Sae and Hazelle have cleaned and dressed Katniss and have gotten her back into the bed. She's lying on the comforter, her eyes closed and her face still very pale. Her legs are bandaged in front of her and I notice some bandages on her ribs.

What happened to the impossibly strong girl I teamed up with in the Games? What happened to the mockingjay, who took on the Capitol with flames in her eyes? This being here can't be the same girl. She looks so weak and defeated. I hear her release a little whimper and I sit on the edge of the bed, taking her hand in mine.

"Katniss," I whisper in her ear. "Katniss, I'm right here. I'm right beside you. I won't leave you."

"Peeta," she says in a trembling voice. I don't know what she's seeing in her dreams. I don't know if she's dreaming of me like I used to be before the Capitol took me, or if she's seeing me in District 13, when I tried to kill her. I just don't know. Despite the fact that I can't believe this is really Katniss, I feel drawn to her. So I lean down and gently kiss her forehead. She shivers underneath me so I pull the blankets around her and tuck her in. Pulling a chair beside the bed, I prop my feet up on the bed and lean back in the chair. I'm not leaving her side tonight. But I suddenly feel so tired that I can barely keep my eyes open. As I'm drifting off, I hear her whisper my name again. I scoot closer and kiss her hand.

"Peeta," she says softly. "Stay with me."

Real or not real…she's said that to me before. I'm pretty sure it's real. As is my reply.

"Always."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Kind of a long first chapter but oh well! Will be switching POV between K and P, I'm really enjoying writing this and delving into both of their minds! Please leave reviews if you enjoyed! Will probably post another one tomorrow :) <strong>_


	2. Chapter 2

I close my eyes as I allow the wind to take me away. I don't know where but anywhere away from here was fine with me. I'm yanked back to the ground, however, by the soft pawing of a deer. Finally. I pull my arrow across the bow and wait with baited breath. Silence. Complete. Silence. This is how I like it. If everyone just stopped talking, stopped filling the world with endless prattle and insignificant gossip. Not just Capitol people. Everyone.

I probably feel that way because I just recently found my voice again. I just recently found a lot of things. And lost a lot of things. Things I'll never get back, no matter how much I scream to the night…

There she is! A beautiful doe who is sniffing the air warily. My eyes dart around the foliage to make sure she does not have a fawn nearby. When she takes a step, my arrow flies. It's quick. Painless, I think. Not like Finnick. Or Prim. Or Mr. Mellark. Or Boggs. Or Mitchell. Or…

Damn. My head starts to spin and I grasp it with both hands. I feel the world slipping away, or me slipping away from it, and I attempt to brace myself and anchor myself to it. Peeta taught me that. Good, sweet Peeta, who has lost most of himself to the greatest cruelties in the world. When he has trouble keeping himself here with me, he'll grip his head with his strong hands and squeeze his eyes shut, willing the nightmares to go away. Sometimes they do. Most of the time they don't. I'm not enough to keep him tethered to this world. So I lose him for a moment. And I lose myself as well.

I shake myself, determined not to let anything ruin this day. Neither of us had had nightmares last night, as far as I could tell, and we both rose early this morning to go about our days. When I left, I chanced a small kiss on his cheek and whispered a soft, "I'll miss you." Instead of drawing back with suspicion and doubt in his eyes, he had pressed his forehead to mine and softly stroked my cheek. I took that as a positive sign. I was positive he was finally coming back to me. He had returned to District 12 over four months ago and it had taken us time to heal. Hell, we were still healing. I imagine we'll be healing all our lives. But I had realized just how desolate I had been during my time without him. After Coin's assassination I had been sent back to District 12 to try to rebuild my life. With no one by my side. Well, alright, Haymitch stuck by me but a man who drowns himself in liquor every night can't really be counted to be by your side. Especially at night, when the night terrors come. I found myself missing, longing for Peeta's strong arms to hold me when they'd come. Like they had on the Train during the Victory Tour. It seemed that Peeta possessed an awesome power, to banish any terrible thoughts or images. I was completely safe in his arms. Before I fell into my deep depression, I had let myself into his house at Victors Village and stole his blankets and pillows. I remember holding them to my face and inhaling his scent, my tears overwhelming me as I went crashing to the floor in trembling sobs. Haymitch, or Greasy Sae, I don't remember who, had found me the next morning and took me back to my house. I clung to his blankets because they smelled like him and I buried myself in his pillow, imagining his head right beside mine. I took out my pearl, my last gift from him, and held it to my lips, imagining his smooth lips on mine. Funny, you never realize how incredible something is until it's gone. Cliché I know but I had taken advantage of Peeta and I think that's what killed me the most. That when we found him and discovered that he had been hijacked, he finally saw me for what I was. Gone was the boy who thought I was perfect. The only person in the world who could make me feel worth anything, just because that is what he sees, but now images of me as a murderous mutt fill his mind and for a long time, he saw nothing else. He wanted nothing to do with me, his eyes filled with rage and murder whenever he was near me. His hands used to itch for my throat and sometimes, I wish he had just killed me.

But now…no, now we are doing better. Both of us. We are rebuilding our lives and rebuilding whatever it is we had before all of this started. I know I love him. I think I knew I loved him before I even lost him to the Capitol. I just denied my feelings. In fact…I'm still denying them. I haven't said the words. I won't say them to him, unless I know for sure that's how he feels. I know he used to. I don't know if he ever can now that the Capitol has ruined his mind. He insists he knows me now, knows that I never did those things but there are still some nights I wake up to him thrashing around and when I try to hold him, he jerks away as if I'm the enemy. He apologizes in the morning but…it still hurts.

I try not to think about the negative things. Peeta always focuses on the positive and after everything he has been through, if he can manage to find the good in everything, I can certainly try. But I'm a natural pessimist. How could I not be, growing up in the Seam with no father and a mother who was all but gone. Left alone to take care of my sister, so that we wouldn't wind up in the orphanage. We knew what would happen to us there. And I was one of the lucky ones. I never had to go to our old peacekeeper, Cray, to find ways to get money. So all in all, despite my attempt to keep them away, negative thoughts continue to invade my mind. I glance down at my hand that is clutching the bow and a particular scar seems to glow. A single line across my wrist. One of my most desperate nights, when I had felt completely lost and all I wanted to do was to see my father and Prim again. I remember watching the blood drip down my wrist until I finally came to my senses and quickly bandaged myself up. To this day, I still have never told a soul what I tried to do. It was my moment of greatest weakness and Peeta would never forgive me if he knew. And we're doing so much better…we're growing back together, though I never thought that could be possible.

And then I remember that day, after he returned. I had gone to the woods and couldn't keep my mind on my hunt. I tripped over a large root and tumbled down a hill, falling into a sinkhole. I remember lying there all day and all night, thinking that was it. I was going to die in that hole. And Peeta would be fine because he didn't love me anymore. He would be free. And I kept seeing his face, kept hearing his voice. His hands would caress my face and tell me to hold on, but then he disappeared, leaving me alone in that hole again.

But then I heard his voice. I mean his actual voice. He was really there. He carried me home and he took care of me and refused to leave my side. He came over to my house every morning to bring fresh bread and to check on me. He even changed my bandages for me. But the nights were the worst.

I was doing better but still waking up with my throat hoarse from screaming. One night after dreams of children on fire and hissing mutts, I woke up to strong arms holding me close to a firm chest with a racing heart. His hand caressed my hair and I wanted to fall asleep to his caresses and not ruin this perfect moment but my mouth got the better of me, as it usually does.

"Peeta what are you doing here?" He jerked back, I guess he hadn't known I was awake and he immediately released me. I shivered, rubbing my arms and wishing for the warmth that he had provided. My eyes drifted up to his and he bit his lip.

"I couldn't take it anymore, Katniss. I've been hearing your screams every night and I just couldn't take them anymore. I'm sorry if I shouldn't be here…I'll just go back to my-"

"No!" I made him jump with my exclamation. I bit my lip and played with the blanket (I hoped he wouldn't notice those were HIS blankets) and stared at the floor.

"I'm glad you're here," I said in a very small voice and out of the corner of my eye, I saw him lean closer, trying to hear my words. I looked back and found his blue eyes shining, practically blazing a hole into my heart. I settled back down and wrapped my arm around his waist, pulling him closer and burying myself into his warmth.

"Stay with me," I whispered into his shirt, sure that he couldn't hear. But I swear, a moment later, I felt his arms wrap around me again and he was caressing my hair again. The soft whisper into my hair was not lost.

"Always."

* * *

><p>When I return home, the sun is setting on Victors Village. I glance over at Peeta's house and see the lights on in the living room. I switch the deer to my other shoulder and change course, deciding to stop and see him before I go home to skin my kill but I see the door fly open and Haymitch comes stumbling out. He's sporting a bloody nose and his left eye is already bruising.<p>

"I wouldn't go in there at the moment," he says calmly, despite his injuries. I glance up at the house and hear things crashing. I wince, turning back to my mentor.

"You just left him alone like that?"

"Hey, as much as I love getting the shit beat out of me, I thought I'd avoid it for one night. If you have a death wish, be my guest." He gestures toward the door and waits. He knows I'm not a complete idiot. As much as I want to be there for Peeta, I know walking into his house in the middle of one of his flashbacks is pure suicide. He would probably try to kill me again, despite what he has said about knowing who I am. He completely loses himself during these episodes and no one can bring him back, save for himself. I quickly brush the tears away before Haymitch can see and I shift the deer again.

"I'll check on him in the morning," I mutter.

"Smart girl." I feel him watching me as I cross the yard to my own house and I walk in. Greasy Sae had already been here, I can tell, for the kitchen is spotless. I fling the deer onto the counter and immediately set to work. Hunting and anything like it can take my mind off of anything. My eyes go to Peeta's window and my heart lurches for him. I wish I could find a way to make these episodes disappear altogether. Greasy Sae has asked me if we are going to move in together…but how are we supposed to have any kind of relationship when he hates me part of the time? I don't think we'll ever get back to normal. Not for the first time, I find myself wishing I had just eaten those damn berries in the Arena.

I finish skinning and cutting up the deer and cover it thoroughly before putting it into the fridge. I have more than enough to give to Haymitch and Peeta and Greasy Sae and anyone else in the District who need it. With some of Peeta's bread, it would make a wonderful meal. I clean up the kitchen and wash my hands, before turning the light off and going up to my room.

My fingers work through my braid until my hair is untangled and soft, floating around my shoulders. It's finally starting to grow back evenly. After…that night, my prep team had done their best with my singed locks. I'm glad it's starting to grow back. I pull on an old nightshirt and bury myself in the covers, pulling them to my chin and inhaling Peeta's scent before I close my eyes and pray the nightmares would stay away. Of course they don't.

**_"A mutt! She's a stinking mutt! _**

**_You're not very big are you? Or particularly pretty? _**

**_Well, you're a piece of work, aren't you?_**

**_A MUTT! YOU'RE A STINKING MUTT!"_**

**And with that, I saw his eyes glowing red as he reached out for me, his hands inching around my throat and his fingers pressing against my windpipe. I gasped for breath as he leaned closer, his hands squeezing harder and causing my vision to go blurry. Tears streamed down my face as I realized the last thing I was going to see was the man I love glaring at me with such hatred. I closed my eyes, allowing my mind to take me away to another place, to a happier time, where we could be together. **

I sit straight up in bed, my hands going to my throat as I gasp for breath. I can still feel Peeta's hands strangling me, see the rage in his eyes. But someone stirs beside me and I find myself gazing into bright blue eyes, completely devoid of hatred and murder. Instead they're filled with kindness and adoration and something else I don't dare hope for, in case it's not as it seems. He reaches out for me and I wince, afraid that the dream was not over. He notices and draws back, looking hurt. I hang my head low, without a clue of what to say to him. I don't notice the tears streaming down my cheeks until I feel the blanket grow damp and I start to shake violently.

"Katniss?" I can hear the concern in his voice and he seems to be deciding something. He hesitates for a moment, then draws me into his arms and holds me close, his hands smoothing my hair back and whispering soothing words into my ear. I'm still shaking but allow him to hold me, becoming lost in his protective hold. I just wanted to scream at the world to leave us alone. To let us be. But I can do nothing but sob while my arms go around his waist and I cry against him, drenching his white t-shirt. I feel his lips on my temple and I feel completely safe. Finally feeling like I had cried all of the tears I had, I lean back and wipe my face. A single finger traces my cheek and I glance up at him. He gives me a sad smile before he disentangles himself from my arms and leaves the bed. I almost cry out for him but he returns a moment later with a wet rag in his hands. He gently rubs my face, wiping away the tears and puffiness. When he finishes, his hand caresses my cheek and I nuzzle against his palm. He pulls me into his arms and I lay my head on his chest, feeling his heart beating rapidly against my cheek.

"I didn't expect you to come over tonight," I say quietly. His fingers play with my hair and I close my eyes.

"It only lasted a few minutes. Haymitch was waiting on my porch and came in to tell me you had stopped by. I was upset that you didn't come in but then Haymitch pointed out that it probably wasn't a good idea and I agreed. I knew we'd have trouble sleeping alone tonight so I came over and found you thrashing around. I never know if I should hold you or just let your nightmare play itself out." I tighten my arms around his waist and sigh.

"Hold me. Whenever you can, just…hold me." I feel him kiss my head and I close my eyes again.

"I'm sorry," I hear him whisper. "I had thought these…flashbacks were over and done with. Aurelius wouldn't have let me leave the Capitol if he had known they would continue."

"Maybe he knew how much I needed you," I whisper without looking at him. He scoffs and I look up into his eyes, which are full of pain.

"If I hurt you during a flashback, Katniss, I will never forgive myself or him."

"You won't, Peeta. I know you won't." He sighs and his hands make comforting patterns on my back.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Dr. Aurelius has been coaxing me to talk about my nightmares and he's determined that it's helping. But I can't tell Peeta that I was dreaming about him, dreaming about the moment when he had tried to kill me. Not when he's already feeling so guilty. I just can't. So I merely shrug.

"I can't really remember." I hear him sigh and feel him tense up.

"Really? You sure you can't remember anything?"

"Y-yes." He knows I'm lying. He grips my chin and forces me to look up at him.

"You were gasping my name and clutching your throat. You were dreaming about when I tried to kill you in 13."

"No! I just-"

"Don't lie to me, Katniss. Please don't. It's bad enough that we dream these things but don't carry the horrors into our waking state too. We have to trust each other. It's how we will get through this."

"How, Peeta?" I feel the tears come again. "How will we get through it? You and me, we're broken inside. Damaged beyond repair. You're taken over by flashbacks, whatever the Capitol planted in your brain and I'm taken over by night terrors, of all the deaths I feel responsible for. How are we supposed to get through all of that?" I think then he will leave my bed and return to his home. I imagine he is be angry with me and will leave me alone with the nightmares. But I feel his lips on mine, pressing against my mouth with a sense of urgency and something else. It's quick but passionate. I discover that I miss his kisses. We haven't kissed like that since the Quell. When he pulls away, too soon I might add, he bites his lip and leans his forehead against mine and I can hear his heart battering against his chest.

"Together, Katniss," he whispers. "We get through it by staying together. We're not damaged beyond repair. Yes, we've suffered. But I'm going to try to heal those holes in your heart, if you'll let me. We'll protect each other, because that's what you and I do." My heart flutters at his words but I shake my head.

"I'm the most dangerous person for you to be around, Peeta. I'm the one who can cause your flashbacks because you were programmed to hate me. How can we stay together when I could set you off at any moment?" He leans back and studies me, and I feel his hands intertwine with mine.

"You're not dangerous because you might set off my flashbacks. You're dangerous because… of the way I feel about you. You're the one who brings me the most happiness and can hurt me the most. I tried to tell myself that it was better to stay away from you. That we were better off apart. But I know that's not the case. I can't survive without you. You are everything to me, Katniss, and not even the Capitol could change that." Overcome by his words, I find myself just wanting to bury myself into his arms and never leave. Before I know it, I'm pressing my lips against his and wrapping my arms around his neck. My fingers are tugging his blonde curls as my kisses become more hungry, more _desperate_. He moans against my lips and I feel his tongue tracing along my bottom lip. I gasp a little, my lips parting, and his tongue slides past my lips and meet mine. This is new. Not even our Quell kisses were this…passionate. Our tongues dance together and I feel his trembling hands sliding up my legs, past the hem of my nightshirt. I feel like the girl on fire once more. Peeta leans me back a little and my head hits the pillow but I refuse to let go of him. His prosthetic leg gives him an ungainly balance and he falls forward on top of me. He pulls back, red with embarrassment, but I giggle and lean up to kiss his nose. His face still red, he joins me in my laugher and I have to say, it's the first time in…well, I don't know how long. He must know it too. He smiles as his eyes meet mine.

"I don't think I have heard you laugh like that since before the games." I nod and his smile widens.

"I like it. And you," he grins.

I know what I want to say but can't bring my tongue to form the words. So I lean forward and kiss him again, my hands gripping his shirt before my hand slides underneath the material and meet his chiseled flesh. My heart races as his eyes search mine. He hesitates only for a moment before he conquers my mouth again, resting his weight on his hands, which are on either side of my head, trapping me in his embrace. His lips leave mine and I almost whine until I feel them make their way down my neck and across my collarbone. One of his hands gently strokes my arm until I feel his fingertips crossing a dangerous path across the rough material of the nightshirt. His palm crosses over my breast and with a gasp, I arch off the bed, pushing myself against his hands. I feel his tongue dart against my neck as he palms my breast through the shirt. Suddenly impatient, I grab his hand and bring it under my shirt to rest on my breast. I see his eyes widen a little as his palm meets my skin but he relaxes and I hear him let out a little moan. He leans back a little, his eyes traveling over my face until I capture his gaze and hold it while his tentative fingers explore my burning flesh. He gently takes my nipple between his fingers and I let out a loud moan, tossing my head back. He leans down and sucks at my neck again, before making his way down and I feel my shirt being pushed up. Before I can stop him, we hear a crash and a series of curse words and drunken yells. Peeta rolls his eyes and goes to the window, shaking his head.

"Damn drunkard. He's chasing the geese."

"We should go help him," I say, hastily pulling my shirt back down. But he shakes his head.

"You stay in bed, I'll go." I'm about to protest when I feel his lips on mine again and he gives me a shy smile.

"I'll be right back."

"You promise?" His knuckles trace my cheek before he kisses me again.

"Promise." He pulls on his shoes and I watch him hurry from the room. As soon as he leaves, I feel the cold hit me again. I shiver and pull on some baggy pants, then burrow under the blankets. I hear his heavy footsteps and I sit up in bed, waiting for him. He seems surprised that I'm still awake.

"Is Haymitch ok?"

"I took him back home and made sure he has some bread for the morning. I don't think he'll eat it though."

"I shot a deer this afternoon. We can go over tomorrow and have lunch with him…make sure he eats." He smiles as he slides into bed with me but I don't miss his wince.

"What's wrong?"

"Ah, damn leg is just acting up, that's all." He reaches down to massage it and I glance down. He's never let me see him without the prosthetic. I've only seen it in passing, just a few glimpses here and there. He catches me staring and he pulls the blankets over his torso.

"I just don't like to sleep with it on, that's all."

"Then take it off," I say quietly. He stares at me and swallows heavily. It's just a leg, for heavens sake! Why is he so afraid? I lean in and kiss him and his hand comes up to my cheek. But I pull away and move the blankets aside.

"Peeta, if it bothers you, take it off. Why are you acting squeamish?"

"I'm not squeamish, I just…didn't know how you would react. I thought you'd be….you know, disgusted by it." I sit staring at him for the longest time. That's why he's endured the discomfort all these nights? Because he thought I'd be _disgusted_ by it?

"Peeta…remember who you're talking to. Remember what we dealt with in the Arena."

"You were pretty squeamish when you were fixing it up, you know."

"Anyone would be!" Well, no, my mother wouldn't. Or Prim. I shake my head and he just smiles. He flings his legs over the side of the bed and pulls his pants leg up. I can see where the prosthetic reaches where his knee would have been. He clicks the hasp and it comes off in his hands. He shoots me a quick glance before he leans it against the wall, then dives back under the covers. He seems wary so I snuggle up to him and wrap my arm around his waist. He relaxes immediately and wraps his arms around me.

"I adore you, Peeta. _All_ that you are, everything about you. You're perfect and you are mine." He closes his eyes and looks to be in pain and I bite my lip, wondering if I've said the wrong thing. He opens his eyes again and I see them glistening with tears. I lean back, biting my lip anxiously. But he leans forward and strokes my lips with his fingertip and squeezes his eyes shut.

"Say it again." Realizing what's going on in his head, I smile and lean up to kiss his forehead.

"You're mine," I say in my best sultry voice as I lean in and gently nip at his bottom lip. He gasps and his hands fly to my arms, holding me in place.

"I didn't know I could be owned." I lean back and frown, despite his teasing tone.

"Fine then, you can just-"

"Katniss, stop. I was just teasing you."

"Well, don't. I don't like to be teased." I don't know why I'm feeling so defensive. I know it's a joke and besides, I'm the one who can't say the damn words he wants to hear. Only because I'm too afraid he won't say them back. How selfish am I?

But he would never pressure me. That's just the way Peeta is. Which makes me love him and feel unworthy of him at the same time. An uncomfortable silence passes between us and I feel even more frustrated. This is not where I want this night to go. Sighing deeply, I settle back into the blankets and turn away from him. I fight back tears as I grip the pillow in anger. I hear him sigh deeply and expect him to return to his home. Instead, I feel him gently lift my head and slide his arm underneath me while his other arm goes to my waist, not holding me but simply sitting there, daring me to move it. I feel his warm breath on the back of my neck as he snuggles in closer and his breathing changes so that I know he's falling asleep. I try to close my eyes and do the same but sleep just won't come. It's not the nightmares that keep me up this time. It's the thoughts that race around my brain. We have both been through so much. Why are there even more tests in life? Shouldn't there be a time when everything starts to fall into place and we start to build a life together? Aren't we OWED that? After everything, don't we deserve to find some kind of happiness? Peeta's arm moves over my waist and pulls me closer so that I'm pressed against his body. I hear him softly whisper my name in his sleep and I relax. I love this boy. My boy with the bread. And I **will** find a way to tell him.

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><p><em><strong>I'm so excited to see people are enjoying this! Please keep those reviews coming! Enjoy this long Katniss chapter! ;) <strong>_


	3. Chapter 3

When I wake up, I feel a slight weight on my chest. Glancing down, my heart leaps at the sight that meets me. The girl of my dreams is snoring gently in my arms, her beautiful raven hair spread out like a pillow, tickling my arm. I watch her sleep, noting her unmatched beauty. Ok, so I'm a lovesick fool, I admit it. I lost my heart to this girl back when I was five years old. My father laughed at me and said he couldn't blame me. I think because he had felt the same for Katniss's mother. When he told me that, years after I had told him I was in love with her, I nearly lost it. But it sort of all made sense to me. Why my mom had always been so…bitter. I think she knew. She knew that she hadn't been Dad's first choice. And she continued to be bitter and angry and she lashed out at the family. I wasn't the only one she hit. My two brothers often defended me and got bruises of their own. I think I angered Mom the most because I was her last chance at having a girl. So she hated me even more. But when I had told Dad that I loved Katniss Everdeen, he gently patted my cheek and smiled.

"She inherited her powers from her father."

"What powers?"

"When they sing, even the birds stop to listen. Your little songbird is just like her father. She captured your heart with her voice."

He wasn't wrong. Though I love Katniss for more than just her voice (don't get me started, the list is too long) it was the moment I knew I had loved her. Glancing down, I sigh. These past four months have been nothing but confusing. Don't get me wrong, they've been filled with happy moments with her but we both have so much healing to do, and Katniss automatically puts walls up to protect her heart. I think her feelings toward me have grown and have changed. I know it once was all an act but I don't believe it is anymore. For starters, who would she be acting for? It's been months since a camera has been shoved into our faces. I think we can thank Haymitch for that. But it's the way she looks at me. Her grey eyes capture mine and I feel myself become a puddle on the floor. I am so pathetic in the way I love her. And I'm thankful everyday that I rediscovered my love. I was afraid when I returned that I would never feel the same. That the Capitol had robbed me of my capability to love. But slowly, I fell in love with her all over again. I can only hope that one day, perhaps one day soon, her feelings will change and I won't have to share her with anyone. To be honest, hearing her claim me last night took my breath away. I should have known not to tease but what would she say if I called her mine? Is it really that simple? Maybe with some women but definitely not Katniss. She's strong. And stubborn. As stubborn as she is beautiful. I feel like she would shoot me if I called her mine. And yet a part of me wants to try it. I want to claim her, in more ways than one. Yes, I'll admit, I fantasize about her (hell, I've fantasized about the girl since my pre-pubescent days) and want her in all the ways you could want a person. I want Katniss. I ache for her. Last night we crossed a barrier we hadn't crossed before and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed we didn't take it further. (I mean, I am a teenage guy with needs, needs that have never really been met.) For crying out loud, I was Reaped when I was 17. I hate to sound like that whiney kid but I've been through more than most people go through their entire lives. Katniss and I both, I mean. I'm actually really surprised and REALLY grateful that we are still able to feel a shred of intimacy. It lets me know that we aren't dead. We're healing, and we're healing together.

And, don't get me wrong, all this kissing is wonderful but I'm getting kind of tired of having to disappear into the bathroom to calm myself down, as horrible as that may make me sound. Oh shit. I'm getting hard just thinking about last night and right now, I've got her pressed up against me, with her warm body nestled in the crook of my arm. She's tossed off the covers like she always does and her nightshirt has ridden up so most of her thigh is exposed. I swallow as my eyes travel up and down her form. God she's perfect. Aaaand, I just got harder. If I don't get out of this bed right now, I may end up jumping her bones and I'm pretty sure that's not the right approach to getting her to trust me and open up to me. I gently slide my arm from underneath her and feel tingles where she had slept on it all night. She moans just a little but continues to sleep. Sighing with relief, I am careful not to jiggle the bed as I reattach my prosthetic then quickly dress. I turn back around and give her a feather-light kiss on her forehead before I collect my things and swiftly leave the room.

Baking has always calmed me down but today I just can't get Katniss out of my head. The way she smells of trees and the earth, the way her braid rests against her breast, how her olive skin looks in the new dress I bought her, how her stormy eyes capture mine and how we can communicate with nods and gestures. How her curves have changed due to healthier diet and getting back to her routine of hunting and fishing. Her shapely legs, her rounded backside…oh DAMN IT! A burning smell alerts me and I run over to the oven and pull the tray out. Fantastic. I've just burned three loaves of bread. I'll have nothing to take to Haymitch and Katniss later. Shaking my head, I start to knead more dough, trying not to think of how much I'd like to knead something else. I quickly adjust my jeans and huff.

"Good god, bread boy, aren't you supposed to take it out before it gets this black?" I grin at the sound of the voice and turn to embrace the owner of it. Leaning back, I can't help but notice how good she looks. Johanna had been a prisoner with me in the Capitol. We had endured countless hours of torture and hearing each others' screams and we were both pretty messed up by it. But just as I was starting to build a life with Katniss, she had found someone to build a life with as well. She still drops by from time to time to check up on Katniss and me. Since Katniss is legally bound to District 12, we don't get to visit our friends much so it's always a treat when they drop by. Johanna jumps up on the counter and picks off the good parts of the burned bread.

"How are you doing, Joahnna?"

"Oh life couldn't be better. George doesn't mind being with a total nutcase. What about you? How are you and the girl on fire?"

"We're fine," I say dismissively. She raises a brow and crosses her arms.

"Yeah, ok. That tells me that you are NOT fine. What's up?" I can only shrug. What am I supposed to tell her?

"Well you're obviously not getting laid." I nearly fall out at her words.

"Johanna, we are not having this conversation."

"Ok, you're DEFINITELY not getting laid. What gives? Aren't you two living together now?"

"It's more complicated than that, Jo."

"What's complicated? You make her scream your name while you're-"

"JOHANNA!" Seriously, if she keeps going, I'm going to run to Katniss's house and claim her as mine once and for all, her feelings about it be damned. She can tell she's struck a nerve and she smirks.

"I know you've been thinking it. What's the problem? You guys still having trouble getting close? Are you still having flashbacks?"

"They're less frequent but yeah I still have them. I go to her place and hold her at night but then we get up and go about our days. I only see her at nighttime, unless I have lunch with her and Haymitch."

"Have you asked her to move in with you?" I turn back to the oven, putting the new bread in and setting a timer this time.

"I feel like she'd avoid the subject. You know how she gets, when anything with intimacy or feelings come up."

"Yeah, she shuts down completely. And you can't let her do that. You've confessed your love a thousand times, now it's time for her to do the same." I try to hide my wince but Johanna sees right through me. She moves off the counter and searches my eyes.

"You don't think she really loves you."

"I…it's not that, but…"

"But?"

"It just brings up old memories, ok? During the Games, it was all an act. When I found out that she didn't have real feelings for me…it hurt, Jo. I was heartbroken. And then we went back into the Games again, and this time, I was ready to let her go. Because I was determined to keep her alive. And when she kissed me on the beach and told me she needed me…I felt a spark of hope. I thought maybe she was starting to feel something real. And then we got separated and all this shit went down, and I remember being so confused about her, wanting to kill her but knowing that there was a part of me that loved her. I couldn't sort my feelings about her."

"That's because the Capitol fucked with your mind, Peeta," she says gently.

"I know that! I get that and I know a lot of my doubts come from my hijacked brain. But when I came back, months ago, we tried slowly to get back what we had, whatever that was. And it's been great, sleeping with her is great, holding her is great, kissing her is even greater but…"  
>"But," she says more gently than I expect.<p>

"But it's not enough," I say miserably. The words are finally there. I'm finally admitting it. "I want more and I'm not sure if she wants it. And if she doesn't…well, what am I doing? Wasting my time being in love with someone who will never feel that way. I may be a lovesick idiot but I'm not a masochist. I can't go on pretending that maybe one day, she'll finally learn to love me. My heart can't handle that, Johanna. Not after everything else."

"Peeta, you've been in love with her since you were a little tiny baker boy! You're not just going to stop loving her, you know."

"I know that. But I need to know if we have a chance. If she has any strong feelings for me at all. I need to know if I should hope for that."

"You should always hope for that," she says gently, surprising me again. She smiles and squeezes my hand. "She's been through a lot. You both have. I'm surprised all of us aren't locked up in a padded room somewhere. But I see how you're helping each other live again and I see the glow you have. You love her. And I know she loves you. You just need to be patient with her and let her tell you. It'll be worth it when she finally says those words." I can't help but smile at her words. And what an amazing feeling it will be, if I ever get to hear that from Katniss. But is it ever going to happen? I just don't know.

"I've got to get going. It was good to see you, bread boy!"

"Maybe you can stop by for dinner tonight? I know Katniss would love to see you."

"Count on it. George is away for a convention and he didn't want me to be alone so I checked myself into the hotel down the street."

"Johanna, you could have stayed with one of us."

"I didn't know if you two would be too loud for my tastes," she winks as she says this and I just shake my head. "I'll be by for dinner later. Throw this shit out, it tastes terrible." She gestures to the burned bread and I smile, watching her leave. I collect the burned loaves and walk outside to toss them to the penned-up animals. My heart lurches as I remember the last time I had done this, my eyes automatically seeing a starving girl, looking at me with such defeat and sadness that I feel my own heart breaking. I remember Katniss and I talking about it in the cave during the Games. I confessed to her I felt guilty for not going out into the rain, actually going to her but she had shushed me and brushed it off. She's told me before, though, what that bread did for her and her family. It gave them hope, a way to go on. My eyes travel over to Katniss's house, across the street, and I sigh before turning back to my own house and going inside. As I continue to bake, I think about how much I had loved to help out in the Bakery. My father and I always snuck little treats together so Mom wouldn't see. My brothers would have other things to do and weren't in the Bakery too much. So Dad taught me everything he knew. Mom had even taught me how to decorate the cakes. I owe so much to them. My eyes travel around the kitchen and I feel a painful longing. I know what I want to do, I'm just not sure if it's going to be possible at this point in my life. And it certainly won't be possible without Katniss's support. Glancing at the clock, I remember I had told Katniss I would have lunch with her and Haymitch. Hurrying around the kitchen, I cover everything and make sure everything is tidy before I wrap up the perfect loaves and toss them into a bag.

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><p><em><strong>Just a quick one before work! If I get some awesome reviews, I will post the next one tonight! :) Thanks again for reading! SO glad everyone is enjoying! <strong>_


	4. Chapter 4

I hear the door open and I glance at the clock. Peeta had said he would come to lunch with Haymitch and me but he was quite late. At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't come at all. I had woken this morning to find the bed empty and him gone without any signs of his visit. I had to smell the pillow next to me to make sure his scent was still there, so I would know it hadn't been a dream. He left me confused and terrified. This is why I still haven't confessed my love to him. Because even though he says it all the time, we still act like strangers sometimes and I have no idea why. I sometimes wonder if saying it will fix our problems but that's the fairytale of an innocent, carefree girl…something I had not been for a long time.

"Hey brainless!"

"Johanna!" I embrace her tightly and note how improved she looks. I know only a bit of what she had endured with Peeta and I'm impressed and proud at how they have both pulled themselves up and rebuilt their lives.

"Katniss you're too skinny. Doesn't that boy bake you enough bread?" I laugh and shake my head. Leave it to Johanna to immediately delve into mine and Peeta's relationship.

"I'm fine. I just like to run and keep in shape. Got to build back some of that muscle that I lost in the Games."

"Yeah, I hear you. I used to swim a lot but…" she falls silent and goes pale. I reach out and squeeze her hand and she seems to snap to. Johanna had been tortured with water and electric-shock. It was one of the sick ways the Capitol tried to torture information out of her. Ever since then, she's been deathly afraid of water. She shakes her head and puts on a fake smile but I can tell she's seeing things. It's the same look Peeta gets when he goes silent and starts remembering.

"How's George," I ask gently. She shakes herself.

"He's good. He was sent to District 8 for a convention of sorts. The Capitol is getting a lot of their dresses and clothing from District 8 now. George is becoming very successful with the different stylists." I can't believe how much has changed in such a short time. I know the Districts are still struggling in a way but we've all risen from the ashes and improved our Districts.

"Do the stylists still have a lot of work since there are no tributes to beautify?"

"Oh the Capitol may have calmed down their fashion choices but they still look to stylists to make them outlandish outfits and make up."

"I still can't believe you fell in love with a Capitol man." Johanna's eyes flash and her grin fades.

"He isn't. He's originally from District 8. He moved to the Capitol as an apprentice. He is not Capitol scum." I bite my lip. Obviously I had gone too far.

"I'm sorry Joahnna," I say in a small voice. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"No harm done, brainless. Now, tell me about your bread boy. How are you two doing?"

"We're…fine." I know from her expression she doesn't believe me. I sigh and shake my head.

"Whenever I think we are doing better, getting closer, he closes off and takes a step back. I don't think we'll ever be normal."

"Of course you're not _normal_, Katniss. You're the star-crossed lovers from District 12 for Christ-sake. And I don't have to remind you what all you've both been through. But that shouldn't mean you should stop looking for happiness with him."

"I haven't stopped but I think he deserves so much better than me, Johanna." I see her roll her eyes and I glare at her.

"The boy has been head over heels in love with you since he was five, Katniss. He obviously thinks you are worth his time and he doesn't want anyone else. And I KNOW you love him. Everyone knows it. So why are you so afraid to fess up to it?"

"You don't see him, Jo. You don't see him after a flashback, when he first sees me again and that hatred is still there."

"Katniss, they fucked with his mind! They intentionally took images of you and fucked them up, so he would be turned against you! The fact that he is still here, still fighting for your love, still putting up with your shit, should speak wonders for the pair of you. You are THE most infuriating girl I have ever met." I gape at her, feeling like I'd been punched in the stomach.

"You act like it's all my fault." Johanna's face falls and she shakes her head.

"I didn't mean it like that Katniss, honest I didn't. Look…I was there with him. I know what they did to him. I know what he endured. The fact that he found his way back to you…it's a miracle, Katniss, it really is. And the boy still loves you. He might have lost pieces of himself but he is finding them again and you need to be there by his side when he does. He will never be completely whole without your love. And you need to show him. Peeta is the kind of guy who needs reassurance. I'm not saying he is completely innocent but I don't think he is the only one who closes off. You need to find a way to open up your heart and let him in. You have both been through so much, you owe it to yourself to see what kind of future you can have with him." I reach for her hand and squeeze. She smiles and squeezes back before dropping my hand.

"Are you guys living together yet?"

"Kind of. He comes over at night and holds me while we sleep." She looks immensely bored and I can't help but laugh.

"Oh whooopie, you hold each other while you sleep. Come on, girl on fire, where is the good stuff?"

"Johanna," I groan.

"No seriously. Peeta is a guy. I mean he's awesome and perfect and all that, yada yada, but he's still a guy. He has needs. I can't believe he has managed to lay beside you every night without touching you." The memories from last night come flooding back and I bite my lip just thinking about it. Johanna, who notices everything, smirks.

"Oh, do tell!"

"There's nothing to tell. We just…we just messed around a little last night. But stopped before anything got crazy."

"Crazy as in…?"

"As in we were both still fully dressed." Johanna rolls her eyes and covers her face with her hands.

"Girl I am going to take you shopping and get you some sexy lingerie so that he can't resist you!" I feel myself go very red.

"We haven't…we're not…I don't…-"

"Oh stop it, Katniss. Quit being such a prude. You and Peeta NEED this. It will help things, I promise."  
>"Why is sex always the answer to everything," I respond angrily.<p>

"Because it's fucking fantastic!" I roll my eyes but snort with laughter. I just can't get anywhere with this girl but strangely enough, she is making sense.

"But seriously, you guys need some sort of connection. I know how much you love him, Katniss. If you can't tell him…then show him." And with that, she whips around and stalks out the door.

"Peeta invited me to dinner later so I'll see you in a bit!" I wave her off but then her words sink in and I freeze.

When had she talked to Peeta?!

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><p>As I stir the stew, Johanna's words echo in my head. She has already seen Peeta. Has she talked to him? Has he told her something? Did they talk about me? I'm pretty sure they did. What had he told her? What had she told him? Was her advice about us moving forward with our relationship based on what Peeta said? I find myself immensely anxious and frustrated. I can't focus on making lunch. I'll apologize to Haymitch but I have to get out of this house and into the woods. It's the only place that can calm me down. I grab my bow and my jacket and bolt outside. I nearly flatten Haymitch on the road and he looks surprised.<p>

"Where's the fire sweetheart?"

"I'm sorry Haymitch but I can't stay for lunch. I made you some stew, it's cooling. I've got to go."

"What-?" I don't stick around to let him finish the question. I take off toward the woods without looking back. My heart is thundering in my ears and I can't think. The more I think about it, the more upset I become. Why can't he talk to me? Granted I'm probably overreacting because I have no idea what he told Johanna but the fact that he's talking to her about us bothers me the most, especially when we never talk about it.

But then…is that his fault or mine? I toss my braid over my shoulder and huff. It's easier blaming everything on him. Now that I have lost him and have gotten him back, I can't do that anymore. I can't get angry with him like I used to. When Coin sent him to join our squad, I found myself avoiding him at all costs until Haymitch scolded me and reminded me that if our roles were reversed, Peeta would be doing everything he could to get me back. But isn't that how it usually is? Peeta is the perfect one and I'm the selfish girl who hurts the guy I love. Completely frustrated and feeling my skin grow hot, I collapse to the ground in tears that shake my entire body.

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><p><em><strong>I am OVERWHELMED with all of the amazing reviews and kind words! and I'm SO SO excited to see old readers as well as new-welcome back guys! Thank you for continuing to read my work! Since Katniss's chapter is kinda short, I'm going to post one more before I hit bed. And will try to update again this weekend! Keep those fantastic reviews coming! <strong>_

_** XOXO**_


	5. Chapter 5

The first thing that I see when I enter Katniss's house is Haymitch at the table, digging into the stew she's made. I roll my eyes and set down the loaves of bread before removing my jacket.

"Where is she?"

"She took off for the woods," he says, his mouth full of bread. "Something happen between you two?"

"I haven't been here for anything to happen," I exclaim, shocked and irritated. What's her problem now?!

"Can it have something to do with Johanna visiting?" I whirl around and grip the back of the chair.

"Johanna was here? When?"

"Few minutes ago. Katniss exploded from the house not long after she left and she looked pretty upset."

Shit. What did Johanna said to her? Did they talk about me? About us? Did Johanna give Katniss the same advice she'd given me? God I hope not. And I can't bear the thought of Johanna repeating my words to Katniss. Haymitch must notice something is wrong because he sets down his spoon and pokes my hand.

"You ok, kid?"

"I gotta find Katniss," I manage to get out before I take off out the door.

Poor Haymitch. Stuck with a couple of fucked-up kids.

I run toward the woods and duck under the fence. It's been turned off for the longest time, I don't understand why it's still here. As a reminder, maybe. I try to be quiet as I approach but I know this is probably a really bad idea. She's out here with her bow and arrow and for all I know, is angry with me. As I start to rethink finding her, and consider maybe I should wait for her to come home, I hear snuffling from nearby and I follow the sounds. I gasp when I find her sprawled in the dirt, her body trembling and her face hidden in her arms. Her bow lays a little ways off and her braid is dusty and dirty. All I can think of is finding her in that hole, close to death, as I run to her and scoop her into my arms. I feel her tense as soon as I touch her.

"What are you doing here?" My heart aches at the sound of her voice. It's sadness mixed with rage and confusion. I shake my head.

"Haymitch said you were upset and I want to know why. What did Johanna say to you?"

"What did she say to YOU?" I stare at her, my brow furrowed.

"We just…talked. Caught up. It wasn't anything in particular."

"So you guys didn't talk about me at all," she scoffs.

"Well…yeah, we did, but nothing bad!" I swallow but shake my head. "And I'm sure you both talked about me!"

"God, you're infuriating," she mutters. I nearly drop her.

"You're more infuriating."

"Then put me down and go home. Why did you come after me anyway?" I can feel my temper and blood pressure start to rise.

"Because I was worried about you! I didn't know what was wrong or when you'd be back."

"Why worry about me? What, you feel sorry for me? Feel sorry for the poor little mad girl, the mockingjay who's lost her mind?" She pushes against me and I'm forced to set her down. My fists are clenched tightly as I struggle to remain calm.

"Because I LOVE you, OK?" I yell it to the forest and not even the birds made a sound. She stops and stares at me and all I want to do is run and hold her and kiss her but I remain where I am, my arms limp at my side.

"Damn it, Katniss. I love you. I am hopelessly head over heels in love with you. I always have been. But it's killing me when you put up walls and shut me out. I want a life with you, I want a future with you, and I know we can have it but only if you want it too. So this is it. I'll ask you one time and if you want me to, I'll leave forever and not bother you anymore. I'll let you go because all I want is for you to be happy. Even if it's not with me." I think I see her shake her head but then I'm sure I've imagined it. I take a deep breath and move closer to her. She doesn't back away so I inch forward. I force myself to look at her and I capture her gaze. Her stormy eyes will be the death of me but I force myself to stand my ground.

"You love me. Real or not real?" I wait. I don't think I even breathe. I find myself wishing that I'd kept one of the nightlock pills from the rebellion. Ok, call me pathetic, I've already admitted to it, but I've also already admitted that I don't want to live if it's not with Katniss. She's my whole life, my reason for living. If she isn't in my life…well, I don't want to live. But I won't tell her that. I don't want her pity. I don't want her to stay with me to protect me. I feel like that's what she's done the entire time we have known each other. She doesn't like to hurt people and she takes the easy way out. Did she choose me, or was it just because she was banished here and Gale disappeared? Am I always going to be the second choice?

I need to know. I need her to say it. I'm so close to her that I can see the tears on the ends of her long lashes.

"Peeta-" she starts but my finger goes to her lips and I shake my head. She won't look at me so I cup her chin and force her to look up.

"You. Love. Me," I say very slowly. "Real…or not real?" I see tears streaming down her face and my heart sinks so low, I think it may fall out of my chest. I know I'm done for. Katniss doesn't cry. At least, she doesn't let anyone see her cry. I've seen it at night but in the daytime…that's rare. I don't remove my hand from her chin, though, as I wait for her answer. Finally, her eyes search mine and I can see so much swirling around those stormy depths. She opens her mouth and wets her lips. I swallow but force myself to gaze into her eyes. I don't notice her move until I feel her hands gripping mine. She squeezes my hands and looks up at me. I think I see the barest trace of a smile tugging at her lips. Surely I'm imagining that too.

"Real." She's breathed the word so softly, I think I've heard her wrong. I take a step back and she continues to hold onto my hands.

"Did you say-"

"Real, Peeta. Real. I love you. I have loved you for so long. I will never stop loving you. I love you, Peeta, I love you." I will never get tired of those words. My heart might have just burst from the happiness. I do the only thing I can think of: my hands go to the back of her neck and I pull her in for a rough kiss. Her arms slide around my shoulders and my hands press against the small of her back as I hold her pressed against my chest, kissing her as if our lives depended on it. And I guess they do. I'll die without Katniss. Her kisses are like fresh air. Her love is new life. She loves me.

She loves me.

* * *

><p>She shrieks when I snatch her off her feet and start for home. I remember her bow before we get too far and bend down so she can pick it up and she pulls it over her shoulder. Capturing her gaze, I grin down at her and feel her hands caress my face. I lean down for another kiss before I pull her closer to my chest and carry her all the way home.<p>

Haymitch looks up, surprised, when we enter and seems even more surprised at our flushed faces and our giggling. I'm so giddy, I can't stop smiling and she has said she thinks it's adorable (which makes me smile even more). I finally set her down, though my hands remain on her waist and her hand grips my shirt. Neither of us wants to let go. Ever.

"Well. Surprised to see you both still alive."

"Don't sound so happy about it," Katniss mutters, giving him a heavy pat on the shoulder before helping herself to stew. Now that the world is a lot brighter, I notice the rumblings in my stomach and remember I haven't eaten all day save for a few pieces of bread. She must hear the sounds my stomach is making, because she fixes up a plate for me too and gestures for me to sit. While she busies herself at the counter, I lean in close to Haymitch, my broad grin never leaving my face.

"She loves me." He gives me a condescending look.

"No shit, kid. So you finally made it known, what we knew all along," he says over his shoulder to Katniss. I give her an apologetic look and shrug. I should know that Haymitch will give her shit about it. But she merely shrugs.

"Have to do things in my own time, Haymitch. You know that."

"Yeah, and I know you've been driving the kid to madness. A few more days and one of you would probably have been dead on the floor." Though this is true, I'm a bit irritated that Haymitch takes it that far. I reach for Katniss's hand and refuse to release it, holding it on my knee under the table. Haymitch belches loudly and rises to his feet.

"I'll leave you lovebirds alone then. Thanks for the stew, Katniss."

"If it's the only way to get you to eat, I'll happily do it." I grin sideways at her and see Haymitch's surprised expression.

"Well now that your cooking has improved, I don't mind it so much." And with that, he leaves. I roll my eyes and pull her closer.

"Don't listen to him, Katniss. He's secretly happy for us."

"He's right though. I nearly drove you to madness. I'm sorry it took me so long-"

"Stop. I don't care, Katniss. Well, I mean, I care but what I mean is…it's better late than never." Not being able to hold myself back, I lean forward and kiss her soft lips. My hands drift over her throat and I feel her shiver at my touch. Damn it. I'm going to need to find a way to keep myself calm, especially if I follow through with my plan and ask her to move in with me. I tear myself away from her lips and focus on my lunch, even though I'm _hungry_ for something else. She, too, digs into her stew and she suddenly groans and runs her fingers through her hair, the way she does when she's thinking about something.

"What's the matter?"

"Johanna is coming to dinner tonight. What am I going to make?" I chuckle and reach for her hand again.

"You're worried about dinner," I say softly.

"Well, yeah! It'll be the first time the three of us are sitting at the same table since…" she trails off, biting her lip. I reach out to soothe that spot she's bitten and I shake my head.

"I'll make cheese buns and salad, you just worry about the meat. Sound good?" She smiles back and it makes me grin even more to see how genuine her smile is.

"We make a pretty good team, don't we?"

"I've been trying to tell you that since the Reaping," I reply with a grin.

"I already knew that. Well, besides the time I thought you had teamed up with the Careers to kill me."

"When in fact I teamed up with them so I could protect you," I say tensely, not knowing how to approach this subject. Both games are touchy subjects for us. But I don't notice her leaning forward until her lips touch mine.

"I know," she whispers against my skin, "you're always protecting me."

"We protect each other," I remind her.

"Because that's what you and I do," she finishes with a smile. I capture her face in my hands and conquer her mouth. Her hands cover mine and she moans against my lips, making me harden at the sound. I break away from her mouth and my lips meet her velvet skin, my tongue darting out to taste her sweet flesh. Droplets of salty sweat have settled on her neck and throat and I suck at her flesh, dying for more. She moans and tilts her head, giving me more access. I move her braid aside, my fingers traveling over the soft strands before moving to the back of her head where my fingertips press into her neck. Slowly, my hands work their way down to her chest; when I find a nipple straining against the material, I gently take it between my fingers and hear a sharp intake of breath. My tongue travels all over her neck and face before going back to her lips and ravaging her mouth. She moans again and presses against me, pushing her breast into my palm. My hands move underneath her shirt and I groan when I feel soft skin. I suddenly move to my feet and she looks up at me, surprised. I grasp the edge of her shirt and pull it over her head, before kneeling before her. Her eyes are wide, I can tell she's nervous and uncomfortable. Even though she still has her bra on, she attempts to shield herself. Her scars stand out proudly, making me love her even more, as I remember what they stand for. What she's endured, what she's sacrificed, for everyone else. My fingers entwine with hers and I pull her hands down from her chest, wrapping her arms around my shoulders so I can wrap my arms around her slender waist. I kiss her olive skin, from her shoulders to her collarbone and dip my tongue closer to the outline of her bra. Luckily for me, this bra is just a bit of flimsy material that doesn't hide much so I can basically see her nipples straining to get free. I glance up at her before I let my tongue flick over one and she gasps and sits straight up. Leaning closer, my mouth encloses over her covered breast while I bring a hand up to massage the other. She tosses her head back and whispers my name; I'll admit, I almost come right there. I reach back behind her and my fingers brush over the clasp. I'm about a second away from having her uncovered but a sharp knock at the door make both of us nearly scream. I struggle to my feet, with a little difficulty, while she hastily pulls her shirt back on and runs to the door. I'm not far behind but see her open the door and my eyes widen when I see who it is.

"Gale," I hear her faint whisper.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Plz leave a review and let me know what you think! I'll try my best to update again in the next couple of days but I go back to work tomorrow and Anna and Elsa are keeping me pretty busy, haha! <strong>_


	6. Chapter 6

_**Have some free time tonight so I'm posting a rather long one! Hope yall enjoy! Again, I'm blown away by the support and awesome reviews-please keep them coming! They make tough days like today totally worth it, when I see someone enjoys my work!**_

_** And everlastingtrueromance, haha no, I'm a photographer at Walt Disney World and am with those royals quite often! :) **_

_**Alright, here's Katniss's POV, enjoy it! **_

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><p>Peeta has me hanging on by a thread when we hear a knock at the door. Suddenly shy and embarrassed, I pull my shirt on and run out of the room before he can see my red face. I straighten my hair and open the door and nearly fall out in surprise.<p>

"Gale," I manage to whisper. There he stands, looking handsome and threatening as ever. I hear Peeta come up behind me and I imagine the look of surprise on his face. Gale gives me a nod and a smile.

"Do you have time to let an old friend in to chat?" I immediately stand aside and beckon him in. Gale steps in, hardly glancing around, before he turns back to us and clears his throat. Why did this situation just get SO awkward? Peeta clears his throat in return and I just want to die. The last time I saw these two together, I heard them discussing me, and which one of them I would choose. Gale told Peeta I would choose "whoever I couldn't survive without." I had been angry then, and it's angering me now to think of it.

"Gale, what are you doing here?" I close my eyes and mentally kick myself. I haven't seen my friend in months and it sounds like I'm accusing him of something already. "I mean, is everything ok?" There. I sort of fixed it.

"Everything's fine. I'm on a job from District Two, on my way to 11 and 13 and I wanted to stop by and see how you were doing. How you were both doing." Peeta steps forward and I feel his arm wrap around my waist.

"We're both fine, thanks for asking," he says in a strong voice. Gale's eyes flick downward and I know he notices Peeta's not-so-subtle gesture. Peeta is claiming me as his. The question is, am I ready for that? Am I ready for the world to know? We were already the star-crossed lovers for crying out loud. What would be so different?

Because Gale knows the truth. And I know Peeta expects me to tell him now. I sigh and think quickly. I move to the side, shrugging Peeta's hand away but I slip my arm under his and lean in close.

"Gale, did you bring your bow with you?"

"You know I left that thing behind. I'm sure it's in the same place?" His eyes twinkle and I can't help but giggle.

"Of course. In your spot, waiting for you."

"In our spot," he says softly. I feel Peeta tense up and I squeeze his hand reassuringly.

"Let's talk a walk then." Gale chuckles.

"You always were a better hunter than a talker." I shrug. He does know me well.

"I'll meet you outside." Gale nods and hurries out the door, knowing that I need to talk to Peeta alone. Once he's gone, I stand on my tiptoes and kiss Peeta's cheek. His eyes are filled with confusion and doubt.

"Why don't you start on the baking and I'll be home in a little while to help with dinner?"

"Katniss-"

"Peeta, don't. I need to talk to him. Alone. Nothing has changed since I told you I love you. I choose you. But I want to be the one to tell him. Do you trust me?" He searches my eyes for the longest time before he nods.

"Yes."

"Good. Now, I have to go. I'll be back soon." I lean up to kiss his cheek again but he grabs my face with his large hands and attacks my mouth. I'm about to go out and tell Gale I'd see him later but I know I can't do that. Still, Peeta has a way of knocking me senseless. He has a way of leaving me breathless and wanting more. I want to continue what we started. I need it and I know he needs it too, even if he won't voice it. But the hardness pressed against my thigh only moments ago tells me I'm right. I look up at him, brushing his hair out of his eyes.

"I love you," I whisper before giving him one quick kiss and hurrying out of the door before I can't find the will to leave.

Gale is waiting for me around the house and I can't see what he's looking at. When I come closer, I see him studying the primroses Peeta planted when he returned to the District. As a gift. A memorial to her. I feel my throat stick as I see his hardened face taking in the primroses.

"Are you still angry with me," he says quietly. I hang back, afraid to be nearer.

"No. I'm not angry. I'm sorry if I hurt you, Gale, I just-"

"Are you with him now?" His tone takes me by surprise. It had been obvious to me, when he had accepted a job and disappeared to District 2, that he didn't really care for me. He had written a letter, asking me to join him but he never actually came back for me. I find myself getting defensive.

"Why do you care?"

"Because I watched him nearly kill you."

"He's gotten much better, Gale. He knows who he is again, he's rebuilding his life." Gale rolls his eyes, and my jaw drops.

"How stupid can you be, Katniss? He was hijacked. You think that just goes away?"

"He has fought very hard to keep the flashbacks away," I say through gritted teeth. "And he works constantly, struggles everyday, to stay here with me. He loves me. And I love him." I see Gale's look of astonishment and I feel a fleeting moment of triumph and pride. Gale knows how I feel about love and marriage. I told him a long time ago that I couldn't think of anyone in that way. Now I'm admitting to him that I am, in fact, in love with the Baker's son. A Merchant boy. How Gale must hate that. And I can see it in his face. His jaw clenches and his eyes flash with fire.

"I thought maybe if I came back…he would still be in the Capitol. And I wouldn't have to compete anymore. Maybe, you actually missed me. I can see how wrong I was."

"I did miss you," I say softly. "But I missed Peeta in a different way. You never loved me, Gale. You loved the idea of being with someone who was like you in so many ways. If you loved me, you wouldn't have left."

"I left because I thought you still blamed me for this!" He waves his hand around the primroses and I feel my heart start to pound.

"I will never be able to forget that. I forgave you…but I won't ever forget. I don't know if you were responsible or not…and I never will."

"Do you love me at all?" I look up at him, shocked. He's so close I can feel his breath on my face. I bite my lip and look back towards the house. He sees the path my eyes take and he scowls.

"Gale, you know how important you have always been to me. But it was never like that between us. You have a rage inside you. Like me. You have fire and I have more than enough of that. We're just too alike. I don't need extra fire. I need the dandelion in the spring."

"What the hell does that mean, Katniss," he snarls. I gasp at my own words, finally hearing them. I mean really hearing them. I need the dandelion, the rebirth, the promise of tomorrow. My ray of sunshine that keeps me going. That's Peeta. No one else. I shake my head and take a step back.

"I love Peeta. And if you can't accept that and be happy for me, I think you should go." I watch him clench and unclench his fists for a few minutes before he seems to give up, turns, and stalks away. At the end of the road, he turns back and stares at me. I smile and lift my hand in the air, in an attempt to wave goodbye. Gale repeats my action, unsmiling, before he turns and leaves Victors Village. I don't know when I will see him again but I discover that I don't really care. My future is waiting for me inside.

* * *

><p>When I open the door, the smell of warm bread hits me and makes my mouth water. I enter the kitchen and see him kneading dough, his back to me. I watch his muscles flex while he works, little droplets of sweat breaking out on his neck. His white shirt starts to stick to him in the heat of the kitchen and the way his pants curve around his backside make me forget everything else. His long blonde hair is flecked with flour, making him appear years older than he is. I grin and quietly place my bow on the floor before creeping toward him. My arms wrap around his waist and I press my cheek to his back. He jumps slightly but relaxes in my embrace, his hands covering mine. He turns to face me and I see his face is smudged with flour and dough. I smile as I trace a thumb over his cheek, wiping it all away.<p>

"What happened? Where's Gale?"

"Peeta, really, you're a terrible liar."

"What are you-"

"I know you were listening at the window." He pretends to be shocked, which should irritate me but just makes me grin.

"I did not! I've been baking this whole time."

"Mmhm. What did you hear?" He looks sheepish.

"I swear I wasn't spying on you. When I heard raised voices, though, I opened the window just to make sure you were ok. I heard a little of what you were screaming about and I closed the window. All I heard was that you forgave him…but you will never forget. And that you have more than enough fire, so you need a dandelion. I agree with Gale, on that one, because I have no idea what you're talking about." I smile and shake my head. I'll tell him later. Right now, I want to forget everything except for Peeta. And the way his hands are running over my back is making it pretty easy to do that. I press up against him and hear him suck in a breath. My hands roam over his back as I back him against the counter, pulling him down for a kiss. As he kisses me, my hands slip under his shirt and trace along the muscles in his back. I feel an intense fire overcome me and I suddenly have to see him. Before he can react, I'm pulling his shirt over his head and I toss it aside. His wide eyes find mine and I reach up to kiss him again. As he'd done with me earlier, my lips travel from his, down to his neck, underneath his chin. His groan reverberates in his throat and causes a shiver to run down my back. I try to tug him toward the living room where there's a couch and it'll surely be more comfortable rather than us straining to kiss each other.

"Wait," he says before pulling away from my kisses. He turns back to the oven and I huff.

"Peeta, forget the food."

"I'll have you know I've already burned three loaves today, thinking of you," he says over his shoulder as he takes the trays out. He sets them on the counter and tosses the mitts aside before he turns back to me and pulls me to him. My arms go around his shoulders and I play with the short hairs at the nape of his neck.

"What do you mean, thinking of me?" He smirks and leans in for a kiss.

"After last night, I could hardly sleep. All I could think about was what we had started…what I'd like to continue. I just kept having these…visions all day while I was baking, I couldn't concentrate on anything." I grind up against him and feel his want for me. He lets out a low growl which I'll admit, makes me turn ten shades of pink. He quickly snatches me off the ground and carries me to the living room, where he sets me on the couch. I pull him to me, our tongues fighting for supremacy. I'm not sure if there's a winner but I'm feeling bold and confident and I climb into his lap. His little moans and growls are driving me crazy and I feel a dampness forming between my legs. I grind up against him and explore his chest with my hands. I'm fascinated by the trail of his scars. It makes me love him even more. How far he's come, how he's beaten all odds, to still be here with me. I gently bite his lower lip and relish his moan of desire.

"I love you," I whisper between kisses and I love the way his eyes light up before they lazily close again. I kiss my way down his neck and my tongue traces the path of his scars over his chest, stopping to lick at a nipple and smile against his skin when I feel him jerk underneath me. Every moan he makes, every twitch I cause, emboldens me. I reach down and rub him through his clothes. His eyes shoot open as he bucks his hips.

"Katniss," he gasps, as he grabs my hips. I give him a shy smile and trail my tongue down his chest, stopping at the waistband of his pants. Tentatively, my fingers slide under the waistband and gently trace a line of fire. He tosses his head back and moans and I grind against him again. My fingers play with the zipper and his eyes find mine again. They look apprehensive and I lean in to kiss him again.

"You've spent the last several years trying to make me happy. Let me make you happy for once."

"Katniss you make me happy just by being here with me. I don't need anything else from you." My heart swells with love for this boy. I tug at the pants and he lifts his hips to assist, finally kicking them off with his good leg. I can now clearly see his arousal through his boxer briefs. His face is turning pink and he swallows nervously. I suck at the spot I found at his throat that makes him moan while my fingernails trace lines down his chest. I love the way he moans my name.

"Let me make you feel good. Please." Silently, he nods and I reach for the waistband of his underwear and pull them down. He lifts his hips again and I finally see every inch of him. Every. Glorious. Inch.

I haven't seen a huge amount of naked men (I mean, I'd seen a fair few, it's hard not to when your mother is a healer) but he's absolutely perfect. His scars run down his chiseled frame and end right above his hip. His chest is smooth and pale, and my eyes follow a trail of fine blonde hair down past his bellybutton, that leads down to a thing of beauty that both terrifies and fascinates me. I tentatively curve my hand around it and I see him drop his head back on the couch. I bite my lip, suddenly nervous. I've never done this before and I want him to feel wonderful…so what the hell am I supposed to do? I swallow nervously until he looks up again and catches my gaze.

"Are you ok," he asks softly. My heart lurches. Always concerned about me, no matter what the situation.

"I just…I don't know how…I mean, I've never-"

"You don't have to-"

"But I want to!" I protest. My hand curls around him again and squeezes. His breath catches in his throat as he leans up to kiss me.

"Show me," I whisper against his mouth. "Please." I feel his hand on mine as he shows me how to pleasure him. He has me squeeze harder than I expect and I don't expect the moans or grunts that come from the back of his throat. His hand falls away and when I glance up at him, he just nods encouragingly. I stroke him the way he showed me, and his head drops back again. I increase in speed and suck at his neck while my hand travels up and down his shaft. My thumb shifts over the head of his cock and he jerks his hips again. I glance up at him, afraid I'd hurt him but he's gripping his hair tightly, his jaw clenched.

"Peeta?"

"Please," he gasps out and I figure out that he's not in pain. I go faster, my thumb flicking over the tip over and over and each time, it seems to send a spike of pleasure through every inch of him. His face is screwed up in delicious agony, his eyes squeezed shut. I feel him tensing up and his eyes shoot open and find mine.

"Katniss!" As he cries out my name, pearly white liquid shoots out all over my hand and his stomach. I stare, shocked, as he pants underneath me. A few moments later, he looks up and he blushes.

"I'm sorry." Before I can stop him, he pushes me back onto the couch and runs into the kitchen. I get a great view of his muscular backside as he runs, and he hurries back, holding a thick wad of tissues. He hastily cleans me up but I shake my head.

"Was it ok?"

"Ok?"

"I mean…did you like it?" He lets out a shaky laugh as he grabs me and kisses me.

"Katniss. It was fucking perfect." Something about my perfect boy cursing like that makes me SO hot and bothered. I grin and lean in to kiss him again. I leave a trail of kisses down his chest, his stomach, his thighs, and then I stop at the spot where his skin melds with the prosthetic. I run my fingers over the scar and kiss it gently. When I look up at him, his breathing is heavy and his eyes are wide with love and desire. He pulls me back to his lips and I feel his cock harden against my thigh. I glance down in surprise and he shrugs apologetically.

"It's what you do to me." It suddenly makes sense, all the mornings I woke up on the Train or in my bed with him pressed against me, how I had felt something hard and insistent and I hadn't paid any attention to it. It suddenly makes me blush, that I did that to him so long ago. I understand he's a guy and he has basic needs but I also know that he loves me and only I can make him come undone like that.

I hope anyway.

I don't notice that he is leaning me back until my head hits the cushion and he is wrapping my legs around his waist. He leans in for a kiss and I feel his cock brush up against my clothed center, which drives me even crazier. He grinds against me for a moment as he sucks at my throat, then he moves down and pushes my shirt up. I have a bra on but I'm still self-conscious. I don't think of myself as attractive. And his words from the hospital echo in my mind.

_You're not very big are you? Or particularly pretty._

I'm suddenly very aware that his hands are reaching around and unclasping my bra. Before he has a chance to pull it away, I grab it and hold it in place. His eyes find mine and his face softens.

"Katniss, it's just me." I nod but I still don't lower my hands. These scars have ruined my body. My breasts were pretty much untouched by the flames but everywhere else, you can see where the old skin reaches the new skin. The Capitol tried to fix me but I was pretty much beyond their help. Growing up in the Seam, I haven't exactly been well nourished and my figure shows it. My time in the arena made me even skinnier and bonier and my breasts are rather small. I all of a sudden have the desire to run and hide. Peeta is perfect. And I feel absolutely imperfect next to him. I fight to keep the tears from my eyes but of course, he sees. Peeta always sees me. He knows me better than anyone. His eyes are full of concern as he leans in and covers me with his own chest. I welcome the weight and the blanket of security.

"Katniss, what's wrong?" He brushes the hair from my eyes and I squeeze my eyes shut, willing the tears to go away. I feel his fingertips at the corners of my eyes, confirming my suspicions that he has seen the tears. He leans in and kisses my cheek.

"What is it?"

"I just…want to be perfect for you," I stammer. I really hate myself right now. I've become a sobbing mess and I'm pretty sure I've erased all desire from Peeta's mind. But my stupid mouth keeps going.

"You deserve so much and I want to be everything I can be for you, to make you happy. But I feel so…imperfect." Peeta stares at me in shock. His bright blue eyes bore into mine and his smile fades away.

"Katniss…are you insane? You still have no idea, do you? The effect you have." I stare at him as he shakes his head and lifts me up a little, cradling me in his arms.

"You know how much I love you. Why would you think, even for a moment, that you are not enough for me?"

"Because this is the first time I am seeing you, actually looking at you, and I see how beautiful you are. Look at me!"

"I am." I grow frustrated with his calm demeanor while I'm freaking out.

"I'm serious, Peeta, look. I have…scars. All over."

"Yeah. I see them. I love them. They're a part of you. They represent what you have sacrificed and what you have gained. But guess what?" He takes my hand and brings it to his own chest, running it along the path of his own scars. I glance down, then back at him.

"I have them too. We're not so different, you and I. And don't forget…I fell in love with you a long time ago. Before I even knew what a woman was supposed to look like. My brothers laughed at me when I talked about how beautiful you were, my mother, of course, rolled her eyes but dad just laughed and said we would have a Seam girl in the family for sure." My throat seems to be stuck; I can't find the words. Peeta's hand caresses my face and he holds my gaze.

"You are beyond perfect," he says in a voice that's soft but strong. "You are perfect in my eyes and that's all that matters, because no one else should ever be looking." I smile, which he returns.

"We don't have to go any further, Katniss, but I'd really like to. I'd like to see you and worship you, the way your eyes are worshipping me." I'd completely forgotten he was still naked and I jump a little as he presses against me again, his half-hard cock coming to life. I wind my arms around his neck and pull him in and feel his hands move my bra aside and his soft palm makes contact with my aching breast. I arch my back, shoving more of my flesh into his hands and he moans into my mouth. Both of his hands reach down and squeeze gently, his talented fingers tweaking my nipple gently. Peeta breaks our kiss and gives me a loving gaze before his eyes shift downward and I feel my entire body grow very warm as he looks on. I see him wet his lips as he stares at me, my own tongue darting against my lips. He leans down and kisses my collarbone, kissing and licking and sucking a fiery path down my chest until he stops at my left breast, where his tongue gently flecks a nipple. I gasp and arch my back again and my fingers tangle in his hair. His hands gently push mine down and hold them over my head while his mouth closes over my flesh, taking as much as he can between his lips. I feel the ache leave my breasts and travel lower, where it makes my core throb. I jerk my hips and his hands rest on my sides, pulling me closer. I'm completely lost in Peeta and I'm fine if I never find my way back. As he switches his attention to my other breast, his fingertips gently slide down my sides and across my hips, to the buttons of my pants. Very slowly, as if not wanting to startle me (I'm a hunter, after all, I know how the predators approach their prey) he unbuttons my pants and slides a hand in, brushing over my underwear. I jerk underneath him and he draws back, his eyes finding mine.

_Is this still ok?_ He seems to ask. I nod and he bites his lip as he tugs my pants down a little bit, looking to me to lift my hips. I assist him in pulling them off and he gently moves me to the side so that he can lie between my thighs. His lips move back to my skin and I wait for him to put the fires out. I'm the girl on fire once more. Peeta's mouth is blazing a fire down my body that goes to my very core. His fingertips graze my center and I stifle a cry. His gaze flies back to my face to make sure I'm alright. I'm incoherent with desire as his hands tease me in ways I didn't think possible. I'll be completely honest. I haven't had many chances to try this myself. I shared a bed with Prim most of the time, my baths were overseen by my mother, and I was reaped when I was 16. I hadn't had a lot of time to experiment, which is probably why I'm even more nervous. But Peeta soothes me with his kisses. He relaxes me with his caresses. The way his thumb is rubbing over my clothed center is about to drive me out of my mind. I reach down and grip his wrist, hoping he gets the hint. He does and leans down to kiss me as he slips my underwear down around my ankles. I'm now completely bare to his gaze and I once again feel like my entire body is on fire. I do my best to hide myself but Peeta senses this and holds my hands down again.

"Let me see you, Katniss," he whispers. "Let me love you." He trails his fingers down my cheek and I gently suck on one of his fingers, making his eyes darken with lust. I toss my head back as he takes my breast into his mouth, at the same time, his fingertip is traveling over my core. I'm trembling underneath him as his fingers tentatively explore me. He spreads my legs wider and leans in, his thumb teasing me mercilessly and his fingers spreading around the wetness that has gathered there.

I'm actually not sure if it's supposed to be like this but he lets out a groan against my cheek.

"God Katniss, you're so wet." I feel my face redden.

"Sorry," I say hoarsely, not really sure what else I can say to that. To my surprise, he chuckles and captures my lips again.

"Don't be. It's a good thing. And it means you're enjoying what I'm doing." I try to speak but at that moment I feel him slide a finger inside me and all words and thoughts are gone. I gasp at the intrusion, feeling dizzy and weak. Peeta leans back to look at me, and he never once looks away as he slips another finger into me. It's uncomfortable at first and I think he sees me wince because he changes it back to one finger, and is very gentle but as he leans down and kisses me again, another finger slides in. I feel myself being stretched and filled and I long for more. I want all of him. I'm about to speak when his thumb finds a certain spot that makes me scream. I start panting underneath him and he seems to understand that he has found a secret treasure. Pushing his fingers inside, his thumb gently brushes over that spot, then applies pressure. Sweat has broken out over my body and I am panting heavily, my hands going to my hair as I arch my back. I feel a rush coming on, something I have never experienced before. I'm moaning his name so loudly, I fear Haymitch is going to hear. Peeta doesn't seem to care. He's increased his pace and is thrusting his hand in and out, crooking his fingers inside me like a come hither motion. I bite my lip so hard that I taste blood.

"Let go, Katniss," he whispers in my ear as his thumb presses against that spot again.

"Peeta!" I scream his name as I arch my back and feel a wave of pleasure wash over me completely. I lay, sated and breathless, with my eyes closed, never wanting to leave that spot, wherever I have traveled to. When I come back to Earth and open my eyes, I see Peeta leaning over me, his face flushed, a broad grin tugging at his lips.

"You are so beautiful," he tells me. I tug on his hair and pull him down for a kiss, our lips and tongues clashing together desperately

"What…WAS that," I say breathlessly. The look he gives me is one of surprise.

"You've…you've never had an orgasm before?" Orgasm. I've heard that word, around the slag heap. Girls talking about what boys do to them. But I never once thought I would be one of those girls. Ashamed, I shake my head. Peeta's smile widens, however, and he leans in to kiss me again.

"That was the first of many, Katniss. I promise." I can't say anything to that either.

I wrap my legs around his waist and we both gasp as we feel our centers meet. He rubs against me, his hardened length against my soft center. I whine for more, I wriggle my hips, but he places a gentle kiss on my lips and pulls away. I sit up, following him, confused. Why did he pull away? Was I not what he expected? Did I do something wrong? I watch him as he moves to get our clothes.

"Come on. We need to finish making dinner." He pulls me to my feet and we quickly dress, my eyes never leaving him but he can't seem to look at me. I follow him to the kitchen, we wash our hands, and he goes to check the oven. I stare at him, hurt and confused. What the hell just happened?


	7. Chapter 7

Why did I think this was a good idea, going about making dinner after what we had just done? She's working alongside me, her arm brushes up against mine and I am completely hard again. I try to adjust my pants without her seeing but it's becoming uncomfortable. That moment is replaying in my mind…seeing her writhe underneath me as my fingers tease her, seeing her body jerk helplessly and hearing her call my name…watching her come undone at the touch of my fingers. Shit. I'm close to coming just thinking about it. I glance sideways at Katniss, who is looking sad for some reason. She's biting her lip, hard, and I long to soothe that spot with my kisses. Her eyes are downcast while she strips the meat. I couldn't believe it when she told me she had never had an orgasm before. I was positive that she and Gale had done things. It made me smile to know that I was wrong. To know that I'm her first with all this. Her olive skin has this lovely pink glow to it and it makes me grow hungry with want to know that I'm the reason for that lovely glow. Damn it, Mellark. Focus. Dinner. Food. Dinner. With Johanna. And Katniss.

God. Katniss. The way she looked a few moments ago…

"Shit!" I snap to at the sound of her pained cry and I see her sucking on her finger. I move to her immediately, taking her hand in mine and see that she has sliced it with the knife.

"I'm ok," she mutters, yanking her hand back. I stare at her for a moment in puzzlement. What is going on? Why is she looking so miserable?

"Katniss? Is everything ok?"

"I told you I'm fine," she snaps. I swallow at her tone.

"I didn't mean your finger, um…you're just…what's wrong?"

"Nothing. We need to get dinner finished before Jo gets here." Something is definitely bothering her. I take the knife from her hand and turn her to face me. She won't even look at me. Gently I cup her chin and force her eyes up. I'm startled to see tears there.

"Talk to me," I tell her gently.

"Peeta, what we did…" Oh shit. She regrets it. I knew it was all too much too soon.

"Was I not…not very good?" Wait. Did I hear her correctly? Did she really just ask that?

"Um…come again?" She huffs and I can tell she is getting impatient with me.

"Do you not…want more…with me?" Her question was so soft I could barely hear it but it still made me nearly fall to my knees in shock.

"What the hell are you…Katniss, what's going on?"

"Why did you pull away? I mean…if you liked it…why did we stop? Why didn't we…go on?" God, this girl! She WILL be the death of me one day. She's standing here asking me why I didn't go further with her! Wow. I reach out to hold her but she shrugs off my touch. No, that isn't going to work. I move closer, reaching out to grip the counter and trapping her between the counter and my own heated body. She looks surprised when she looks into my eyes. I feel my breathing grow heavy, as I try not to think about the evidence of my intense desire for her, which is straining against my jeans at the moment.

"I have never wanted someone so much in my whole life," I whisper, making sure she still hears me. "But we don't have to…we can slow down, I mean. Take our time. Don't you ever doubt how much I want you. I love you, and I want us to take time to enjoy each other. We have eternity, Katniss." She bites her lip again and I lean forward to press my lips to hers. It isn't rushed or intense, but sweet and soft. The kind of kiss that lets me show her that I have always loved her. And I can wait for as long as I need. I'm not the one to step back this time. When we break apart for breath, we hold each other's gazes for a long time before she sighs.

"I'm sorry. I'm just…paranoid, I guess."

"You have no reason to be," I say as I move her hair behind her ear. "Let's just take this slow. After everything we've been through, we can stand to take some time to actually enjoy ourselves." She nods and she still looks sad. I move closer and lower my lips to her neck, delighting when I hear her gasp.

"You certainly seemed to enjoy yourself a few moments ago. I know I definitely did." She grins and stands up one her tiptoes to kiss me again.

"I did. And I can't wait til we can enjoy ourselves again."

"Oh I can't either." With a smile, I release her hand and watch her move back to the meat, a smile covering her face. She keeps glancing up and shooting me adorable smiles that all I can think of is that smiling face looking up at me as I move over her, thrusting in and out…

I lose grip of the bowl I'm holding and it crashes to the floor. Katniss bends to retrieve it and hands it to me, our hands briefly touching as I take it from her. She smiles and goes back to making dinner.

I move a little ways, filling the bowls with the greens and setting them aside. My pants are so uncomfortably tight, there is no way I can make it through dinner like this. And Johanna senses everything, she'll probably know before we even sit down. I think Katniss is still a little too innocent to notice anything wrong so would she notice if I slip away to the bathroom? God I hope not.

"I'll be right back," I mutter as I set the knife down. She turns, startled.

"Everything ok?"

"Oh yeah, just need to use the bathroom. The one upstairs ok?" I hurry from the kitchen before she can answer. I close the door tightly behind me and lean against it for a moment. My hand reaches down the front of my pants and I groan at the contact through my boxers. I know I have to make this quick, before she suspects anything, so I work the buttons and slide them down my hips. I reach into my boxers and grip myself, my eyes closing as I do so. I just imagine her hands where mine are right now, how she gazed up at me with such love and desire. Her stormy grey eyes searching mine, how innocent she looked when she took me into her hand. I remove my hand for a moment, give it a good lick, then grasp myself again, feeling warmth start to spread all over me. I picture Katniss in front of me, naked and writhing. Her fingers are exploring herself and she tosses her head back and moans my name. She spreads her legs wider and makes tiny circles over her clit. She's moaning louder and I start to moan her name as my hand moves more quickly. I see her move towards me and she pushes my hands aside so that she can place her hands on me instead. Then I see her lower her head and feel her wet tongue on my hot flesh.

SHIT! The thought of Katniss's perfect mouth on my cock makes me come undone only a second later. I grab some tissues and quickly clean up, pulling my pants back up and checking myself in the mirror. Damn it. I look all hot and bothered and my hair is a mess. I hope Katniss won't notice. I know Johanna will. I quickly splash some water on my face and try to run my fingers through my hair. Eh, somewhat better. When I open the door, I hear voices downstairs and guess Johanna must already be here. Taking a deep breath, I start to go downstairs.


	8. Chapter 8

"I don't know what's taking him so long." I mutter, glancing up the stairs. Johanna chuckles behind me.

"Oh my dear sweet innocent girl. What did you guys do?" I whirl around, shock plastered all over my face.

"What do you mean?"

"Girl, you are glowing. And I know you didn't have sex cause you're too pure but you must have done something! Details! Now!" I grin sheepishly. Not that I can keep anything from Johanna but I never really had girlfriends and Jo is the closest I have ever had.

"Ok well, I've finally seen and touched him." She lets out a whistle and I shush her.

"About damn time! Did he like it?"

"He said it was "fucking perfect" as he put it."

"You made Peeta swear? Damn, I'd give anything to see that!" We both giggled and she shakes her head. "And is that it?"

"He…well, he took his turn with me too." Johanna's eyes light up.

"With his hands or tongue?"

"Johanna!"

"Hey, I have to ask! He probably only fingered you, right?" When I nod, she smirks. "Just wait til he uses his mouth. Holy shit, it's the most incredible thing in the world."

"More incredible than sex?" I tease her.

"it might be," she says seriously. I shake my head and finish setting the table before I turn to her.

"So…I'm confused. Why is he in the bathroom this long?"

"He's taking care of himself," she says with a shrug. I'm shocked by her candor. First off, the idea of Peeta doing that to himself is strangely arousing but I don't want Johanna thinking of him doing that. And secondly, hadn't he…released before I did? Was I not good at it or something? Of course Johanna sees the uncertainty on my face and she pats my hand.

"Worry not, little mockingjay. Guys need to do it a lot. He probably just got turned on by making you come and he needs to get that out."

"Good to see you again, Johanna," Peeta announces his arrival and we both whirl around. I have a feeling if he had heard our conversation, he would be beet red right now (sort of like I was) but he looks to be a normal color. Maybe a little flushed, which makes me wonder if Johanna was right. Was he up there, doing…that to himself? He gives Johanna a hug and then he turns to me. He seems shy for a moment and I briefly wonder why. Was it because of what we had done? Does he regret it? He assured me just moments ago that he enjoyed it and that he wants me. He wasn't lying, was he? He gives me a little peck on the cheek and I'm a little more than confused. Hoping he is just doing it because Johanna is here, I try to smile at him as I move the meat to the table.

"Should we have invited Haymitch," I ask softly, glancing out the window. Peeta nods and rises to his feet.

"I'll go get him."

"Oh stay seated, bread boy, I'll go get the drunk," Johanna says cheerfully and hurries out before we can protest. When she's gone, I waste no time in swooping down on top of Peeta and planting a rough kiss on his lips. I have to know if he's being honest with me. I can't help it, I'm paranoid. After all, I see myself in the mirror and wonder what in the hell he could see in me.

When I pull back, he's breathless and flushed.

"Not that I'm complaining, but what was that for?"

"You didn't really kiss me when you came in so I was checking to make sure everything was ok." He eyes me, somewhat warily, though he's smiling.

"And did that confirm something for you?"

"Your reaction does," I say with a smirk, sounding braver than I feel. Though admittedly, his reaction brings me hope. He looks like he wants more. "You're looking rather flushed."

"If you keep kissing me like that, I'll have to excuse myself to the bathroom again during dinner," he says with a wink. He's still blushing and looking so adorable. I pull him closer and my hands grip his perfect ass. He jumps but smiles down at me.

"So you _were_ taking care of yourself up there?" When he didn't answer, I lean closer and slowly slide my hands down the back of Peeta's pants, gripping his backside in my hands. His eyes widen and he bites his lip. "Why didn't you tell me to take care of it for you?"

"Uhm…I….uh…" he's stammering and blushing so bright that I feel like I'm seducing a teenage boy. With one hand on his ass, I bring the other to his hair and tug him forward. Our lips are locked while my hand massages his cheeks. He moans into my mouth and whispers my name.

"Katniss," he says in a voice that's laced with desire and longing. I hike my leg up around his thigh and feel his hand move to my backside, bringing me closer to his growing arousal. I can relax now. I know how much he wants me. Almost as much as I want him.

"Well fuck. Looks like we missed dessert," says a voice from behind us. Peeta drops me and we take several steps away from each other. Johanna is laughing hysterically while Haymitch looks like he is going to be sick.

"Damn it Johanna, you said come over for dinner. Not for dinner theatre."

"Get back to it, you two, we're enjoying the show!"

"Speak for yourself," Haymitch mutters. I am mortified and Peeta's face is so red I feel like he is going to pass out.

"Um," I mutter anxiously. "Let's eat." Johanna is stifling her giggles when we all sit down. Haymitch shakes his head and picks up his fork.

"I will most definitely knock from now on," he announces. I want to bury my face in my arms.

"Probably a good idea," Johanna replies, nudging him. "They're going to be going at it all the time-"

"And I've just lost my appetite," Haymitch drops his fork in disgust. Peeta and I can't look at each other.

"Johanna," I hiss. She looks from Peeta to me and chuckles.

"There is nothing to be ashamed of, brainless! After all the shit you've both been through, it's a wonder you're not catatonic!"

"I made cheese buns," Peeta says, in an awful attempt to change the subject. He holds out a basket and my hand is the first to dive in. He knows these are my favorite. I could eat a dozen by myself. I see him shoot me a smile, which I return. Johanna and Haymitch take some and we fall into silence. Haymitch starts to ask Johanna how the Districts are and how George is doing and I sit back and listen, my eyes straying to Peeta. He sits there listening as he chews quietly. His hair is hanging in his bright eyes and a smile tugs at the corner of his mouth. I feel the now-familiar warmth spread over me and I suddenly can't wait for dinner to be over with.

* * *

><p>After Johanna and Haymitch are gone, Peeta and I clear the dishes together and he turns to me with a broad grin.<p>

"What?" I ask him, a grin spreading across my face. I can't help it. Several months ago I would have been suspicious, glaring at him as if something was up but his smile and happiness are contagious. I can't help but love it. And him.

"Close your eyes," he says in a low voice that sends chills down my spine. I stare at him for a moment, before I close my eyes. I resist the temptation to peek to see what he is doing while I hear him bustle around the kitchen and take something out of the cabinet.

"Here," I hear his voice right by my ear and feel his breath on my cheek. "Take a bite." I feel him hold something up to my mouth and it smells sweet. My tongue darts out and tastes sugar. Tentatively, I take a bite of whatever it is and there is an explosion of flavors in my mouth. I can't help but moan a little. I open my eyes and find his gazing from underneath his long lashes. He's grinning smugly.

"Do you like it?"

"This might be the most delicious thing I have ever tasted." He hands me the rest of the cupcake and I pop the whole thing into my mouth. He looks at me, exasperated.

"I'm going to have to teach you how to eat sweets. You have to relish them. Enjoy the flavors I create for you."

"Oh, ok then, I'll be your test subject whenever you want to try a new flavor." He chuckles and wipes a thumb across my lips. I taste the chocolate and raspberry mixed with his own unique taste and I feel a wetness start to form between my legs. I lean forward to kiss him and his hands go to either side of my cheeks. He tears away and closes his eyes.

"I should, uh, I should go on home and take a shower."

"I have a shower here, you don't have to go." He chuckles and kisses me again.

"Ok Katniss but I'm out of clean clothes. Why don't you come on back to my place for the night? Stay with me?" I glance around the room and decide I do need to get out of this house. There's too many memories, painful ones, here and it would be good to be with Peeta somewhere else. I nod and he smiles.

"Ok then, grab some of your things and let's go." I hurry upstairs to my room and pack some clothes in a bag. Glancing at the bag that had been pushed to the back of my closet, I hesitate for a moment before grabbing it as well.

As I leave the room, I pause by the closed door across from me. Swallowing, my eyes widen at the sight of the door and I find that I can't really breathe.

"Katniss?" I feel his hands on my shoulders and I whirl around. He sees the tears in my eyes and his arms wrap around me, shielding me from the horrors of this house.

"Come on," he says gently as he leads me away from the room I refuse to go near.

* * *

><p>When we enter his house, I feel warmth and delicious smells, all welcoming me. My house is only tidy because Greasy Sae or Peeta keep it so but his house is genuinely tidy. He leads me to the bedroom and sets my bags down.<p>

"You can, um…you can unpack and use one of my drawers if you like. I mean, if you plan on spending a few days here…you're welcome to use it…I mean…" I grin at his embarrassment and stand on my tiptoes to kiss him on the nose. He seems to relax and gestures to something on the bedside table.

"I brought the rest of the cupcakes with me so help yourself while I shower. I'll only be a few minutes." I nod and he shuffles off to the bathroom across the hall. When I hear the water run, my mind starts to wander and I imagine him in there, water droplets dripping down his perfect flesh, toward forbidden destinations. Destinations that I longed to explore more. I shake myself; what is wrong with me?! When did I become this girl?

I decide to ready myself for bed and quickly dress in some baggy pants and a loose-fitting t-shirt. Peeta likes to sleep with the windows open so it's a bit cooler here than it is at my house. I go ahead and open one of his drawers and shuffle things around so I can put my folded clothes in them. It doesn't take me long to unpack because I didn't bring much with me. I hear the water shut off and I climb into bed, burying my face into his pillow. I will never tire of that smell. It's like fresh bread and vanilla with a touch of cinnamon and strangely enough, a hint of dill. It's so uniquely Peeta.

When I see him enter the room, my eyes widen and I forget how stupid I must look. All he is wearing is a towel around his waist. There is still water on his chest and his hair is fussed like it looked like when we had messed around in the living room earlier that day. The thought of it made me moan. He glances down at himself and looks sheepish.

"I forgot to take clothes in the bathroom with me," he says as an explanation. I might just throw all his clothes out the window so he can never get dressed. I'd be fine with seeing this sight everyday. He hurries to his closet and grabs boxers from the drawer. My eyes never leave him as he keeps his back to me. I give him no privacy as I watch him pull his underwear over his desirable backside, then his pants on with some difficulty. When he pulls on a t-shirt he turns to me and his hands go to his hips. He looks rather flushed.

"Stop that."

"What." I ask in surprise.

"Looking at me like I'm a piece of meat. I won't be able to restrain myself for much longer if you keep that up." I grin and stretch out on the bed. I don't do sexy well but the way his eyes darken and looks at me, I feel like I'm doing something right.

"How do you know that I'm looking at you," I say in mock innocence.

"I feel it," he barely whispers. His eyes are no longer that brilliant blue, but a deep azure that makes me shiver. I cross my legs, wishing I had chosen something else to wear to bed. The wetness between my thighs is starting to get uncomfortable.

"Then why restrain yourself? Come here." He takes my outstretched hand and straddles me on the bed, pressing his lips to mine and accepting the challenge my mouth is offering. As his kisses become more passionate, I feel his hands trap mine over my head and I wriggle against him. I can feel his hardness poke against me and I throw my head back and moan his name. He leans down and rakes his tongue across my neck, sucking gently. His hands release mine and I feel them push my shirt up to my chin. I don't wear a bra to bed and he bites his lip at the sight of my bare breasts, before he leans down and takes one into his mouth. Damn I have never felt so good. The sensation of his tongue on my sensitive nipple is going to drive me into a frenzy. He moves up just a little and sucks at a spot right over my breast. I realize he is sucking harder and harder and I gasp when he leaves my skin, leaning back to stare down at me. I glance down and see a purple-ish bruise forming. His fingers trace over it and I glare up at him. He grins smugly.

"You've claimed me as yours. I've marked you as mine." Without hesitation, I drag him down to me and I kiss and suck at his neck. He tenses a little and I move down his skin, dragging my tongue and planting the occasional kiss here and there. There's a scar below his collarbone that is clearly not with the others. It looks like it was made from a sharp object and I shudder to think of what all they did to him. I gently touch it, then lean forward and suck at the spot in earnest. He lets out a little cry as I let him go and he glances down, his bright eyes finding mine again.

"And now you are marked as mine."

"I would trade every scar for one of your marks," he whispers against my lips. My hands run up and down his chest and I lean up to kiss his throat. He moans underneath my lips and my arms wrap around his neck, bringing him even lower. He tries to shift his weight so that he is not hurting me but I love the feel of his body on mine. I start to imagine the two of us, naked, pressed together like this, nothing separating us from joining together. As my mind races with these thoughts, it starts to acknowledge hands making their way down my body and cupping my center through my pants. I moan and jerk my hips against his hands and he presses harder, before slipping his hand into my pants and pressing against my underwear. My legs fall open and I tangle my fingers in his hair, our tongues and teeth clashing together. He pulls back for a moment and his bright eyes find mine. I smile up at him but my smile fades when I see something flash in his eyes. He gasps and I feel his fists clench on the pillow next to my head.

"Peeta?" I reach up and touch his face and he jerks back. I know he's going into a flashback. I lean up and wrap my arms around him, even though he struggles against me. I feel his heart pounding against his chest and he pants into my shirt.

"No," he whimpers.

"Peeta, stay with me. Not real. Not real. Whatever you are seeing, it's not real." I start to panic as he reaches up and hits himself in the head. I hold his arms and bring him closer, rocking gently as I used to do with Prim. The thought of her brings tears to my eyes and I want to bury my face into Peeta's chest and cry. But I have to be the strong one tonight. I have to fight for the man I love. Snow can't have him. The Capitol can't have him. He's mine.

"You're mine, Peeta. Not theirs. You're here, with me. You're safe, I won't let anything happen to you. Not real, Peeta. Not real." He whimpers against my chest and then is very still. I merely hold him for a few moments until he leans back, his eyes red and swollen.

"Katniss," he whispers. He launches into my arms and I hold him close, whispering soothing words against his hair, telling him how strong he is and how much I need him. He finally disentangles himself from my arms and straightens up.

"I'll be right back," he mutters before rushing off to the bathroom. I watch him go, collapsing on the bed and finally succumbing to my tears.


	9. Chapter 9

When I enter my room, there she is, looking so perfect on my bed. She's stretched out and I can see her round breasts through her thin shirt. I resist the urge to leap on top of her and strip her of all her clothing and I lower my head as I head straight to my closet. I pause just for a moment and notice her eyes traveling down my body. I glance down and am suddenly self-conscious. I mutter that I didn't take clothes with me to the bathroom, in hope of excusing my lack of dress. Don't get me wrong, before the Reaping, I still tried to keep myself in shape and did get compliments from girls on my physique. After becoming a Victor, everyone talked about what a handsome young man I was but I never got the looks from the one person who mattered. After all the war, I was changed. Both physically and mentally. Scars covered my body and I found that I didn't want anyone to ever see me like this. Granted I've never been as squeamish about nudity as Katniss, but I don't imagine either of us are too comfortable with our appearances at this point in our lives. But when she looks at me, it's different. Her eyes scanning my body make me harden with desire. She continues to stare at me and I shiver a little. Turning my back to her, I try to focus as I dress as quickly as I can. When I turn back to her, her gaze has never wavered. My hands go to my hips as I give her a little glare.

"Stop that," I admonish.

"What?" She says in confusion.

"Looking at me like I'm a piece of meat. I won't be able to restrain myself for much longer if you keep that up." It was the truth. I'm already finding it immensely difficult to keep my hands off of her. After what we had done at her house, all I can think about is going further and I know she's not ready for that. I don't think I am either. Our healing has barely begun, I have to keep reminding myself. And I know I hurt her when they rescued me from the Capitol. I mean besides trying to choke the life out of her, which I'll never forgive myself for. I know how much it hurt her to look at me and know I was suffering. I know I said some awful things to her. I still apologize for them but she keeps telling me to forget the past and focus on what we have now. I see her stretch out on the bed and she gives me a seductive look.

"How do you know that I'm looking at you?" I wet my lips as I watch her closely.

"I feel it," it comes out in a whisper and I can feel my heart racing. She deliberately strikes a pose and her eyes darken.

"Then why restrain yourself? Come here." I let out a little moan as I take her hand that she is offering me and I join her on the bed. My prosthetic makes me a little clumsy as I straddle her, my fingers lacing around her wrists and bringing them over her head. The way she is kissing me makes me dizzy and weak. I can't see straight and my tongue explores her mouth completely. I move down to taste the skin of her neck and I relish the taste of sunshine and earth and the trees. My hands move down to the edge of her shirt and I push up, revealing the breasts that I have dreamed about all my life. They're small but perfect. Her nipples are rosy and pink, surrounded by brown skin. I won't admit to her I used to fantasize about her. Having her here underneath me is more than a dream come true. I never thought it would be possible. I lean down and swirl my tongue around one of her nipples and I feel my cock twitch when she moans my name. I take her breast in my mouth, and pull back, staring at her heaving chest that glistens with my saliva. I capture her eyes and give her a wicked grin before I go back to teasing her chest, finding a spot over her right breast and sucking in earnest. We won't leave visible marks on each other since we aren't telling everyone about us yet but I want to show her that she is mine and no one else's. She's already claimed me as her own. Now I'm going to do the same. When I pulled back, I grinned at the purple mark I had made, that no one but me would see. She glances at it and glares at me which makes me chuckle.

"You've claimed me as yours. I've marked you as mine." Her hands are wrapping around my neck and bringing me lower on top of her, as she leans forward and I feel her tongue on my skin. She starts to suck at my neck and I tense up a little, afraid that we are breaking our unspoken rule. But then she moves down, kissing me into oblivion, until she reaches my chest. Her fingers tentatively run over my scars and she starts to kiss one below my collarbone. I remember the night they gave me that too. It was after I had warned Katniss about the bombing of 13. They beat the shit out of me on the set then dragged me back to my room and tortured me all night. Peacekeepers twisted knives into my flesh, not enough to cause damage but enough to make me scream. I was beaten with heavy pipes and huge whips. I didn't think I would survive that particular night. The thought of Katniss waiting for me, wishing for me to be with her again, was what kept me going.

She starts to suck harder and I gasp as I realize what she's doing. I feel like I might just come without her even touching me. I am so hard and I long for my release. But I want to watch her come undone again.

"And now you are marked as mine," she says in a husky voice. My fingers trace her lips before I lean down and kiss her again.

"I would trade every scar for one of your marks." She tugs me even closer and I am afraid I will squash her but she seems to be pulling me into her. My cock rubs against her center and we both let out little moans. My hands move from her face down her body, to rub across her breasts, until they come to caress that sweet treasure between her legs. She jerks her hips and I slip my hand past the waistband of her pants and rub across the soft cotton of her underwear. God she is so wet. I can almost smell her and it's going to destroy me. I long to touch her, to taste her, to make her scream my name. My fingers rub against her center and her legs fall open as her fingers tangle in my hair. I'm now painfully hard but I'm determined to make her come first. I want to watch her when I do it. I want to see the light in her eyes as I bring her to her release. Her eyes meet mine and I bite my lip. Suddenly, a pain seizes me somewhere around my middle and my fists clench from the pain of it. My hands are on either side of her head and I close my eyes.

"Peeta?" I hear her voice and look at her and I gasp when I see red eyes with fire flashing in them. She's smirking up at me and she touches her breasts and scoffs.

"Worthless. You're worthless and pathetic. I should have stayed with Gale after all. He's much better than you."

"No," I whimper, shaking my head. I feel a hand touch my cheek and I jerk back. Not real. Not real! This isn't real. She loves you. She told you so. It's just the hijacking. Stop it. Stop it now!

But a part of me wants to stop it another way. My hands itch to choke the life out of her. My mind tells me she is laughing at me, using me for her own pleasures. My heart tells me otherwise. I force myself to listen to my heart. The heart that has loved this girl against all odds. The heart that beats only for her. I hear her voice, softer and kinder and more loving than I had imagined it.

"Peeta, stay with me. Not real. Not real. Whatever you are seeing, it's not real." Her arms are wrapping around me and I fight against her. My heart is screaming at me, as it fights against my mind. She loves you. She is protecting you. Keep her safe. Like you always do. Come back to her. Stay with her.

My hands reach up and tug at my hair, hitting myself in the head. I register her holding my arms and I start to panic again. My brain tells me that she is trying to kill me but I shake my head and will those images away. She starts to rock me gently against her chest and what really brings me back is her smell. I'm pressed into her shirt and I can smell her foresty smell that makes me remember where I am. With her. In her arms. The Capitol can't completely taint memories of her because they didn't have enough. It was all visual but they didn't realize that I loved everything about her. Her smell, her stormy eyes as they bore into mine, the feel of her hand in mine, the taste of her skin, the feel of her lips against mine, the way her braid felt in my hands. All of these things help me stay grounded and focused on Katniss.

"You're mine, Peeta. Not theirs. You're here, with me. You're safe, I won't let anything happen to you. Not real, Peeta. Not real." I whimper at her words, feeling myself coming back, and I whisper her name. I collapse in her arms and let her hold me. This isn't how it's supposed to be. I'm supposed to be the strong one. I was the one who would always hold her when she had nightmares on the train. Now she's the one comforting me. I feel sick to my stomach and I look up at her. The look she is giving me makes me even sicker. It's pity. I have to get out of here.

"I'll be right back," I mutter before rushing straight to the bathroom. I grip the counter with both hands until my knuckles are white. I look into the mirror and hate what I see. I look insane, with my eyes red and puffy. How can she love this?! Maybe she's right…maybe it's stupid to think we can be happy together.

I shake my head. Stop it now, I tell myself firmly. I'm supposed to be the optimist. I love her. And I know she loves me. Whatever the Capitol did, we can't let it ruin what we have. And what we have is great. I won't give up. I will fight, as I have everyday, for her love.

When I come out of the bathroom, I hear sniffling from the bedroom. I find her spread out on the bed, her face buried in her arms. I rush to her side and gather her into my arms, holding her close to my chest as she had just done moments ago. I wrap her arms around my neck and hold her in my lap.

"Katniss, shh, it's ok. I'm here, I'm alright."

"For how long, Peeta," she gasps out. I pull back, frowning.

"What do you mean?"

"One of these days I'm not going to be able to bring you back. And then you'll-" I silence her with a kiss, one that makes both our heads spin. She's breathless when I come up for air and I fix her with a hard look.

"I will ALWAYS come back to you. Always. I told you, not even the Capitol can stop me from loving you." I gently lean her back and lay down next to her, wrapping my arms around her and allowing her to rest her head on my chest. My leg is throbbing and my shirt is sticking to my back, damp with sweat, but I ignore it all. She starts to fall asleep and I just hold her, whispering into her hair how much I love her.

After she's fallen asleep, I just lay there, staring at the ceiling. My mind is racing too much for me to sleep so I glance sideways at her and I feel my face relax into a smile. She looks so peaceful. I gently disentangle myself and pull the blankets over her, giving her a light kiss before I shuffle off. I glance back once more and smile at the sight of her sleeping peacefully. In my room. In my bed. Katniss Everdeen.

Yeah, that's been my fantasy since I was five.

I shuffle down the hall to my studio and quietly push the door open. The room is a mess, like a whirlwind went right through, with papers scattered everywhere and easels knocked aside, paint all over the walls and floors. This is my little corner of paradise and my piece of hell. I paint everything I feel, the good and the bad. From the floor, glowing eyes glare up at me and I kick them away, disgusted. I wish I could say the good paintings outweigh the bad but it's not true. I paint what I see. I see a lot of messed up shit when I dream. I grab a palette and settle down in front of the easel, stretching my legs in front of me. On second thought…I reach down and unhitch the clasp, the prosthetic coming off with a gentle hiss. I feel instant relief and I set to work.

I don't know how long I sit up here and I have no idea what time it is when I finish but I'm finally exhausted and think I can sleep. I study back my work and a scowl crosses my face. It started as a painting of Katniss, lying in bed in all her glory, the edge of the sheet covering one of her breasts while she snored. Her hair wasn't in a braid; it lay like a gentle cloud underneath her head and there was a smile on her face, as she dreamed something pleasant, hopefully something about us. But my nightmares took over and she developed red eyes, her smile turned into a snarl, and her face was screwed up in contempt. She looked lovely and more dangerous than ever. Disgusted, I knock the painting aside and watch the paint drip. Sighing, I reattach the leg so I won't wake Katniss too much and re-enter our room.

Oh god. I love how that sounds. OUR room.

She is still dreaming peacefully and I am glad to see nightmares have not reached her tonight. I take off the prosthetic and slide into bed behind her, bringing her into my embrace and feeling her let out a little sigh as she shifts in her sleep. I gently move a strand of hair from her cheek and nuzzle in close to her, praying she will keep the nightmares away.


	10. Chapter 10

When I wake up, a cold chill greets me and I bring the covers closer to my face. My eyes open and for a moment, I panic. Sitting straight up, I wonder where the hell I am but my eyes scan the room and I remember. Peeta's house. Peeta's room.

So where is he? I could swear we fell asleep together. He hasn't closed the window so the cold wind enters the room and wraps around me. I shiver and pull the blankets closer, wondering if I should go look for him. I'm about to toss the blankets aside when I hear his heavy footsteps and he enters the room, holding a tray in both hands. He sees I'm awake and he flashes me a smile that makes my heart race.

"Morning," he says cheerfully. He sets the tray down on the bed and leans in to kiss me. I could get used to this. Waking up to this. Am I ready for it? Probably not but do I want it?

Hell yes.

"I thought you may be hungry," he muttered against my lips. I nod but don't move toward the food. I reach up and grasp his hair, pulling him toward me and with a gasp, he falls forward, wrapping his arms around me so he wouldn't fall. I feel the hard prosthetic leg pressing against mine and I shift so he is more comfortable. I kiss him until we are both breathless. He pulls back and runs a hand through his hair.

"What was that for?" Is he going to ask that every time I kiss him? I feel guilty because he has loved me so much longer than I loved him. And his poisoned mind probably still gets suspicious when I get close to him. I guess I can't blame him.

"You weren't here when I woke up," I reply, "and I got scared." His hand caresses my face and he kisses my nose.

"Why?"

"Because…last night…I mean…"

"Katniss, I told you, I will always come back to you. We're together now, nothing can tear us apart." I suddenly find myself crying into my hands and he is looking panic-stricken. I can't even explain what is wrong. All my worries come flooding out, out of nowhere, and I turn into a sobbing mess.

"Every time I thought we would be ok in the past, something happened. And when I found out the Capitol had you…I was angry, Peeta. Angry that it wasn't me. Angry that someone as perfect as you was enduring that. And then we rescued you and I discovered you had been hijacked and…I couldn't move. I sometimes thought it was worse than if you had died. Because your love for me had died. Seeing you as someone completely different, hearing you speak so harshly. You asked me on several occasions to kill you. What if I had, Peeta? What if I had put you out of your misery? I'd be dead right now. There is no way I could live without you." He tries to soothe me, reaching forward and grasping my shoulders but I wrench away, tears streaming down my cheeks.

"No. I remember, Peeta. That day…Boggs and Mitchell and Leeg…you asked me to kill you. You wanted to stay chained so I carried the key to your cuffs in my pocket, right next to my pearl. We came so close to giving up, Peeta, so many different times! I wanted to die, don't you understand that? I didn't ever see things getting better. When I was sent back here, I was sure I would never see you again. And again, I wanted to die. I begged for Sae and Haymitch to let me go and they refused. They told me I had someone to live for, someone who loves me and was looking for me. And seeing you that day…hearing your voice. It was like I was reborn. Like a resurrection. I can't forget the past, Peeta. It still haunts me, will always haunt me. And I don't know what I'll do if I lose you." I let my sobs overtake me and I hide my face in my hands, ashamed. I feel him lower my hands and he cups my chin. I can't look at him. I'm a mess, an utter mess.

"Katniss. Open your eyes." His voice is gentle but stern. "Look at me," he says a bit harder. I finally open my eyes and am lost in his blue orbs.

"Listen to me. I don't expect you to forget the past. That's how we learn. We remember, we grieve, but we never forget. But I hope you can see that there is so much good now, that WE have good in our lives and you don't need to keep revisiting the past. It's why I fight so hard against my flashbacks. There is no reason at all for me to go back to those times. I have the perfect life right now, here, with you. I don't blame you for anything, so stop blaming yourself. I won't lie to you and say nothing can ever happen but I swear to you, I will do everything in my power to always return to you. And I will keep you safe from anything, me included. You know I would die for you in a heartbeat, Katniss. I confessed that in the first Games and I confess it again. I would gladly give my life if it meant your wellbeing." He sighs and seems to be tired of talking so he pulls me into his arms and strokes my back while I cling to him. He allows me to cry, saying nothing, just the occasional 'I love you'. He pulls me away and kisses my forehead, giving me a sad smile.

"Where did this even come from this morning? Here I am, making you cheese buns and you go and get all emotional on me." He winks at me to make sure I know he is teasing and I can't help but smile. He kisses me again, first my forehead, then my eyes, my nose, my cheek, and finally my lips.

"Silly girl, stop worrying so much. I love you, Katniss. Can't you understand that?"

"That is one of the things I understand very well," I reply. He smiles and kisses me softly.

"Here," he pulls the tray closer and picks up a cheese bun, holding it before my face. I eagerly bite into it and he laughs while cheese oozes all over my chin. I suppress a giggle while I catch the dripping cheese from the freshly baked bun. I pop the rest in my mouth and close my eyes, savoring the flavor. Peeta leans forward and darts his tongue across my lips, raking it down my chin, cleaning up the mess I've made. He grins as he motions toward the tray.

"I made you a whole breakfast but you probably would have been happy with just the cheese buns." My stomach is grumbling terribly and he raises a brow at me. I consume the eggs and cheese and berries, then almost all of the cheese buns. He manages to grab two from the basket before I have a chance to finish them all. I lick my fingers, determined to inhale the cheesy flavor.

"That was delicious. Thank you." He grins and grips my hair as he kisses me.

"It's nice to see you have a healthy appetite again. It took us ages to get you to eat properly." I nod and shrug. I don't want to think about that time and he seems to understand. He reaches for a napkin to wipe his hands and I stop him. He looks at me, confused, and I bring his hand up to my mouth. Giving him a shy look, I take his fingers, one by one, past my lips and suck. He bites his bottom lip and his eyes go dark. Moving closer to him, I can feel his hardening arousal underneath me and I know what I am doing to him. I have to say, I love that I can make him feel like this. My tongue swirls around his fingers and he lets out a little moan. I drop his hand and attack his mouth, my tongue clashing against his. I reach down and stroke him through his pants and he jerks his hip upwards, moaning into my mouth. My hand plunges into his pants and past his boxers to grasp him. He breaks the kiss to throw his head back, gasping for breath. I start pumping him and he gasps my name. Shyly, I lean him backwards and tug off his pants and boxers, throwing them aside. I spread his legs and squeeze his inner thighs and he groans as his head hits the pillow. My hand goes back to his thick shaft, loving the feel of the veined underside and the soft skin along the way. I kneel on my knees and push my hair out of my way, leaning forward to give him a long stroke with my tongue. His hips jerk and his head shoots up as he lets out a cry. His eyes meet mine and he gives me a wild look, as if he can't believe this is really happening. I bit my lip uncertainly.

"Is this…ok?"

"Yes but y-you don't have-" I lower my head again and I take his head falling back again as consent. I lick up and down, surprised at the taste of him. It's a bit saltier than I expected, mainly because Peeta's mouth is so sweet. My tongue runs along his length, then over the tip and he gives another groan. He is shaking underneath me and I love the power that I hold. I take him into my mouth and hollow my cheeks out, sucking as hard as I can. I really have no idea what I'm doing but his reactions keep me going.

"Ffffffffuck Katniss," His swearing spurs me on and I move faster, pumping with my hand while swirling my tongue around. I glance up at him from between his legs and see that he is gripping his hair tightly, his eyes are closed, and a look of utter bliss has crossed his face. I can feel him tensing up and he suddenly grabs my hair and pulls me away. Puzzled, I watch him grip himself and stroke hard and fast. Not to be outdone, I push his hand away and stroke him to completion. He releases all over my hand and his stomach and he collapses on the bed, completely spent. His breathing is ragged and heavy and his face is flushed. I grin down at him, loving this side of him. I may not be completely confident in my abilities yet but seeing him like this, feeling him come undone at my hands and mouth is amazing. Panting, he opens his eyes and looks up at me.

"Holy shit," he says weakly. I giggle and curl up beside him, moving his arm aside so I can lay my head on his chest. He doesn't seem to have strength enough to do anything but lift his head.

"That was…I mean…wow." I giggle again, which is SO unlike me. Seriously, when did I become this girl?! Not that I hate it but it's very strange. I used to listen to the girls in the Seam talk about what they would do with their husbands one day. I rolled my eyes, thinking they sounded like fools and I didn't think that would ever be me. Number one, because I said I didn't think I'd get married but number two, I didn't know about the pleasures between a man and woman. Watching Peeta come undone at my hands, at my touch, is exhilarating. He turns his head and his expression is serious.

"You're amazing," is all he says. I blush and lean forward to kiss him. I'm still not used to such compliments and sweet words. They used to bother me but now, I live for his words. As much as I live for his touch. I guess that's because I never thought I would have those things ever again.

He sits up and leans over me, capturing my hands over my head and pressing them into the pillow. At the same time, he knees my legs apart so he can lie between them, pressed against my center. His tongue swirls against mine and he presses his hips against mine. His lips trail down to my neck and he sucks at my throat, planting gentle kisses then surprising me with the scrape of teeth. He removes one of his hands from my wrists to slip under my shirt and his hand meets my breast. He leans in and nips my bottom lip with his teeth, which makes me gasp and grow even wetter.

"Don't move," he says in a low voice, almost a growl. I nod and he moves his hands down to my shirt and before I know it, he is pulling it over my head. I keep my hands over my head where he placed them and grip the pillow tightly. His hands massage my breasts, kneading them gently like he kneads the bread. Oh thank god I fell in love with a baker. I love his hands more than I can say. His long fingers tweak my nipples and he takes one into his mouth, sucking and biting and my hips jerk involuntarily. He looks up at me underneath his long lashes and gives me a grin, more like a smirk, as he makes his way down to my stomach and his tongue dips into my belly button. My stomach trembles beneath his tongue and he continues his way down. His hands are tugging my pants down and he flings them over his shoulder. He gazes down at me, adoringly, and continues to lick a path of fire. His tongue gently traces my panty line and I'm suddenly trembling with anticipation of what's to come. His thumb presses against my center and his tongue licks over the cotton of my underwear. I gasp and sit up and he glances up at him.

"Didn't I tell you not to move," he says sternly, his smirk fading. I swallow and lie back down, never having heard him speak like this before. Except for one time. One time when he left me and I didn't know if I would ever get him back.

Peeta seems to sense what I'm thinking because he leaves my thighs and comes back to my mouth. His kisses are gentle but insistent. His hands trail down my body, his fingertips tracing my contours. He pulls away from my lips and his eyes search mine.

"I want to try something. Trust me?" I hesitate only for a moment before I nod.

"Okay."

"Then you'll allow it?" I smile, remembering his words from so long ago.

"I'll allow it." He kisses me again and trails kisses down my body. His hand cups me through my underwear and a finger slides past the cotton and gently runs up and down my slit. I cry out as he continues to tease me, drenching his finger in my wetness.

"Damn Katniss, you're this wet from sucking my dick?" I blush scarlet but he grins down at me as his fingers tease. His eyes capture mine as he removes his hand from between my thighs and brings it up to his lips, his tongue darting out and swirling around his finger. My jaw drops and he just smiles at me before moving down and peeling my underwear off and spreading me wide.

* * *

><p><em><strong>I know it seems REALLY smutty right now but I promise, it's more than love scenes later on. I did put a warning, heavy on smut though, sooo fair warning ;) lol. <strong>_


	11. Chapter 11

I know she's nervous. Hell, I'm nervous. I haven't really done this before (I've messed around with a few girls before but nothing too serious) and I want to make her feel as good as she just made me feel. Holy shit, that was amazing. I didn't expect my proper little mockingjay to be so good at that but she exceeded my expectations. And it's even better now that I know she hasn't done that with Gale. I've been wanting to taste her for ages, so I looked at this as the perfect opportunity. I slide her pants off and kiss her from head to toe. When I kiss her center, she bolts upright and is looking at me with wide eyes. I try to play it off and smirk down at her.

"Didn't I tell you not to move?" She slowly lays back down, looking confused and very nervous. Shit. Why did I just do that? She'll probably think I'm going into a flashback or something because I've certainly never spoken to her like that before. To reassure her, I kiss her again and try to show her how much I love her in those kisses. She seems to relax a little and I pull back.

"I want to try something. Trust me?" Her eyes, clouded with lust and love, search mine for just a minute before she nods.

"Okay." I grin, traveling back to that evening on the rooftop before the Games and how much I wanted to freeze that moment. I'd like to freeze this moment too. Any moment with Katniss, really, is perfect.

"Then you'll allow it?"

"I'll allow it." I smile and kiss her again, not lingering around her lips too long. As much as I love kissing her, I'm anxious and excited to kiss her elsewhere. To make her scream my name. I cup her for just a moment before sliding my finger past her underwear and I meet her soft lips. Damn, she is so wet. And tight.

"Damn Katniss, you're this wet from sucking my dick?" She turns redder than red at my words and I have to grin at her innocence. I think I'll make it a game, to see how much I can make her blush. Seems she likes it when I have a dirty mouth.

I feel myself growing hard again already, even after Katniss completely milked me for everything I had. I stroke her up and down and feel her writhe underneath me. Oh Katniss. Just wait. My finger is coated in her juices and I remove my hand from her underwear, bringing it to my mouth. I make sure she is watching me as my tongue darts out to taste the sticky sweetness that coats my finger. Her jaw drops and she blushes a brilliant shade of red. I grin smugly before I lower to my stomach and peel her underwear away. I take a moment to appreciate the beauty before me-she didn't really give me the chance to look my fill yesterday. I'm sort of surprised that she is bare down here. Maybe it's something with the prep teams. Even after the Games, I still haven't seen any hair on my chest or face. I shake myself quickly. Forget about the Games. Forget about the Capitol.

It's all about her.

I spread her wide and take a long lick, relishing the cry that escapes her throat. Glancing up at her, my tongue dives into her folds as I explore her completely. My hands find hers gripping the bed sheets, and my fingers intertwine with hers. My saliva mixed with her own sweet wetness makes it easy to slide two fingers into her, and I curve them slightly, hearing her cry out again.

"Oh god, Peeta," she cries and I close my eyes, delighting in hearing my name drip from her lips. My tongue finds that delicate bundle of nerves and after a few long strokes, I massage it gently with my tongue, feeling her jerk underneath me. I take my cues from her moans and find out what works the best. My hand moves from hers to her hip, holding her still while I work her to her climax. I remove my mouth, still pumping my fingers into her, and look up at her. Her head is thrown back, her dark tresses damp and sticking to her flushed cheeks, her nails are scratching her scalp.

"Look at me, Katniss." I want to see her when she comes. I want to watch the light in her eyes, see the waves overtake her. She is so fucking perfect. And this is a beautiful moment for me. Never in my wildest dreams did I envision Katniss Everdeen writhing underneath me, coming undone at my touch. In my wildest dreams, she was taking care of herself while I watched. Or she was taking care of me. I relish this. She is moaning and biting her lip so hard I'm afraid she'll make it bleed. I lean down and take her into my mouth again and she screams my name. Fuck. That sound. I feel her shuddering and I know she's close.

"Katniss. Look at me." Her eyes are half-closed when she looks down at me and I finish her off with a hard press of my tongue; she jerks her hips and my mouth latches onto her once more.

"Peeta! OH MY GOD!" She jerks upwards and screams my name once more so loud that I think the whole village hears her. And you know what? I could care less. I hope they hear her. I hope GALE hears her. So everyone will know, once and for all, that she is mine and no one else's. And it's not an act. It may have been an act at one time but now I know she loves me for real. My life can't get much better. I slowly make my way back up her body and straddle her. My cock brushes against her center and we both hiss. I lean down to kiss her, letting her taste herself. She moans into my mouth and wraps her arms around my neck, entangling her fingers in my hair. God I love the feel of her hands in my hair. When she tugs just a little, I'm on her leash. She thrusts upwards and my cock is brushing against her wet folds. Shit. I have to get off her, right now, before I do something inappropriate. But the feel of her underneath me is too amazing to ignore.

"Katniss," I gasp, as I struggle to maintain my control of the situation. Her willing naked body beneath mine is not helping matters.

"I need you, Peeta," she whispers in my ear. I pull back, my wide eyes finding hers.

"Are you…are you sure?" Seriously, what man questions the girl he loves when she says she wants to have sex?! Only a dumbass. But I want to make sure we aren't moving too fast and this seems a little fast. I mean…we only started to really make out a few days ago. My head is screaming at me to get off her and slow it down but another part of me ***ahem* **is telling me to give this girl every part of me, body and soul. She reaches up and strokes my cheek and I nuzzle against her palm.

"I want you. I've wanted you for a long time. Haven't we waited long enough?"

"Katniss, I-" SHUT UP MAN! She wants you! Take her!

But I shake my head.

"I don't want to push you. I am perfectly happy with what we have and I don't need more. If you want to wait." I see her face fall and I worry that I said the wrong thing. When she speaks, her tone breaks my heart.

"Oh…Ok. I understand." God. This girl. She will never realize the effect she has! The effect she has on me, the effect she has on the Capitol, the effect she has on Gale, the effect she has on the whole damn world. I gather her in my arms and press my body as close to hers as possible. With no clothes between us, we start to form a sweet sheen of sweat between us and I want nothing more than to bury myself inside her. I cup her chin and look her right in the eyes.

"Katniss, you have no idea how much I want you right now. How much I have always wanted you. But I want you to be ready, to be sure that you're giving this to…the person you think deserves it," my voice starts to shake and I am instantly frustrated with myself. Why do I have to become a pathetic mess when this girl is involved?! I clear my throat and continue.

"I love you, Katniss. Which is why I can wait for as long as you need."

"You make me feel like I'm trying to steal the virtue of an innocent boy," she said, a bit coldly. I bite my lip and shake my head but she grips my cheeks in her hands and she is not letting go.

"I love you, you idiot. So obviously I deem you worthy and choose you to share this with. Stop being so noble and take what I am offering you."

She doesn't have to tell me twice. I lean her backwards, kissing her deeply, and my hand cups her center again. She follows my movements with her hips, and I let her ride my fingers. I grasp myself and rub myself over her folds-she's even wetter now! She squeezes and I buck my hips against her.

"Peeta," she gasps and I close my eyes at the sound of it. "You're…you're going to have to help me. I mean…I'm not sure I know what to do." I shake my head and lean in to kiss her.

"Do you trust me, Katniss?"

"Of course. It's just…"

"Just what?"

"I don't…I don't have the experience you do," she says very quietly. My brow furrows as I study her and she can't seem to look at me. Wait….

"What exactly do you think I have done?" She's looking to the side and I cup her chin, bringing her gaze up. She gives a little shrug.

"Katniss?"

"What?"

"Talk to me." Granted this isn't the best time for this, as my cock is hard and pressing against her dripping center. But I need to hear what's bothering her. If she thinks I've done this with another girl, I'll lose it. She has to know that there's never been anyone else. She still can't seem to look at me so I tell her the truth.

"Katniss, I have as much experience in this as you do." The look of surprise on her face just answers my questions. I can't help but shake my head.

"You thought you were the only virgin here."

"I…you just…seem so confident and know what you're doing. You were always so popular…I just…I just assumed you had taken someone to the slag heap."

"I did," I confess. No point in lying to her. And now I see how much it hurts her so I press my forehead against hers so she can't look away. "But it was never anything serious and we never got very far. I was in love with one person. I was saving myself for that one person. Why would I throw myself away on some random girl?"

"I'm…I'm your first?" I kiss her hard on the lips and give her a smile. She looks so hopeful and it makes me giddy to know that this is what makes her happy. Knowing that she is the first girl to have this part of me, that she'll be the only girl to ever share this with me.

"My first and only," I assure her. She reaches up and runs her fingers through my hair and I kiss her again.

She spreads her legs wider and I rub myself against her. I'm instantly hard and wanting again. But my brother's voice suddenly echoes in my head and I gasp.

_Don't ever sleep with a girl without a condom on, little bro. Mom will kill you if you knock a girl up and give us an extra mouth to feed._

Her eyes widen as I back away from her.

"Peeta, what's-"

"Just a second, Katniss." I reach into my drawer and pull one out. I take a moment to thank my brothers for giving them to me when they'd heard of my engagement. I didn't have the heart to tell them I would never need them because the girl I was engaged to didn't return my love.

Blinking, I tear the wrapper with my teeth and cover myself. I return to between Katniss's legs and lean down to kiss her. I try not to let her see me trembling. Truthfully, I'm clueless and really want her to feel amazing. But I've never done this before and am afraid this will just be awkward and painful.

"Where were we?" She smiles up at me, betraying more confidence than I'm feeling, and reaches between us to grasp me, guiding me to her. I start entering her as slowly as I can and the feeling is beyond incredible. I see her eyes widen and then tears appear there and I feel terrible. I press my forehead to hers and whisper my apologies. She just shakes them away.

"Just do it, Peeta. Please." That's Katniss. Not the do it slow type of girl but rip the bandage off completely. I remember in our second Games, when we had all been poisoned by the fog, she had dove into the water while Finnick and I found it nearly impossible to submerge just our hands. I look down at where we are nearly connected and back at her. She gives me a little nod and I lean down to kiss her, swallowing her cry as I sheathe myself completely. The feeling is intoxicating. She is so tight as she surrounds me and I do my best to be completely still to allow her time to adjust. Her face is screwed up in pain and I feel so guilty.

"I'm sorry," I whisper but she shakes her head.

"Just…just give me a minute," she replies, biting her lip. I kiss her again, gentle at first and then nip at her bottom lip, taking it between my teeth and tugging slightly. She moans and bucks her hips upwards and I gasp as I'm pushed even deeper into her. I rest my forehead on her chest so that I won't move and wait until she is ready. A few seconds later, she is moving her hips and I know immediately I'm not going to last long. I pull out slowly, then push back in and soon our hips are meeting and clashing together. We find a rhythm that has us both panting and moaning and we are both racing toward the edge. When I tumble over it, I want her right there with me. So I hold on as long as I can, gripping her breast as I thrust into her. I look down at where we are joined and I can't help but moan a little at the sight of me entering her like this.

"Oh god, Peeta, I'm...I'm..."

"Me too," I grunt as I thrust even harder. I reach down between us and find that little nub that drives her mad. Pressing my thumb against it, I hear her scream again and she tugs on my hair so hard I think she may have just pulled a few strands out. I feel her clench around me and I pull out quickly, knowing full well that if I release inside her we may have even bigger issues to deal with, ones that we are most certainly not ready to face. I don't know how long condoms are supposed to last but I'm not taking ANY chances. With a few strokes of my hand, looking at Katniss panting underneath me, I follow her and cry her name as I join her in bliss. I collapse on top of her, our hearts racing together, our damp bodies sticking together, truly making us one. I quickly jump up and dispose of the condom and run to the bathroom for a wet rag. I come back and kneel beside her, prying her legs apart so I can clean her up. She blushes and I bite my lip at the sight of the blood on both of us. I quickly clean both of us up and toss the cloth aside before I'm back on the bed, rolling us to the side so that I am not squashing her and I wrap my arms around her. Her damp hair is spread over my arm like a dark waterfall and between her gasping breaths, she leans in to whisper "I love you" in my ear.

Fully satisfied, my heart so full and complete, I drift off to a peaceful sleep with the love of my life safe in my arms.


	12. Chapter 12

_**Here's a nice long one for yall. Have a great weekend! :) **_

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><p>When I wake up again, I feel a warmth and a glow that I have never experienced before. I glance sideways and I smile at the boy lying beside me. I know he is the reason my heart is so full right now. I lean up to take him all in and my heart starts to thunder in my chest. He's like an Adonis, the way his golden hair falls in his face and the sheets barely cover his pelvis. I move my legs and there is an ache between my thighs that reminds me of what we had done. Mine. That's all I can think of in this moment. I had thought for the longest time that Peeta had long ago lost his virginity to some Merchant girl. I was sure someone else had that claim. But when he told me last night that I was his only one, I admit I felt my heart start to beat so loudly, I didn't think my chest could contain it. I can't say that I imagined losing my virginity because I didn't think it would ever happen. But what Peeta and I shared last night was indescribable. He was gentle and perfect. And I love him even more.<p>

Feeling sweaty and sticky, I gently push the blankets back and do my best not to wake him. The phone downstairs starts to ring and I glance at him, biting my lip. He is sleeping so peacefully, he looks pristine and perfect. I decide to ignore the phone; it's not really my house anyway. I give him a little kiss before I gather some clothes and take them into the bathroom.

I love Peeta's bathtub. I suppose because of his leg, he has an extension that allows him to sit and the shower rod is curved so that there is more space between the wall and the curtain. Another bar is nailed to the wall, to help him get in and out of the tub, I imagine. I test the water first, then step in and sigh as the hot water hits me. Standing under the faucet for a moment, I allow the water to hit me in the face and I raise my arms toward the sky. I'm almost reluctant to wash away the kisses and touches Peeta placed on me but I have a feeling that wasn't a 'one-time' thing. I for one am looking forward to the next time and I can only hope he feels the same.

Lost in my thoughts, I don't hear the door open or the familiar clunk of a plastic leg on the floor. Peeta is shockingly quiet when he pulls back the curtain and steps into the tub with me. His arms wrap around me, one hand on my stomach and one covering my breast. At the same time, he leans in to kiss my neck and I gasp, nearly knocking him in the face with my head.

"Easy, easy, it's just me," he says soothingly into my ear. I relax in his arms but turn my head and scowl at him.

"Don't DO that."

"I'm shocked you didn't hear me come in. Thought you said I was loud."

"You are but I guess I'm just daydreaming."

"Mm? What about?" He kisses my neck and I close my eyes, tilting my head to allow him more access. The feeling of his tongue raking along my flesh makes my brain go fuzzy. His hand on my breast massages gently and rubs my nipple between his fingers. I turn to him and wrap my arms around him to kiss him. I realize his prosthetic is off and he is leaning against the wall for support. He bends down a little and takes my breast into his mouth, my fingers wrapping in his silky strands and holding his head in place as he takes me into his mouth. His fingers find my folds and I moan a little too loudly. He jerks back and gives me a look of concern.

"Are you ok?" This is Peeta. Always caring about others, never once putting himself first. I don't know why it took me so long to realize that I love him.

"Just...really sensitive. And a little sore," I admit, almost ashamed. His brow furrows and he leans forward to kiss me.

"Let me help," I watch as he sinks to his knee and braces himself with his hands. Looking up at me, he leans forward to kiss my stomach and he smiles when it flinches. He gently lifts my leg and drapes it over his shoulder so that he can get closer. I watch his fair head move between my thighs and I cry out when his tongue touches my center. He is gentle, moving his tongue up in strokes that make me want to scream his name again and again. He hesitates, then inserts his finger and curves. He looks up at me to make sure I am still ok and I bite my lip as I gaze down at him. His hands rest on my hips as he pulls me into him, his tongue thrusting in and out at a faster pace. I grab his hair and throw my head back against the tile. Shit that hurt but I barely notice the pain in my head.

"Katniss?" I hear the concern in his voice and I know it must have sounded pretty bad but I shake my head.

"Don't stop," I pant and he continues his work. He reaches up and kneads my breast while his tongue brings me to the brink of insanity. I scream his name as I collapse forward, Peeta catching me in his strong arms. He struggles to stand back up and I help pull him to his feet, yanking his hair to bring him in for a kiss. He smiles against my lips and my hands roam his perfect body. His hands are on my breasts again, then he is turning me to face the wall. My cheek presses against the cold tile and I feel him grip the bar in front of me. He lifts my leg again and grips himself while he rubs against me. I can't stand the teasing and I reach between us to grasp him and bring him into me.

"Hang on," he murmurs in my hair. I protest but turn to see him lean over the tub and pull his clothing toward him. He grabs a small package and tears it with his teeth. My brow goes high to my hair as I smirk up at him.

"You planned this, didn't you?" He glances up at me as he fits the condom over himself.

"I hoped for it," he whispers, blushing a little. He gently turns me back to face the wall and I feel his lips on my back. I feel him pressing against my backside and I reach down to grasp him, bringing him into me. Despite what I said about being sore, I feel an emptiness there that only Peeta can fill. It's only uncomfortable for a moment when he first enters, but then he is thrusting and hitting that spot that destroys me. I press back into him and reach around, cupping his buttocks as I pull him deeper into me. We can't get close enough. I literally try to absorb Peeta into me. He grunts as he slams into me, though he pulls out a moment later and I can tell he is struggling.

"Damn leg," he mutters. I waste no time in helping him sit on the side of the tub and I lower myself on top of him, keeping my back to him. He gasps when we are together again and I ride him fiercely. He wraps his arms around me and squeezes my breasts while I reach around and clutch at his hair. I feel his lips press against my back and then he lightly bites my shoulder.

"Oh god, Katniss." I grab his hand and bring it from my breast to my center, helping his fingers find that spot. They immediately do and he rubs violent circles as he thrusts up into me. I start to shake and feel that now-familiar feeling of completion.

"Shit, Katniss, I'm gonna-" as I start to come down from my high, I feel him seizing up underneath me and I try to jump to my feet. As soon as I am off, he grabs himself and tugs upwards, throwing his head back. I can't help but smile when he moans my name and he leans against the wall, panting heavily. I too relax against the cold tile and close my eyes for a moment.

"God that was amazing," I hear him say. I open my eyes and find his gazing at me.

"It was," I agree. "Now I need to wash my hair before all the hot water runs out." He pulls off the condom and disposes of it before he pulls me toward him and motions for me to sit down. I sit with my back to him and feel him pour something onto my hair, and his fingers are massaging my scalp. I almost tilt my head back, it feels so good, and I hear him laugh.

"I can't wash it if you do that." I merely grunt and straighten my head and enjoy the feel of his fingers working their way through my hair.

"Ok, go ahead and rinse." I move underneath the water, which is getting quite cold, and quickly rinse the shampoo from my hair. I smell the vanilla that I always associate with Peeta and smile. I turn to him and see him still sitting.

"Turn around," I say gently. He does and I proceed to wash and rinse his hair as well. He lets out an indignant cry when the cold water hits him and he glares up at me. I can only grin.

"Your fault, you let the water get cold."

"My fault?" he cries crossly. "I wasn't alone, you know." I grin and lean forward to kiss him, silencing his protests and cheeky comments. By now the water is icy and I shiver a little as I turn it off. I turn back to face him, feeling a little frown cross my face at something he said earlier.

"Peeta…what did you mean you hoped for this to happen?" He frowns at my question and looks at me like I'm an idiot.

"Um…I wanted to do it again. And hoped you would want it too."

"But you didn't think I would?"

"Katniss-"

"Did you think that was a one-time thing?" He sighs and closes his eyes.

"I don't know, Katniss. I didn't know if you regretted last night. We didn't get the chance to talk about it, you were gone when I woke up, and I don't know, it brought back memories from the Train and the Cave and….I just didn't know," he finishes dejectedly. I sigh and take his hands. He's avoiding my eyes and I lean into him, trying to get him to look up.

"I love you," I tell him firmly. "And I loved every minute of last night. And every minute of this morning. So no, Peeta, I don't regret any of it. And I hope one day you will be able to forgive me for hurting you in the past."

"I have forgiven you, Katniss, it's just-"

"The hijacking." He looks up at me for a second and then back down. I sigh and wrap my arms around myself, the warmth from just a few minutes ago leaving me. I hate how the mood can shift so suddenly between us. I'm reminded again why I never wanted to fall in love. Too many damn emotions involved. But this isn't his fault. I hurt him so much before and then the Capitol was able to use that and magnify it by tenfold. It's my fault what they've done to him, not his.

"Can you stand?" He looks up at me quickly then shakes his head slowly.

"I may need some help," he says, bowing his head. I reach for the towels and dry myself off a bit before I hook my arm underneath his and pull him to his feet. He winces as he struggles back to his room, leaning on me for support. I hand him the towel before I run back to the bathroom and bring back his leg. He is sitting on the side of the bed, shaking his head.

"What's the matter?"

"I feel like an invalid most of the time. You're just stuck taking care of me." I frown down at him. Damn Snow to hell. Damn the Capitol. Damn the world for breaking this perfect man in front of me.

"We protect each other because that's what we do," I remind him. "You're not an invalid and I'm not always taking care of you. Sometimes you take care of me. Why is this bothering you now?"

"Because I've always done it alone. I shower alone, I sleep alone, I rub the salve into my leg at night because I'm alone. If I have trouble getting from place to place, I figure it out because I have to. I'm not used to letting another person share in my private life," he said quietly. I sigh and rest my head on his shoulder. I don't have Peeta's talent with words so I can't find anything to say to soothe him. He turns to me and his hand goes to the back of my neck, pulling me in for a kiss. I don't even notice that we are still naked. He breaks the kiss fairly quickly and rests his forehead against mine.

"I guess I am just going to have to get used to depending on someone," he says with a sigh. I cup his chin and force him to look at me.

"We can depend on each other. You're mine and I'm yours. We'll get through, together." He smiles and kisses me again. I turn away to dry off and find something to wear. Glancing out the window, I can't believe the day is very nearly done. Not that we have important jobs to do or anything but I haven't spent a whole day inside since before Peeta returned. I turn back to him to find him dressed and pulling on the prosthetic. He pulls me in to kiss me again and starts when he hears my stomach emit a low growl.

"I'm starving," I announce and he laughs quietly. Grasping hands, we descend the stairs and Peeta searches the cabinets to find something to make. We briefly mention if we should invite Johanna but then decide it's too late. Now that I think about it, she was probably the one who was calling. Some friends we are, staying in bed and forgetting about our friend who is visiting. But then when I catch glimpse of Peeta's toned muscles, I decide I really don't care.

The deer I stripped and brought with me will make a good meal with some of the greens and bread Peeta has. We immediately start getting dinner ready and I finish with the meat rather quickly. Peeta has laid out the dough on the counter and starts to knead it with his knuckles. I watch, fascinated, remembering how those hands had covered my body, had made me writhe and scream. But I really want to feel him…without the condom. All of him. Maybe I'll see about a birth control pill. I know they have started to allow the Districts to have them, now that the Capitol doesn't control everything. They had given me a shot in the Capitol but I don't know how long it lasts.

He notices me watching him and he pauses.

"What is it?"

"Oh I'm just watching you be a baker." He laughs and pulls me toward him.

"Want to help?"

"Ok," I say uncertainly. I'm not sure if I'd make a good baker but he positions me in front of him and guides my hands. I feel his hot breath on my neck and the feel of his hands on mine make me go weak in the knees. He shows me how to knead the dough with my fingers and he compliments me quietly. Then he shows me how to roll out the bread and help it take shape. When we finish, he goes to put it in the oven and turns back to me.

"You're a good student."

"You're a good teacher," I reply with a smile, which makes his smile widen. "I'll go out and pick some more greens for a salad."

We're lucky because there are a lot of greens growing nearby and even a little garden that a couple of the older ladies decided to start when we started to rebuild the District. I rifle through the garden, and stop when I come to a whole patch of dandelions. My heart starts to race and I finally understand the connection. Glancing back at the house, I gather some dandelions in the bowl and head back inside.

Peeta looks up from the paper when I come back in and he stands to greet me.

"Anything surviving this chilly weather?"

"A lot actually. And look, we have more than enough of these." He peers in and frowns.

"Dandelions? We can eat dandelions?"

"Oh yeah, they're very good for you. And you can eat the whole thing. The flowers are actually my favorite part." I show him how to break apart the pieces of the flower and we have a salad made in the center of the table. I watch him go and check on the bread and I lean against the table. When he turns back to me, I have a smile on my face. He smiles back.

"What?"

"Do you want to know what I was talking about when I told Gale I needed the dandelion?" He moves toward me, looking curious, and takes me by the waist.

"Yes," he breathes into my ear.

"Well, after you tossed me that bread, I ran home to Mother and Prim and we ate better than we had in a long time. The next day when I saw you, I wanted to thank you, but…well, I saw the bruises on your cheek and I couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to speak to you. But I saw a field of dandelions and ran home and grabbed Prim and a bowl and we gathered as many as we could. From that moment I knew we would be alright. That I could feed my family and that we would survive against all odds. After that, my mother even started to come back to us and we all sort of just started to rebuild our lives again," I pause to breathe, afraid the tears would come again. "The dandelion symbolizes hope and new life. You are that dandelion, Peeta. You gave me a new chance at life, the hope and will to go on. You're my promise of tomorrow and I have always associated you with that dandelion."

His eyes are glistening with tears and I kiss them away from his cheeks. He draws a sharp breath and caresses my face.

"I love you," he says simply. He doesn't need to say anything else. It's all I need to hear.

"And I love you," I respond. It's enough. I can finally say those words that he has needed to hear, for so long. I squeeze his hand and move to set the table but he stops me and brings his lips to mine. The kiss is so soft, so gentle, reminding me of the petals of a flower. He leans his forehead against mine and closes his eyes. I hold him close for just a moment before we break away. I set the table while he gets the bread from the oven. We eat our meal with little talk, then we clean up, and settle in the living room for a bit. We work on our Plant book that we have been working on for the longest time and several hours later, Peeta glances at the clock and announces we should probably get some sleep, and make plans to call Johanna's hotel in the morning. He makes sure everything is tidied up in the kitchen and I wait for him on the stairs. As we walk back up, I squeeze his hand.

"Have you ever thought of re-opening the bakery?" He pauses and I worry that I've said the wrong thing. It may be too soon. His family did die in the Bakery. Way to go, Katniss. But he turns to me on the landing and his eyes are wide.

"I was actually going to talk to you about that…but I wasn't sure how to ask."

"Ask me what?"

"If you would help me re-open the Bakery." I search his eyes and see his complete faith in me.

"I'm not sure how much help I would be…"

"You'd be an extra hand. You can help bake and help with the register. Help me with the books. Mostly I need you for support. I know I can't do it alone." I lean in and kiss him and feel him trembling.

"You're never alone. I'm here and of course I'll help you." He looks as happy as he did when I told him I love him. He pulls me in for a kiss and refuses to let go.

"Katniss, thank you. You have no idea what this means to me." Grasping hands, we head back into the bedroom and quietly change for bed. It seems somewhat strange and yet, almost normal, the way we get ready for bed together. We change, brush our teeth, I brush my hair out, he massages salve into his leg when he has detached the prosthetic, and we pull the blankets back and climb into bed. I resume my usual place in the crook of his arm and I lay my face against his chest, breathing him in. His hands play with my hair for a moment before they pause.

"Katniss?"

"Mm?" But he doesn't continue and his hand falls away. I glance up at him and see him chewing on his tongue. I reach up and stroke his cheek.

"Peeta, what is it?"

"Katniss, there's something I've been wanting to ask you and…well, I wasn't sure if this was a good time but I mean…I feel like, with how perfect today was, I can ask…but I don't want you to get…upset and if you don't want to, I completely understand-"

"Peeta," I say patiently, utterly confused. "What is it?"

I hear the hesitation and seriousness in his voice so I rise up off him and lean back a little. He can't seem to meet my eyes and my heart starts to race. What could be wrong now? I force myself to calm down and listen to what he has to say. He seems to be searching for words, which only make my worry grow because Peeta never struggles with words.

"I feel like I look forward to nighttime the most. Because it's my time with you. I know sleeping in your arms have made the nights more bearable and keep the terrible visions away. But I don't just want you at nighttime. I want to wake up to your face beside me, I want to come home and find you fixing up the animals you shoot, I want to bake you cheese buns for dinner every night. We already practically live together but…Katniss, would you consider moving in with me?" I'm not sure why he's so nervous. As he said, we practically live together anyway. I manage a smile and brush the hair out of his eyes. He waits with baited breath.

"You're more nervous than a schoolboy," I tease, "and you don't need to be. Of course I'll move in with you." The smile that crosses his face is one I haven't seen since before the games. It lights up his entire face, makes him become the innocent Baker's son who had not been Reaped for two games, but lives a quiet, happy life with no night terrors and no broken past. His hands go to my cheeks and he pulls me in for a kiss. I can't help but wonder if he knows. If he knows how much I hate that house now, how I can't even enter Prim's room since her death. I dread being there alone because the ghosts of the past always crawl out of the walls at night and fill my mind. I wrap my arms around his neck and respond to his kisses. He pulls back, breathless, his cheeks slightly pink and he gives me a broad smile.

"I'm really happy right now."

"Really? I can't tell," I continue to tease him. His eyes narrow and he pulls me closer, finally settling down to go to sleep.

"Well I couldn't think of any other way to get my blankets and pillows back from you." I jerk back only to see him drifting off to sleep with a peaceful, teasing smile around his mouth. Shaking my head, I kiss him gently on the lips before I lay my head on his chest and fall right to sleep.

* * *

><p>Peeta wakes me up with gentle kisses and I stretch and smile, realizing this is my future. I had just agreed to move in with him and help him with his bakery. I still don't know what to call him- my boyfriend? My lover? No, he's still my boy with the bread. He lays on his side, one hand propping his head up while his other hand stroked my cheek.<p>

"Tell me what you're thinking."

"I was thinking of us. How far we have come. How wonderful everything is right now." He returns my smile and leans in to kiss me. I love the way his lips meld to mine. I eagerly swallow his kisses, reaching up to grasp his curls. His hair is one of my favorite things about him and it is getting quite long now. He breaks the kiss and runs his fingertips across my lips.

"Are you going to the woods today?"

"Probably. Why?"

"I was going to go to town to talk to the Mayor about reopening the Bakery. I was hoping you would join me."

The thought that Peeta was serious about this thrilled me. It showed me more than ever that he was starting to get better. That our lives really could be better. I leaned up and wrapped my arms around his neck, leaning my forehead against his. I'm not good with words. That's Peeta who has the golden tongue. So I have to show my emotions through my actions and right now, all I can do is lean in and give him the most passionate kiss that I can muster. When I pull away, we are both breathless and his eyes are closed.

"On second thought," he whispers and I grin.

"No, I didn't mean to distract you. Let's go into town." With a quick kiss, I gently push him off me and bound to the closet to get dressed. I hear the familiar thump as he is reattaching his leg, then he limps to the closet. I quickly pick out an outfit and hurry into the bathroom, leaving him to dress. When he comes down, he phones the hotel and Johanna invites us to have breakfast with her.

When we're both ready, we open the front door and see Haymitch sitting on the porch, surrounded by his geese. He squints at us and lifts his flask.

"Where are you two off to?"

"We're going to town. Breakfast with Johanna and Peeta wants to talk to the Mayor about rebuilding the Bakery." Haymitch's eyes widen. I know he's surprised by this too. Though Peeta has been doing remarkably better, he still has slight flashbacks and I know that worries our mentor.

"That's great, kid. I've been dying for some fresh bread."

"I bake you bread every morning," Peeta scoffs and I reach down to squeeze his hand. Haymitch's eyes flick downwards at our joined hands and he grunts.

"Have fun in town."

"Have fun with your geese," Peeta responds, his eyes sparkling. Haymitch lifts his flask again and Peeta pulls me toward the road.

I have to admit, I like the safety of Victor's Village. It's a little ways from town and we don't see a lot of the reconstruction. I pass the meadow on my way to the woods but I keep my eyes straight ahead. I don't want to see the ruins of our district. I really don't want to see all the wagons carting around bodies. Even months after the war is over, they are still cleaning up the remains of our neighbors. Thom told me they never found Peeta's family. Which means they are still inside the bakery. I shudder as I think about those ghosts coming to haunt Peeta while he is working, how they could send him reeling into a flashback. Peeta senses my shiver and he brings my hand to his lips, kissing my fingers. I relax and lean into him and his arm goes around my shoulder. Here's the place I feel safest. In his strong arms. I allow him to hold me as we make our way into town. Peeta is looking from side to side, his eyes wide as he takes it all in but me, I continue to stare straight ahead. I hear people call out to us, call our names and Peeta waves but I don't acknowledge them. Let Peeta be kind enough for the both of us; he always has been. I try to bury myself into his side and his arms hold me steady.

"It will be ok, Katniss," he murmurs close to my ear. "We have each other. Everything's ok." As a natural pessimist, I can only think of something going wrong, when we are in our happiest time. But I trust my boy with the bread. I trust his optimism and his love.

When we reach town, I'm a little surprised to see a hotel here. Who would come visit 12 anyway? But it seems to be doing nicely and the woman at the front desk smiles and asks us how she can help us. Johanna is waiting for us in the little café off to the side of the hotel. She hugs us both before we sit down. Once we've sat, she raises her brow and looks us both up and down.

"Well damn. No wonder I didn't hear from you two yesterday."

"W-what? Why do you say that," Peeta stammers, starting to blush. I frown. What's going on?

"Peeta, if I thought that after-sex glow looks great on you, it's nothing next to the one I see on Katniss. Congratulations you two! Welcome to the club!" My jaw drops and Peeta looks like he's going to faint.

"What are you talking about?" I try to play dumb. I should know that I can't do it with Jo. She knows us too well. And I guess she knows this…after-sex glow, as she calls it. She just snorts and shakes her head.

"You guys want to pretend it didn't happen? Because I say it's about time!"

"Johanna," Peeta mutters, lowering his head.

"Ok, Ok. It's your lives. I'm just happy for you is all."

"Thanks Jo," I say quietly, squeezing her hand once. I'm embarrassed, it's true. But her support means the world. She really is one of my best friends. As crazy as she may be.

We spend the rest of the morning catching up and talking about what's next for all of us. Unfortunately this isn't a great topic since none of us really know what the hell to do with ourselves, besides try to live again. We avoid the topic of the reconstruction of Panem too. After all that we have been through, we're happy to see that Panem has changed. But we don't want to think about the sacrifices that have been made. When Johanna tells us to get going (she was so excited to hear about Peeta's idea for the bakery), we give her a hug and promise to stay in touch. I'm sad that she's leaving already but I'm happy that she's found someone to be happy with. She promises that she will bring George for a visit and then sends us on our way.

Soon we are in front of the Justice Building and I freeze in place. He glances at me and I take in a sharp breath.

"Peeta. Our lives were changed here." Surely he is seeing the Reaping too. Remembering his name being called.

Remembering that feeling of dread, like our lives were completely over. I can't help it. I fall to my knees, sick to my stomach.


	13. Chapter 13

The good thing about being cooped up in the house with Katniss is that I haven't actually seen the reconstruction of the District. There was so much destruction but they have rebuilt it into something even more amazing. Still, I feel Katniss's heart race as we walk through town and I know she's thinking of the sacrifices that were made. We all lost something. We lost a lot, actually. I feel like I have never had the chance to properly mourn my family. I remember them telling me, back in 13, but everything was so mixed up and I had even lost myself during that time. I guess I sort of grieved in the Capitol, when Aurelius was caring for me. But still, I was thinking of Katniss and how I would react to seeing her again. I'm not sure if I have actually mourned properly.

Some son I am. Some brother. I don't deserve this second chance that I've been given.

I feel Katniss stop next to me and I look over at her. She's staring at the Justice Building, her eyes wide and her face pale.

"Peeta," her voice is quiet. "Our lives were changed here." I turn back to the building and suddenly I am seeing that day.

Waiting between my brother and my best friend. We watched as Effie Trinkett's hand dove into the bowl and I tensed as I waited to hear which of my neighbors I would watch die.

"Primrose Everdeen." My heart fell. My god, not her. Not that sweet little girl. But it was better than…

"I volunteer! I volunteer as tribute!"

If I thought my heart had stopped beating at Prim's name, it definitely stopped now as I watched her run forward, her beautiful dark hair coming undone from its intricate braid. Her eyes fierce and determined, her olive skin pale and twitching. Please God no. Don't take her. Do not take Katniss Everdeen from this earth.

Katniss was lead up onto the stage and I saw tears streaming down her cheeks. Effie hurried to the other bowl and all of the boys around me tensed up, hardly breathing.

"Peeta Mellark."

I barely heard it, I was so focused on Katniss. But my best friend gave me a little nudge and my head snapped up. For a moment, I didn't know what to do. I couldn't move. I merely stared around at everyone around me. Everyone who has escaped this cruel fate. My brother's eyes fell on me and I saw his mouth tighten. My father, standing beside him, had tears in his eyes. They already knew I was a goner. Not because I was weak but because they knew I would give my life for my District partner.

I climbed the steps and stood next to Effie. She told us to shake hands and we turned to face each other. Her eyes bore into mine as our hands touched. I know she was imagining my death while I was thinking of ways I could keep her safe in the arena. I had saved her life once, when we were young. I would gladly do it again. And I would die doing it.

I see Katniss moving out of the corner of my eye and it brings me back to the present. She falls to her knees and starts to heave. I fall down beside her, my arms going around her and holding her close. She's hyperventilating and I'm scared that she will make herself even sicker.

"Easy, easy Katniss," I whisper soothingly. We are starting to get some odd stares and I try to pull her to her feet. "Come on, let's get inside." She allows herself to be steered into the building and I close the door tightly behind us, letting out a deep sigh of relief. I turn back to her and pull her into my arms, my hand soothingly rubbing her hair.

"It's over, Katniss. The Games are over. There are no more Reapings, not ever. We did that. We made the world a safer place."

"Peeta," she sobs into my shirt. "I just wanted to keep her safe. I just wanted to take her place. Why…why am I still alive when my little sister is not?" I force myself to stay in this moment with her and not leave. Her words are killing me slowly, the pain in her voice like a knife twisting in my heart. I pull her away and my hands go to her face, forcing her to look at me.

"We can never know why, Katniss. We can just be thankful that we are still alive and that we have a second chance. They wouldn't want us to waste it with grief and questions. They'd want us to enjoy it, with each other. To use our time wisely, to make it all worthwhile." My thumb gently wipes at her tears and I kiss her cheek, tasting her salty skin. She lets out a shuddering breath beneath me and I pull her close again.

"She's been watching over you, Katniss," I whisper in her hair. "She knows I would die without you. She's been keeping you safe, for me. She loves you like I love you."

"I love you Peeta," her voice is muffled and she continues to shake against me. "I do. But I don't deserve this second chance. I feel like I am living her life. She was supposed to survive, not me."

"It's not up to us to decide who survives and who gets second chances. That power is not given to us. And she wouldn't want you to think that way either. She would want you to be happy and to do what makes you happy."

"How do you know what she would want," she snaps and I pull away from her again, fixing her with a hard stare.

"Because your sister was heavily involved in my treatment and recovery in 13. She was the one who convinced me how much you care for me. She didn't make you out like a saint, as Delly did, but she told me the truth and helped me come back to you. And when Coin decided to send me to the squad, your sister took me aside and made me promise to take care of you. 'Protect my sister with your life, Peeta, and little pieces of you will find their way back. Your love for her is still strong, you just have to find it again.' And she was right of course. Now I'm going to keep my promise to her and take care of you." She's shaking even worse and I bite my lip. I don't know if it was a good idea to bring up Prim's words; Katniss has barely even said her name. But her hand finds mine and squeezes it and I squeeze back.

"I think it's too soon for me to be in town," she chokes out.

"When, then, Katniss? We'll never really be ready. But we can't stay locked up in Victor's Village forever. Our district is rebuilding itself. We should be a part of that, we should be rebuilding ourselves with it." She doesn't say anything but her grey eyes seem to glow. I gently kiss her forehead and tug her with me. The Justice Building is now composed of various offices and I pause in front of a desk, when a cheery face looks up and lets out a squeal. She runs around the desk and nearly jumps into my arms.

"Peeta! My goodness, look at you! You look wonderful!" She turns to Katniss and looks like she is going to cry.

"And Katniss! You look so great! How have you been?"

"We've been good, Delly," I say with a smile as Katniss clamps her mouth shut.

"I'd heard you returned to the District but I haven't seen either of you around town. I wanted to stop by, I just…I just didn't know…"

"It's ok, Delly. We haven't really left Victor's Village until now. Katniss goes hunting but I stay in my kitchen mostly. We're healing though. Together." I see Delly's eyes flick downwards my hand in Katniss's and she looks back up at me, her smile widening.

"Everyone has been asking if you two are back together! Are you looking for the Justice of the Peace? He is the one who deals with all the official marriage papers." I feel Katniss gasp beside me and I squeeze her hand before I shake my head.

"We're not getting married, Del."

"But…I thought-"

"It was a lie I told to the Capitol to protect Katniss. We were never married," I say quickly, feeling Katniss's hand grow tighter.

"Well, now that you're back, nothing's stopping you, right?" she says cheerfully. Katniss breaks away and I look quickly to see her hurrying away. Delly's face falls and she bites her lip.

"Peeta, I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"It's ok, Del. We're just…we're just being careful. We're taking everything slowly." She nods in understanding and I strain to see where Katniss has run off to.

"Excuse me a minute," I say quickly and she nods in understanding. I catch up with Katniss at the end of the hall and take her hands in mine. Surprisingly, she doesn't pull away.

"Katniss, it's ok-"

"No. No it isn't. I knew this would happen. They just want to see the star-crossed lovers, in the spotlight again!"

"That's not true," I protest. "Delly is our friend. She saw…how we were in 13. She just wants to see us happy."

"I don't want to get married, Peeta. Ever." Her words take me by surprise and I take a step back.

"I can understand if you feel like that now, but-"

"No. Ever!" I sigh. No one can reason with her when she's in this state and I don't feel like trying. She's dropped our hands and she has her arms crossed over her chest. I run my fingers through my hair, frustrated and at loss at what to do. I continue to watch her and she shakes her head.

"I should just…go back home. What am I even doing here?"

"I asked you to come with me," I say hotly, feeling my temper rise. "You said you would help me. Because you love me. You know I need you."

"Peeta, you don't need me. You need someone who is whole and beautiful and is willing to give you everything she possibly can. I don't have much to give. I'm too broken."

"Stop it," I say sharply, cutting off her painful words. "Stop it right now. I don't want to hear anymore." I approach her and notice she is trembling. No doubt she's imagining me wrapping my hands around her neck. I reach out and she winces. Ok, so that one hurts. A lot. But now I am so past frustrated with this girl that I have to take deep calming breaths before I speak again. I back her up against the wall and grip her shoulders.

"I'll say this once. I don't want anyone else. I never have. You're IT for me, don't you understand that? I cannot, and will not, survive without you. You don't want to get married, that's fine. As long as I can wake up beside you and come home to you at night, that's all that matters. You don't need to take my last name for me to know that you love me. We don't need a toasting or official documents. We don't need to get married for me to call you mine." My voice is low and sharp. I make sure she hears every word, as her eyes bore into mine. My hands relax on her arms and move down to take her hands again.

"Come on. We need to find the mayor." I tug her along with me, not really giving her a choice. She's silent as we make our way back down the hall and Delly looks up tentatively.

"Delly, can you point us in the direction of the Mayor's office? We're here to inquire about re-opening the Bakery."

"Of course Peeta. Just one moment." She presses a button on the intercom and leans in to speak to it.

"Peeta Mellark and Katniss Everdeen are here to see you."

"Show them in." Delly stands and gestures for us to follow her. We walk along the hallway and she stops in front of the last door on the left.

"Go right in," she says with a nervous smile. I thank her and open the door. I squeeze Katniss's hand and she squeezes back, letting me know she hasn't left me. That she won't leave me.

The new Mayor is a younger gentleman with a kind face and grey eyes. He rises and smiles at us.

"Good morning, Mr. Mellark. Ms. Everdeen."

"Good morning," I nod as I shake his hand.

"Please have a seat." We take our seats across from him and I notice pictures on his desk. Suddenly, I recognize him.

"You're Thom's brother." He smiles and I wonder how I missed that smile.

"That I am. It's a pleasure to see you again, Mr. Mellark." I remember when he and his brothers had come around town with their father, fixing up Merchant houses. He was one of the Seam men everyone trusted and liked. Merchants hadn't done a whole lot of business with people from the Seam but we all liked and respected the whole family. I even remember this boy, Brent, working on our house and I snuck him a loaf of bread to thank him. They were all miners, of course, but they liked to prove they could do other work. His Seam eyes gleam as he takes us in.

"Katniss, you are looking excellent."

"Thank you, Brent," she says quietly, her eyes meeting his. His smile widens.

"It's been a long time."

"The Reaping, wasn't it? I never saw you in 13."

"My mother and father had sent me to District 8, to stay with an old friend. Thom got word to me about what had happened and I returned to 12 as soon as I could. People wanted Thom to become Mayor, but he turned it down so they offered it to me. Thom would have been better," he adds with a laugh.

"I'm sure you've been doing a wonderful job," Katniss says softly.

"Spoken to Gale?" I suck in a breath and I feel her tense beside me. Brent looks disappointed. Of course they would be friends. Gale worked in the mines like every other Seam boy his age and I figure that's how Katniss knows him so well. But it does leave me feeling quite awkward. I'd always hated how the District was segregated. Merchants thought themselves better than those from the Seam and it was a segregation I could never understand. I'm glad to see that a boy from the Seam is in power. Perhaps this new District 12 will be different than the one we've known our entire lives.

"He stopped by but he didn't stay long," she says coolly. "He had to return to District 2. He has a job with the government there."

"Yeah, that's what Thom told me. I know Hazelle misses him." Katniss gave another little shrug and I clear my throat.

"Um, the reason we came in today is because I would like to talk to someone about reopening my family's bakery."

"Wonderful. Let me get the papers on the property, give me one moment." My hands rest on my knees as we wait and they start to shake. Katniss reaches over and takes my hand and I squeeze it gratefully. Brent reappears with a pile of papers and my brow furrows.

"What's all this?"

"Your father's legal documents with the land. When you won the Games, he went to the Mayor and asked for the land to be put in your name. You own all of the land that the Bakery stands on, plus two acres that he purchased in case you want to expand." I feel my eyes grow wet as I look down at my father's messy signature. Oh Dad. You were always taking care of me. How I wish you could be here with me, to show me what to do. Suddenly, I'm not so sure if I'm worthy enough to carry on his legacy.

It's a mark of how well Katniss knows me, how she really is my support system, when she brings my hand to her lips and places gentle kisses on my knuckles.

"Do we need to sign anything to make it official," I hear her say. My heart speeds up at the word 'we'. Brent nods.

"I just need your signature here, below your father's, acknowledging the transfer of ownership. I think the next question is, would you like to try to rebuild the building? Or tear it down and build a new one?" I bite my lip. I feel like I have left my body and I am floating in the air, staring down at myself. But Katniss steps in again and brings me back.

"We'll need some time before we can make that decision. Peeta, go ahead and sign and we can go home to discuss it." I nod shakily and take the pen she is handing me. I don't know how but I manage to scrawl out my signature and Brent nods.

"Congratulations, Mr. Mellark. I know Thom has been in charge of a lot of the rebuilding. I'm sure he will assist you with the construction and the plans." Katniss stands and pulls me to my feet.

"Thank you for your help, Brent. We will be in touch."

"Have a great day, Katniss. Do call me if there is anything I can do to help." She nods and is now pulling me toward the door. I try to manage a shaky 'thank you' but it sounds like gurgling.

Katniss is now the one leading me home, wrapping her arms around me and protecting me from the stares that people are giving us. I don't even notice that we are home until she has lead me inside and sits me down at the table. She pours me a glass of water and sits beside me.

"Peeta," she says gently. I look over at her and my eyes become glassy. She doesn't hesitate in pulling me into her arms and holding my shaking body next to hers. I break down completely. I am a mess and become a sobbing child rather than a grown man. It's strange, that I am usually the one who holds her together but now she is the one who is giving me comfort. I love this woman. Without a doubt, I would die without her by my side. So I push aside my anger that I am the mess this time, and focus on the feel of her arms around me.


	14. Chapter 14

I hold him close as he continues to shake and cry. My shirt is soaked from his tears and I don't care. I just continue to hold him, my hand rubbing his bath soothingly. I whisper loving words into his ear. I tell him how strong he is, how much I need him, how wonderful he is. I knew from the moment that Brent brought out the documents that Peeta was not ok. He may think he is ready for this, and maybe he is, but I know we will have to suffer some setbacks first. This strong, gentle man who is always comforting me and holding me tight, really does need me to help him do this. Usually I would be so terrified at learning that I would run straight to my woods. But I have left Peeta alone for too long. I try to give him the comfort that I couldn't give him in the Capitol. I try to pour my love into my embrace and try to soothe him with my words. He has lost so much, because of me. He doesn't deserve any of this. If I could, I would rewind time and help him survive in the Arena. I would make sure to eat the berries before he realized what I was doing, and he would go home to 12 alone. He would be the sole Victor, he would have found a woman to dote on with his winnings, who could give him beautiful blonde-haired, blue-eyed children. He would mourn me but he would move on. He would become a Mentor, would work alongside Haymitch as he tried to bring the tributes from District 12 home. Perhaps he would think of me on occasion, remember the girl with the braids. But that would be it. He would be healthy. Whole. Complete.

No. I remember his words to me in the Quell, when he was begging for me to go home without him. When we were planning on saving the other and he presented me with the locket, with my family's and Gale's faces. He told me if I died and he lived, he would have nothing. I don't altogether believe that but I do believe him when he tells me he has always loved me. Why do I think that I am so replaceable in his eyes? Maybe in other people's but not Peeta's. He would not have been whole when he returned to 12. He may have turned to drink, as Haymitch did. Or become a morphling addict, like the District 6 tributes. He would have become bitter and angry, like Johanna once was. Who knows. The fact is, we survived together and now we have to continue to protect each other. I didn't protect him when he was taken by the Capitol. I wasn't there to keep him safe from their horrors. I'll be there for him now. I'll show him everyday how much I love him. He deserves so much better but for some strange reason, I'm what he wants. So who am I to deny him that? I denied him love and even friendship for too long. I hear Haymitch's words echo in my head. _You could live a hundred lifetimes and never deserve that boy_. I'll probably hear those words for the rest of my life. And will always agree with them.

I pull him to his feet and lead him upstairs. When we reach his bedroom, I stop us in the center of the room and wrap my arms around his neck, simply staring at him. His face is red and confused but his arms go to my waist and simply hold me. My hands slide under his shirt and lift it over his head, and I run my hands down his strong chest, tracing the path of his scars. He watches my hands as they travel lower and lower and he sucks in a breath as my hands skirt over the front of his pants. I tear my hands away and pull my own shirt over my head. I reach down for his hands and bring them to my heaving breasts, my eyes never leaving his face. He glances at me quickly, then back down at my chest and his hands move tentatively over my bra. In one quick second, he has made up his mind as he tears the cloth down and his lips latch onto my nipple. I let out a loud moan as my hands tangle in his hair, holding him in place. He reaches behind me and unclasps my bra, tossing it to the side. He bends down and wraps his arms around me, his lips working at my breasts. When he breaks away, he looks me in the eyes and I give him a loving smile. I think I see tears start to form in those beautiful blue eyes of his so I gently push him back onto the bed and kneel before him. My hands quickly go to his belt and his zipper and I tug both his pants and his underwear down his legs. My eyes meet his and hold his gaze as I lower my mouth over him. He lets out a strangled cry and his head falls back onto the pillow. He was only half hard but he is coming alive under my touch and I have to admit, I love that I can do that. Soon he is completely hard and several inches bigger in my mouth.

"Ka-Katniss," he pants, his hands tangling in my hair. I let him guide me as he starts to buck his hips and I try to take him deeper without gagging. My hands run over his soft skin below his shaft and he jerks his hips against the bed.

"Fuck, Katniss, stop, I'm-" he tries to tug me away but I am determined to finish him off just like this. I reach up and hold his hands down as I continue to suck until I feel him explode against my throat. It isn't the most pleasurable thing in the world but the look on his flushed face is more than enough for me. I let him fall from my lips and lean back to study him as his body continues to jerk and he collapses on the bed. I lean down to kiss him and he is quick, flipping us over and capturing my body with his. He quickly has my pants and underwear flung to the side and his head is between my legs. I gasp and sit up, trying to keep my eyes open but his tongue is working at me furiously and he is gripping himself, coming alive again. His eyes meet mine and I bite my lip. His teeth brush against that bundle of nerves and I let out a scream as I toss my head back. Peeta jumps to his feet, runs to the drawer by his bed, and jumps onto the bed with me. He has the wrapper torn open and slides the condom on his hardness before he is thrusting into me. I don't even have time to scream, he is taking me so hard and fast. He moves my legs over his shoulders as he increases his thrusts. His fingers find my clit again and he rubs in furious circles. I can't even register what is happening, before I'm seeing stars. He moans my name as my climax milks him of his and he collapses on top of me, our heaving chests sticking together. I reach up and run my fingers through his damp hair.

"I love you," I say softly but I know he hears me because I feel his smile against my skin. He rolls off me, disposes of the condom, and gathers me in his arms.

"I don't know what I've done to deserve you," he says against my hair.

"It's me that doesn't deserve you. I think you deserve so much more, Peeta, but for some strange reason that I won't ever understand, you chose me." He looks down at me and nods.

"Finally got that into your head, did you?" I smile and bring him down to kiss me. He lays his head on my chest and closes his eyes and I continue to hold him close, daring anyone to try to take him away from me again.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Since this one was so short and because yall are so awesome, I'll post one more before bed! :) Please review! <strong>_


	15. Chapter 15

While Katniss sleeps in my arms, I'm wide awake. My heart is still hammering in my chest at our most recent bout of lovemaking. Her comfort and her love surround me and make me feel safe. I wish I could have had this sense of security back in the Capitol. Back then, I doubted her love for me even before the venom started its work. Before they started to pump lies and poison into me. All I had to think about was our kiss in the Quell and I would start to think she may have felt something for me after all.

I shake myself and blink heavily. Those times are over. I keep telling her to stay here in the present so I have to remind myself to do that too. But I need to get up and do something rather than just lie here and let these thoughts consume me. Very gently, I release Katniss and bring the blankets around her. She lets out a little sigh that causes a strand of hair to land on her cheek. I softly move it away and kiss her forehead before I gather my boxers and pants and quickly dress.

I'm consumed with the thoughts of my family as I bake. I look over and see my two brothers in the corner by the oven. Dad comes through the door with his apron on and smudges of flour all over his cheeks. Mom comes down the stairs, wearing a look of disapproval, her eyes scrunched up in that eternal scowl.

_"Those Seam brats! Someone hand me a rolling pin. I'm going to make sure that girl doesn't come anywhere near this house again!"_

_"Sweetheart, these are difficult times. You know many of the miners lost their lives in the explosion-" Dad tries to pacify her but she shrugs him off, looking furious._

_"Don't defend them. They're trash. All of them. You're much too soft. And that stupid son of ours is following in your footsteps." I glance up from the corner, hearing every word. My brother casts me a sympathetic look but I turn back to my work. I chance a look out the window and feel my heart stop. Katniss Everdeen is rifling through our trash and she looks closer to death than I have ever seen. Her rags are completely tattered and she looks like she will freeze to death any minute in that brutal rain that has refused to stop for three days at least. I glance at the oven and see two loaves of our raisin nut bread on the shelf. Moving quickly, I reach in and ignore the scorching heat that burns my hands. I knock the loaves down and they fall off the shelf and close to the fire. _

_"Oops," I say loudly and grab mitts to reach the burned loaves._

_"You idiot," I hear her shriek. "What can we do with burned bread? You are a waste of space, Peeta Mellark! Take them out and feed them to the pigs. And no dinner for you!" _

_"Sweetheart, please-" _

_"He's useless, Bran! Useless! And I won't have uselessness in this shop, do you hear me Peeta?"_

_"I hear you, Mother," I mutter as I lay the burned loaves on the counter. I got lucky. Only the edges of burned and the rest of it looks perfect. I glance out the window again and see that she has settled underneath the tree. She has her knees pressed against her chest and she seems to be crying into her arms. How much I wish I could go wrap my arms around her and comfort her. If I could, I would take my coats and blankets out to her too. But I know it would get us both in trouble. So I carry the bread outside and stand on our porch. I feel a sharp pain in my shoulder and turn to face my mother, who is brandishing her rolling pin at me._

_"I don't know why we ever kept you, Peeta. If it weren't for your father, you would be living in the streets. With them!" My eyes fill with tears. I know she says hurtful things to me sometimes and she hits me often but I've never heard her say something this mean._

_"You don't mean that, Mom," I plead. Her rolling pin hits me in the cheek and I stumble backwards._

_"Get upstairs when you're finished cleaning up. I don't even want to look at you." She waits for a moment so I tear off a burned piece of the bread and toss it into our pigsty. Satisfied, she goes back inside and I glance over at Katniss. Her head is raised and she is looking right at me. I turn back to see if Mom is gone, then back to Katniss. Our eyes meet and it kills me to see how cloudy her grey eyes have become. She looks thin and frail, weaker than I'd ever seen her. I bite my lip and look down at the loaves in my hands. Shooting one more glance over my shoulder, I toss the bread in her direction. Without waiting to see what she does, I hurry back inside and watch from the window. She doesn't move for a moment. Come on Katniss, hurry up before someone sees! She glances from side to side, then slowly rises to her feet. She looks up at the Bakery one more time before she gathers the bread in her arms and takes off running toward the Seam. I smile, knowing I may have just kept her alive for at least another day. I don't think Mom knows what I did but I still have to endure more of her rolling pin that night because we didn't have enough bread to keep up with the demand. She made me stay in the Bakery after everyone had gone up to bed, with no dinner, to bake ten loaves for the morning rush. As I stayed up all night, all I could think of was Katniss's haunted stare. _

As I feel arms wrap around me, small palms press against my chest and a warm cheek settles against my back, I'm brought back to the present. My hands cover hers and I turn back to face her, noticing that she is wearing nothing but one of my button up shirts. It looks huge on her and hangs off her slender frame. I grin as I reach out to grip her shoulders.

"You look gorgeous in my clothes." She accepts my kiss and straightens up.

"Are you alright?"

"Do I not look alright?"

"I just mean…you seemed so…far away when I walked in. A flashback?"

"No, it was just…a memory I suppose. When I bake, I think of my family." Her face softens and her hands reach up to grasp my cheeks.

"I'm here if you need me," she whispers and I stroke her cheek with the back of my hand, moving her hair behind her ear.

"I always need you," I whisper back before pulling her to me and claiming her mouth. Katniss and I have kissed many times in the past but it's these kisses that remind me that she is really with me. That we're not just pretending for cameras. That her heart actually does beat for me, just as mine has always done for her. Once when Snow visited me in my cell, he offered me a trade. My life for Katniss's.

The man obviously didn't know me. And I think he figured that out pretty quickly. Still, I remember one of the nights after we had first been taken. Before the hijacking and the beatings, they were just starving us and trying to scare us. Annie and I shared a cell at that time and the guard yelled at us to wake up. When I'd lifted my head, I saw Snow smiling down at me. I refused to move. I wouldn't even stand for this bastard.

"I've come with a proposition for you, Mr. Mellark." I'd waited, not saying a word.

"You've been a thorn in my side what with your announcements about love and marriage and babies. You helped fuel the people and the revolution. But it's your precious Katniss that has done the most damage. If you tell me where she is, I will spare you and let you leave here, unharmed. In fact, you and Miss Cresta here may return to District 4 together. All I need is information about the rebels. What are they planning to do? What is Miss Everdeen doing with them?" I'd stared up at him for the longest time. Hatred surged through me and I'd closed my eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath.

"I vowed long ago that I would die for Katniss," I'd said in a surprisingly calm voice. "Nothing has changed. You do what you want with me. But Katniss will be safe from your clutches and when the time comes, she will watch you burn in the fires she has stoked within Panem." He stared down at me, his face unchanging. Then I felt pain in my ribs where his pointed Capitol shoe had lodged itself.

"You've just made a grave error, Mr. Mellark," he sneered. "I'll exterminate each and every one of you Victors and I'll let you live the longest, so that you can be there to watch me destroy Katniss Everdeen. You will watch while I take her apart, piece by piece, starting with that pretty little sister of hers. Only when she is on her knees, begging for mercy, will I extinguish the girl on fire. And you will be there to witness her demise." His words had left me in a sobbing mess and I'd heard his evil chuckle as he strode out.

"Peeta?" I blink, shaking my head as I try to clear my thoughts. I feel her hands clutch my face and I open my eyes to see her stormy ones filled with concern.

"Peeta, come back to me. I need you, stay with me."

"I'm here," comes my determined voice. "I'm not leaving you."

"Don't let him keep taking you from me," she says as tears fill her eyes. My hands automatically go to her cheeks and I hold her as she is holding me.

"He can't. Not anymore. You protect me."

"We protect each other," she corrects me. I nod.

"We protect each other. I'm sorry I was just…remembering." She shakes her head and wraps her arms around me. I hold her close to my chest and I feel her wet cheeks as she buries her face in my flesh.

"Katniss?"

"Mm?" I sigh and pull her away, as much as I just want to keep holding her. Something has been bothering me since this morning and despite the fact that she may get angry, I just need to ask.

Her eyes are wide and damp as they stare up at me.

"Why don't you want to get married?" She sucks in a breath and takes a step back. I immediately regret it and reach out to hold her again.

"I'm sorry. Forget I even asked. It's none of my business."

"Would you quit being so damn good all the time," she snaps and this time, it's me that takes a step back in surprise.

"Peeta, you were my fiancé. Of course it's your business."

"That was all pretend. It was all to keep our families safe. I don't want to think about our time as Victors. I know you didn't want to marry me."

"I didn't not want to marry you," she says impatiently, "I just never wanted to get married in the first place! It wasn't personal." Suddenly, I'm angry. Not personal? HOW is that not personal? I told her that I didn't need to be married to her to be with her but I can't help but attach my name to hers and love how it sounds. I shake my head, trying to steady my breathing.

"You know what? Forget I ever said anything." I turn to leave, before I say or do something I'll regret, and I feel her small hand on my arm. I close my eyes.

"Let go, Katniss."

"No! Not until you stop and hear me out."

"I don't…I said forget it, Katniss. We don't need to do this."

"Damn it Peeta, LOOK at me!" My eyes snap open at her tone and I see that her eyes are filled with fire. She hasn't let go of my arm though. I breathe slowly and look her in the eyes. Her face softens and both of her hands clutch my wrists.

"It wasn't about you, I swear it wasn't. I never imagined myself married or even with someone. If I had to marry, I suppose I would have married Gale just because it made sense. I never saw him in that way. I never dated anyone or thought about doing those things that I heard girls whisper about. I just didn't have the capacity for those thoughts. All I cared about was taking care of my sister. Providing for my family. I swore when I was little that I would never marry because…marriage means children. And I would never bring children into this world. Before, it was because of the threat of the Games. Watching them be Reaped…I couldn't imagine. Now it's because of what the Games did. I could never see myself as a mother because of how messed up I am. I couldn't bring a child into this world and ask him or her to be ok with my…problems. When I suggested that we get married, to pacify Snow, Haymitch told me you didn't want it like that. That you wanted it to be real. I still couldn't understand because I couldn't possibly comprehend the level of love you had for me. And I was figuring out my feelings towards you, while still thinking of protecting my sister. I know I love you now but I'm still terrified of marriage. Which is why, when I saw Delly today, I was about to tell you to go to her and to let me go." My jaw drops at this confession and she can't even look me in the eye.

"She's…she's beautiful. And young. With no scars, not a blemish on her perfect Merchant body. She would be a wonderful mother…and all I saw, for a moment, was a bunch of blonde-haired, blue-eyed kids running around town, with you and her trailing after them. You deserve someone like her, Peeta. Not someone broken, like me."

I seriously cannot listen to any more. Any more words like this and I might have a flashback. I take her hands in my own and pull her close. When she still refuses to look at me, I cup her chin and tilt her face upwards.

"I don't want someone who is unmarked. I'm broken too, Katniss. We went through hell together, even before the rebellion. We understand each other. We comfort each other. We've always done everything together and I don't want that to change. But…tell me the truth. Did you choose me…just because Gale left you here? I mean, was I your second choice?"

"You were never my second choice," she says firmly and my heart leaps. "About a week after Haymitch and I had returned to 12, I received a letter from Gale, asking me to join him in District 2. He didn't even have the decency to ask me to my face. Because he knew I still blamed him. But even more than that, he knew I would turn him down. Because I had to be here when you returned. I had to tell you, once and for all, that I loved you."

"You didn't even know if I would be coming back." Her words are making my heart soar but I'm trying to keep my voice level. I don't want to her to know the effect she is having on me but then again, she never does.

"I knew," she says simply with a small shrug. "If anyone can come back from that hell, it's you. I knew that eventually you would return. I just had to wait for you to come back." I don't voice what I'm thinking. If she was waiting for me, why had she given up before I returned? Why was she so close to death when I showed up on her doorstep? Haymitch had said she had begged him and Sae to let her die. That doesn't sound like a girl who said she would wait for me.

Then again, Katniss has been through just as much as me, if not more. And she didn't have months of therapy to help her through it. She was forced to return to District 12, to the ashes of our home and family and friends, where she had lived her life just trying to protect her sister. I miss my family everyday but Katniss and Prim seemed to be one entity sometimes. I can't imagine the pain she went through when she found out her best friend could have been involved in her sister's death. And who was there for her? Not her mother. Not her best friend. A drunken mentor who probably remained in his inebriated state so he wouldn't have to feel the pain that Katniss was facing.

So I think about her words. I'm not as offended as I was a few moments ago. She's explained herself to me and I truly believe that she loves me. So no, I don't need marriage to prove that. Am I hoping she will one day change her mind? Absolutely. But I won't press the matter. For now, I reach out and pull her into my arms, my hand making soothing patterns on her back.

"I'm sorry Peeta," I hear her sigh. "I'm sorry that I can't be everything that you deserve. I know I'm what you want…but I don't think I'm what you need." I pull her away, gripping her shoulders and capture her gaze again. I feel a flood of emotions coursing through me and I steady my breathing before I speak.

"For too many years, people told me what I needed. My mother, my father, my brothers, my teacher, my wrestling coach…they all thought they knew what was best for me. Being Reaped sort of gave me some independence in a way. It let me figure out for myself what it was that I needed. My wants and my needs weren't always the same but most of the time, they were. And they didn't match up to what everyone else was telling me. So I'm through with listening to other people when they say what they think I need. So you can stop presuming to know too, alright? I need you, Katniss. Like I need air. It's that simple. You can believe me or not but I know I would not last a day without you in my life." With a sob, she flings herself in my arms and cries into my chest. I can't handle all the crying. It's making me feel helpless, like I'll never be able to make her smile again. So I do the only thing I can think of. I cup her chin and mold my lips over hers. She gasps against my mouth but I refuse to move. I feel her start to respond and I inch my tongue across her lips. When she parts her lips even more, my tongue meets hers and I feel my whole face start to heat up. My hands drift down to the buttons on her (my) shirt and I rip them open, hearing some of them ping against the floor. Who cares, I can buy new shirts. My hand caresses her breast and she moans into my mouth, making my jeans tighten even more. I sweep her up into my arms and carry her up the stairs to my room. I gently toss her onto the bed and hover over her, her wide eyes boring into mine.

"You know what I need right now, Katniss?" She smiles and I swear it lights up the room.

"I think I can guess," she mutters as her fingers work at the button of my jeans. I fall over her and plan on spending the rest of the afternoon showing her exactly what I want AND need.

* * *

><p>I'm sitting on the edge of the bed in my boxers, my prosthetic tucked under me and my sketchpad on my knee. She's still pink from our lovemaking and her dark hair is spread underneath her and I have to resist from running my fingers through it. Her chest moves up and down steadily as she snores lightly, one of her hands is tucked under her chin. She's a vision and I'm suddenly feeling inspired. My eyes drink her in completely, afraid that when I look up she'll be gone and I'll discover this has all been some horrible dream. She lets out a little moan and my charcoal freezes on the paper, afraid of waking her, but she shifts a little and goes right back to sleep. The sheets have pulled down low and I see one of her breasts peeking out tantalizingly. One of her legs sticks out from the sheets and I can clearly see the pattern of scars, making their way up toward her thighs. She'll never believe me but I think she's even more beautiful now. I tear my eyes away and return to my sketch. I can't possibly accurately depict the beauty before me but I can damn well try. As she moves again, her hand falls to her side and she breathes gently. Her arm is at an awkward angle and I know it will be sore if she keeps it that way. I gently take her wrist and reposition it on her stomach, so she won't be uncomfortable. But when I take her wrist in my hand I notice something strange. There is a scar there that I have never noticed before. One that doesn't belong with the others. My thumb softly traces across the thin line across her wrist and I feel my heart starting to race. My eyes fly to her face and I feel them searching the sleeping girl for some sort of explanation. Why had I never noticed this before? How could I not? I thought I had memorized every freckle and every scar. Why would I miss this one? She moans again and her hand twitches and I immediately withdraw my hand but my eyes are still drawn to that white line. I have the sudden need to hold her. To caress her so tightly that she will never want for anything, never feel a lack of love in her life, never doubt my need for her. I set the sketchpad aside and gather her in my arms, bringing her into my lap and rest her head on my chest. Drawn to the warmth, she nuzzles her cheek against my chest and I bring her wrist to my lips. I try to kiss that scar away. But of course it's still there. Glowing brightly, mocking me. Reminding me that I wasn't always there to protect her. I know I'll have to ask her about it eventually. I need to know when. When she had lost so much hope, she wouldn't think about how much it would affect the rest of us. How much it would destroy me to live without her.<p>

Then again, I've always said Katniss has no idea of the effect she has on people. I feel like a broken record when I tell her that but it's true. I guess there are some things in our lives that we can never believe. I still have a hard time believing she's really here with me, of her own free will. Sometimes I expect to see cameras around Victor's Village whenever she kisses me. I know that's my hijacked brain talking but I was pretty insecure even before I was captured. It's what she does to me.

Her little moans bring me out of my thoughts and I glance down at her. She's shaking her head and a frown has formed between her brow. I bend down and kiss that spot, smoothing out the frown line and she bites her lip.

"Please…no," I hear her whisper.

"Katniss?"

"Don't! Don't touch him! Peeta!" I squeeze my eyes shut, my heart tearing at her pain. My hand goes to her cheek and I gently shake her.

"Katniss, wake up. Not real. You're just dreaming, it's not real."

"Peeta…don't leave me. Please…please stop hurting him!"

"Katniss!" She's started to writhe in my arms and I struggle to hang onto her.

"Stop it! Take me instead. Please, kill me instead!"

I can't take anymore. I'm drowning in her words and I have to save us both. I gently slap her cheek and her eyes fly open.

"Hey, it's ok," I say soothingly as soon as her eyes meet mine. "I've got you, you were just dreaming."

"Oh my god Peeta," she throws her arms around my neck and I hold her close.

"Not real, Katniss. Not real," I mutter. "You're safe in my arms. I'll never let you go."

"They were killing you," she sobs, "they were killing you in front of me and I…I couldn't…Peeta, I begged them to take me instead!"

"Shhh, Katniss, calm down. I promise, you've been here with me this whole time. It was a nightmare. You're safe. We're safe." She starts to relax against me and my arms tighten around her. I smooth back her hair and kiss her forehead.

"Don't ever say you'll trade places with me," I say softly. "I would die for you Katniss. You know that."

"No," she says sharply. "I don't want you to. If something happens…we go together."

"Katniss, nothing is going to happen," I'm suddenly reminded of the first Games, when she pulled out the berries and I shake my head. "We're safe. The Capitol is defeated. No one's coming after us."

"But-" I have to stop her from talking and I use her tactic; I lean forward and kiss her roughly, my lips conquering hers. It's then that I notice that she is still naked and I gently tug her lip with my teeth. She succumbs and I feel her fingers wrap around my curls as she kisses me back. She adjusts herself in my lap and wraps her legs around my waist, so that her bare breasts rub against my chest and I feel her grind against my growing erection. I break away to gasp her name.

"Katniss-" but she surges forward, claiming her rightful place at my lips again and I lose myself in her. My hand drifts down and cups her breast, pinching her dusty nipple and hearing her squeal into my mouth. I lean her back so I can lower my lips to her chest and I take one breast into my mouth. She tosses her head back with a sigh and grips my hair with both hands. As I kiss up and down her chest, I register her hand sneaking between us and pulling at the waistband of my boxer briefs. Without thinking, I slide them down my legs and pull Katniss closer. She's about to lower herself onto me when we hear a gruff voice downstairs.

"Where the hell is everyone?"

Katniss lets out a little scream and nearly falls off my lap. She moves to the bed, twisting the sheets around her while I try to pull my underwear up but just proceed to trip myself up and I go crashing to the floor.

"Peeta!" I look up at her, leaning over the bed, and I wince as I rub my bruised backside.

"I'm ok."

"Haymitch, don't you know how to knock," she screams out the door and I have to suppress a chuckle.

"I did knock! No one answered," came his reply.

"That should tell you something!" she screams back. There's silence and I can just imagine the look on our old mentor's face.

"Oh shit…ew…I'll come back later!" Katniss and I meet eyes and we both start to laugh. I shake my head and pull myself to my feet.

"We'll be right down, Haymitch," I call to him as I reach for my jeans. She untangles herself from the sheets and slinks toward me. My eyes cannot leave her breasts, her nipples hardening from the cold air.

"Let him wait a while longer," she says in a husky voice that makes me start having trouble getting my jeans on. Her arms dart out and pull me to her and we both go crashing to the bed, her legs wrapped around my waist and making it quite impossible to get off of her. But then, I really don't want to.

* * *

><p>Katniss and I are holding hands when we enter the kitchen and see Haymitch bent over, peering in the refrigerator. I clear my throat loudly and he jumps and looks up. His eyes fly to our joined hands and then up to our faces.<p>

"What are you doing, Haymitch?" Katniss asks with a scowl.

"I'm hungry. Don't have food at my place."

"Thought you were content with a liquid diet," she sneers. Haymitch gives her a cold glare.

"What happened to you hunting every morning sweetheart?"

"Hey, knock it off," I interrupt their squabble as I make my way to the cabinets. "I have some lamb stew I can put on to cook. Katniss didn't go hunting because she went into town with me. I asked her to stay with me."

"Fine. Tell me how your visit with the Mayor went."

"Nice of you to tell me that Brent is our new Mayor," Katniss says testily as she fills up glasses of water for us.

"What does that matter? First time I saw him, he started asking me about you and Gale. I never liked that triangle and I'm staying away from it still." I tense only slightly.

"Piss off, Haymitch. There was never a triangle."

"Could have fooled me."

"Gale and I were hunting partners and friends. That is it. I never felt anything like that for him. Brent only wants to know about Gale because Hazelle asks about him. He doesn't think anything like that…you're just trying to make trouble."

"Me? Trouble? Never." I scoff and shake my head as I toss the can into the trash. I feel Katniss's hand on my shoulder and I relax under her touch.

"Don't listen to him," she whispers in my ear. "You're the only one."

"I know," I tell her honestly as I lean in for a kiss. Haymitch gags.

"If you two are going to do that I'll go back to my geese."

"No one exactly invited you over here," she snaps and I squeeze her hand.

"Haymitch do you have to get her so riled up?"

"It's fun for me," he says with a grin. I roll my eyes and turn back to the stove.

"Anyway, tell me the new good news. Are we getting a new bakery?" I glance at Katniss before I turn and nod.

"We are. My dad left me all of the land plus a little extra, so that we can expand. We signed the official papers and are ready to start plans."

"That's great news kid," he comes over to me and claps me on the shoulder and he looks genuinely happy about it. "I'm really glad to hear that."

"We just need to decide…" I glance at Katniss nervously and she gives me a smile. I swallow and continue. "We just need to decide if we are going to try to rebuild the original bakery…or tear it down and build a new one?"

"Have you even been to the bakery?" My throat is dry as I shake my head no. Katniss's arms are entwined with mine and I hold her close. Haymitch sighs heavily.

"Well kid I won't lie to you. There's not a whole lot left. I think starting over new is a good idea. You could make it your own. You could make it Mellark's and Sweetheart's." Katniss rolls her eyes but I grin. I love the idea of Katniss helping me do this. Even when we open, I want her there with me. Maybe not baking but I'm sure I can help her with the register or even teach her some things to help with in the kitchen.

"It will be ours," I say softly and she looks at me in surprise. I smile at her and bring her hand to my lips, kissing her fingers softly. "What's mine is yours."

"Well then I think we should go find Thom tomorrow and start making plans for our bakery," she says with a smile. I swear I'm about to lift off the floor, I'm feeling so light. My heart is soaring and all I want to do is kiss her until she's breathless. But I squeeze her hand and lean into her.

"Ours," I repeat softly and the smile she gives me makes me see fireworks behind my eyes.


	16. Chapter 16

_**I wanted to update on Valentines Day but then decided this next chapter isn't exactly a super happy one! So here is the next installment! I'm off tomorrow so if I get some reviews tonight, I may post another tomorrow evening! As always, please review and let me know what you think! Writers need criticism, constructive or otherwise ;) and it's always wonderful to hear that someone enjoys your work! **_

_** :) **_

* * *

><p>Peeta's hand shakes in mine and I try to steady him with all the love I can give. Haymitch decided to stay home, but he took me aside and told me if Peeta came back today without having a flashback, he would be shocked. I simply scowled and told him to have faith in our Peeta but he just raised his brow and sent us on our way. Peeta asked Thom to meet us at the bakery and he has been twitchy all morning. I even tried to cheer him up by sliding my hand into his boxer briefs when we first woke up but he gently pushed me away and shook his head. I won't lie and say it didn't hurt but I can't let my stupid feelings of rejection get in the way of today. I know why he's distracted and moody. I still have trouble going to the meadow. I literally try to walk around it when I go into the woods. Which is nearly impossible.<p>

Victor's Village is fading behind us as we come into town. Many of the buildings are rebuilt but there are some empty spaces where a building once stood. Shops. Houses. Schools. Medical facilities. District 12 may be rebuilding but it still has a long way to go.

"Tell me about this part of town," I whisper to him as we walk slowly. He sucks in a breath and looks around.

"The Cartwrights lived right there. I used to go and play with Delly and we would create animals out of dough. Once, when we were thirteen, she leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. When I looked up at her, she leaned in to kiss me again and I jerked back. I said brothers and sisters didn't kiss and she just sighed and said 'Peeta, we're not really brother and sister. Maybe someday we will marry.' And I told her, no, I would marry Katniss Everdeen or nobody. She screamed that I was a horrible boy and ran back inside so I went home. Later that evening she came over to apologize. I told her all was forgiven and that I had been stupid. Katniss would never see me like that. She put her arm around me and said with a sweet smile, 'I think you underestimate yourself. If anyone can capture her heart, it'll be you.'"

"You're making that up."

"I swear it's the truth. Everyone could see how plainly in love I was with you."

"Including your mother?" A horrible thought hits me and I squeeze his hand. His brow goes up as he watches me in concern.

"Peeta…that's why…is that why your family refused to move to Victor's Village? Because of me?" Peeta sighs and kicks a rock with his toe. I feel my heart sink. Had he chosen me over his family? Will I EVER be good enough for this boy?

"Mom didn't hide the fact that she was disgusted with my choice. Even when I pleaded for them to realize that you had saved my life. Dad and my brothers all couldn't wait to meet you but my mom, she…she just didn't like anyone from the Seam. It wasn't just you. She treated all the Seam kids horribly when they came into the bakery and that's the only time I saw my father lose his temper with her. He was usually really sweet and kind but he didn't tolerate her hatred. When they came to see me, right after the Reaping, Dad tried to give me a bag of cookies. I told him to give them to you instead and my mom went nuts. Said that I was sure to die because I would die for that…that girl from the Seam," his voice lowered and I knew immediately those were not the words his mother had used. But I shrugged and let him continue, "and she said it would serve me right, not ever appreciating what I had and always wanting something else. She didn't realize that I wanted less, not more. I wanted to be a Seam kid. I wished every night that I would wake up with dark hair and grey eyes. I told my brother often that I was born in the wrong place. I loved baking but I wasn't great at it. At least that's what my mother told me often enough."

Peeta's words shake me to my core. What kind of woman could wish death on her youngest son? I cannot comprehend how someone as good and sweet and perfect as Peeta could have been raised by that witch.

"I wish I had invited you all to dinner one night," I say, slightly ashamed. "I would have loved to have a conversation with your father and your brothers."

"Katniss, things were so messed up when we came home, I didn't expect you to ever speak to me again let alone invite me to dinner. I feel horrible at the way I treated you."

There he goes again, being Saint Peeta. Ugh!

"I was the one who ran away from you! I thought you hated me, I was trying to sort out my feelings toward you and I wanted to stay away from you until I had. It wasn't fair to keep leading you on even more than I already had. I was so terrible to you, Peeta, and I hope one day you forgive me."

"There's nothing to forgive," he says firmly, stopping us and taking my hands in his. "We both acted like immature children. And don't forget, Katniss, we were. We were scared little kids when we went into that Arena and we were scared little kids when we came back home. Don't blame yourself for the mistakes you made then. We all made them. The fact is, I would take it all again…I mean, the Reaping, the Games, the Victory Tour, the Rebellion, the hijacking and the torture, the months spent in the Capitol, relearning everything, remembering why I loved you…I'd take it all again, Katniss, because it meant that we've wound up here. Together, like I always hoped. And it's for us, not for anyone else. It's all real and that's a dream come true for me." I want to capture his lips with mine and hold him close. I want to run my fingers through his hair and disappear in his arms forever. But what he just said makes me feel even worse. It's like he just proclaimed that if he hadn't gone through all of that, I wouldn't be here with him. Did I fall in love with him because I lost him?

No. I'd fallen in love long before that, hadn't I? If truth be told, something happened between us even before the Games. It's like, when he saved my life that night he took a piece of my heart and I never really got it back. I could deny it all I wanted but only one person had ever held my heart. This perfect boy…now a man, standing before me. But is that what he really thought? That I had only confessed my love because he had been through hell? The thought kills me.

I lean up on my tiptoes and take his face in both my hands, bringing him down to me for a fierce kiss. I kiss him until I can't breathe. When I draw back, his eyes are wide and searching and he looks bemused.

"You listen to me," I say, keeping a firm hold on his flushed cheeks. "I'm with you because I fell in love with you, a long time ago. Before everything happened. Don't you ever think that the only reason we are here together is because of everything that happened to you. I can't tell you exactly at which moment I discovered I loved you…maybe deep down, I always knew. But we didn't need all the hell we went through…we would have found a way to each other without it."

"Katniss-" but I shake my head and press forward again, wrapping my arms around him and holding him close. I'm aware people are starting to stare and whisper and I could care less. I hold him close to me and I hear him groan against my lips. When we pull away, his eyes are still closed.

"Shit," he says weakly. I reach down and take his hand and his eyes open again. He swallows deeply and looks down at our joined hands.

"I-I didn't mean it that way, Katniss. I'm sorry if I upset you. I just meant…well, I was a huge coward. I don't know if I ever would have gotten up the courage to talk to you. The Reaping gave me that chance and although I would have preferred we didn't go through that either, it gave me the chance to really get to know you. And fall in love with you even more. I was ready to die for you even before I really knew you. Then when we went back to the Quell…I knew that I didn't want to come back this time. Because I thought you'd be happier without me, so why should you try to save me when you were the one who had a life back here? Even in the Capitol, when Snow was questioning me…he offered me deals, trading my life for yours. The idiot didn't know me or he would never have made me an offer like that. I'm shocked he even tried, knowing how closely he paid attention to our Games. But everything I did during my imprisonment, it was because he said it would keep you safe. So I didn't even question it. I said what they wanted me to say, even though it made me a traitor. When I found out they were planning to attack 13, I warned you even though I knew they would probably kill me. You were and are worth my very life."

I squeeze my eyes shut at his words, blinking back tears. I remember that morning. Watching Peeta's propo and his warning, then seeing his blood stain the tile floor and hearing his cries of pain. Hearing him say that Snow offered him a trade, that's new and doesn't make me feel any less of a monster. This beautiful man who has loved me his whole life and I can't even say I will marry him? What kind of bitch am I? Well, Johanna would answer that one in a heartbeat. The biggest bitch she's ever known. And I have to agree with her.

I feel his hands on my cheeks and he's watching me apprehensively.

"You ok?" I nod.

"Yeah. Um…we should keep moving." His eyes search mine for a moment before he nods and slips his hand into mine as we start walking again.

As we walk, he goes back to talking about the town. I learn who his best friends were, where his wrestling coach lived, where he liked to go read when things got bad at the bakery. When we reach it, we fall silent. Haymitch was right, there isn't much left. There's one wall left standing and a charred oven in the corner. Peeta releases my hand and walks through the remains of his home. Papers are scattered on the floor, there's charred pots and pans all over the place, and scorch marks stain the floor. Peeta is pale and I watch him warily as he looks around.

"This is where my father first taught me how to make frosting," he says very quietly and I step closer to hear him better. "And over here, I brought home my first A on a book report. Mom was even smiling then! This is the spot that Ryean told us he got a girl pregnant. That was the first time I had ever seen Mom hit him with her rolling pin. He had a black eye for a week. He told everyone he was carrying a tray of pastries and had fallen down the stairs." He has tears streaming down his face and I reach out for him but pull back, not sure if stopping him now is the best thing. He keeps turning on the spot or running over to a corner of the room. I try to follow him but I mostly just watch him.

"This is where, on the morning of the Reaping, Dad gave me his favorite dress shirt from when he was younger. I think they threw it away after my prep team took me when we first arrived at the Capitol." He reaches out and touches something that isn't there.

"When we came back from the Victory Tour, I told my family, at this counter, that I had asked you to marry me. That you would be a part of the family. My mother slapped me across the face and screamed at me that she wished I had died in the Arena. Dad grabbed her hand and yelled at her to get out. My brothers both hugged me and told me they were proud of me. Dad held me and said he was happy that I was happy. The four of us just…held each other in this spot. Until Mom came back in and told me, with the most solemn look, that she expected me to bring you to dinner that weekend so she could meet you." My jaw drops. He had never invited me to dinner. Then again, he probably knew I wouldn't have gone. I hesitantly approach him and wrap my arms around his waist. I feel his body shake with sobs and he bends over, still holding the imaginary counter. I move around him and gently lower him to the floor, bringing him closer and holding him tightly. His sobs shake the both of us and my hands run through his neatly-combed hair.

"They're gone, Katniss," he gasps. "They're gone and I'll never see them again. My family is dead." What can I say to that? Nothing. My little sister is gone too. The most family I ever had. But for some reason, we're still here. Peeta's family died and he survived. My sister died and I survived. He told me it's not up to us to decide who survives and who doesn't and I know that's true but it's still not fair. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if Prim's name hadn't come out of that bowl. Would I have watched Peeta fight for his life, cheering him on, secretly pleading for him to return to me? Would he have died at the hands of a Career? Would he have come home a Victor, completely changed and scarred for life, with no one to hold him and chase away the nightmares? Or what would have happened if Peeta had not been Reaped with me? Would I still have survived? He saved me in there, I know it. But if I had returned a Victor, would he have finally spoken to me? Probably not. If he thought I was intimidating before Victor status, I know he wouldn't have even looked at me as a Victor. How different our lives could be.

But then, I realize, he's right. It's no good thinking about how things could be different. Things happened that lead us on our path to where we are today. There are many things that could be called a catalyst to these paths but the fact is, we're standing here together and I wouldn't change that for the world. So I sort of understand what he was saying, about how he would take it all again. I'm not sure if I think the sacrifices were worth it. I did everything I could, include go to the Arena, to protect Prim and yet the Games are over and she is gone. And Peeta, who was the most wonderful person in Panem, was forever changed by the terror of the Capitol. No we can't think about 'what-if' but I can think about how to make the most out of our second chance.

I urge him to lean on me and his head rests below my chin. He clutches my shirt tightly and continues to cry hysterically.

"They're still with you, Peeta," I whisper. "They're always with you."

"They were killed because of me."

"No! No that's not true, Peeta. Not real. It's the Capitol's fault. No one else's." I feel him tremble and he is fighting to remove himself from my embrace. When he pulls back, his face is hard and his eyes are dark. I swallow.

"No Peeta, don't let this happen. Please. Stay with me." He blinks and shakes his head.

"I have to go, Katniss. I'm sorry." He struggles to his feet and runs down the road, not looking back. I sigh heavily and hang my head, determined not to become a ball of tears out here in the open. But when I look down, I let out a little scream.

A skull is staring up at me with vacant eyes.

My hand claps over my mouth as I try not to retch. Thank God Peeta did not see.

I hear footsteps and I whirl around, hoping against hope he hadn't come back. Not yet.

"Peeta?"

"No, I'm sorry Miss Katniss, I didn't mean to spook ya." Thom holds his hands up and he looks wary.

"It's ok Thom, I'm sorry I got jumpy. Thanks for meeting me."

"Of course. Um…where's Mr. Mellark?"

"He…um…it was a bit too much for him. He'll be fine," I add and he nods.

"Well I brought the plans with me, so you can take them home and have him look over them?"

"I don't feel right making any decisions without him. But I know he wants to tear it down and start all over. I think it would be really nice if we could have this oven restored so he can have something of his family's."

"I know a guy in 3 who runs an appliance factory and who can fix up old appliances. I can give him a call and see if it's possible to save this one."

"And Thom…can we…um, we need to…" I wave toward the skull and his face pales.

"I'll get the clean up crew out here as soon as possible." I nod, swallowing. Should I tell Peeta? Will he want to bury them properly instead of just tossing them into a large pit? More importantly, can he handle that?

"Thank you, Thom," my voice sounds far away. "We will try to call you tomorrow to start on plans."

"My pleasure, Miss Katniss. Tell Peeta we're all rooting for him. We know he's a good guy and it would be great to see a bakery with Mellark's goods again."

"I'll tell him. Thanks again Thom." I wave the young man off and start back toward Victor's Village. I kind of want to go straight to the woods but I don't know if Peeta will need me or not so I make my way back home.

I find him painting. I stop in the doorway and he looks up, his eyes once again blue and beautiful.

"Sorry," he croaks and I shake my head.

"Nothing to be sorry about. We knew it would be difficult. What are you painting?" He doesn't answer and I move around him to look. My eyes widen in horror and I feel my heart ache.

"Oh Peeta," I reach out to touch him and he jerks away. His eyes don't leave the painting. He had started to paint his family. Maybe it was a happy memory, one that made him smile, until the terror set in. Now the picture is full of flames and smoke and screams. The bakery is on fire and I can feel the flames licking my face as I lean closer. The looks on his family's melting faces makes me shudder.

"Peeta, why did you paint this?"

"Why not? I told you I paint what I see. I see them in my mind every day. I wasn't here to help them." I try to hug him again but he tenses and stands up.

"Don't…just don't. I-I just need some time, Katniss. To be alone? Please?" I look into his eyes and tears cloud mine. He starts forward but I'm running from his room immediately. I hear him call my name once but I'm out the door before he can even make it to the stairs. I don't expect him to come after me. He's drained, as I knew he would be. I collapse on the porch and hide my face in my hands.

"That bad, huh?" I look up and see Haymitch watching me worriedly. I sniffle and wipe my face with the back of my hand.

"Come on. Let's have a drink at my place."

"I don't drink."

"You'll have tea then. Let's go." I take his outstretched hand and follow him across the way to his place. I sit on his porch while he bustles around inside and then he slides down beside me, handing me a mug of tea. I glance at his flask.

"You could have some too."

"I'll stick with my stronger stuff," he says quietly. We're both staring at Peeta's house and the thought of him alone up there makes me sick.

"How bad was it?"

"I think I would have preferred if he started yelling and throwing things," I say quietly. "He just…looked around. Talked about his family. He started to cry and then he just left. When I found him at home, he was painting the bakery on fire. With his family inside. It was the most terrible thing I have ever seen him paint. And I've seen him paint me as a mutt. I can't imagine the pain he is feeling and he won't let me help him. He told me he wanted to be alone."

"Don't take offence to that, sweetheart. You go off into the woods when you want to be alone and no one dares follow you. Peeta's refuge is his painting studio and we should respect his privacy while he's in there."

"But Haymitch…I lost my sister. We've all lost someone. Why should he experience that alone?"

"Because Peeta is used to being on his own. That bitch of a mother made him feel worthless and unworthy of love. His brothers, I gather, didn't stand up for him too much. And when you came into the picture, you weren't really there either." I snap my head around and he gives me an apologetic look.

"Sorry but it's true. He would come around my place a lot but he was pretty lonely. He's just used to doing it on his own. Yes it would be easier to let someone in and help him through this but it's new to him. You loving him is new to him too. He may know, in his heart that your love is real but when he gets like this, his hijacked brain will do anything it can to put you in a bad light. Fucking Capitol," he adds before he takes another swig.

"After he left…I found…a skull." I glance at him and see he freezes. "I mean I know it's one of his family's but I don't know who. And I don't know if I should…say something to him…we could give them a proper burial."

"If the kid couldn't handle seeing a melted oven, how do you think he's going to react to seeing his family's charred bones?" I wince and blink back tears.

"We could…we could ask Thom to gather all the remains and you could dig a separate grave in the meadow," he says slowly.

"I think Peeta would like that."

I sigh and set my tea cup down.

"I guess I'll make myself useful and go get some meat for tonight. If he comes out of there will you tell him where I've gone?"

"Sure sweetheart. But please be careful."

"I know how to hunt, Haymitch."

"Ok can we just not find you in a deep hole, close to death again?" I fall silent and he raises a brow.

"See if you can get squirrel. The kid loves squirrel."


	17. Chapter 17

_**You guys are so awesome! Thanks for the reviews and kind words! :) **_

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><p>I return with three squirrels but I was so distracted by my thoughts that my shot was messy. I stop in Victor's Village and glance up at Peeta's house. Maybe Haymitch is right. I should give Peeta some time alone. So I take the squirrels into my house and slam them on the counter. I realize that it's been awhile since I have been to this house and I shiver at the silence. I leave my bow and game bag by the door and kick off my boots while I set to stripping the meat.<p>

I'm covered in blood and entrails but the meat is stripped and prepared and I think it will make a good dinner tonight. I leave the knife on the counter and decide I most definitely need a shower. I'm starting up the stairs when I hear the door open.

"Katniss?" comes his tentative voice as he comes in looking for me.

"Hey, I'm in here but I was going to take a shower before dinner." Peeta stops in front of me, his eyes wide. I look down quickly and look back up at him, horror-stricken.

"Peeta-" but his breathing is labored and his eyes have gone dark.

"You murdering bitch," he growls as he launches himself at me, his hands outstretched.

"Peeta, wait!" I dodge him but he's fast too; he's turned on his heel and his fist catches me in the jaw. With a cry, I crash to the floor and look up in terror as he hovers over me. He looks around until his eyes fall on my hunting knife. My bloody hunting knife.

Shit.

"You killed her, you evil mutt! I'll kill you! I'll fucking kill you!" He grabs the knife and leaps at me, giving me only a second to scoot away. My jaw is throbbing and I back up, using my hands, whimpering like a child.

"Peeta…please. It's me! I'm not here to hurt you."

"No," he snarls, holding the knife up, "but you hurt her, didn't you? You killed her!"

"I didn't kill anyone!" I'm crying now, holding onto my aching cheek. "I won't hurt you! I love you!"

"Liar! You're lying to me, mutt! And I'll kill you for it!" With speed and agility I remember from the Games, he grabs a fistful of my hair and yanks my head back. I feel the cold blade at my throat and I gasp. Tears stream down my face as I look up into his face. The last thing I'll ever see is the face I love, filled with such hatred. I let out a sob and his face screws up.

"Don't think your tears are going to save you, mutt. You murdered my wife. You think my tears don't count?"

"Peeta, please. Just look at me. I'm Katniss Everdeen, the girl who loves you. I'm not a mutt. It's not real." He looks uncertain but the blade presses harder and I try to back up before he slices me open. I could try to call for Haymitch but I'm sure I'd be dead before I get out the first syllable. So I try again to appeal to him.

"Peeta. I love you. That is real. Everything the Capitol told you is not real. My love for you…it's real. It's very real." He blinks and his hold on my hair releases only slightly. I bring my hand up to rest on his wrist and he tenses. But I keep whispering how much I love him and very slowly, I lower his hand. He drops the knife and crashes to his knees. He lowers his head and rocks back and forth. I start to hold him but he sobs for me to get away from him and I obey. I run out of my house and across to Haymitch's.

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><p>"Dammit, the kid did a number on you," he says as he dabs at the wound at my throat. I wince and shake my head.<p>

"There's a chance he won't remember what he's done. And we will not remind him, Haymitch."

"Katniss, he could have killed you. Again."

"He didn't. I was able to calm him down. It was just the blood and seeing me like that that made him go off. I just have to be more careful from now on."

"Fine but I still think he should have a check up with Aurelius."

"He's not going back to the Capitol," I say sharply. "Aurelius is still treating him over the phone. It's not his fault, Haymitch!"

"I never said it was, sweetheart. But this scares me a little. He's strong and he came really close...again." I squeeze my eyes shut and turn away and he sighs heavily. We hear the door burst open and Peeta's panicked voice.

"Haymitch! Where are you? Haymitch!"

"I'm here, kid," Haymitch jumps to his feet and goes to greet him.

"Where's Katniss? What did I do? Did I-" he stops as he enters the room and sees me. I push the first aid kit out of sight but the damage has been done. Peeta is pale and his lip is trembling as he brings a hand up to his mouth.

"Oh god, no." He looks as if his knees are going to give out and he stumbles backwards out of the room.

"Peeta, wait!" I run to him and take his arm but he flings me away and gives me a terrified look.

"Don't Katniss. Don't touch me. Don't come near me. I'm a danger to you." He sobs and runs from the house. I try to follow him but Haymitch holds me back.

"Let me go!"

"Stop it, sweetheart. Just give him some time to collect his thoughts. It won't do either of you any good to go banging in on him right now." I turn, helpless, and watch him clean up the first aid kit. I wince as I bring the ice to my cheek and I pray there won't be a bruise. I'm about to sit when I hear a lamented wail coming from across the way. Without another thought, I throw the ice to the ground and run to him.

I don't even care anymore. I don't care if it's suicide, bursting in on him like this. All I care about is holding him and making the pain go away, if only for a moment. I look around and don't see him in the living room or the kitchen. Glancing up, I take the stairs two at a time and run into his room. I hear sobs coming from the bathroom and I burst the door open.

Peeta is lying in the floor, curled up into a ball and clutching his head. A knife lies not far from him and I scream as I crash to my knees. I grab his arms and inspect both wrists before pulling him up into a sitting position.

"Look at me." He doesn't so I cup his chin and tilt his face upwards. "Look at me," I say again. He shakes his head and tries to hide his face in his hands.

"Peeta. What did you do?"

"Nothing."

"Don't lie to me. Did you try to hurt yourself?"

"No."

"Peeta."

"What?"

"Did you want to hurt yourself?" He finally looks up at him, his eyes streaming, his nose red, and a wild look in his eyes.

"Of course I fucking wanted to hurt myself! I hurt you, Katniss! I could have killed you! Why am I not dead? It would be better if I was dead."

"Shut up! Don't say that, don't ever say that!" I'm aware that we are both screaming and we both probably look quite insane. I shake my head violently and grip his wrists.

"I would die without you, do you understand? If you kill yourself, you might as well kill me first because I wouldn't be far behind you! Damn you Peeta, how could you think of leaving me like this?"

"You thought of leaving me." His reply stops my tirade and I cock my head.

"I haven't ever thought of leaving you. I told you I was waiting for-"

"You tried, Katniss! You tried to take your life!" He's glaring at me and I still don't understand. He grabs my hand and holds my wrist up, shaking it slightly.

Oh damn it. He's seen it. This glowing scar that haunts me every moment.

"See? You tried it! Why won't you let me?"

"Because you're stronger than I am," he scoffs at that and I pull him closer. "You are. You overcame it all. You beat the Capitol, Peeta! You overcame the hijacking. You never carried through with the Capitol's plan."

"What plan," he sniffs.

"To kill me," I say softly and he looks into my eyes.

"I couldn't," he replies, just as softly. I wrap my fingers around his and move closer to him.

"You beat the odds, Peeta. You came back to me. You always come back to me, like you said. You're not a danger to me. You're my life and my reason for breathing. And if you leave me, you'll be cutting off my air supply. I'll die without you, Peeta, I will just cease to breathe. You just have to be stronger. For me. Know that I love you and I will always love you."

"Katniss," he releases another sob and he lowers his forehead to my chest. He slowly falls forward and I don't have the strength to hold him up. I'm so tired, I could just lie down on this floor and die with him. Maybe that's what we need. To let each other go. We could go together, like I said. Who will take care of Haymitch? Sae maybe. Hazelle. They won't let him starve. The knife is still close by. All it would take is a quick slice to our throats.

I remember this very old story that Finnick tried to get me to read, back in 13. Apparently he had found it in 13's library and he fell in love with it. Romeo and Juliet by this really really old guy called Shakespeare. He probably would have been popular in the Capitol. Anyway, I think Finnick wanted me to read it because they were called the 'star-crossed lovers'. Their families were fighting and they fell in love, against all odds. But they could never be together. So after a whole lot of tragedy, Romeo sees Juliet's body and thinks she is dead, when she is really just sleeping. So he drinks poison and when she wakes up next to his body, she stabs herself with his dagger. The story is freaking depressing and I had even worse nightmares, which I blamed Finnick for. But lying here with Peeta, I wonder about the peace of death. If we're together, what does it matter? Romeo and Juliet were finally together and away from their feuding families. In death, we would escape the nightmares and the hijacking and the flashbacks and the emotional trauma and the tears and the pain. We could escape it all, with a flick of this knife.

I start to reach for it but Peeta stretches and lies down completely, resting his head in my lap. His arms reach up and wrap around my waist and I move my arm underneath his head so he is more comfortable. He lets out a breathy sigh and I sense a change in his breathing. He turns his cheek and I see his eyes are closed. My fingers go to his hair and I stroke his blonde curls. His hold around me tightens as he buries his face in my lap. I sigh and lean against the wall, feeling sleep overpower me. We stay like that, with him asleep in my lap, in the middle of the bathroom floor, for the rest of the night.

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><p>I wake up feeling like I was hit by a train. I pull myself up and lean back, looking around to see where I was. Katniss is leaning against the wall, her eyes closed and her chest moving up and down steadily. A knife lays just a few inches away from her hand and I blink several times.<p>

What the hell happened to us?

Slowly, it all starts to come back. I stare at Katniss and feel my heart sink. There is a large purple bruise forming underneath her eye and I blink back tears. I stand up and stretch my aching muscles, starting when I notice my reflection. God I look terrible. At least I look as bad as I feel.

I notice Katniss shivering and I know this tile floor is not comfortable. So I gather her in my arms and carry her to our room. I gently set her on the bed and pull the sheets over her. I turn to leave, knowing I should not be near her but I feel her small hand on mine and I freeze.

"Stay," she mumbles and I'm not entirely sure if she's awake or if she's dreaming. But I find that I can't leave her, despite my better judgment. So I pull back the sheets and climb into bed with her, slipping my arms underneath her and pulling her close. Her arm drapes over my waist and she buries her face into my chest.

"Always," I whisper into her hair and with a final kiss on her head, I close my eyes and allow sleep to take me again.


	18. Chapter 18

_**So I've decided to start combining chapters- it makes them a little longer but at the rate I am writing, this story will be like a hundred chapters if I keep splitting them up. Let me know if you don't agree with this and I'll look at going back to POV chapters.**_

_** Thanks for all the reviews! They're amazing to read! I go back to work tomorrow so this will be it til the weekend unless I have some spare time (and I see lots of reviews asking for an update ;) lol**_

_**And just a warning: 2nd part of this chapter is SMUTTY. Be warned ;) **_

_** Have a great week everyone! **_

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><p>My mind notices two things immediately. That I am no longer in the bathroom floor and that Peeta has me enveloped in his arms. I glance up at him and see that he is sleeping peacefully. I reach up and stroke his curls and he lets out a moan, so I jerk my hand back, not wanting to disturb his peaceful slumber. He looks completely different when he sleeps. Untroubled. Free. I hope that he is having good dreams. I remember something he once told me on the train, a long time ago.<p>

"My nightmares are usually about losing you. I'm ok once I realize you're here."

I lean down and kiss him very softly on the lips. His eyes flutter open and I am met with brilliant oceans of blue. His face looks soft and calm.

"Hi," he says softly. I can't help but smile.

"Hi," I answer. As he starts to wake up, I can see worry and guilt start to cross his face.

"What have I done," he says softly as his hand reaches toward my face.

"It wasn't you, Peeta," I tell him firmly and he grimaces.

"How can you keep saying that? I'm like death to you, Katniss! I could kill you at any moment."

"No, you won't. I trust you. I'm not afraid of you."

"You should be," he groans, reaching a hand up to run through his unruly curls. I reach up and grasp his wrist, and bring his hand to my lips. He swallows and watches me closely. I'm actually very surprised that Haymitch didn't follow us over here. He probably knows better. He's probably just as exhausted as we are.

"We're really messed up, aren't we," he finally speaks. It isn't really a question. It's more of a statement. And I can't argue it. I nod and he sighs heavily.

"We are but we can help each other, Peeta. I don't think we'd be able to get through it without the other."

"I think you're right," he says though he doesn't look entirely convinced of that. I turn his wrist over, just to make sure.

"So you didn't try anything?"

"No," he assures me. "I wanted to. All I could think about was how much I had hurt you. How my hands felt as they wrapped around your throat in 13. How I don't deserve you. I wanted to do it but something stopped me. I had the knife in my hand, ready, and something stayed my hand. And then you burst in and I just felt myself drowning in your love. I wasn't prepared for it and sometimes I'm so happy that I can't even breathe. And then that happiness is run over by fear, which chokes me until I'm struggling for breath. But I know you'll protect me. You always have."

Peeta still manages to take my breath away with his words. Really and truly, he would have been a much better Mockingjay than me and I know Coin knew that. I wonder how things would be if our roles had been reversed. If I had been the one to be tortured and twisted. Would he have continued to fight for me?

Of course he would. I chide myself for even doubting it for a second. Peeta loves me unconditionally. He would never stop fighting for me. He has never stopped fighting for me. And how can he possibly say I have always protected him? Hadn't I let him out of my sight and lost him to the Capitol? Hadn't I abandoned him to their torture and abuse for weeks and weeks, and then even afterwards while he was trying to heal? I wasn't a protector. I destroyed him.

I feel his fingers between my eyes and I lean back.

"What are you doing?"

"Smoothing out that frown line you have. What's going through your head?"

I don't want to voice my thoughts so I just shrug.

"Just thinking about if you had been the Mockingjay." He frowns and leans back to look at me more clearly.

"What? Why?"

"Coin wanted to save you rather than me. She should have saved you."

"Katniss-"

"You would have been able to lead the Rebels to victory with such ease. You could inspire the districts with just your words. Maybe there would have been so much less death if it had been you leading."

"What have I told you about playing this game," he takes my face in his hands and I frown.

"What game?"

"The what-if game. It doesn't do us any good to wonder what could have been. Just try to put the past behind you as best you can."

"Ok," I give in. He's right and I know it. It's easier said than done but I need to try, if we are ever going to live a normal life together. He leans down and kisses me and his hands entwine with mine.

"Before we put it completely behind us, I have to know. When did you do this?" I don't need to ask him to explain himself. He is gripping my hands tightly and his eyes seem to be pleading. I sigh and lower my head.

"Not long before you returned. I wasn't eating and I hadn't moved from my chair. Sae came every morning to try to make me eat. Haymitch stopped coming. I think he was just as tired as I was. I hoped and hoped for you and told myself I had to keep waiting because I knew you would come back to me. But I had this…terrible nightmare and I woke up thrashing and I imagined you running in and holding me, like you always do. Except…I blinked and then you were gone," I fight to keep the tears out of my voice but of course I'm failing. He reaches up and pushes my hair behind my ear as he continues to hold onto my hand.

"Go on," he says softly.

"I went back to sleep and dreamed of everyone. Prim. Finnick. Rue. My father. Boggs. Cato. Madge. All of the Star Squad. All of the tributes. Everyone came out of their graves to taunt me. And I woke up and realized those ghosts would never leave me. And without you…life just wasn't worth living anymore. So I took my hunting knife and as soon as I had done it, I regretted it and came to my senses. I yelled at myself for giving up on you and I bandaged it the way my mom showed me a long time ago. I hid it from everyone because I was ashamed. I hoped you would never find out because even though I am covered in scars, this scar haunts me the most. Not the ones that I got the day my sister died but the one that reminds me of the moment that I lost every bit of hope." I sniffle and feel him tug me closer. His arms wrap around me and he rests his chin on my shoulder. His hand strokes my hair and I feel him shaking beneath me.

"You don't have to be ashamed of it," he tells me in a soft voice. "We all have our moments of weakness. And you saved yourself from it, so be proud that you were able to talk yourself down. There were so many times I would have tried in the Capitol, if I had anything. The doctors kept my room completely empty because they knew I would try it. I was convinced I had lost you. I had no reason to keep going." I blink back tears as I lean back to study him. But he keeps going.

"But then, Haymitch called me one day and told me you weren't doing well. That you needed me. I argued with him that you were better off without me and he yelled at me to wake up. 'You've always protected her, boy, now I need you to pull yourself together so you can keep on protecting her'," I grin at his Haymitch impersonation. "So I did. I told Aurelius I had to get better because I had someone waiting for me. I didn't know if you loved me, I didn't even know if I loved you like I once had, but I knew I had to get back to you. Ever since the Games, we've been stronger together. That's why I was so angry that they managed to separate us in the Quell. I should have refused because we are stronger together-"

"Peeta-" I try to pacify him but he just shakes his head.

"And I think that's why Snow went after me. Why he even came up with that plan with the hijacking. Because he knew together, we'd be a force to be reckoned with."

"He just wanted to destroy me," I say, choking back a sob. "He used you to destroy me. It wasn't even about programming you to kill me. It was about killing your love for me. Snow knew me. He knew how selfish I was. He knew how much it would hurt me to lose the one person who loved me above all else." I realize this isn't entirely true. There were two people who loved me above all else. But since he couldn't get to one of them, he took Peeta. And still, I lost both of them in the end.

As if he knows my thoughts, Peeta takes my hands and wraps my arms around his waist.

"I'm still here," he says firmly. "I'll always be right here."

"I know." He pulls me in for a kiss and I lay down, my head resting directly above his heart. At that moment I hear both our stomachs growl and a deep resounding laughter makes his body shake.

"I guess we should probably eat some dinner." In the chaos of all that has happened I'd completely forgotten the squirrels back at my place. I decide not to mention hunting, afraid I will set him off.

"Let's go see if we can find something to make." We walk down the stairs together, his arm around my waist and he's refusing to let go. We check the fridge and see we have stuff to make sandwiches. Peeta glances at me as he starts to slice the bread.

"Why don't you go get cleaned up while I make our dinner?" I glance down and bite my lip, realizing I am still wearing what had set him off in the first place. His head is lowered and his eyes are on the bread so I wonder how he slept beside me with no problems. I quickly run upstairs and jump in the shower, tossing the bloody clothes into a hamper so that I can do laundry before he sees. I scrub my body from head to toe and quickly run my fingers through my hair.

When I'm finished, I go to my drawer in Peeta's dresser and pull out a pair of silk pajamas before going back downstairs.

He looks up and smiles when I enter the room and he pushes a plate toward me.

"I'm going to clean up while you eat," he tells me. "I also want to put some medicine on that bruise."

"Haymitch took care of it earlier."

"I have some stronger stuff," he says firmly. I merely nod and he kisses me on the head before he hurries upstairs. I chew my sandwich in silence, dreading going into town again and having people ask me about my face. Not many people know about what happened in 13 and many just don't understand the hijacking. We haven't bothered to explain it either. As far as I'm concerned, it's over. Peeta overcame it better than anyone ever has. He will have flashbacks all his life but I will have nightmares for the rest of mine. We can be basket cases together. I sometimes wish Johanna lived near us, so she could join in the mental party of three messed up victors.

When he comes back in, I suck in a breath at the sight of him without a shirt on. He has taken to wearing only pajama pants to bed and I have no reason whatsoever to complain. His hair is still dripping from the shower and droplets of water drip down his chest toward the delicious V I always love to ogle. Peeta stops and smirks at me, shaking his head.

"What naughty thoughts are running through the Mockingjay's head right now?"

"What makes you think you know what I'm thinking about?"

"Oh Katniss, please. Your eyes are nearly dilated with lust." My jaw drops and he swoops down on me for a kiss before I can protest.

"I'd be happy to indulge every wicked thought in that brain of yours," he whispers against my lips, his hand finding its way into my hair. I gasp and jerk back, my eyes searching his face. He smirks again and sits across from me. Just like that, the smirk is gone and my gentle, caring Peeta is back.

"This might be a little cold." He opens a jar of cream and he scoops out a generous amount and very gently, his fingertips rake across my cheek. I grimace but don't say anything and his eyes flick downward.

"How does that feel?" The cooling sensations are wonderful and I feel the pain easing away.

"Much better." He nods and closes the lid before moving his hand back to my face and he evens the cream out with his thumb.

"What is this stuff?"

"They gave it to me for my burns. It really helped with the scars and they said to put it on any bruises or cuts I may have. I put it on my scars twice a day."

"I wish they'd given me something like this," I say softly as I inspect the jar. "The Capitol tried to re-make my skin but after Coin…well, I sort of ruined my new body and they didn't really know what to do about it." Peeta frowns and pushes my hair out of my eyes.

"I can put some on your scars, if you like?" The idea of him touching my scarred body, touching my scars directly, scares me at first. But then I shake myself and realize that he has touched every inch of my body with the utmost adoration and love. I nod and he stands up, holding a hand out to me. I take it and he leads me upstairs into the bedroom. He sets the jar of cream on the nightstand and turns to me. His eyes never leaving mine, his hands slide under the hem of my shirt and he pulls upward. I shiver from the cold air and he glances over at the open window, moving toward it but I stop him.

"I'm ok." He bites his lip but his hands go to my waist and he slowly pulls my pajama pants down. I'm standing in nothing but a pair of blue panties and he sucks in a breath.

"You're so beautiful it hurts." I blush and it spreads across my whole body. He grins and leans in to kiss my neck. "You're even more beautiful when you blush. So pink and perfect." His fingers hook onto my panties and he pulls them down, kneeling in front of me. He looks up at me and I down at him and our eyes meet. He leans forward to kiss my stomach and my skin flinches. He smiles up at me with that perfect crooked grin he has and he stands up again.

"Lie down on your stomach." He fluffs a pillow for me and I obey. I'm feeling rather exposed at the moment, especially since he is fully clothed but his lips travel across my back and make my fears disappear. I hear him open the jar and his hands are on my back, pressing down with his fingertips and sometimes his knuckles. It feels so unbelievably good that I let out a little moan. He chuckles and continues to massage the medicine into my skin. He follows the path of scars across my back and down my thighs. When he has covered every inch of my backside, I feel his lips at my neck.

"Turn over." I do as he says and stare up at him. He collects more medicine on his fingers and starts at my collarbone where the fire licked up neck. My eyes flutter shut as his hands work their magic and I tilt my head back just a bit. I feel his lips right beneath my chin and they slowly kiss down my throat. I'm at complete peace here with Peeta and I completely forget, for a moment, where these scars even came from.

* * *

><p>I love seeing her so relaxed. I remember giving her massages before, on the Victory Tour, but this is something else. At first I was surprised that she had agreed to let me do this. I know she is still uncomfortable with her body. But at least mine matches hers. The fires that claimed her sister as well as many other lives marked us as the same.<p>

While she stares up me, I see her eyes flit across my chest and I grin. I lean over to get more medicine on my fingers and I feel the cooling effects. This stuff has helped me so much with my scars and my prosthesis. I can see that it is helping her. Even so long after the incident, we can still feel pain in these scars. My hands trace across her body, following the lines of fire down her stomach and across her thighs. Her face and her breasts were practically untouched. Her legs and thighs suffered the most. Parts of her stomach still look raw and I make sure to rub an extra amount in. I'm not trying to make it sexual by any means. Of course it's impossible to ignore how hard I'm getting from touching her naked body but I won't tell Katniss that. I need to show a little self-control and she would probably agree with me. She tries to sit up and looks a little uneasy.

"I don't want to use it all up. Thank you for that. It feels so much better."

"I'm glad. And you won't use it all up. I have several jars of this. We can do this every night, if you want."

"Do you want me to do the same for you?"

Her hands on my skin right now may cause me to explode. But it sounds wonderful so I nod eagerly and we switch places. Mine aren't nearly as bad as hers. I was behind her, after all. I had run into the square, to protect her, when I saw the parachutes explode. She had run after Prim, screaming her name and I had run toward her. When I saw the fire attack Katniss, I ran into the flames without question. I had taken my jacket off and tried to beat the fire off but she still lay unconscious in front of me. So I carried her to the hospital, screaming for help. I can still feel the flames beating down on me and I shudder. It doesn't go unnoticed and she leans back a little.

"You ok?"

"Yeah. Yeah I'm fine."

"You're thinking about that day too." I bite my lip as I turn onto my stomach.

"How could you not," she continues. "I replay that day over and over in my mind every night." I'm silent and I close my eyes when I feel her start to massage the cream into my shoulders and down my back. She's quicker about it and I flip onto my back when she tells me to. She's sitting beside me and she has tears in her eyes. I sit up and my hands go to the back of her head, pulling her in for a kiss. It's soft and sweet and brief. When she pulls back, she looks like she wants to say something.

"What?" I ask her before she even opens her mouth.

"It's just…that day. I didn't even see you…I thought you had gone back to Tigris's shop. I hoped you had anyway. But you had to have been in the Square with me."

"You think I could just walk away, knowing you were in danger? I followed you the whole way. I kept my eye on you and Gale and when all hell broke loose and I saw Gale captured, I ran after you, calling your name. But you didn't hear me. So I kept you in my sight and stayed behind you, ready to defend you when you needed it." She looks surprised at my confession and I gently stroke her cheek.

"You honestly think I could have just left you there?"

"I-I didn't know what you were feeling. When we said goodbye that morning…I didn't think I would ever see you again. And I had so many things I wanted to tell you, I just-"

"I know, Katniss," I say gently, stopping her speech. My hand rests on hers and she chokes back a sob.

"So you were there, burning with me." She leans back, her eyes wide and beautiful. "It was you," she says in realization. "You were the one who got me out." I bite my lip and glance down at the blankets.

"After the parachutes went off and everything was on fire, I found you unconscious. I-I went looking for Prim but…I couldn't find her. I could only get you to the hospital before I passed out too. I don't know who found us but I was screaming for you as soon as I woke up, demanding to know what had happened to you. We had been separated like…before… and I wasn't going to lose you again."

"Oh Peeta," she is sobbing and she throws herself into my arms. I hold her shaking body close, stroking her hair and her back, telling her over and over that I love her. She clings to me like I'm her lifeline. Like I am her last shot at life and for the first time, I realize the truth of this metaphor. She has told me time and time again that I have saved her life, in more ways than one. That she had given up hope when she thought she had lost me. Haymitch has told me how she was in 13, when I was still in the Capitol. That she hid in closets and cried in front of everyone. It's hard to believe the strong girl on fire that I entered the Games with is now so broken.

But then, I guess we are all broken. The Games does that. And the War did it. We lost our families, friends, neighbors. We lost ourselves for a time. I'm furious at the world for everything that I was robbed off. But at least I was not robbed of Katniss Everdeen. She is the one good thing in my life and I'll be damned if someone takes that goodness from me now.

"I'm sorry," she is saying as she wipes at her tears. My thumb wipes them from the corner of her eyes and I kiss her forehead, then lay back down.

"Nothing to be sorry for," I tell her gently. She nods and scoops up more cream from the jar. My back suffered the most but the scars make their way up around my shoulders and down my chest. I watch her fingers as they travel that path, her touches light and teasing. She tosses her hair to one side and bends down, and I feel her lips on my skin. Her kisses are better than the medicine, I decide. She kisses my throat and down my chest, her tongue darting out to wrap around my nipple and I let out a shiver. She kisses my bellybutton and I swear my cock jumps to attention in a millisecond. She goes back to massaging the medicine into my arms and I twitch uncomfortably. She has to know what she is doing to me. The smug grin she is trying to hide confirms it. I feel her fingers under the waistband of my pants and I sit straight up. She raises a brow and looks remarkably calm. Little minx.

"You want me to put some on your legs, don't you?"

"Um…y-yes. But you can just push them up a little-"

"I can't get to them that way. Lift your hips." Swallowing, I do as she says and she pulls my pants off, leaving me in my boxer briefs with absolutely no way to hide how turned on I am. She glances down and I see that smirk return. She clears her throat and my head hits the pillow as I close my eyes, doing everything I can to think of something else. But when I open my eyes, her face is just inches from my center and I release some kind of groan of longing. She ignores it and uses her knuckles to massage my inner thighs, so very close to where I want her hands to end up.

"Do you want me to take off your leg?" Her voice is softer and she looks sad. She's always blamed herself for my lost leg. When in fact she saved my life. I shake my head and lean up just a little.

"I'm fine. I'll take it off later." I don't tell her that I will need it if I intend to fuck her senseless and that's where I hope the evening will lead to. She nods and finishes up with my legs. My scars tingle pleasantly and I sigh, as she leans over and places the jar on the table. She's sitting between my legs, just staring at me and I swallow awkwardly.

"Anything else you need massaged?" Oh shit. I'm sure she can just see me twitching through my underwear.

"Um…n-no?" But she just shrugs and leans over to turn off the light.

"Ok. Night then. Thanks for the medicine." Wait. WHAT? Is she really doing this to me? I look over and see her lying down on her side and settling down to go to sleep. No. Fucking. Way.

I flip her onto her back and hover over her, my hands trapping hers over her head. Her eyes are wide and filled with desire and that annoyingly adorable smirk is back at her lips.

"Took you long enough," she mutters.

"Are you trying to kill me," I groan, kneeing her legs apart.

"I was trying to do other things but I'm not a good seductress." I lean down and take her lower lip into my mouth, biting gently.

"You just have no idea what you do to me." She lifts her knee and rubs against my arousal and my eyes slam shut.

"I think I have a pretty good idea," she whispers slyly. My eyes narrow and I reach between us, spreading her legs even wider. Two can play this game. She is already so wet that my fingers easily slip right in. She tosses her head back and moans my name, which I'll admit, just makes me harder. I decide I'm done with her teasing and it's time to return the favor. I slide my fingers up and down, slowly and can tell she is getting frustrated.

"Peeta."

"Hm?"

"Stop…teasing," she says through gritted teeth which makes me chuckle. I lean down and suck at her neck, relishing the taste of her. I start pumping my fingers in and out and feel her jerk her hips. But it's not enough. I know it's not. And I'm not ready for her to come yet, so I withdraw my fingers and ignore her frustrated cry.

"Payback's a bitch, isn't it," I say before I claim her lips as my own. I release her hands and feel her leaning me back until my head hits the pillow again. She breaks our kiss and moves down to suck on my nipples, while her hand rests directly over my underwear. I thrust into her hands and she smiles against my skin. Her hair tickles as she goes lower and lower, until her fingers pull at the band of my underwear and I help her slide them down my legs. She gives me an appreciative look before she lowers her head and I feel her tongue just graze my tip. My hands fist in her hair as she starts to take me completely in her mouth and I struggle to hold on for as long as I can. Her eyes meet mine and I'm gone. I barely have time to utter her name before I'm exploding in her mouth. At first I'm afraid that she'll be upset but she smacks her lips and gives my cock a good long lick before she comes back up to me.

"Fuck Katniss," I manage to gasp out.

"There's an idea. Why don't you fuck me, nice and slow?" My jaw drops at her brazenness and my head sinks into the pillow.

"Give me a second, love, I need to catch my breath."

"Catch it fast." She straddles me and my hands fly to her hips, as I feel her wetness on my chest. Oh this could be fun. I pull her up and start to slide down underneath her. She casts me a confused look but my face is already at her center and my tongue darts out to taste her. She screams and her hands shoot out to clutch the bed frame. My hands move up her stomach, slowly, and cup her breasts as my tongue slides up and down her slit. Her knees are clamping down on my ears but I feel like I could stay here, in this moment, for the rest of my life. The noises that are coming from my girl are inhuman. Small, lustful squeaks as she grinds against my mouth. She bends backwards and I feel her hands on my stomach, drifting lower as she bends even more. The sounds she is making make me come alive again and her hand caressing me is only fueling the fire. I grip her hips tightly, bringing her closer so I can thrust my tongue completely inside her. I guess she's not expecting that because she lets out a stream of curse words with my name between them. She leans forward and places her hands on the wall, steadying herself so I can hold onto her more firmly. I eagerly lap her up, paying attention to her moans and cries. When I feel her start to jerk over me, I turn my attention to her clit and tug it into my mouth.

"Fuck! Peeta! FUCK!" My mouth latches onto her and I devour her essence. She collapses forward, bracing herself with her hands against the wall. I wrap my arms around her waist and lean up to kiss her. I always think it's so hot when she kisses me like this, tasting herself on my lips. Her fingers wind around my curls and tug and she scoots lower, grinding against me. I hastily reach into the drawer and pull out a condom and she takes it from me. When she has it unwrapped, she rolls it over me and grips me as she slides down over me. We both let out deep moans as we are joined again and she starts to ride me furiously, her small breasts bouncing up and down as she takes me inside her. It's the most glorious sight I have ever beheld. My fingers grip her hips tightly as I thrust up into her and I know I won't last long. She feels too damn good, surrounding me. Her wet walls flutter and I feel her clench around me. Damn that didn't take long. She leans down to kiss me and tugs my lip with her teeth.

"Come inside me, Peeta." With a strangled cry, I jerk my hips and feel myself explode. I can pretend that it's inside her and not in the condom and I pull out of her and toss the condom in the trash. We're both heaving and she collapses on my chest, her hair damp and tangled.

"I must look a mess," she gasps. She's the most beautiful mess I have ever seen. Skin flushed pink, chest heaving with her breasts moving up and down, her hair a crown of tangles, and a wide smile, all because of me and what we just did. I tenderly stroke her back as we lay together, drifting off to sleep.

"Katniss?" I'm afraid that she's already fallen asleep and I regret opening my mouth.

"Hm?" She sounds like she's already halfway to dreamland.

"What, er, happened…after I left the Bakery? Did you meet with Thom?"

"I told him we would call him when you were ready," she says as she attempts to hide a yawn. "I thought you could call him tomorrow and let him know what you'd like to do, so you don't have to be there at the site just yet. He gave me plans to bring home to you, so we can look over them." I glance sideways at her and feel my heart full to the brim for love for this girl. If I had thought I loved her when I was 5, I was fooling myself. I think I'm finally understanding the difference between loving someone and being in love.

And I am definitely, unequivocally in love with Katniss Everdeen.


	19. Chapter 19

I wake before Peeta, which sort of surprises me. I glance out the window and realize it's the first time I have woken up before the sun in a long time. I give him a soft kiss on the cheek before I slide out of his arms and my feet hit the cold wood floor. I quickly dress and hurry downstairs, grabbing my bow and game bag and quietly as I can, slip out the door.

The morning proves successful as I make it back to Victor's Village with two rabbits and a turkey. I know Sae will be able to use most of this meat but it will make some good dinners for Peeta and me as well. I stop to talk to Thom before heading back and I tell him of Haymitch's idea. He agrees and promises to gather the Mellarks' remains and dig a gravesite at the meadow for them. I thank him and tell him I will tell Peeta about it today. Perhaps we can have a funeral at sunset, which is Peeta's favorite time.

Remembering yesterday's incident, I walk into my old house and lock my door behind me and set to skinning and preparing the animals. When I finish, I go up and take a shower and hurry out of my quiet house. It's too eerie to stay over there by myself for long. But if it's what I need to do to keep Peeta and I safe, I'll endure the silence for a few hours.

Peeta is kneading dough when I walk in and he looks up and smiles in relief. I take a moment to appreciate the view, as he is leaning over the counter in only his blue boxers. The way his muscles flex as he kneads and the way he leans into the counter, makes me remember how he looks when he is leaning over me, thrusting deep into me over and over.

"Hey you." I make my way to him and kiss him briefly on the lips before I deposit my game bag on the floor.

"I'm sorry I left before you woke up but I wanted to really hunt today."

"I was worried for a second but then realized where you must have gone. Any luck?"

"Lots," I say with a smile as I hold up my full bag. "Rabbit and turkey. I'm going to drop one of the rabbits at Sae's. Would you like to come with me?"

"Sure. I called Thom and asked him to meet with me about the plans." I raise my brow and want to ask but don't know how. As usual, Peeta knows exactly what I'm thinking.

"We're meeting him at the Hob. I can't…I don't want to go the bakery again just yet. Give myself a few days." I nod and lean in to kiss him again. This one is longer and I let him know how proud I am of him with this kiss. How much I love him. He smiles and looks a little dazed when I pull away.

"I think that's smart," I say softly. "Do you want me to go with you?"

"I was hoping you would. We can drop the meat by Sae's before we go." I nod and wrap my arms around his bare waist.

"That means you'll have to wear clothes." He pretends to pout, which just makes me laugh.

"And here I thought I could just stay in my underwear all day."

"I'd much prefer that but if we are going to leave the house, we should probably be decent."

"Who expects decent? I'm a raving mad Victor, remember?" My smile falls and I know he senses the tension.

"Don't, Peeta," I say softly, almost warningly and I see his Adam's apple bob up and down nervously.

"What are you baking?" It's a terrible attempt at changing the subject but I can tell we both need it. He's looking quite strained and I imagine I probably am too. He returns to his kneading.

"Just making a tart for dinner tonight."

"I wonder if Johanna has left yet." He nods.

"She called me earlier to let me know she's stopping in 4 to see Annie. You know she had her baby, right?" I feel my throat tighten and nod. The news had come not long ago, from who else but my own mother. She wouldn't stay and care for me but she went to 4 with Annie and took care of her. I suppose I'm selfish to say I was angry with her. My own mother caring for another woman. But I have to remind myself that Annie was all alone, after Finnick…

So was I. I was all alone, damn it. Peeta stayed in the Capitol and I had no idea if he was coming back. I'd been used to my mother's lack of maternal care by the time of the Reaping. But this was a different kind of hurt.

Peeta, always in tune with my emotions, reaches out to me and pulls me to his chest.

"Hey," he says soothingly. "We don't need her around. We've got each other. I can protect you just fine."

"I know you can," I agree with him. "But…it just hurts that she-"

"I know. But we're doing fine, aren't we?" I reach up and caress his face and watch him relax.

"We're more than fine," I assure him. He smiles and leans down to kiss me, his hands running through my hair.

"Let me just get dressed and we can go. Can you grab the plans for me?"

"Of course." His footsteps are heavy on the stairs as he rushes up to the bedroom to change and I find the rolled up blueprints in the living room. When he comes back, I bite my lip and stare at the floor. I feel him watching me.

"Peeta, there's something that you should know." He's silent, waiting for me to continue.

"Since the bakery site is being cleaned up for you, Thom, um…Thom found your family." He tenses and his eyes are wide. I immediately to go him and wrap my arms around his waist.

"We thought…it would be nice to have a little funeral and put them to rest. Properly." His eyes are filled with tears and I hold him tight. I feel him starting to shake and I pull him even closer.

"You don't have to, of course. I just thought it would be nice-"

"No," he croaks. "I want to do it. I need to say goodbye to them."

"Peeta-" I start but I realize I don't know what to say. What is there to say really? How would I feel if I were burying Prim? Well...I don't know what ever happened to all those bodies in the Capitol. I never asked.

I bite my lip and feel him stroke my cheek.

"Thank you, Katniss. For always thinking of me." I feel intensely guilty at his words. He and I both know I haven't always thought of him. He's too kind for saying so. But I don't correct him. I take his hand and kiss his palm and bring it back to my cheek. He kisses the top of my head before he takes my hand and leads me outside.

* * *

><p>We hold hands the whole time we are in town and I notice we are getting even more stares. Sae is excited that we have brought her meat but her hand flies to my cheek and she looks worried.<p>

"Child, what have you done to yourself?" Peeta tenses up next to me and I squeeze his hand.

"I fell when I was out hunting. But it doesn't hurt, Sae. Peeta has been taking wonderful care of me." Sae smiles and gently pats his cheek.

"Of course he has. You're a good boy, Peeta. You take care of my Katniss, you hear?"

"Always will, Sae," he assures the old woman. Sae smiles and returns to her customers and we say our goodbyes.

"I'm glad to see Sae is doing well with her restaurant," Peeta says as we make our way to the Hob. I nod in agreement. Sae decided to open a restaurant several months ago and Brent helped her with obtaining land. Now that she doesn't have to cook with scraps of whatever we can find, people actually love eating her food. And it gives her something to do besides watching her granddaughter all the time.

"I'm glad to see the district is healing," I say quietly. "It's not just us but the entire district. I don't recognize so many places. Look at the Hob! I have never seen it this busy." We watched as people rushed by, holding onto their purchases or running over to particular stalls. It was no longer a black market. People could actually buy and trade now. We were right. Panem was truly healing and it was because of us. Us and all those that we have lost. Peeta squeezes my hand, as if he knows exactly what I'm thinking, and he spots Thom at one of the stalls.

"Morning Peeta! Miss Katniss," Thom nods to both of us. They shake hands and I hand Thom the plans that I am carrying. While they look over the sheets of blueprints, I wander to the many stalls that are now set up. I'm amazed to see what people are selling. It's not just odds and ends anymore. It's home-made items, like blankets and drapes and furniture. Glenn Brells, who was a miner with Gale, has always been wonderful at carpentry. He has an entire stall set up with wooden furniture and woodcarvings. I wander from stall to stall, transfixed.

At the end of the row I stop next to a stall that is selling beautiful glass art. I stare at a delicate glass flower, amazed by how the sun hits it and sends rainbows all over the ground. At first I was afraid that it was a rose but upon closer inspection, I discovered that it is closer to a primrose than an actual rose. It's beautiful and the craftsmanship is extraordinary. I feel rather than hear him come up behind me and feel arms wrap around my waist.

"That's really beautiful," he whispers into my hair. I nod.

"All of these glass things are. But this is my favorite. If only they had a dandelion," I grin as I turn into him and kiss his cheek. He smiles, his eyes still on the glass flower. The woman comes over to us and bows her head.

"I'd like this one please," Peeta says loudly, motioning toward the flower and pulling out his wallet. My hand flies to his wrist.

"Peeta, no. You don't have to."

"I know I don't. But what is the use of having all these winnings if I can't spend them on pretty things for my girl?" I can't help but smile. Most Seam people could never accept a gift like this. Especially from a Merchant. But his words are what makes it ok, his term "my girl" make me giddy. So I smile and kiss him and he pulls back, breathless.

"If you're going to kiss me like that every time I buy you something, I'll buy you this whole market." I grin and wrap my arms around his waist. He accepts the box from the lady and nods his thanks before he wraps his arms around me and leads me out of the Hob.


	20. Chapter 20

_**The reviews are SUPER awesome, thank you SO SO much! Here's a nice long one for you all! Have a great weekend! :) **_

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><p>I fidget in my suit and pull at my collar. I've worn a lot tighter, in the Capitol, and maybe that's what is upsetting me. These clothes remind me of when they dressed me up in the Capitol, when I had to do propos for them. When they wanted me to try to save Katniss by telling her to cease fire. I feel a hand on my shoulder and I jump.<p>

"I'm sorry," she says meekly.

"It's fine," I breathe as I pull her into my arms. I'm beyond grateful that I have her by my side today. I don't think I would make it through otherwise.

Katniss told me that Thom found my family and she proposed the idea of burying them in the meadow. At first I was against the idea…it seemed wrong just tossing them on top of our neighbors in one big mass grave but Katniss said that Thom had dug a little spot that was separate from the pit. I'm extremely touched and grateful for this and agreed we should have something of a proper funeral. Since I never got to say goodbye to them, this seems appropriate.

When we get outside, Haymitch is coming down his porch, wearing an old suit of his. I'm surprised and quite touched. He claps my shoulder.

"Didn't want you kids to be alone today."

"Thanks Haymitch."

We walk to the meadow together and I see Delly and Sae there as well. Katniss squeezes my hand, when I notice I haven't released her hand the whole time.

"I didn't think you would want a big affair but these are our family and they knew them too." I nod in agreement. Delly comes up to hug me and I blink back tears. The grave is freshly dug and there is a crude sort of headstone that says Mellark on it.

They're not in an unmarked grave and this gives me some comfort. Even though most of District 12 cannot afford gravestones and are marked with a piece of bark or a pebble from the stream, I appreciate this gesture. I drop to my knees in front of the fresh soil and stare down, suddenly wondering how much of them Thom was able to find.

I feel sick and squeeze my eyes shut. I feel Katniss's hand on my shoulder and I reach up and squeeze it. I feel her love flowing through me and it gives me strength. Haymitch, Sae, and Delly stand behind us, a little ways off and I silently say my farewells to my family. I had already come to terms I would never see them again. After all, I was going into the Quell prepared to die. I had said my goodbyes and my father said he understood. My brothers pleaded for me to just try to come home but I made my father promise to take care of Prim and Mrs. Everdeen if anything happened to Katniss. He promised to do so and then he hugged me.

I look up at the sky and see it is my favorite shade of orange right now. So many beautiful colors paint the clouds. Reds and oranges and yellows and a little bit of a dark indigo as night is coming out soon.

It's peaceful. It's a nice spot to lay them to rest.

"I love you. All of you," I whisper before I struggle to my feet. Katniss helps me up and I turn to face my friends.

Delly sniffles as she comes forward to say farewell and she kisses my cheek before she hurries away. Sae gives me a big hug and tells me I am my father's son. Patting my cheek gently, she too walks back toward town. Now it's only Haymitch, Katniss, and me. Katniss has a bundle of dandelions in her hands and she places them over the grave. When she comes back to me, she wraps her arm around my waist and rests her head on my arm. We three stand there, staring at the grave for the longest time, before Haymitch is the first to turn away. Katniss takes my hand and kisses my knuckles.

"Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Mellark," she says loudly and I turn to look at her. "Thank you for bringing this perfect person into the world. I will do everything in my power to take care of him. I promise." My eyes fill with tears and I pull her in for a hug. Her arms wrap around my neck and she breathes softly.

"Let's go home," I say into her hair and I feel her nod. We clasp hands and she leads me back to our home.

Our home. District 12 has always been where I've lived but I've found home in Katniss's arms.

* * *

><p>"Katniss, you home?" I stomp the snow off my shoes before I go into the house and sigh at the warmth of the room. 12 has been getting colder and colder and the walk from the bakery to Victor's Village is starting to destroy me. But I can't help the flushed cheeks and the excited grin I have every time I come home from the construction. It's coming along nicely and I cannot wait until Katniss sees the finished product. It's been several months since Thom assembled a construction crew to start and they have come really far in such a short time. And in those months, Katniss and I have just grown closer. She moved her things out of her house and into mine and hardly goes over there anymore, except when she's been hunting and she needs to prepare the meat. We don't speak about that god-awful day but I know that's why she's started to do this. I want to tell her that it's ok, to just work over here but I'm terrified that I'll have another flashback and hurt her again. I haven't had one since that day. If I feel close to one, I dig my fingernails into my palms and let it pass. If Katniss is near me, she wraps her arms around me and presses my head into her chest. It makes me feel safe and loved, knowing she's close by and so protective of me. I hang up my coat and scarf by the door and glance at the dark kitchen.<p>

Ok, that's strange. She should be home. She can't be hunting, it's too cold for anything. And it's nearly dark anyway.

"Katniss?" I walk through the house, feeling dread start to set in. It's too dark for my liking. Too silent.

I finally find her in front of the fireplace, stretched out on her stomach and sobbing into her arms.

"Katniss!" I drop to my knees next to her and scoop her up into my arms. She automatically curls up and wraps her arms around my neck. I sigh against her hair and reach up to wipe away her tears.

"What's wrong, love?" It's then that I notice the large brown book a few inches away. I reach over and flip it over and suck in a breath.

"Oh Katniss," my arms tighten around her and she's sobbing into my chest.

"I…I tried…writing about some of her favorite things…I couldn't even write her name."

"Katniss, sweetheart, I thought we agreed we were going to wait awhile before we added her to the Memory Book? And why were you doing this without me? You could have waited until I got home."

"It's been ages, Peeta. And I still can't say her name. What is wrong with me?"

"Nothing is wrong with you," I assure her. "Pain takes a long time to heal. Some hurts never heal. You have to give it time, Katniss. Don't push yourself and make it worse. You have come so far and I am so proud of you. She would be too." Her sobs cease but she continues to hold onto my shirt with a death-grip. I hold her in my lap for as long as she wants. I see the fire barely flickering and I notice how cold this room is. When I feel how cold her skin is, I shake my head.

"Here, I'm going to stoke the fire. Sit here for a minute." I deposit her on the floor, against the couch, and I move to the fireplace, putting more logs on and watching the flames build. A month ago, the sight made Katniss have a screaming fit. Haymitch had come running over, probably terrified that I was trying to kill her. But the sight of the flames had caused her to run out of the house, screaming, and it took hours for us to get her back inside and calmed down. After that, I learned that I had to be careful. But as we moved into the colder months, she adapted and I felt so proud of her for how far she had come. I curled up on the floor next to her and pulled her into my arms again. I reached behind us for the blanket on the couch and draped it over both of us. I could see the flames flickering in her eyes and I softly kissed her cheek, afraid to disrupt the calm.

"Let's put the book away for tonight, ok? We'll work on it, together, tomorrow." She nodded and I leaned over and closed the book.

The Memory Book had been Katniss's and Aurelius's idea. I know he was relieved that she seemed so enthusiastic about it. She had the idea that she wanted to remember everyone. We were to write about anyone and everyone and I attempted to draw a picture next to her descriptions. It became our project, like the plant book, and helped us grow together even more. We invited Haymitch into the project and after several evenings of pleading with him, he walked in and said in the most solemn voice, "Maysilee Donnor, District 12." And he had walked out with a bottle clutched in his hand. When he had returned the following evening, he told us everything he could about Maysilee.

We added Rue a few weeks ago and it was one of the worst breakdowns I've seen her have. I held her all night, refusing to release her for fear of what she would do. The next morning, she had withdrawn completely and refused to move from the bed. Two days of this and I couldn't do anything to help her. I cried and begged and pleaded for her to eat, to get up, to come back to me. Nothing I did helped. I had gone outside and clipped a primrose from the garden I had planted for her next to the house. I dropped the flower into her lap and she looked up at me with a blank expression.

"She would not want this for you, Katniss. Prim would want you to keep on living. Rue told you that you had to win. She wanted you to live. Both girls are safe now and watching over you. Don't insult their memories by destroying yourself." Having nothing else to say, I had left. When I returned, I found her showered and dressed, sitting on the couch and flipping through the book. She had launched herself at me and I have to say it was one of the most intense lovemaking sessions we had, right there in the living room floor, right in front of this very fireplace. I grin as I remember how loud she had screamed my name that night. I swear that the windows were rattling.

Katniss shifts next to me and I glance at her out of the corner of my eye. She pulls her hair around to one side and leans her head on my shoulder.

"How is the bakery coming along?" She asks in an exhausted voice.

"Really good! I'm going to order some ovens tomorrow. Thom says it should be completed by the beginning of spring."

"Peeta, that's wonderful." I smile as she attempts to stifle a yawn. Moving quickly, I sweep her into my arms and stand up.

"Come on, let's get you to bed."

I carry her up to our room and gently put her to bed. Leaning over, I give her a soft kiss on the forehead before I turn to leave. I desperately need a shower and to change for bed. I feel her small hands gripping my arm and see her lip trembling.

"Don't go. Will you stay with me until I fall asleep?" I smile and kick my shoes off, getting ready to climb into bed with her. When I pull her to me, I notice she is shivering pretty violently.

"Katniss?" I stare down at her, a worried expression coming over my face. She buries herself in my shirt and I wrap my arms around her, shielding her from the cold. But it doesn't seem to be doing any good. If anything, her shivering is worsening.

"Katniss, what's wrong?"

"I don't feel so great," she says in a muffled voice, not looking up from my chest.

"Yeah, I got that. Tell me what's going on."

"I just don't feel well, Peeta," she snaps. She finally looks up at me and her eyes fill with tears. "Oh Peeta, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"It's fine," I stop her. I've been with her long enough to know and understand her mood swings. I'm probably the only person in the world who will tolerate them. Haymitch certainly loses it when he has had enough. He leaves our house, screaming about the "fucking Mockingjay" (his words, not mine). I think Haymitch and Katniss like to see how they can rile each other up. They're too much alike and that's something I learned a long time ago. I lean down to kiss her head and tell her to stay there.

I hurry into our bathroom and get the water running. It doesn't take long to fill up my enormous tub and I tiptoe back to our room, surprised that she's almost asleep.

"Hey," I say softly, bending down to pick her up. "Let's take a bath."

"Mmm, k," she replies and I chuckle softly before kissing her cheek. I carry her into the bathroom and pull off her shirt. I help her out of her pants and underwear and watch her slide into the tub, sighing when the warm water hits her chilled skin. I quickly toss my own clothes aside and prop my prosthetic against the wall before sliding in behind her. She leans against my chest, her head resting below my chin, and I feel her relaxed and limp.

"You need anything?" I ask her, reaching up to stroke her arms.

"No," she says in a soft voice. "This is all I need, right here." She pulls my arms around her and holds on tight. I kiss her cheek before I rest my head on her shoulder and we enjoy the warmth and relaxation of the hot water.

* * *

><p>I can't help but shiver when I get out of the tub and instantly wonder if I have left a window open somewhere. I help her dress in a warm nightshirt and pants and she pulls on one of my old jackets as well. I decide to make us some hot chocolate and I leave her in the bed, bundled up under the blankets. I quickly set to making the drinks and check the house for any drafts coming in. When I find none, I take the two steaming mugs back upstairs and stop in the doorway. She's gone from the bed.<p>

"Katniss?" I try not to let the fear flood my voice but I just left her here. She pops up from under the blankets and I have to laugh at the sight of her messy hair in her eyes, her sleepy expression, and her scowl.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing," I say quickly, leaning down to kiss her hair. I hand her the mug and she sips slowly. We talk late into the night (actually I do most of the talking as she is just completely worn out and I still haven't asked her what she did all day to get this tired) and when we are finished, I set the mugs on the bedside table. I notice she has set up some of her things on this table. There's the glass flower I purchased for her at the Hob, a picture of her father, the locket I gave her in the Quarter Quell, opened to pictures of her mother and Prim. The picture of Gale has been removed and I can't say I'm too disappointed by this change. There's a single blue ribbon, I believe that had belonged to Prim. I notice the tiniest object last. A simple iridescent pearl, lying against the picture frame. I pick it up and roll it between my fingers. I remember when I gave her this. I remember how I felt, how I was pleading for her to just let me die for her. I'm sort of surprised that she still has it. I turn to look down at her as she rests on my chest and I smile.

"You've kept this, all this time?" Katniss opens her eyes and glances up.

"Of course. It was my last gift from you before I lost you." I set the pearl down and hug her tighter.

"You didn't lose me," I remind her.

"I did though," she says, her voice weak with exhaustion. "And when you were captured, I held onto that pearl as if it was your life in my hands. I took it out and held it to my lips, wishing you were there, imagining that you had returned to me. I've never let it out of my sight. I might lose you again if I ever lose it." She lets out a violent cough that makes both of our bodies shake. I bring the blankets around her and will my strength and warmth into her. She shudders as she lays her head on my chest.

"I love you, Peeta," she says as she drifts into sleep. I softly stroke her hair and watch her sleep. Those three little words still take my breath away. They still make my heart race as much as they did on the first day she said them. I cannot imagine my life without her. And each day, I fall more and more in love with her.

That night, I dream of a beautiful little girl with grey eyes and blonde curls. When she sings, the birds stop to listen and I sit there in front of her, captivated. When she turns to look at me, she has a smile that I see in the mirror. I feel my heart stop as I stare into the eyes of my daughter.

* * *

><p>When I wake, I'm surprised that Katniss is still next to me. She has been leaving earlier and earlier in the mornings, long before I'm up. She doesn't have to hunt for survival anymore but she has made it her mission to hunt for the district. She gives meat to Sae for the restaurant and takes even more of it to the orphanages around 12. She has even sent meat to surrounding districts, enough to feed them for a week. I notice that she has rolled away from me and is curled up in the blankets. Probably why I was so cold last night. Grinning, I bend down to search for her face and adorn it with kisses. But when I remove the blankets, I immediately know something is wrong. She is shivering worse than ever and she has turned pale and icy. She looks like she did when I found her in that sinkhole all those months ago.<p>

"Katniss?" She doesn't answer me, doesn't even look at me. Fear courses through me as I bring my hand to her head. She's burning up and yet her skin feels like ice. I seem to remember this happening before, when I was young. Delly's brother and sister. Merchants still got sick, I won't pretend everything was perfect in our part of the district. But we were better off than the Seam and yet that was where the Healer lived. Mrs. Everdeen stored her own herbs and was constantly busy with the sick and wounded. When Delly's siblings were struck with the sickness, their mother was frantic with worry. She wanted to call Mrs. Everdeen immediately but Mr. Cartwright said no, he would not call on a Seam woman. I thought the man was an idiot and we watched as her sister got worse, until her skin lost all color and Delly said it was like touching a block of ice. Her coughing worsened until she started to cough blood. Finally, Mr. Cartwright had consented and Mrs. Everdeen came to inspect the girl. But it was too late. Delly's sister died not fifteen minutes after Mrs. Everdeen arrived. She was able to save her brother, though. She ground up some herbs and made him drink a healing tea. His cough got better, he shivered less, and he was better in several days.

I shiver as I remember the sight of Delly's sister in bed, her eyes wide open, blood staining her nightgown. I hadn't been able to console Delly. I had held her tightly and tried to get her out of the house but she wouldn't leave her sister's side. I look down at Katniss and see her body shake as she coughs into the blankets. I shake my head as I back away from the bed. No. No this can't be happening.

I cannot lose her! Not now, not ever. She'll hate me for doing this but I don't care. I run to our study and quickly dial the number that is beside the phone.

Before the War, not a lot of people had phones. Now more do and I am grateful that she decided to keep one in 4 where she is staying. I wait impatiently, gripping the table with white knuckles.

"Everdeen residence," comes a smooth, soft voice.

"Mrs. Everdeen. It's Peeta." There's silence and I pray she doesn't hang up on me.

"Mrs. Everdeen, Katniss is very sick. I'm…I'm really scared." She asks me to describe the symptoms and when I do she falls quiet again.

"Has she opened her eyes this morning, Peeta?"

"No ma'am. She's just lying under the blankets, shivering." I hear her sigh heavily.

"I couldn't possibly tell you which herbs to get. I doubt they even have many of them."

"Sae has a lot of things. And the Hob may have something," I say loudly. Is she really giving up on her daughter?

"No. I brew some very special things and that cure is difficult to brew. I'll take the first train out of 4 and be there as soon as I can." I feel relief wash over me. I knew, as bad as the woman may be, she would never give up on her only remaining daughter. I thank her and run back to Katniss. Mrs. Everdeen told me to put a cold towel on her and keep her body warm. I make sure she is bundled up and I set a cold cloth on her face. She whimpers and turns her head and I stroke her brow.

"It'll be alright, Katniss. I'll help you through this. Because you have helped me so much. Now it's my turn. It's my turn to take care of you." I need someone to meet Mrs. Everdeen at the station but I can't leave Katniss. That leaves one person and I hurry back to the study to call him. I wind up calling five times before I give up. I swear, if something happens to Katniss while I'm gone, I will murder the man with my bare hands. I kiss Katniss on the forehead and wince at how hot she is.

"I'll be right back," I whisper before running down the stairs and across to Haymitch's.

The damn phone is still ringing when I get inside. The awful stench of his house reaches my nostrils and I nearly gag. He's passed out at the table, his fingers curled around a bottle. I decide to take Katniss's lead and I toss a tankard of water over him, leaping out of the way as he jumps up with a knife in hand.

"What the hell, boy? You're turning into her now? You're going to give me pneumonia!"

"If you answered your damn phone, I wouldn't have to drown you," I shout back. He sits back down, grumbling.

"Haymitch, I need you to get your shit together. Mrs. Everdeen is due to arrive at the train station soon and I need you go meet her." He squints up at me.

"Come again? Why is that lovely woman gracing us with her presence?" He hasn't forgiven her for turning her back on Katniss, I guess. It bothers me too, as I know it hurt Katniss, but she is the only person who can help.

"Katniss is sick. I mean really sick. I thought she was the best person to call."

"It didn't occur to you to call a doctor? 12 does have those now. What will sweetheart say when she finds out you called her mother? The woman who abandoned her when she needed her most?"

"I don't care!" I shout, tears welling in my eyes. I impatiently wipe them away and glare at Haymitch. "At least she'll be alive to yell at me. I'm losing her, Haymitch! I'd deal with fucking Alma Coin if I thought it would make her better." Haymitch shakes his head and sighs. I think he knows that Mrs. Everdeen is Katniss's best chance too.

"Ok. I'll go get her. You get back to your girl. We will be there soon."

"Thank you." He rises and claps me on the shoulder.

"You know, you never would have yelled at me before," he says thoughtfully. I stare at him and he picks up his empty bottle, studying it. "Just reminds me how much they changed you. How much it's my fault." I swallow deeply. Now is not the time to play sentimental blame game with Haymitch. I shake my head and reply with, "remember it was me who attacked you on the train when we first met you. Not her." He merely grunts as I make my way back to my house.

I try to get Katniss up so she can eat something. But she hasn't moved from that spot and I notice flecks of blood on the sheets from her coughing. Usually the sight would most likely send me hurling into a flashback but all I can think about is keeping her here with me. I lay down beside her and pull her into my arms.

"Katniss, listen to me. I know you can still hear me. Stay with me. You promised you wouldn't leave me again. I will die without you, Katniss, do you understand that? I can't do this without you. I won't. Come back to me. Please."

Her eyes flutter slightly, as if she wants to open them and look at me but she's perfectly still.

Around mid-day, I hear the door open and Haymitch calling my name.

"Upstairs," I call back and hear their footsteps on the stairs. Mrs. Everdeen enters my room and I can't help but notice how well she looks. She's carrying two bags, one clinking with bottles.

"First of all, we need her sitting up. If she's lying down, she'll have drainage in her throat and she won't be able to breathe properly. Peeta, can you carry her down to the couch? Haymitch, grab those blankets for me. Peeta, do you have any more?"

"Katniss has some at her place. I can run and get those." She nods while she checks her daughter's forehead. Her lips purse and I instantly worry. I gather Katniss in my arms and carry her downstairs. Haymitch comes behind, holding all my blankets in his arms and he tucks them in around her when she's situated on the couch.

"I'll go get the blankets from her house," he says stiffly and I notice how pale he looks. I knew the old man cared about us.

Mrs. Everdeen sends me to put water on for tea and I busy myself in the kitchen. When I return with the steaming mugs, I watch her fuss over her daughter. I don't know if it's mother mode or nurse mode. I never saw my mother worry over us. I remember when I was four, I burned myself on the oven and went crying to her. She shooed me away, telling me to run it under cold water and to stop bothering her. So instead, I ran to my father, who scooped me up and kissed my injured hand. My eyes fill with tears at the memory and I shake myself, willing myself to stay here. I can't be of any use to Katniss if I keep getting lost in my memories.

I watch as Mrs. Everdeen stirs the ingredients together, her face stoic the entire time. Haymitch returns with the blankets in his arms and he nudges me gently.

"Aren't these yours?" I can't help but smile.

"They are." I never did get them back. I had completely forgotten about that but suddenly remember the way my heart leaped when I had crawled into bed with her the first night and noticed she was wrapped in my blankets, almost breathing them in. Like she was breathing me in. I notice she sometimes does this when I hold her. She buries her face in my shirt and inhales, a look of peace coming over her face, as if she is trying to fix it to memory. I have to admit, I do the same thing when she's in my arms. That earthy smell that is all Katniss. It's what holds me together sometimes.

I shake myself again. Damn it, Peeta, hold yourself together! Katniss lets out a cough and Haymitch shifts beside me. I see him chewing his nails down to the nub and I watch him out of the corner of my eye. As Katniss coughs again, Haymitch loses all color. I can tell that this is affecting him far worse than I ever thought it would. Haymitch views us as his own kids, sometimes. I mean he's been stuck with us for years but he also understands us in ways no one else can. And it's that reason that we are family.

Mrs. Everdeen pours another bottle into the mug and stirs it around. She leans closer to Katniss and puts her hand on her throat.

"Come on, Katniss, you can beat this. You survived the Hunger Games, twice, and a war. Where is my strong daughter? I know she's in there somewhere." I notice that her voice trembles slightly. She brings the tea to Katniss's lips and tips her head back slightly.

"Come on, dear. Drink." She scoops out a spoonful of the tea and holds it to her daughter's lips. I see it trickle down Katniss's chin. Mrs. Everdeen sighs and sets the tea aside for a moment.

"Haymitch, I must ask for you to leave for a moment."

"Why would I do that," he says loudly, a little defensively.

"Because we are going to try to sweat out her fever. And it works best when the patient is naked and wrapped in thick blankets, for extra heat." Haymitch and I both blush. She hasn't asked me to leave. Not that I would anyway and maybe she knows that but still, it's unnerving when your girlfriend's mother knows, or at least suspects, what you've been doing with her daughter. I clear my throat and shift awkwardly as she starts to remove Katniss's shirt.

"Umm…what…what can I do," I stammer.

"If you are comfortable with it, finish removing her clothing. I need to mix these vials together. Do you have any mixing bowls?" A stupid question for a baker.

"The cabinet on the far left." I listen to her heels receding into the kitchen and I move the blankets aside so I can get the rest of Katniss's clothes off. I can't help but blush when her mother returns. No ma'am, I'm not completely familiar and comfortable with your daughter's naked body.

Oh god help me. Maybe Haymitch was right. I should have called a doctor.

I feel a hand on my shoulder and Mrs. Everdeen gives me a small smile.

"Relax dear. I'm fully aware of your relationship with my daughter. And I'm very glad it's you. No one else would treat her with such respect and love." I nod, too shocked to say anything. It's no less awkward but at least we have some sort of understanding. And definitely have one thing in common: we both love Katniss very much.


	21. Chapter 21

When I wake up, my throat is sore and dry, my head is pounding, and I need to pee so badly I'm afraid I won't make it to the bathroom. I sit up slowly and move the blankets aside, setting my feet on the floor. They have been wrapped in fuzzy socks but I'll ponder that later. I stand up on shaky knees and reach out to grip the wall as I make my way toward the bathroom.

"Katniss!" I freeze in place, my hand clutching the doorframe when I hear his alarmed voice. It's then that I notice, I'm completely naked.

I'm standing in the doorway, with absolutely nothing covering me and Peeta is standing in the hall, his eyes popping and his mouth hanging open.

So what? He's seen me with no clothes before. I nod to him and turn back around.

"I'll be right back," I call over my shoulder as I continue to the bathroom. I hear his heavy prosthetic trying to keep up with me but I reach the bathroom and lock the door behind me. I sigh in relief when I make it just in time.

When I open the door, I'm feeling a bit more self-conscious than I was a moment ago. But Peeta is standing outside the door, a fluffy robe thrown over his arm. He holds it out and I gratefully pull it around my body. Now that my bladder is empty, I notice how weak I feel. I grip the doorknob tightly and he is there, lifting me into his arms. He carries me back to the couch and kneels between my legs. His eyes are filled with tears as he stares up at me. Why? What's happened?

"Peeta? What's wrong?" I reach up to stroke his brow and he captures my hand, pressing it against his face. He lets out something between a laugh and a sob and then his arms are around me.

"Umm…I love you too?" I gasp out but it's muffled by his protective embrace.

"I almost lost you," he gasps and I pull away.

"What?"

"You've been really sick, Katniss. You've had a terrible fever and you didn't move for nearly four days. We couldn't get you to eat and we barely got some soup down your throat. You just…wouldn't wake up." He blinks back tears and leans in to hold me again and this time I let him. I can see how much I have scared him. I imagine the cold mornings and the exhaustion are what I can blame. I became obsessed with providing food for everyone in these harsh winter months. Gale and I always hunted for our families and to feed others, if we had the opportunity. Which usually, we didn't. This is the first time that I don't have to worry about feeding my own family and so my kills can go to people who need them. But I overdid it, I guess. I got up early in the morning and returned late at night, after dark. I wanted to spend time with Peeta and hear all about the bakery and so I stayed up late. I hadn't eaten properly, I hadn't slept, and it all caught up to me. I turn to kiss his damp cheek.

"I'm sorry," I whisper. "I'm sorry I scared you."

"Here," he says, wiping his tears as he pulls away and he reaches for a mug. "Drink this. We've been dripping this down your throat." I put it to my lips and a familiar smell engulfs me. When I taste it, I gag.

"Ugh, that's disgusting," I screw up my nose but Peeta gives me a stern look.

"Drink it." I take another gulp and make a face.

"Where did you get this? It tastes like…like.." I look up as I hear high heels clicking against the wood floor. Effie?

No. I know where this tea came from. I had it often when I was younger, when I got sick from hunting in the cold.

It's my mother's healing tea. I look up into her tired face and all my breath leaves me. I would have spilled the tea if Peeta hadn't been so quick to grab it from my shaking hands.

"Hello Katniss."

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><p><em><strong>I know, I know. it was really short! But I will make yall a deal ;) if I get five reviews before tomorrow evening, I will post a nice long one tomorrow night!<strong>_

**_;) :) XOXO_**


	22. Chapter 22

_**Guys! You are all ABSOLUTELY amazing. Seriously, I am overwhelmed with these responses!**_

_**I'm intrigued to see everyones' responses. I know a lot of ppl are expecting something huge to go down between Katniss and her mother but this is Peeta's chapter so we may not really see everything that is going on inside Katniss's head. ;) but I hope it doesn't disappoint! **_

_** It's not even evening and I wanted to give yall a long one. I'm off to work but if I check back and see some reviews tonight, I'll post one more before bed! Hope you all enjoy and thanks for being so awesome!**_

_**XOXO**_

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><p>I feel like that's my cue to leave but Katniss's hands are clenching mine so tightly, all I can think is how glad I am that she has no rings on. I squeeze back to assure her I'm not going anywhere and I remain on the couch with her, as she stares up at her mother.<p>

"M-Mom. What are you doing here?"

"Peeta called me when you were stricken. Lucky that he acted so quickly, we were able to catch the plague in plenty of time. How are you feeling?"

"Ok," she shrugs. "My throat is dry and sore."

"That's to be expected," Mrs. Everdeen nods. "It will be sore for a few days but you need to keep drinking this. And no you may not add any sugar. That would defeat the purpose." Katniss gives the mug a nasty look and she pouts. I try to hold in my laughter; she looks too adorable and I suddenly have the image of a little Katniss sticking her tongue out at her mother and pouting like she is doing now. Mrs. Everdeen leans forward and places her hand on Katniss's forehead. I see her shrink back a little and I squeeze her hand again.

"Your fever's broken. You've managed to sweat it out."

"Um. Is that why my clothes are gone?"

"Yes, we needed to wrap you up thoroughly and keep the heat in." Katniss clears her throat and winces.

"I'll mix up more tea. There's some soup on the stove, if you're hungry?" She nods and I jump to my feet.

"I'll bring you a bowl." I lean down to kiss her head and follow Mrs. Everdeen into the kitchen.

"Thank you," I say to her as I ladle some into a bowl. "Thank you for coming."

"I'm glad you called me. It would have gotten very serious very fast if you had called a doctor." I nod and she turns toward the stove, to prepare more tea.

"I'm glad you came to help her. She needed to know that you're still there." I see her tense and immediately bite my lip. Funny thing is, I don't regret my words. The woman should know how much she's hurt Katniss. Why does she think Katniss is any less damaged by Prim's death than she is? She should be here with her daughter; they should be healing together.

"You can't understand," she says a bit coldly without turning to face me.

"What can't I understand? My family is dead, Mrs. Everdeen. I lost them in the War. You lost a daughter. Katniss lost a sister. But you haven't lost each other and yet you stay away from her when she has needed her mother. Not a healer but a mother! Did you come here to treat a patient? Or to take care of your daughter?" Her shoulders are slumped and she reaches out and grips the counter top. I worry that I have gone too far but I'm angry. And I know Haymitch is angry, and even Katniss feels anger as well as pain.

"She has you, Peeta," she finally says. I shake my head and hesitantly approach her. When I reach out to touch her shoulder, she flinches but I don't pull away.

"I'm there when she needs me. I hold her when she has had a nightmare, I bake for her, I share my life with her, and I love her above all else. But I don't know Prim like you both did. I can't possibly understand what she meant to Katniss. I know that they were close and I watched them together quite often. But I didn't lose a sister. You lost a daughter, Mrs. Everdeen, but you still have one, who is trying to rebuild her life. It would be great if her mother would be a part of that life." I stare at her back for the longest time, until I hear Haymitch calling my name from the hallway. Sighing, I go to greet him and motion for him to continue to the living room.

He stops when he sees Katniss sitting up and he nearly sinks into the chair.

"Well fuck, sweetheart. Never thought I'd say this but I am happy to see that scowl." Her scowl deepens and I join in with Haymitch's laughter. We're both so relieved to see her recovering that we don't care that she is shooting us death glares. I collapse on the couch and pull her into my side, before I remember her soup in the kitchen. But as I make to stand up, Mrs. Everdeen is there with the bowl of soup and the mug of tea. She sets them down in front of Katniss and gives her a sad smile.

"Eat. You need to regain some strength. Your body is undoubtedly exhausted by fighting off the sickness." She looks at me and folds her hands. "I made an entire pot of tea. Make sure she drinks it twice a day for a week at least. If you don't feel better, Katniss, call me and I will return."

"Wait…you're not leaving, are you?"

"I've been away from the hospital for long enough. You're doing better and I'm leaving you in the best hands." Katniss tries to stand and I reach out to help her but she swats my hand away.

"But Mom, you…I mean, I just woke up, I haven't had any time with you. Can't you…stay an extra day?"

"I'm afraid not, dear." My heart hardens and I wonder what is going through her head. Haymitch is chewing on his tongue, undoubtedly holding back the rude remarks he has for her.

"But…perhaps I can come back to see you, in the spring?" She sounds hopeful and Katniss's eyes widen in disbelief.

"Yes. I'd like that." The women hug though it's awkward and Haymitch and I both avert our eyes. I feel like we are trespassing on a private moment and the tension in the room is too thick. I feel like I'm suffocating so I motion to Haymitch and we are both heading out the door. I can't hear what they are saying but when the door opens, Mrs. Everdeen nods to both of us.

"Thank you for taking such good care of my girl." We both nod and she steps up to me, her hand resting on my cheek.

"You are the best one for her, Peeta. No one could love her as much as you do. I am thankful that she has you."

"Thank you," I mutter but she's not finished. She leans closer and our Merchant eyes meet.

"Thank you for fighting it. Thank you for doing everything you could to get back to her. They didn't break you, Peeta, and one day I will be proud to call you my son-in-law," she pats my cheek and I blink, shocked. "You are so much like your father." She gives me another smile, says goodbye to Haymitch, and walks down the steps and out of Victor's Village.

I am frozen in shock. She knows what I've done. When we were in 13, I know she had to have heard about how I acted toward Katniss. What I did to her. She has to know that I nearly murdered her daughter. And yet she stood there and thanked me for returning to her. I feel Haymitch clapping my shoulder and he lets out a low chuckle.

"You ok, kid?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I-you heard all that?"

"Son-in-law," he grunts and he chuckles again. "If sweetheart ever comes to her senses, and I do think she will, you'll be calling that lovely woman mother." My throat tightens and I turn back to him.

"You think she will?" He grins and his eyes sparkle, as if he knows something that I don't. And he usually does.

"In time, boy, I definitely see a toasting in your future."

The thought makes me giddy and light and I walk back inside with a stupid smile on my face. Katniss is sipping at her soup and she looks up when I come back in.

"Did Haymitch leave too?"

"Yeah, he's going to feed the geese. He said he'd be back over here later to check on you."

"Peeta, I'm sorry that I scared you," she bites her lip and is looking genuinely guilty.

"It's not your fault, Katniss. We just have to be careful. I cannot lose you."

"You won't." I lean down to kiss her but she jerks away. "I don't want to get you sick. I should probably sleep down here, actually. So that I'm not so close to you." I don't like the idea of sleeping without her but as I'm getting closer to the opening of the bakery, I can't really afford to get sick. I sigh and nod and she smiles up at me.

"I heal really fast. You won't have to take care of me for very long."

"Katniss, I plan on taking care of you for the rest of our lives," I tell her honestly.

* * *

><p>I'm lying in bed, awake, missing Katniss's warmth and comfort. I hate this. I hate sleeping alone. I haven't done it in a long time and I wonder if she's having as hard of a time as I am. I start to hear strange noises coming from the hall and I stare at the door for the longest time before I fling my leg over the bed, pull on my prosthetic, and cross to the door.<p>

The first thing I notice when I open the door is I am no longer in my house, but on a moving train. What the hell is happening? I continue to make my way down the hall, to wake Katniss. To ask her if she knows what's going on. I hear grunting and whimpering coming from a closed compartment and I lean closer, frowning. Deciding this dream or whatever it is (am I dreaming?!) couldn't get any stranger, I open the door a crack and peer in.

I see two men standing in the corner of the room, taking care of themselves with their meaty hands. Another man is kneeling on the bed, thrusting into a slender girl. Her head is lowered and she seems to be holding in her whimpers and cries. But I can just make out a look of pain on her young face. My knuckles turn white on the doorknob. What am I doing? I should be going in there to help her! These men are hurting her…raping her! I start to move in but her head jerks up and I nearly stumble back. I'm met with wide grey eyes that are filled with tears. But when her gaze meets mine, she gives a little shake of her head as if she is warning me. The man behind her reaches around and his hand closes around her breast, squeezing tightly. I see her wince and lower her head once more. I start to burst in and kill every single one of them but someone stops me. I whirl around to glare into the sad Seam eyes of my mentor. Haymitch sighs and looks into the compartment, shaking his head.

"I'm sorry I couldn't stop this, kid. I know how much this kills you."

"Haymitch," I finally find my voice. "I'll fucking kill them for touching her."

"Don't say that too loudly, Peeta," he warns. "She belongs who whoever pays for her."

"She 'belongs' to no one," I growl. "She's not some kind of fucking sex toy! She's the love of my life! And she's…I'm the only one who is able to touch her," I finish, too flustered to complete a damn sentence.

"In your head only, kid. She's a desirable Victor. Just like you are. And you have an assignment to get ready for yourself. I'll let her know when she's finished that you had to go. She'll understand. She doesn't like sleeping alone but she understands when you have to work." I frown at him until I hear Katniss's shrill scream behind me. But she's screaming my name. I don't hesitate. I run in and scoop her into my arms. She's shaking and sobbing and panting my name. I don't pay any attention to anyone else in the room. Only to the girl who is clinging to me for dear life.

My eyes open and I feel vastly confused. I sit up in bed and look around, noting all my belongings. Realizing it was a dream and a horrible one at that, I collapse back on my pillow and squeeze my eyes shut. But then the scream comes.

The one from my dream. I'm up so fast that I get tangled in the blankets and nearly crash to the floor. But my door is open and I'm running down the stairs toward the scream until I find Katniss thrashing around on the couch. I fall to my knees and pull her close to my chest, my fingers sliding through her hair comfortingly. She gasps and her arms move up and around me, her tears soaking my nightshirt.

God. We are both so broken, is there any point in trying to fix the other when it seems so hopeless at times? The nightmares we both have just prove how difficult it is to put the past behind us. I hold her until she falls back asleep and I lay her back on the couch. But I don't return to my bedroom. I sit in the chair beside the couch and reach out to hold her hand. Let her get me sick. At least the nightmares would leave.

I think back to my own dream and shiver. I realize that we were lucky. We weren't in the Capitol long enough to really be trapped in their terrible lifestyles. But it makes me sick to think of the others being caught in it. Finnick and Annie and Johanna and all the other Victors. If a Victor was considered desirable, they were given as gifts to Capitolites and upstanding citizens of the higher Districts. I would not have been able to handle it if Katniss had been bought and sold like that. And I'm thankful that we ignited the rebellion before we had been in the Capitol for too long. Why did I even dream that in the first place? Katniss's small hand curls around mine and I feel myself relax. I sink back into the chair and close my eyes.

* * *

><p>The next morning, after I've made Katniss drink her mother's tea, there is silence for the longest time. Finally, after what seems like hours, she speaks.<p>

"You stayed with me last night. Real or not real?"

"Real," I tell her. "I had a nightmare and woke up to you having one too. So I stayed down here with you. Don't worry, I didn't get too close." She nods and sets her cup aside.

"Thank you," she says softly. Her voice is still very weak but at least some of her color has returned. I reach over and squeeze her hand and feel her squeeze back.

"Haymitch told me it was your idea to call my mother." I wince. She doesn't look pleased.

"I had to, Katniss. I was so afraid of losing you…"

"Thank you, Peeta," she interrupts me. "I'm not brave enough to call her and I have missed her. So thank you for doing that." This surprises me. I know she's missed her mother. But Katniss is stubborn and she will hold a grudge for a long time. Never get on her bad side, because she will not let go so easily. She sees me bite my lip and she squeezes my hand again.

"You are still protecting me. Real or not real?" In spite of myself, I have to smile.

"Real," I whisper back to her before giving her a gentle kiss before she can stop me.

* * *

><p>Winter is pretty harsh in District 12 and the construction of the bakery is delayed a bit. Not that I can be mad about it; it just gives me more time to prepare and order the necessary supplies. Delly comes to help me out. Since she works in the Mayor's office, she knows a lot about being in an office and the clerical work that I need done. I don't think Katniss particularly likes Delly and I being together so much but she never says anything. Since she got sick, she seems to be taking it a bit easier than she used to. Still, she refuses to stop hunting and insists on feeding the whole damn district.<p>

As the seasons change, Katniss and I grow even closer. The only thing that comes between us is my flashbacks. Since we are approaching opening day of the bakery, I am having them all the time now. Small ones, manageable, but still irritating and definitely painful for Katniss to witness. I woke up one night several weeks ago to Katniss curled up in the corner, weeping. She wouldn't tell me what had happened but later on, I remembered having screamed at her that I would rather die than be in the same house with a Capitol mutt. Though it shows progress that I remember what happened during a flashback, I'd just as soon forget it all. I can't stand seeing Katniss in pain and knowing that I put her through that just kills me.

Still, we find a way to go on. We stay busy and we find times to be together. She comes to help me at the Bakery when she can and we work on the Memory Book in the evenings. Life is, dare I say, simple. Simple enough anyway. I know Katniss never wanted this sort of domestic life with anyone but I think it's growing on her. And the more I think about it, the more I want to ask her to make it official. She's already told me many times before that she never wants to get married and it's true, I've told her I don't mind that, but the truth is, I hope she's changed her mind.

One morning, I rise before Katniss does and hurry down to bake her cheesebuns. When I come back upstairs, she's standing in front of our window, getting ready to start her day. I stop in the doorway, completely mesmerized. She's stark naked, the light hitting her frame perfectly and her long hair cascading down her scarred back. Her back is turned to me so my eyes rake down those perfect curves of hers. I long to lick and kiss those paths of scars. My mouth starts to water and I feel my cock straining against my pants. I set the plate of cheesebuns on the table and quietly as I can, I approach my prey.

Naturally, the Huntress hears me but it's too late. I've captured her in my arms and claimed her mouth with my own. She moans against my lips and I grow even harder. I don't waste any time. I have to make her mine. Bending her over the bed, I shove my pants down my legs just enough to let my cock spring free and I rub myself against her. She reaches back and grips my thigh, her nails sinking into my skin. I reach past her and fumble through our drawer, finally finding what I am looking for. I yank open the condom and roll it over myself. With a hiss, I lift her leg and thrust into her with all my might. She nearly buckles underneath me and I hold her up while I continue my assault on her willing body. Her whines and moans only encourage me and we both reach our peaks rather quickly. When I pull away from her, she collapses forward on the bed, her breathing heavy. I gather her in my arms and pull her onto the bed with me, just holding her while we both catch our breath. She looks up at me and her hand strokes my brow.

"Good morning," she breathes. I can't help but chuckle.

"Yes, it is," I agree. She leans up to kiss me and I feel so elated that I don't even notice the sun streaming through the window, which means I am very late. She notices the plate of cheesebuns and she sighs, a content look on her face.

"You made breakfast?"

"Of course. And now I'm so late."

"You chose to partake in alternative activities this morning," she reminds me. I raise my brow.

"And you weren't a willing participant in those activities?"

"Does it matter? You're late and it's not my fault." I laugh while she rolls off me and hurries into the bathroom to shower. I don't have time to have another one so I quickly spray myself with some of the cologne Effie sent me from the Capitol for my belated "welcome home" gift. Katniss isn't too fond of it but I don't want to show up to the bakery smelling like Katniss and what we had just done. Well scratch that, I do, but I don't think anyone else would like it. When she comes out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel, I squeeze my eyes shut as I slide into the bathroom to brush my teeth. She smirks up at me as she removes the towel and slowly moves into our closet. I watch her with a gaping jaw as she swishes her hips and flips her hair over her shoulders. I don't care what she says, she is a perfect seductress and damn if she doesn't have me under her spell.

"Katniss, you're going to be the death of me one day," I groan.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she says in a mock-innocent voice. I snort and roll my eyes. I have to get out of here. Shaking my head, I turn to leave but feel something push against me and I go flying into the doorframe. Katniss looks up at me with a predatory look in her eyes and I gulp audibly. She's put on a pair of tight pants but she's still topless. She reaches up and threads her fingers in my hair before closing them into a fist and yanking on my curls. I squeeze my eyes shut, ignoring my throbbing cock.

"Katniss," I gasp out but she stops the words from continuing as her lips are pressed against mine. Her breasts are crushed against my chest and she grinds against me, eliciting a gasp and a moan from my throat. I don't even notice that she is undoing my belt and my zipper until her hand dives into my pants and closes around my heated flesh. I gasp and try to jerk back but she has a firm grip on me.

"K-Katniss!"

"Do you really want to leave, Peeta? Now?" What the hell has gotten into her?!

"I…I…" I stammer. I become such an incompetent idiot when it comes to this girl. She starts to stroke me and I lose all focus. She lowers to her knees and pulls my shirt up a little so that she can kiss my stomach. I swallow as I look down at her, watching her pull my cock from my pants and take me into her mouth.

"Ah! Shit!" My head slams against the doorframe as I struggle to maintain control of the situation.

Who am I kidding? I've had no control since I came into this room! She grips my hips and pulls me into her. Before I know it, I'm thrusting to her mouth and she's taking me as deep as she can. When I feel myself hitting the back of her throat, I come to my senses and start to pull out but she grabs me and opens her mouth wider, sinking over me completely before she comes back up for breath. When she looks up at me, I lose it before she takes me into her mouth again. She gives me a disappointed look and I shrug apologetically. What she's disappointed about, I have no idea, but I feel that I have to explain myself anyway.

"Your mouth is pure magic," I tell her honestly. She looks surprised for a moment but then stands back up.

"You're just going to have to make it up to me." She pushes me back toward the bed and follows me down, her hands pushing my pants around my feet and my shirt up to my chin. Her hand lowers to the front of her pants and when she pulls it back out, her fingers are glistening.

Holy. Shit.

She smirks at me and holds her hand to my lips. I eagerly suck at her fingers, relishing the tangy taste of her arousal. Only Katniss could ever drive me this crazy. Everything about her, her scent, her taste, her touch, her looks, her love, can send me into oblivion. I start pulling at her pants until I have them down around her ankles and I pull her up my chest so that I can taste her further. I grip her luscious ass as I pull her into me, my tongue exploring every part of her. She writhes over me, against me, as I determinedly bring her to the edge. She collapses over me and I suck on her nipples as I stare up into her eyes. She sits back for a moment, gazing down at me, until she starts to scoot lower. Her ass comes into contact with my hardened length and I jerk my hips upwards. She rubs herself against me for a few moments before rising up and sinking down on top of me. My eyes nearly bulge out of my head as I realize what she's just done.

"Katniss!"

"God Peeta, you feel so incredible inside me." I throw my head back and let out an animalistic groan that I still can't believe came from me. But the way I feel inside her, without any barriers, is unlike anything I've ever experienced. I knew sex with her was great but this was un-fucking-believable! And I'm too far gone to stop her. To insist that we use protection. To ask her what was going through her head. I know immediately that I'm not going to last long. It's like making love to her for the first time again. Every time she moves, I feel her wet walls clench me tightly. Every time I thrust upwards, I hit her special spot that make her moans reverberate on the walls. I quickly flip her over without breaking our intimate connection and I fling her legs over my shoulders. She screams at the change of position and I feel her walls flutter around me with no warning. The power of her orgasm hits me and I feel myself seize up.

"Oh god," I stammer as I hurriedly pull out of her but her legs close around my waist and she pushes me back in.

"I want you to finish inside me," she gasps, reaching up to grip my face with both her hands. My wide eyes find hers and I'm momentarily speechless. Something is going on. This isn't the Katniss I know. She reaches down to caress my balls as I increase my thrusts. Blame it on my teenage hormonal urges that I just can't pull away from her and instead explode inside her for the first time. I come harder than I ever have in my entire life and I collapse on her chest, feeling all breath has completely left me. I feel her heart racing underneath me as she reaches up and her fingers tangle in my sodden curls. We're slick with sweat and the room smells of our passion. I have a hard time moving, definitely forgetting how late I am. When I finally feel an ounce of strength return, I lift my head off her chest and look her in the eyes.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on?" She raises a brow and looks bemused.

"What do you mean?"

"Come on, Katniss. We just had unprotected sex. Do you realize…you know what could happen, don't you? I mean, is everything…ok?" Oh god. Oh my god, I am coming to my senses now and realize what we have done! Holy shit, why didn't I stop her?!

"Everything is fine, Peeta. We weren't…unprotected." I stare at her, waiting impatiently for her explanation. Please tell me this isn't a joke. As much as I want kids with her, we are nowhere near ready for that.

"I've been on birth control for several weeks now." My jaw drops at her confession. How did I not…I shake my head. It all makes sense now. She has been having some crazy mood swings and she jumps my bones any chance she gets. It's been going on for several weeks but of course I never questioned it. Why would I complain? I can deny her nothing and definitely won't deny her my body, if she wants it.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I finally find my voice. She shrugs but she's avoiding my gaze.

"I didn't know how to bring it up. Doctor Mersa and I discussed different methods of birth control and she told me that condoms can be ineffective. Plus I wanted…I wanted to feel you inside me, Peeta. I mean all of you. Without anything in the way. I hope you're not mad," she adds, biting her lip.

Mad? She's just given me the best sex of my life. How can I be mad?

"I'm not mad, Katniss, I just wish you had told me. You know you can always talk to me about anything." I cup her chin and force her to look up at me. "And thank you," I add quietly and her brow goes up into her hair. I smile and lean my forehead against hers.

"That was the most incredible…I have never…I mean, you felt amazing. I'm surprised I held on for as long as I did." She smiles and kisses me, and my eyes shoot open as she tugs my lower lip into her mouth. Are these birth control pills going to make her horny 24/7? As a teenage boy, I'm definitely ok with this but I have to remember I have responsibilities.

Screw responsibilities. Katniss and I have been through enough to want to take some time for ourselves and just be selfish for once. So without a word, I get up and walk to the study, where my phone is. I dial the Bakery and tell them I'm sick and won't be coming in today. When I return to my room, Katniss watches me cautiously until I swoop down on her and spread her legs wide so I can devour her. I peer up at her and smile when I see her biting her lip, hard.

"The Bakery isn't even finished and I'm already pretending to be sick for you."

"Fuck Peeta! Just fuck me!" Her dirty mouth only spurs me on. And for the first time in our lives, Katniss and I don't leave the bed for the entire day. We find new ways to take each other to brand new heights and I'm shocked at some of the things my little mockingjay wants to try. I'll say this for myself, though. I'm definitely making the mockingjay sing more than once today. I won't be surprised if Haymitch comes over, or even phones telling us to be quiet. But I relish the way she screams my name as she comes. It's the most beautiful sound in the world, next to her telling me she loves me. We fall asleep, wake up to make love again, and go back to sleep. It continues for the rest of the day and even though I will have to return to reality tomorrow, I allow myself to indulge in the love of my life for this one blissful day.

* * *

><p><em>"My, my, my. Look what they're doing now," her voice coos in my ear. I want to slam my eyes shut but they're being held open by some kind of Capitol device. So I'm forced to stare at the screen where Katniss is writhing against Gale, their moans heavy in my ears. I try to turn my head but I find I can't. My Interrogator chuckles softly.<em>

_"And weren't you two betrothed? What a shameful excuse for a fiancé she was. Is."_

_"No," I grit my teeth and feel a surge of pain coursing through my body. My interrogator clicks her tongue disapprovingly._

_"It doesn't have to be like this, Peeta. It doesn't have to hurt so much. All we want is information. We'll even release you if you tell us what we need to know."  
><em>

_"Do what you want to me," I snap. "But you won't touch Katniss!" The pain shoots up my body again and I cry out, unable to move my head, my arms, or my legs. I should be numb from the pain by now but no such luck. _

_Dear God, please just end me now. Make it stop! Just make it all stop. _

_"He needs another dosage," I hear her saying and I feel something prick my arm. _

_"What the hell is that," I growl, blinking back tears. She pats my cheek and shakes her head._

_"Nothing to worry about. Just some medicine to help with the pain. I think we're finished for today. I'll just leave you with some more entertainment." She winks at me and nods to the peacekeepers around her. They all leave but leave me restrained and naked. The screen in front of me flashes and Katniss once again appears. Gale appears behind her and rips her shirt off, revealing her olive skin that is tinged pink from her blush. I let out a pained moan and writhe on the table, crying for them to stop. But no one hears me._

_ No one hears…_


	23. Chapter 23

I feel a sudden chill and notice the blankets have been ripped off. I hear whimpering and turn to my side. The space on the bed is empty and I immediately sober

"Peeta?" I lean over the edge of the bed and see him, wrapped in the blankets, rocking back and forth, whimpering and crying. I'm down there with him so fast that I slam my knee against the hard floor. I pull him into my arms and his whimpers increase. He starts to shake and he tries to fight against my hold on him.

"No…no!"

"Peeta," I say soothingly. "It's not real. You're here, in our home. With me." I sigh as I pull him closer and wince when I get knocked in the chin by his flailing elbow.

As we're getting closer to the opening of the Bakery, his flashbacks have increased. I'm glad it's not me waking him up every night but he looks terrible in the mornings, with black circles under his eyes and his limp more prominent than ever. He tries to put on a smile and a brave face but I know how he is faring and it is not good. I asked Dr. Aurelius in our last session what I could do to help him.

"Just be there for him, Katniss. He needs your touch and your love. Just be there when he needs you."

"I always am, Doctor. But isn't there something else? Some kind of medicine that can help with his nightmares?"

"His flashbacks will never go away, Katniss. Snow permanently tainted him. You have to understand that."

Angrily, I had slammed the phone down and stomped my way down the stairs. Peeta had looked up at me in alarm and I didn't answer him when he questioned me. I had ignored his pleas for me to come back and I ran to my safe haven in the woods. When I had returned, late at night, I found him in a chair on the porch. He was dressed in pajamas and a robe and his hands were wrapped around a cup of tea that had gone cold. I shuffled my feet and waited for him to look up at me. He wouldn't so I sat down beside him. He tensed up and I immediately withdrew into myself. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye and saw him close his eyes and take a deep breath.

"It's over…isn't it?" I stared at him in confusion. When I didn't answer he shook his head.

"I'm too much to love. I know that. But I thought…I had hoped…" I immediately took his face in my hands and ignored his flinches. When he wouldn't turn towards me, I knelt between his legs and stared up at him.

"What are you talking about," I asked him sternly. His eyes flickered with pain and defeat.

"This…whatever we are…it's too much for you, isn't it? You're getting frustrated with my flashbacks and I don't blame you in the slightest. If you need to-" I cut him off with a passionate kiss, one full of hope and promise and what I hope will tell him how much I need him. But he breaks it quickly and his eyes bore into mine.

"Katniss?" I don't know what he's asking me with the weak sound of my name. But I pull him into my arms and hold him close. I notice him shaking against me and my arms tighten.

"Why would you ever think that I'd be ok without you," I say quietly and I start to choke up too. "I need you, Peeta. I thought I'd told you that. I thought you understood that. I love you so much and can't think about a life without you." He pulls away and his thumbs wipe away my tears.

"Then why did you leave the house so angry today?"

"It had nothing to do with you," I say quickly. But I realize that isn't entirely true so I shake my head and sigh. "I'm frustrated but not with you. I'm angry at myself. I was asking Aurelius if there was a way to help you. Your nightmares are getting worse and I just want to help you. And he basically told me I can't do anything. So I got angry. Angry at him, angry at Snow, angry at myself. It's my fault they did this to you. If I had just shut up, married you like I was supposed to, and put a smile on my face, we wouldn't be here."

"Katniss." I can't look at him now and he roughly pulls me up beside him. He cups my chin and he isn't too gentle about it. When I look into his eyes, they are dark but there's a fire blazing there that frightens me just a little.

"It's bullshit, what I just heard. You know we are better off now than we would have been. We'd be mentoring kids, sending them off to their deaths. Neither of us wanted what was forced on us. You didn't want to be forced to be with me. And you may love me now but who's to say you would have ever come to realize that on your own if none of this had happened?" His hands close around mine and he tugs me closer, his lips just inches from mine.

"I'd rather live this damaged life, stricken with nightmares and flashbacks, with you in my arms, than a glamorous life in the Capitol in a loveless marriage and living a nightmarish reality." As per usual, his perfect words have me undone. I fell into his arms and cried and he held me, and he cried too. When we had both exhausted ourselves, we walked hand in hand up to bed.

Now he's thrashing in my arms and I just tighten my hold around him. He's told me before that he hates me being so close to him when he's like this. But I trust him. Even after staring him in the eyes after he's tried to kill me, I trust him. Call me an idiot. Haymitch certainly does. But I won't leave him when he's in this state.

I've discovered that besides me holding him, my singing will bring him out of it. So I stroke his hair gently and sing in his ear. He relaxes slightly but his fingers are tight around my arm. If he leaves bruises, he'll never forgive himself so I try to shuffle myself out of his grasp and pull him closer to my chest.

"Katniss?" I finally hear him whimper.

"Shh," I say soothingly, kissing his forehead. "You're safe. You're with me. We're safe." He lets out a deep sigh and relaxes in my arms. Later, he allows me to lead him back up to the bed and I snuggle into him as close as I can. I draw warmth from his bare chest and my head rests below his chin. His even breathing steadies me and I allow myself to fall back asleep.

* * *

><p>When I wake up again, I realize neither of us had any more nightmares. Peeta still sleeps soundly next to me, and I notice that neither of us have moved in the night. I lean forward to give him a soft kiss on the lips, hoping not to wake him. I glance at the window and see the sun is already rising. But Peeta's arms tighten around me and pull me close and I find that I don't want to leave the warmth of his embrace. So I settle back down and feel him sigh deeply.<p> 


	24. Chapter 24

_**Thank you again for all of the amazing reviews and kind messages! I have the best fans in the world! **_

_**This chapter is one of my favorite ones I have written thus far! Plz review after you read, I'm eager to hear your thoughts on it. I work every day this week and the next chapter is pretty short BUT, if I can get 10 reviews this time before Monday, I'll post not one but TWO new segments :) yeah I'm bribing yall now, haha! **_

_**Anyway, enjoy this next one and have a great weekend! XOXO **_

* * *

><p>Her voice. It's what has brought me back so many times, it's saved me and brought me back to her. So I can't fathom why they thought it would be smart to use it in my hijacking. Every time I heard her singing, I was able to fight off the poison a little bit. Maybe it's because it's when I first noticed her, when I first fell under her spell. She can make the birds stop and the world fall silent around her. I dreamed of one of my sessions last night, when they would make me watch videos of her and Gale. That was probably the worst torture of all. I could take the beatings and the knives and the shocks but videos of Katniss left me sobbing like a baby. I started to thrash around on the table, begging for them to let me go so I could find her and kill her.<p>

And then she started to sing. And I relaxed and remembered where I was. In our home. In her arms. The only place I can find real comfort and the true sense of home. She calmed me down after my nightmare and lay in my arms all night afterwards.

Now I feel her waking and I don't want this peace to end. I feel her kiss me and lean back. My arms reach out and grasp her tighter, telling her without words to stay with me. I'm surprised when I feel her settle back down on my arm and rest her head under my chin. I sigh deeply, thankful that for the moment at least, I don't have to let her go.

We sleep for another hour or so and I groan when I glance at the clock. I untangle myself from Katniss's embrace and kiss her softly, as she did with me a few hours ago. I reach for my prosthetic and clasp it on before moving to the closet. When I come back out, fully dressed, I see her sitting up in bed, clutching the blankets around her slender frame.

"That's not fair," she says softly. "When I woke up and tried to leave, you wouldn't let me. Now I have to let you leave?"

"Sorry love, but I really need to get to the Bakery to make sure everything's ready." She slips out of bed and I suck in a breath when I see she's wearing nothing but a skimpy pair of underwear. Damn it. I avert my eyes and she huffs but she grabs a robe and slips it on.

"Better?" I turn to her and grin at her scowl.

"Better suited to let me leave without a cloudy brain, yes." She crosses her arms and I yank her towards me, swooping down for a kiss. But she turns her head and I'm met with her cheek instead.

"Nuh uh. You don't want any distractions today," she bites.

"Katniss, you're a distraction without even trying," I tease as I try again for a kiss. But she slides out of my grasp and shoves her pointer finger into my chest.

"Nope, you wanted to go to the Bakery early. So go on. I'll go into the woods and check the snares." She moves around me to dress and I watch her carefully. Katniss is a difficult one to figure out. She gets offended easily and more often than not, I upset her when I tease. And her scowl is enough to tell me she's serious. So I push the teasing aside and yank her towards me. Before she can stop me, I capture her lips with mine and wrap my arms around her waist. She doesn't move for a moment but then I feel her mouth responding. I break it quickly, not wanting her to think I'm just doing this to get her back into bed. I press my forehead to hers and gaze into her eyes.

"I love you, Katniss. I'm always thinking of you, whether you're in the same room with me or not." She relents and slumps forward.

"Damn you," she whispers and I can't help but smile as I lean in for another kiss. We keep it brief and when we break apart, she hits my arm gently. I grin and finish getting ready, feeling 100% better now that I don't have to leave with her irritated with me. We walk downstairs together and she retrieves her game bag and bow. I pull out a loaf of honey wheat bread and slice a few pieces for the both of us.

"You ready?" she asks, her hands resting on my waist. I sigh and pop the rest of the bread into my mouth before I answer.

"I think so. It's just last minute preparations but I really wish it wasn't going to be televised." Her face darkens and I immediately bite my tongue. Plutarch had heard from Haymitch about the Bakery reopening and called to ask me if he could televise it all over Panem. Katniss was furious and I was more than nervous but I agreed to allow him to send out a camera crew tomorrow.

"For my dad, Katniss," I had tried to make her understand. "I feel like I owe this to him. To my family. The Bakery needs to live on and I think this will really help get us business."

"I get that, Peeta," she had said impatiently. "But there's so many people who just want see the Victor, not the Baker. They don't care about the family name, it's just seeing you in the spotlight again!"

I know she's afraid it will cause me to go back into a flashback. I've asked her a thousand times to be there with me tomorrow, for one of the most important days of my life, but I don't know if she will come now that there will be cameras. I can't say I really blame her…she was always uncomfortable in front of the cameras and it was common knowledge that she didn't really know what to say most of the time. But I've already agreed to it and if I can get a lot of business for the bakery out of it, I don't care why people are doing it. I reach up and stroke her cheek and she takes my hand in hers.

"I really want you there, Katniss," I say softly. "I need you there."  
>"I know, Peeta. I just…I'll try, ok? I will try." I guess that's all I can ask. Though I feel like her support should outweigh her fear of the spotlight but I don't say anything. She's been helping me at the Bakery when she can and her support and her faith in me as been unyielding. I'm lucky, I realize. I lean down to kiss her once more before we walk to the door and head toward town. She kisses my cheek before she slips off toward the meadow and I continue on toward Merchant Circle.<p>

* * *

><p>As I finish the morning meeting, I look up to see Haymitch walking through the door. I nod to my employees and they go into the back to make sure everything is working properly. Haymitch is carrying something under his arm and he nods to me when he approaches.<p>

"How's it going, Haymitch?"

"Where's sweetheart today?"

"She went to the woods to get us some dinner." He raises a brow.

"She going to be here with you tomorrow?" My heart starts to speed up. Haymitch knows us way too well.

"Yeah, I think so. I don't know why she wouldn't."

"I can think of several reasons why she wouldn't, kid," he says quietly. I tense up and try to shrug it off.

"Katniss does what she wants to. She knows how much I want her here but if she truly doesn't feel comfortable, I won't force her to come to the grand opening." He snorts and my brow shoots into my hair.

"Boy have you got it bad."

"What's that supposed to mean," I say heatedly. He's laughing at me. He's fucking laughing at me!

"You are too pussy-whipped for your own good."

"Haymitch!" I blush bright red at his words and look around to make sure my employees haven't heard him. This just causes him to laugh even harder.

"Look kid, I expect to be passed out in the morning so I wanted to come by and give you this." He hands me a long piece of wood and I frown.

"What-" but I stop, taking a closer look at the wood. It's a sign.

Mellark Bakery. Printed in old white letters, with pieces of the wood charred. My hands tighten around the sign and I look up at him, my vision going a bit blurry. He nods and he looks serious. Sympathetic even.

"Thom brought that to me when they started to clean up the site. He didn't know if… he should give it to you but I wanted you to have it. Seems like it may make opening day a little easier." How the hell should this make it easier, I want to scream at him. This sign was hand-painted by my great-great grandfather and passed down to my father. It had always hung in front of the bakery and just seeing it brings back my dad's words. How he told me they had always been bakers, and how much love and tenderness goes into baking. How gentle we Mellarks must be, to shape the dough with our strong hands. I feel myself shaking and Haymitch claps my shoulders.

"I'm sorry, Peeta. I just wanted you to-"

"I know," I cut him off shakily. "Thanks Haymitch. I…it means a lot." He nods and straightens up.

"Have fun tomorrow. I'll try to stop by later in the week." And with that, he's gone. I stare at the sign in my shaking hands until I finally have the strength to move.

As I work, I keep looking back at the sign and an idea comes to me. The more I think about it, the more excited I get. I call Thom and ask him to meet me at the Bakery before we close. He does and I'm lucky that he brings all his building stuff with him. I quickly explain my plan and he immediately goes to work.

I stay at the bakery much later than I intended, working on my surprise. When I glance at the clock, I gasp and bite my lip. Katniss will be worried. And furious. I quickly grab the phone to dial home but of course there's no answer. Katniss hates that phone. And only uses it to call Aurelius. Sighing, I gather my things and lock up, hurrying towards Victor's Village.

The light in the kitchen is on and I find Katniss asleep at the table. The Memory Book is spread open under her hands and I suck in a breath when I see what page she's on. She's written about my brothers. I didn't think she even knew their names. But there on the page next to my parents, are Ryean and Bialystok. I pull the book towards me and read what she's written.

_Though I didn't know them well, I know Peeta's brothers were kind like he is. I remember one day when Prim and I were young, my father took us to the bakery and I accidentally bumped into Ryean. He quickly apologized and grabbed a tray of pastries for us to choose from. When my father tried to pay for them, Mr. Mellark waved his hand and said it was on the house._

I suck in a breath. Why don't I remember that? I can probably count the times that Katniss came into the bakery on one hand but I don't remember that time. I guess I had been in the back, working.

_Another day after my father had passed, I went to the bakery to trade with Mr. Mellark. Ryean said he was out but that I could come back later. He snuck two cookies into my bag and put a finger to his lips. I gave them both to Prim._

My heart is aching for my brother. Ryean and I were closer in age and he understood me better than Bialy had; Bialy was a lot like Mom and we didn't always get along. I quickly wipe at my eyes and continue to read.

_Once, I went to the school wrestling match, where Peeta was competing for the championship. I wasn't surprised in the slightest when he won and I continued to watch him from afar. As did many other girls. Right after my father died, a bunch of Merchant girls were taunting me outside. One of them knocked my books out of my hands and pushed me down. Prim tried to fight back but I was afraid that the girls would go after her too. Bialystok rushed forward and helped me up and snapped at the girls to clear off. He picked up my books and smiled at me, telling me he was sorry about our father and asked if I was ok. I know he was probably looking out for me because of Peeta but I was still grateful for it. _

I glance at Katniss's sleeping form and my lips tighten. My family all knew how I felt about her. My mother was the one who was the worst about it but my father and my brothers supported our union. If only they could see me now. See us now. See what we have become.

I close the book and blink back tears. I gently gather Katniss in my arms and carry her up to our bedroom. Good thing she's already dressed for bed because I'm so exhausted I can barely undress. I toss off my shirt and pants and decide that my underwear will do for tonight. Sliding under the sheets, I pull her into my arms and quickly find sleep. My eyes snap open as I remember her words from the book.

I continued to watch him from afar.

Maybe without the Games, Katniss and I would not have been so doomed after all…

* * *

><p>Thankfully, I wake up naturally. I realize I was an idiot and forgot to set an alarm but the sun is barely up so I'm lucky. I look to my side and see Katniss is already gone. My heart falls a little, knowing she won't be there for my important day. I know I told her it was alright if she didn't come but that's a lie. I want the most important person in my life to be there by my side. And I wish she understood that.<p>

Sighing, I make my way to the bathroom and shower as quickly as I can. When I feel I look presentable I make my way down the stairs and freeze in my tracks.

Katniss is standing in our kitchen, brewing tea, and she looks…completely stunning. She's dressed in a long, flowy dress of my favorite shade of orange. Her hair is dark waves on her back and at her neck, I see the locket that I gave her in the Quell. My heart stops beating for a moment. She turns and smiles when she sees me, abandoning the tea and rushing into my arms. I bury my face in her hair, inhaling her scent to make sure she is real. That she's not some perfect vision my mind just made up.

God. She's real. And she's all mine.

I kiss the top of her head and she goes back to the boiling water.

"Tea?"

"Uh, yeah. Thanks. You look…you're so beautiful," I manage to get out. She blushes but looks pleased.

"Thank you. I thought I should look nice if I'm going to be standing beside you on camera." My jaw drops and my heart starts hammering against my chest.

"You…you mean it?" She leans up to kiss me and my arms wrap around her.

"I'll be right there if you need me," she says quietly as she passes me the mug. I simply stare at her over the rim of my cup as I drink my tea in silence. My eyes go to the locket at her throat and she glances down then back at me. Without a word, she opens the locket and my hands start to shake. The pictures of Mrs. Everdeen and Prim are still there, untouched, but in the middle where Gale's portrait used to be is a picture of a younger me. I suck in a breath and she smiles.

"Where…where did you get that?"

"In one of your drawers. I hope you're not mad," she adds and I pull her to me so quickly we both nearly stumble. But she accepts my passionate kisses and she lays a hand on my cheek. I close the locket and she goes back to her tea.

When she puts her cup down and takes my arm, I know we are ready. Not only is this a big day for me, but a big day for us. I feel like this is a wonderful tribute to my family but it's also recognizing that Katniss IS my family now. Whether in name or not, she's the person I'll share the rest of my life with and I couldn't have done this without her. As we reach the road, the sun comes up over the trees and she gasps a little.

"Peeta, isn't it beautiful?" I glance over at her and smile at her delight.

"It's perfect, Katniss. Everything is perfect." She looks at me and I know she understands. We kiss for a moment before we continue on our way.

There is a line that leads into Merchant Circle when we arrive. I gasp and pull Katniss to the back of the bakery so we can let ourselves in without being seen. I lean against the door, panting and feel her hand on my face.

"Peeta." I turn to look at her and she takes my face in her hands. "This is for your father. For your family. I am so proud of you. So incredibly proud to call you mine." My cheeks warm at her words and I lean in for a kiss. It gives me the strength to keep going and I straighten up and grab my apron from the door.

"Alright, we'd better get started. Oh, there's Delly and Riley. Can you let them in, Katniss?" She goes to open the door and my two friends walk in and embrace Katniss before coming over to embrace me. Just behind them, two more of my employees, Cora and her fiancé, Dane, enter the bakery. I was reluctant to hire them together, as I don't want any personal feelings to interfere with their work but they make a wonderful team and really know their stuff. I had given them a few test products to make and was amazed at the result by them working together. I smile and shake hands with both of them, then introduce them to Katniss. Cora is gushing.

"My goodness, it's such an honor to meet you, Miss Everdeen," she says excitedly while wringing Katniss's hand. I turn away to hide my smile as Katniss stammers a thank you.

"Alright everyone, let's get started! We have one hour before we open the doors!"

* * *

><p>That hour flies by and I'm feeling more and more terrified as the clock keeps ticking. I keep glancing at it and suddenly feel a sense of dread, as I remember another ticking clock that haunts me. Katniss knows. Her hands rest on my waist and she leans in close to whisper in my ear.<p>

"Don't think about that, Peeta. You are re-opening your family's bakery in a few minutes! You did it, my love. You have come so far and no one could possibly understand what you have overcome to be here today." I'm about to respond when Delly calls me from the front. I squeeze Katniss's hand and run to see what she needs. Since Delly worked in her family's shoe store, she is quite familiar with keeping books as well as a register. So I ask her to teach Katniss how to work the register while I stock the shelves with pastries and fresh bread.

At five minutes til, Cora straightens up and glances at the clock.

"I think you should be the one to open the doors, Peeta. You should be the first one they see." The others nod their agreement and I swallow. I start toward the door but turn back to Katniss and hold out my hand.

"Together?"

"Together," she says softly as she takes my hand. Behind us, Cora sniffles.

Keeping one hand entwined with Katniss's, I push open the doors and the crowd goes completely wild. I gulp as I step outside on the porch and survey the crowd. People I know, neighbors I have grown up with, faces I remember and faces I have never seen. They are all here. I hold up my arms and it falls silent.

"Friends! Neighbors! Citizens of freed Panem. I welcome you to District 12 and thank you from the bottom of my heart for coming out this morning. Years ago, this bakery was founded by Peter Mellark, my great-great grandfather. The Mellark Bakery served the district for many years, serving up delicious baked goods and fresh bread. I was frosting cookies before I learned to walk," there are several titters from the crowd and I smile. "My father was a wonderful man, who put so much love into whatever he created. When he handed you your cake, he had a smile for you too. I never saw him without one. I was always known as the baker's son and that's exactly what I am. After the War…I didn't think I would ever have the strength to even come to this place," I pause and swallow the tears that threaten to emerge. Katniss squeezes my hand and I find comfort and warmth. "But it's you who gave me the courage. I watched my neighbors rebuild the district and I watched as we all grew and healed. And I would be nothing without this perfect woman by my side," I gesture towards Katniss and she goes pink but she does not let go of my hand. "I drew strength and courage from her and she gave me the determination to go on. She supported me from the moment I mentioned that I wanted to preserve my father's legacy. She has been unyieldingly patient and encouraging throughout this process and we have grown closer than ever. I am beyond honored to call her my family," I bring her hand to my lips and kiss her knuckles and hear an echo of 'aww's around the group. "Without my family, I would be nothing. And this bakery would never have been rebuilt. So it is my honor and privilege to welcome you to Mellark Family Bakery!" The crowd goes wild again and I see Katniss looking at me, shocked. I grin at her and turn to pick up the sign that was drying by the wall.

"Will you help me do the honors?" I ask her. She smiles and reaches up a shaking hand to help me hang the new sign. When it is secured and we've stepped away, I swear the applause is so thunderous that it rivals the applause we received at the Tribute Parade. I prop the doors open and welcome them all in.

As they pass, people pat my shoulder, they give me hugs or words of praise, they shake mine and Katniss's hands, they tell me with tear-filled eyes how happy they are to see us so happy. I don't let go of Katniss's hand the whole time. As people go in and out of the bakery, I pull her aside and wrap my arms around her waist. She is staring up at the new sign and I grin.

"What do you think?"

"When did you do this?"

"Last night. Haymitch gave me the original sign, which I put in a glass case inside. But I meant what I said. You're my family so it's right that it's called Mellark Family Bakery."

"You renamed the bakery? For me?" She sounds so shocked that I turn her towards me and push her hair out of her eyes before leaning in to kiss her.

"You are everything to me, Katniss," I whisper. She kisses me and turns back to the sign, looking awe-struck. Together we stare up at the brand new sign that reads "Mellark Family Bakery", painted in white letters against a green background. Below it, is a small icon of bread toasting over a roaring fire. Katniss leans against me and I kiss her cheek.

"The girl on fire," I whisper in her ear. "And the Baker's boy."

"Boy with the bread," I hear her say softly.

"What?"

"The Boy with the Bread. That's what I always used to call you. Even when we were younger…you were always the boy with the bread to me. It seemed fitting, since you saved my life with bread." I let out a little 'hm' against her cheek as I hold her flush against me, resting my chin on her shoulder. I decide I like it. My nickname from her. I guess there could be much worse nicknames. I smile and drape my arm around her.

"The boy with the bread and the girl on fire. Together, a force to be reckoned with."

* * *

><p>I can't believe by noon we are completely out of stock! I hurry to the back to bake more and Cora is pulling out a fresh batch of strawberry muffins. I sigh and lean against the door, taking a moment to wipe the sweat from my brow. I feel a small hand on my arm and whirl around in panic.<p>

"Easy," she says soothingly and I waste no time in pulling her in for a hug. I sigh as I hold her, as her smell brings me back home. Nearly every customer has told me my father would be proud of me. Or how they loved to see me here working with my brothers. Or how fondly they remember my family. Every. Single. One.

Katniss's hands make soothing patterns on my back as she holds me close.

"You're doing so great," she says softly. "I'm so proud of you."

"Peeta! A customer is asking for you," Delly calls. I groan and close my eyes and Katniss takes my face in her hands and kisses me softly.

"Get back out there and be as amazing as usual." I turn and feel her lightly slap my ass. I shoot her a scandalized look over my shoulder and quickly look around to make sure no one else saw but thankfully everyone else is busy. Katniss shoots me a wink before going over to check on the ovens.

When I come out of the kitchens, I stop at the sight of Haymitch, grinning at me from the counter.

"What happened to being passed out?"

"Decided there were more important things to do," he says with a shrug. "Seriously kid, I have never been prouder to say I was someone's mentor. Look at this place! You've done your family and your district proud." I feel myself flush under his praise and mumble a thanks.

"Is sweetheart back there with you?" I nod and he chuckles.

"Never thought I'd see her actually working in a place like this. How about those chocolate muffins? You out of them?"

"A new batch is coming right up, if you'd like to wait," I gesture toward the little sitting area I fashioned with bistro-style tables and chairs. He looks impressed and has a seat and I turn to the next customer. Katniss comes out the door with two trays of assorted muffins and pastries and starts restocking the shelves.

"Haymitch," she calls, surprised, when she spots him. "I didn't think you would make it."

"Didn't think you would either."

"I wouldn't miss this," she says softly as she gives my hand a squeeze. The warmth in my cheeks makes the room much too hot and Haymitch is smirking at me. I clear my throat and move on to the next customers.

At a quarter to six, Katniss is wiping down the tables and countertops and Riley is in the back washing dishes. Dane and Cora are putting everything away and I am feeling a massive migraine coming on. But I also feel accomplished. Proud. I glance at my family's sign behind the glass and I smile. I feel arms wrap around my waist and I cover those hands with my own.

"I couldn't have done any of this without you," I whisper without even turning to her. Her grasp tightens.

"I know I've said it a lot today but I just can't tell you how proud I am of you, Peeta. I love you. So much." I close my eyes at her words and turn into her arms. Her pretty dress is covered with flour and she has frosting smeared on her cheeks. Her hair has become a tangled mess so that she finally just braided it on the side sometime this afternoon. She looks tired and flushed and I can tell her feet are aching. I pick her up in my arms, despite her adorable little squeal, and give her a quick kiss. But the way she wraps her fingers in my hair and pulls slightly makes me deepen the kiss and I don't ever want to let go. I hear a tentative 'ahem' behind me and I nearly drop her. I turn to glance at Delly, who's blushing but smiling.

"Sorry to interrupt. I just need your signature on these Peeta before we close up." I lower Katniss to the floor and take the pen from Delly.

"Thanks Delly for all of your help. Really, you've been great."

"Oh it's no trouble at all," she says, going pinker.

"We wouldn't have made it through today without you, Delly," Katniss says warmly. I can tell Delly is shocked. Katniss still manages to surprise us all. Delly squeezes Katniss's hand and smiles.

"It's truly my pleasure, Katniss. I watched Peeta grow up in the bakery and am so happy to see him return to it. I'm happy to see you both here, together." Katniss nods and leans in to me and I wrap my arm around her waist.

"Anything else you need done, sir?" Riley asks as he comes out of the kitchen.

"No Riley, thank you so much. And please, I told you, you don't have to call me sir. It's just Peeta."

"Yes Mr.…Peeta," he says uncertainly. I sigh and shake my head. Riley came from 13 and was eager to learn to work in a bakery. I was hesitant to take him on, afraid I would be teaching him everything but it turns out, he is a fast learner. And he did wonderfully today. I know I will need to hire a few more people but I can deal with that another day. I quickly hug and shake hands with my employees and thank them again. When they're gone, I close and lock the door and turn back to Katniss. She sighs and sinks into a chair.

"I definitely don't have what it takes to run a business. I'm completely wiped."

"You were amazing today," I say softly, taking her hand. "Seriously, I would have been lost without you here."

"Oh shush," she scolds but I can tell she's pleased by the pink flush in her cheeks. I grin and pull her toward the back of the bakery.

"Where-?"

"I want to show you my office."

She follows me to the back and I push the door open and let her walk past me. She enters, her mouth gaping and her eyes wide.

"The walls were too…white," I explain.

And they were. I remember how I shivered when they first showed me the space and I decided immediately I had to paint it. The white walls reminded me of the pristine rooms in the Capitol, before they began the real torture. So I had requested bright colors and spent several days locked inside this room.

On one wall is a beautiful sunset painted with oranges and reds and pinks. Along with the sunset, I've painted two hands, representing our hands in the Quell, when I presented her with the pearl. On another wall I painted one of my memories from when we were younger. Katniss had brought Prim to look at the cakes in the windows and I had pressed myself against the wall, trying to catch a glimpse of my love. The girls were smiling and looked happy while I looked on longingly. It's one of the few times I saw her smile when we were young.

The last one is of Katniss holding me while the sunlight beats down on us. I don't know if it was from the Games or the rooftop of the training center or just a day at home, spent in her arms. But it's my favorite because the look on her face is one of peace and contentment. My eyes are squeezed shut in the painting and I have a smile on my face, much like the one that Katniss always puts there. From this painting, you can't tell I was hijacked. You can't tell I once tried to hurt her, that I almost took her life. You can't tell that we have been through hell, except from the scars that adorn our skin. It just looks like two people, a boy and a girl, in love.

Katniss is gazing up at the paintings and I watch her warily. When she doesn't say anything, I gently touch her shoulder and she jumps. When she turns to me, tears are streaming down her cheeks.

"Oh Katniss, I'm sorry," I say quickly as I pull her close to my chest. She shakes her head.

"No, it's- they're beautiful." She looks up at me and takes my face in her hands. She trails her fingertip down my cheek and swipes across my lips. "You're beautiful. You are so good, Peeta. Everything that is good and wonderful in my life. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize that. I'm sorry it took me forever to realize that I would die without you."

"Hey, hey," I try to soothe her and hold her again but she just seems to want to stare at me and hold my face. So I let her. I stare into her eyes and see them searching mine. For what, I'm not sure but I hope she can see the love blazing through.

"I love you, Peeta. I will always love you." And with that, she surges forward and presses her lips to mine. I'm so taken aback that I stumble and am pushed against the wall. But I recover quickly. I have her out of her dress in record time and am setting her on my desk. She gasps when I press against her, letting her feel how aroused I am and I give her a sly wink.

"I think we should probably christen this office with lots of pleasant memories," I say in a low voice that makes her smile broaden.


	25. Chapter 25

Peeta is overwhelmed with the success and popularity of Mellark Family Bakery. I can't believe how good it feels to call that man mine but I find myself claiming him, in more ways than one, on a daily basis. If he minds it, he doesn't say anything. I've denied him my love for so long that I feel like I constantly need to remind him of it. And I love the way his light up whenever I tell him. After our amazing night in his office, we came home and made love twice more before we fell to the sheets, dead to the world.

I don't have much of a mind for business so I'm glad Delly still comes to help with the books, but I make sure I am there to help Peeta in the kitchens. He's hired several more people. The most surprising one was Rory Hawthorne. When Peeta came home and told me Rory had approached him about a job, we were both a bit uneasy. We barely said his brother's name, after all, and I know Peeta was still bothered by the whole Gale thing. But Rory was eager to learn and Peeta was eager to teach him. They bonded quickly and I think Peeta saw himself as a bit of a big brother toward Rory. Hazelle had brought the family back to 12 while Gale had stayed in 2. Rory confided in me one night that he had always disliked Peeta only because of Gale's feelings. He was pleasantly surprised and actually a little upset with Gale when he had actually met Peeta and discovered that he was very likable. I can't imagine how anyone can actually dislike Peeta. The man exudes sunshine, for crying out loud. But I imagine it was hard for Gale. And I can imagine what he said to his family when he had found out about Peeta and me. Both times, that is.

Our fake romance had been broadcasted to the world and now that we are together for real, Panem is rejoicing at the star-crossed lovers once more. I admit I shied away from it at first. When the reporters came to broadcast the opening of the bakery, they had returned the following day to ask Peeta some questions. They had turned to me and asked me how I felt about being referred to as Peeta's family, even though we weren't legally married. I blushed bright red and felt Peeta's damp hand in mine. How to answer that? Well, I screwed up that day. I had dropped Peeta's hand and told them we were taking it slow and I didn't really know what we were.

Thank god the cameras weren't rolling. It would have been disastrous. Peeta had been shocked at my answer and had shut himself in his office. When we went home, he had a flashback, a pretty serious one and it took me hours to calm him down. I spent the night holding him and assuring him I loved him and I knew that for certain. And the next day, I borrowed Peeta's phone to call the reporters, asking to amend my statement. Peeta had walked into the office as I was on the phone and heard me telling them that I loved him and needed him more than I had ever realized and that yes, we were a family. That I was proud to call Peeta Mellark mine. And even though we weren't married yet, I looked forward to our future together. The reporters sounded excited and said they would be sure to include this in their story. I hung up the phone and turned around to find Peeta staring at me, his mouth and his eyes wide.

"You said yet," he said softly before he swept me into his arms and was kissing me breathless.

"Out of everything I just said, that one word is what you caught," I gasped. He smirked and his smile lit up the room.

"Oh I caught the rest. But that one word sticks out the most. One day, I WILL call you my wife." And he kissed me again before I could protest.

* * *

><p>When I'm not at the bakery with Peeta, I am in the woods hunting for the district and the surrounding districts. I send meat to the orphanages and Paylor has set up a bunch of food banks to help feed families across Panem. Things are undoubtedly getting better for the districts but people still suffer from hunger. I send what I can and feel proud at night when Peeta holds me and tells me how amazing he thinks I am. The fact that he can tell me this, after everything they put him through and made him think, just reminds me that life can get better.<p>

Then comes a day that I don't think that way at all. Reaping Day. Our first as a freed nation. Plutarch and Paylor want to do a little ceremony, featuring the surviving Victors, but I flat out refuse. Maybe one day but not this year. I talk to Johanna and Annie on the phone and they said no too. I know Paylor is upset because she wants us to show morale for the nation but too much has been lost and it's too soon. I'm surprised when Peeta doesn't try to coax me into it. Instead, he holds me and stays in bed with me when I refuse to get out.

Prim's birthday is two days after Reaping Day. Needless to say, I haven't moved from my bed in a week. I can tell Peeta is worried but I don't have the strength or even the will to assure him everything will be alright. How can it be? So many people are dead. Gone forever. My sister. The only person I ever loved in this world, murdered. Destroyed by hatred and vengeance. I only ever wanted to protect her and give her a chance at life. Now I am living her life. And it's not fair. It's not fair in the slightest.

* * *

><p><strong>Peeta POV. <strong>

On Katniss's seventh day in bed, I start to get desperate. At first she was talking to me, crying as I held her but now her face is blank and her eyes are wide and lost. I try whispering to her, telling her how much I love her, how much I need her but she doesn't respond. She hasn't moved since Reaping Day. Neither of us left the house on that day. I had even called the Bakery beforehand to tell them I wouldn't be there. I hated to turn my back on Panem, because that's what I felt like we were doing, but Katniss's and my sanity is not stable enough to participate in any kind of ceremony just yet. Plutarch had even tried to call Haymitch to get him to persuade us but our mentor protected us. I don't know what was said but I know it was heated words. And I'm grateful to him for that.

I haven't left Katniss's side and feel terrible for abandoning the bakery. We've barely been open a month and now I'm leaving it to my employees. But Katniss comes first in my life. She's barely eating and she hasn't changed out of her pajamas except the time I made her take a bath with me. I'm watching her waste away and there is nothing I can do about it. I feel helpless, pathetic, and unworthy of her affection. I have three flashbacks that week, down in the kitchen, away from where she can see. Last thing I need is for her to worry over me.

But she doesn't seem to hear any of us. Haymitch has come by, Sae and Hazelle, even Rory Hawthorne. We all plead for her to get out of bed and eat and live again. But she lies there like the undead. I collapse to my knees by the bed, sobbing into my hands, asking her what I need to do to help her. She remains unresponsive.

I finally call Dr. Aurelius. I explain everything through my tears and by the time I'm finished, I am shaking.

"Peeta," he says softly. "You have to take care of yourself too. This environment isn't healthy for you."

"Have you heard a thing I just said?" I scream into the phone. "Katniss is dying! And I can't save her!"

"She isn't dying, Peeta. She's catatonic, stricken by grief. I'll send some medications to help elevate her mood. Do what you can to bring her out of it. Open the blinds, make her favorite foods, talk to her. Just be there for her. It's much like when you have an episode. She feels helpless and doesn't know what to do. You have to help each other."

I decide the man is useless. I have baked about a million cheesebuns, I've opened the windows to let in the sun and the spring breeze, and I hold her in my lap and talk to her until my throat is hoarse. What haven't I tried?!

The medicines come on the train the next day. A man in a white lab coat delivers them to the door and nearly sends me into a episode. But Haymitch is there with me and he calms me down. I take the medicine upstairs and somehow, I coax Katniss to swallow them down as prescribed. Haymitch announces he is going to go get drunk and I pound my head on the wood floor, feeling lost in all this madness. Why can't anyone keep themselves conscious around here?! I find myself wishing for a flashback, just so I can be taken away from all this for a little while.

I slap myself and shake my head. No Mellark. You will not take that easy way out. You will stay focused and take care of your girl. Whatever it takes.

It takes two more days but one morning I feel Katniss move closer to me. Without a thought, I open my arms and allow her to rest her head in the crook of my arm. After a few minutes my eyes shoot open in realization and I turn my head to look at her. Her eyes are closed again but she's cuddled up to me and her breathing is steady and even. I watch her until she wakes up again and when her eyes meet mine, I start to sob uncontrollably. She rises up, looking anxious, and her hand rests on my cheek.

"It's ok, Peeta. I'm ok. We're ok."

That's really all I need. I carry her into the bathroom and make her take a shower with me. I gently scrub at her hair and rub some healing salve all over her body. When we're finished, I carry her back to the bedroom and help her dress. She's weak so I insist she stays in bed while I hurry down to the kitchen and make her lunch. When I bring the tray back upstairs, she's collapsed in tears again. I set the tray on the table and gather her in my arms.

"I'm sorry, Peeta," she chokes out. "Why are you so wonderful?"

I have no answer to that. I don't think I'm all that wonderful but I stay silent. I hold her while she cries and then pull the tray towards her. After she's eaten, she falls asleep and I refuse to leave her side. The next morning she rises before I do and when I wake, she is dressed for hunting. My girl on fire is back. I weep with relief.

* * *

><p><em>"Peeta? Please don't get caught." I look into the imploring eyes of my brother and I shake my head. <em>

_"She'll never know. I'll deliver it to the Seam before she even wakes up. Now hand me the piping bag." _

_"It's great, Peeta. She'll really love it." _

_"You think so? I hope so." I grin as I pipe the flowers around the cake. It came out a lot better than I had expected. Then again, it's not the first cake I have done on my own. Dad has given me a lot of free reign with making and frosting the cakes. I know Ryean is worried that Mom will see this one but I could care less. I made it all on my own. I made it especially for her. _

_"Ryean, can you please help your brother out front," my dad comes through the door and my brother nods._

_"Sure thing, Dad." He pats me on the shoulder before joining Bialy at the register. Dad wipes his hands on his apron and comes around to appraise my work._

_"Looks really good, son."_

_"Thanks Dad."_

_"How old is your songbird turning today?" I blush at Dad's words and don't look up from my piping._

_"Fifteen." _

_"Plenty old enough to be asked on a date," he says with a twinkle in his eye. I blush even harder._

_"You know I can't do that, Dad."_

_"And why not?"  
><em>

_"Well for starters, I'd be disowned," I say, shooting a look toward the ceiling. Dad's eyes follow mine and his shoulders slump for a moment._

_"Secondly, I think I'd be run out of the Seam if I even tried to do that. That or I'd be shot through the heart by the Hawthorne boy. And thirdly, she'd never consider going on a date with me."_

_"Peeta, you underestimate yourself my boy." I look into Dad's crystal blue eyes and shake my head sadly.  
><em>

_"No Dad, I don't. I'm just realistic. But I know she's never had a birthday cake before and I'm going to change that. Can you help me with these katniss flowers? For some reason they are coming out all gummy." Dad takes the bag from me and I watch in awe as he produces perfect flowers unlike anything I'd ever be able to create. _

_"Why don't you do the writing," he hands it back to me. I think it would look better if he does it but I also want to be the one to write her name. Screwing up my face in concentration, I finish writing 'Happy Birthday Katniss' and step back to admire my work. Dad claps my shoulders and nods._

_"Well done. So what will you say to her when you deliver it?"  
><em>

_"Special delivery from Mellark Bakery. And a secret admirer ordered it for her." Dad clicks his tongue sympathetically and I hunch my shoulders._

_"Dad…it's the way it has to be."_

_"Her mother was from the Merchant class, you know." _

_"Yeah, and she married a man from the Seam. I know, you've told me before. But Dad…Katniss will never look at me that way. I can't even get up the courage to talk to her, for crying out loud. It'll take a miracle to bring us together."  
><em>

_"Don't be so quick to dismiss miracles, Peeta," he says gently before he picks up a tray and carries it out to the display cases out front. I sigh and turn back to the cake. It looks pretty decent, I have to say. The green letters are a bit messy but I think it can be forgiven. I hurry off to get a box and quickly box it up. As I'm writing her name on the box with a marker, I feel someone come up behind me. Thinking it's Dad again, I don't turn around and pat the box gently._

_"Ok, I'm going to run to the Seam before Mom wakes up. Just tell her I'm making a delivery."_

_"And who would you be delivering a cake to in the Seam," comes an angry voice that makes me tense up. I glance over my shoulder and gulp audibly._

_"Um…someone…someone ordered a cake for this girl's birthday. I'm-I'm delivering it to her house."_

_"Someone ordered her a cake," she scoffs. "Peeta Mellark, you are a dirty liar and a sorry excuse for a son! Take that cake out there and sell it, right now!"_

_"But Mom, it's got her name on it!"_

_"Something that can easily be fixed. Wipe off the name. It won't fetch a great price, if you made it, but at least it won't be a total waste." I take a deep breath and turn to face her._

_"Sorry Mom. This is for Katniss's birthday. And I'm going to deliver it to her." Mom's eyes flash and I barely see the rolling pin before I feel it. I wince as pain shoots up my neck and my hand flies to the bruised spot.  
><em>

_"Mom! Please! Don't-" but she brings it down again and I feel the throbbing in my jaw. I cry out as she hits me again and I try to move away from the counter. But she follows me, gripping the rolling pin with white knuckles._

_"You dare talk back to me," she spits as she lunges again.  
><em>

_"Mom! Stop! Please!"  
><em>

_"Waste of space! Good for nothing! I should throw you out and then you'd really be at home in the Seam!" I gasp as the wood hits me in the back of the head and I stumble to the floor. She looms over me, raising it again. One more hit to the head and I'm done for. _

_"Mom!" I gasp and look up into Ryean's shocked face. Bialy and Dad are right behind him and they are all standing there, stunned. _

_"Ingrid!" Dad rushes forward and grabs the rolling pin. His face is red and he looks angrier than I've ever seen him. Ryean bends down to help me and my hand goes to the back of my head. I swallow when I pull away and find blood. Ryean gasps and pulls me to my feet._

_"Come on," he starts to lead me upstairs and I glance back at the cake on the counter. Mom shoots me a death glare and sweeps the cake into the trashcan. I freeze on the steps and let out a sound of protest. Dad shakes his head dejectedly._

_"You couldn't let the boy have this one tiny happiness?" _

_"Trash for Seam trash," she spits. "No son of mine will be seen with a Seam whore." _

_"I'm no son of yours," I spat before I run up the stairs and slam my door closed. _

_Ryean joins me a little while later, with a wet cloth and some medicine. I wince while he tends to my injuries and he pulls something out of his bag. My eyes widen at the sight of the crushed box. He looks up at me sadly._

_"I know it's not in good enough condition to give to her but you and I can enjoy a slice, in her honor." I open the box and stifle a sob at the ruined cake I had worked so hard on. Ryean produces two forks and lifts a piece up.  
><em>

_"Happy birthday, Katniss Everdeen," he says before taking a bite. I sadly follow suit._

_"Happy birthday, Katniss." _

* * *

><p>My eyes shoot open and I feel a warm breath against my neck. Katniss is curled up in my arms, her face inches from mine. Her bare skin seems to shimmer in the morning sunlight and I take a moment to appreciate her beauty. I run a hand through my hair and wrinkle my nose. What a weird memory to come about so suddenly. Why…<p>

I gasp. My eyes fall on the calendar I have posted on the wall and I swallow. It's May 8th! Katniss's birthday! How could I possibly have forgotten? It's understandable, with everything that's been happening lately but still, I feel terrible. I know Katniss has never celebrated her birthday. I wonder if she's ever even acknowledged it. Well, I remember one year, Prim had come into the bakery to inquire about cakes and how much they cost. If Mom hadn't been there, I would have given her one in a heartbeat. Mom had spoken to her kindly, thinking she was from the Merchant Circle with her blonde hair and her blue eyes but the moment she mentioned Katniss's name, Mom's eyes flashed and she yelled at Prim to get out. So I had yelled at her for yelling at Prim and was sent to bed with no dinner. It was a usual occurrence for me. Somehow, I could never do anything right in my mother's eyes.

I shake myself and turn back to Katniss. It's still dark outside and I wonder how much time I have before she wakes up. I pull my prosthetic on as quietly as I can and scribble a quick note, which I lay on the pillow beside her. I give her a gentle kiss before dressing quickly and hurrying downstairs. I make myself a to-do list and plan out everything I'll need. It's still too early to go knocking on Haymitch's door so I decide to go ahead and go to the bakery first. Ill get the rest of the stuff when I'm finished there. I quickly stuff a few of my painting supplies into a bag and carry it under my arm. Katniss will have the best birthday she has ever had, and I'm determined to make it so.


	26. Chapter 26

_**I'll be honest- it's been a bad day and I am stuck in bed so these reviews really helped and made me smile! I'm splitting up Katniss's birthday chapter because it's really long but I'm very fond of this chapter! If I can get 5 reviews before tonight, I'll post the second part of it ;) but seriously, your kind words and support mean the world on icky days like this so thank you thank you thank you!**_

* * *

><p>I wake up feeling quite cozy and snuggle deeper into the covers. But I immediately notice that Peeta's warmth is gone. I glance at the window and the clock and huff. It's still really early, even for him. I don't want to get up just yet. I know I need to go hunting and Peeta is probably already at the bakery and…<p>

I gasp, just remembering something. Today is my birthday!

Not that I have ever really cared or paid attention to my birthday but still…I'm eighteen today. Your 18th was really the only birthday we celebrated, as it meant we had survived without being Reaped or killed in the Hunger Games. The 18th is sort of a big day.

And now I would be spending it alone. Peeta wouldn't know it's my birthday. Haymitch might only because of my records but I imagine he is passed out, drunk. I feel a sense of loneliness and hurt. It's my own fault and really, what does it matter? So I lived to be another year older. Secretly, though, I wish I had said something. If only to avoid being alone for the day.

I suppose I could go help Peeta at the bakery. But I think it's my woods that call to me. So I dress quickly and head downstairs to find some breakfast. I munch on two-day old bread and decide to spread a little jam on it to soften it. I grab my game bag and my bow and take off toward the woods.

The sun has barely begun to rise and I contemplate stopping to see Peeta. But for some reason, I'm feeling a bit bitter. Even though I know it's stupid-again, how would he know what today is? But my mind doesn't feel like being logical. I find myself wanting to pout and throw a fit and say, it's my birthday damn it! I survived two Hunger Games and a war and I'm still here.

I huff again and head straight into the woods. I decide to climb up a tree and wait for something to arrive. From my place in the tree, I have a perfect view of the sunrise and I sigh as I lean back against the tree.

"Happy Birthday, Katniss," I whisper to myself without tearing my eyes away from the stunning sunrise.

Long story short, my birthday is terrible. I wound up falling asleep and falling out of the tree-I have NEVER fallen out of a tree before! I wince as I feel my bruised ankle but am thankful nothing else is seriously injured. I miss my targets and find that I have run out of arrows. Right after that discovery, I am chased by wild dogs and end up in the deepest part of the woods. I climb another tree and wait for the dogs to leave. Of course the snarling dogs below me remind me of the mutts from the Games and I wind up having a break down, in which I'm curled into myself and sobbing into my hands. By the time I recover, the dogs are gone and the day is more than halfway over. Well, at least this horrible birthday will be over soon.

Add to that, storm clouds loomed overhead from out of nowhere and freezing rain pelted my body relentlessly. I jumped from the tree and slipped down a muddy hill, bruising my backside and my wrist and getting covered in mud. I try to find some shelter from the rain and wind up crouching underneath a felled tree.

By the time I start home, the sun has set. I'm cold, aching, exhausted, covered in mud, and soaking wet. I wish I had just stayed in bed. Peeta would return home and be distressed to find me under the covers but hey, at least I would have skipped this horrendous day.

As I get closer to the house, I see the lights are all on and it looks quite cheery. I guess Peeta closed up early. I glance across and am not surprised to see that Haymitch's house is still quite dark. I shiver and clutch the bow tightly as I limp up the porch. It's a warm night but my clothes still haven't dried.

"Katniss!" The door is flung open and Peeta is grabbing my shoulders. Why is he looking so panicked?

"Where have you been?"

"You wouldn't believe the day I have had," I mumble as I limp past him. "The worst."

"But…Katniss-" I hobble into the foyer and frown when I see several balloons, hovering near the ceiling. Peeta is right behind me, breathing heavily. His brow is furrowed and he looks very bemused. I take in his appearance and notice he is dressed quite nice.

"Look, I'm just going to go up and shower-"

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" My jaw drops as I enter the room. Haymitch, Effie, Johanna, Sae, Delly, Rory, Cora, Dane, Riley, and Thom are all sitting around the living room, holding drinks in the air and grinning broadly. Haymitch guffaws loudly.

"What the hell happened to you girl? Leave it to you to show up to your own party looking like you just crawled through the trenches."

"Haymitch," Peeta says sharply from behind me. My wide eyes travel around the room and I see the looks of surprise on everyone's faces. They probably rival my own.

"Excuse us," Peeta says hurriedly as he tugs me upstairs. He closes the bedroom door behind us and runs a hand through his hair.

"Ok, you've been in the woods? Alone? All day long?"

"Well…yeah. I woke up and you were already gone. I figured you'd gone to the bakery so I just headed to the woods. I…well, it was a long and humiliating day, I won't go into it." His eyes rake me over, surveying me for injuries.

"I don't understand…didn't you find my note?" I freeze and frown.

"What note?" Peeta's shoulders slump and he shakes his head.

"Oh Katniss."

"What?" He makes his way over to the bed and is searching for something. He throws the covers aside and feels around on the sheets. He drops to the floor and I hear him let out a grunt. Shaking his head, he walks back to me and hands me a small piece of paper. My hands shake while I read it.

_Happy Birthday my beautiful angel!_

_18 years ago, you came into this world and changed it forever. I know you haven't had too many pleasant birthdays, but today will change that. I've gone to the bakery to make you something special but I'll be back soon-stay in bed and relax. When I get home, I plan to wait on you hand and foot, and treat you like the queen you are. Queen of my Heart, thank you for loving me. I'll see you soon._

_All my love,_

_Peeta_

I look up at him, my jaw hanging wide open.

"I didn't…I didn't know…"

"It's my fault," he sighs. "I should have stayed and waited for you to wake up. I just wanted to make everything perfect for you," he adds dejectedly. I go to him and wrap my arms around him, reaching up to run my fingers through his hair.

"Everything is perfect, because you're in my life," I say simply. He tugs me closer and kisses me, his lips soft and warm. I moan into his mouth and he reaches down to palm my breast. He breaks the kiss and I feel his lips at my neck and throat.

"I can't believe you thought I had forgotten about your birthday," he murmurs as he continues his assault on my neck.

"I had forgotten," I groan. "And I didn't think you even knew when it was. I've never really celebrated it before."

"Yes but 18 is a big deal, Katniss. I expect fireworks for mine." I try to scowl at him but just wind up giggling, which takes him by surprise. He kisses me again and strokes my cheek.

"You're filthy." I grin and nod.

"Yeah, I noticed. I fell out of a tree, got chased and treed by wild dogs, and it started storming, making everything slippery and muddy." He has a pained look in his eyes but he blinks and tries to smile.

"All in all, a great birthday huh?"

"It is now," I say before claiming his lips again.

"Ok. Why don't you hop in the shower and get cleaned up and I'll keep everyone distracted? I had hoped to draw you a nice long bath but we can do that later." The way he waggles his brow at me makes me realize that he means other things are being kept for later too. I feel a sudden rush of wetness between my legs and bite my lip. His thumb traces over the spot and he kisses me again.

"I'll see you downstairs," he whispers before he opens the door and I hear his heavy footsteps going down the stairs. Yanking my muddy clothes off, I quickly hop into the shower and wash off. When I get out and dry off, I find a dress spread out on the bed. It's long and silky smooth in a beautiful shade of hunter green. I hold it up and gasp when I look into the mirror. With my dark hair and my skin tone, I actually look…very pretty. I slip it on and brush out my hair. The only thing that bothers me is that it is sleeveless and my scars seem to glow brightly. I grab one of my shear cardigans from the closet and slide it on over the dress. Perfect.

When I enter the room, I hear a wolf whistle and see Haymitch wink at me.

"That's more like it." I blush and look around the room, my eyes meeting Peeta's and I flush under his intense scrutiny. But he is looking at me like I am the most prized treasure in Panem. He sets down the vase of dandelions he is holding and makes his way to me. In front of everyone, he roughly pulls me to him and dips me low for a kiss. And I allow it. I'm smiling so hard, my face is sure to be sore. He doesn't let go of my hand and steers me into the kitchen.

"We had to reheat the food," he explains quietly and the tantalizing aroma of lamb reaches me.

"Dinner's ready, everyone," he announces and our friends pile into the kitchen. I don't know where he got the extra table and chairs but everyone is seated comfortably and Peeta serves everyone. I go to help him and wrap my arms around his waist.

"Can I help with anything?"

"You just sit down and enjoy what's left of your birthday." He gives me a quick kiss and I sit back down. Johanna comes over to me and gives me a hug.

"Happy 18th, brainless."

"Thanks Jo. You're looking well."

"So are you. Happy looks really good on you." I smile and glance back at Peeta, who is grinning from ear to ear. He's heard her, I know he has but he pretends not to notice. He finished serving up plates for everyone and my mouth waters at the sight of the lamb stew. A basket of cheesebuns is set in front of me and I immediately grab one. I feel him kiss my head as he passes by to sit next to me. When he's seated, I reach over and grab his hand and he brings our hands to rest on his knee.

"Happy Birthday Katniss," his voice rings through the room and everyone raises their glasses to me. I raise my own and bow my head in thanks.

The dinner is absolutely wonderful and I eat every bite. The talk is cheery, while Johanna asks Peeta about the bakery, or Rory asking Johanna what she is doing now, or Effie talking about her new job as Plutarch's secretary and assistant. Peeta's thumb makes tiny circles over my hand and I feel tingles all over. I find it difficult to concentrate after awhile, as his hand is gently traveling over my own. I yearn for his hands elsewhere. I'm suddenly ready for everyone to leave, to drag Peeta upstairs and to have my way with him until the sun comes up.

After we're finished eating, Peeta and Effie clear the plates away and Peeta sets a cake in front of me.

My jaw drops at the sight of it. He has created the most beautiful cake with the most perfect sunset and my beautiful woods all around it. I hear everyone compliment him on the cake but I grab him roughly and pull him to my lips. There are whistles and claps but I ignore them. I could care less. All that matters in this moment is this perfect man who has given me the sun and the moon and all the stars in the galaxy. When he breaks away, his cheeks are flushed and he has a goofy grin on his face. He starts to cut the cake and hands out pieces and we move into the living room with cake and tea.

Delly approaches me shyly, holding a lumpy package in her hands.

"Happy birthday, Katniss," she says quietly as I take it from her. I'm aghast. This evening has been unlike anything I have ever experienced and now there are gifts too?! My Seam personality tells me to shun the gifts and not to accept charity but every single one of these people are dear to me and I cherish their friendship. I thank her softly and unwrap it to reveal a green crocheted hat and scarf.

"They're beautiful, Delly. Thank you." She blushes and hugs me before returning to her seat. Dane and Cora present me with a handsome new quiver for my arrows; my old one is rather ragged and I thank them heartily.

"Annie sent this for you, from her and Finn." Johanna hands me a lumpy package and I gasp as I find a beautiful new bow. Not like the fancy one that Beetee made for me, but this one is sturdy wood with beautiful carvings etched into the handle. I test the bowstring and smile.

"Tell her thank you from me." She nods and hands me another package.

"This is from your mother. She wishes she could be here but she's planning a visit soon." I open the box to find two pieces of jewelry. A gold broach that belonged to her mother, and a crystal bracelet that Prim always loved to take out and wear. Dad had given it to her when they were married and I know it cost him a month of his paychecks. I slip the bracelet on and hear oohs and gasps of delight. Effie presents me with a perfume set in crystal goblets and when I thank her, she bursts into tears. Peeta brings in a painting that makes my heart stop. Their faces aren't shown but it's two girls, holding hands, one taller than the other. They both have their hair in two braids, one with dark hair and the other, blonde. They play together in a field of dandelions and behind them, the sun is setting among the trees. He's painted my woods and the meadow so beautifully, that I choke back a sob. When I look at him, he understands. He squeezes my hand and softly kisses my knuckles. But try as I might, I can't make the tears stop. He looks worried for a moment but I hastily wipe my face, murmuring that I'm ok. The night is starting to get late and Dane and Cora announce they need to leave. Delly and Thom are right behind them, and Rory and Riley next. I hug each of them and thank them and Peeta sees them out. Sae gives me a tight squeeze and she pats my back.

"I'm happy for you, child. Life finally seems to be treating you well."

"Thank you Sae." She gives Peeta a hug before she too leaves. Johanna approaches and my face falls.

"Are you heading back to 4 already?"

"Nah, thought I'd stick around for another day or so. Here, this is from me but don't open it til everyone leaves. You can open it with Peeta, if you want. I imagine you'll both want to try them out together."

"What are you-" but she shakes her head as Effie approaches and gives me a big hug.

"Oh my darling girl," she gushes. "Life hasn't been fair to you. To any of you," she indicates Peeta and Haymitch and Johanna, "but I'm so happy to see that you are all rebuilding your lives. You deserve it."

"Thank you, Effie," I say, squeezing her hand. She smiles and clumsily pats Peeta on the cheek before she stumbles down the porch. Haymitch rolls his eyes.

"The woman had too much to drink. Can't hold her liquor worth anything. Hey Effie!" He goes after her, yelling happy birthday to me over his shoulder, and I turn back to Peeta, who is watching me with something blazing in his eyes. He holds his arms open and I go straight into them.

"So, did you at least have a good birthday night?"

"It was the best I could ever ask for," I tell him honestly. I look up at him and he leans down to kiss me. "Thank you."

"I wish I had stayed with you. Your day could have been even better. I feel awful."

"Don't," I say firmly. "This evening was…well, it was perfect. I've never…I've never had a celebration like that. When I was little, my father brought me a pastry from your bakery. But Prim got sick that night and I gave it to her instead. Dad died a few weeks before my birthday so naturally, that year we were all too grieved to celebrate. The closest I had was when I turned fifteen, Madge came to my house and gave me a pair of nice gloves. She had also bought a loaf of bread from the bakery and we ate great for a week with that bread. Funny, even though I never actually talked to you, you helped me have good birthdays after all." He looks considering and kisses me again.

"I made you a cake for your 15th birthday," he says softly. I look up at him quickly and frown.

"Wait, what?" He nods and looks guilty.

"I made you a cake and frosted it and Dad even helped me put katniss flowers around it. But Mom found it and tried to make me sell it. When I refused, she hit me. She um…she threw it in the trash but Ryean got it out and said we should eat it in your honor. I still wanted to bring it to you but I didn't think it would go over well, me bringing you a crushed birthday cake."

"I would have loved it anyway," I tell him. I'm shocked at his confession. Is there no end to this boy's goodness? "I'm sorry you got hit because of me."

"Katniss I would take every wound and scar I have, again and again, if it meant keeping you alive and happy." I swallow at his words. I don't want to imagine his witch of a mother beating him. I don't want to think about what they did to him in the Capitol. All I want to think about is how to make him happy. I pull him down to me and kiss him fiercely. He groans as I devour him and his hands rest at my waist.

"Let's go upstairs," he gasps and I nod frantically.

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><p><em><strong>Let me know what you think! Did it live up to your expectations of your idea of Peeta's plans for her birthday? What do we all think Johanna got for her? ;) Have a great night everyone! XOXO<strong>_


	27. Chapter 27

_**As promised, here is the second part of this chapter! (warning! smutty! and if you don't like the idea of dark Peeta, don't continue to read!) **_

_** Thanks for the fantastic reviews and sweet words- I am feeling much better! I'll be celebrating Dapper Day in at WDW this weekend so hope this tides you over for now! I promise I have good things coming soon- you think the bakery chapter was good, I have something even better in store ;) Just wait and see! **_

_** XOXO**_

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><p>He closes the door and helps me carry up my presents to our bedroom. When our hands are empty, he pushes me against the door and holds my hands over my head. He knees my legs apart and pushes his knee against my throbbing core. Keeping my wrists trapped in one hand, he lowers the other to grasp my breast through my dress. I worry about the soft material and start to squirm.<p>

"Don't ruin this dress." He chuckles softly and releases my hands.

"Fine, let's get it off of you then." His hands slide under the dress and he lifts it over my head. He drapes it over the chair in the corner before he comes back to me and holds my wrists up again.

"Peeta," I pant while I grind against his knee, desperate for friction. His lips are melded to my neck and I moan wildly as I feel the bruise forming. His hand is yanking the cups of my bra down and his wandering fingers find my hardened nipple. I squeal as he takes one between his fingers and before I know it, his lips are closed around it. He releases my hands and reaches around me to unhook my bra. Tossing it aside he takes both of my breasts in his hands and plants kisses between my chest. Looking up at me, he takes one into his mouth while he palms the other. I'm incoherent with desire and we're not even naked. He walks me to the back of the bed and I fall back, Peeta following me down. I'm just in my underwear while he is still fully clothed and I find this unfair. I reach up and unbutton his shirt, flinging it across the room. His mouth is latched to my chest again and I cry out as his tongue swirls around my nipple. He takes it between his teeth and tugs gently and my hips jerk uncontrollably.

"Ah! God Peeta!" He looks up at me and I feel his hand travel lower until he cups me through my underwear. He looks surprised at how wet I am and he smirks against my skin. He starts to rub me, hard, and I nearly cry at how good it feels. But it's not enough and he knows it. He moves the cloth aside so he can slide two fingers in, which he trails up and down my slit, collecting the wetness that gathers there. His fingers thrust in and out and then travel up and down again. My legs fall wide open and he tears his mouth away from my breast and plants kisses around my inner thighs. Hooking his thumb in the band of my panties, he tugs and throws them to the side. He leans in and drapes my legs over his shoulders so he can get closer and I feel his warm breath directly on my center. I jerk upwards and I feel the faintest touch from his tongue.

"P-Peeta!" His eyes find mine and hold my gaze as his tongue takes the same pattern that his fingers had. Staring into his eyes while he pleasures me is different and not unpleasant. I see the love and lust shining in his crystal depths and it makes me writhe even more. His gentle teasing turns into an attack on my clit as he begins to suck, alternating before gentle licks and then hard sucking. I grind upwards against his face, feeling the vibrations as he moans against me.

"Oh! Peeta! OH GOD!" He moves his hand back up and crooks two fingers inside me. Plunging in and out, his tongue working at my clit, I race towards my climax and scream his name to the dark room.

"PEETA!" He lets me fall, lifeless, to the bed and he hovers over me as he wipes his mouth on the back of his hand.

"I could do that all day," he says softly and I open one eye.

"I won't stop you." He chuckles and bends down to kiss me; I taste myself on him and it's strangely arousing.

"My turn," I tell him as I reach down and work at his belt. He assists in pulling his pants and his boxers down his legs and they join my clothes on the floor. I start to lower myself to him but he stops me.

"I have a better idea." He moves me around so that we're lying on our sides and his face is at my center. I see his weeping cock just inches from my face and I glance away.

"Um…what-?"

"Together," is all he says before his mouth is on me again.

Oh fuck. How does he expect me to do this when he is doing _that_?! But I lean forward and lick down his shift and both feel and hear him let out a long moan. I reach up and grasp him, holding him still so I can close my mouth around him and he jerks into my mouth. He rolls us over so that I am straddling his mouth but this way, I can take him deeper into my throat. He moans his appreciation as he licks all around but never where I need him most. If he wants to tease, I can too. I pull away and plant small kisses on his tip, my tongue only lightly touching him. He jerks upwards but I lean back and keep my kisses feathery light. He groans and seems to get the picture. He sucks on my clit and I let out a scream. In return, I take him into my mouth and hollow out my cheeks.  
>"Fuck!" I hear him swear against my skin. I lower myself all the way down and feel him hit the back of my throat. I feel him start to shake and know he is close. My hands move down to stroke him as I take him into my mouth again.<p>

"Unnnnngh! Katniss!" He jerks his hips upward and he explodes in my mouth. I continue to lick and kiss for a few moments before I let him fall from my lips. Peeta catches his breath rather quickly and grabs my hips, holding me still while he continues to work me to my second orgasm of the night. He reaches up and tweaks my nipples and I find myself riding his face.

"Come all over me, Katniss."

"Oh shit!" His dirty talk does the trick. I'm coming so hard that I can't stop shaking and I feel him lapping at me still. I try to move off of him but he holds me down, his tongue flattened and traveling up and down again.

"Peeta," I pant, way past exhausted. He lifts my leg and helps me off of him, only to pull me down again and slides me up his body.

"God I love you so much," he breathes against my lips. I can barely nod my head and merely lay on him, trying to catch my breath. After awhile, he starts to get up and head to the bathroom, coming back with a wet rag. I close my legs and he looks surprised.

"We aren't finished," I say in my best sultry voice. His eyes widen.

"We're not?"

"It's my birthday for a few more hours. I want some amazing birthday sex." He grins at me and shakes his head.

"Alright, amazing birthday sex. You got it. Just…give me a moment." I nod and suddenly remember Johanna's gift. I reach over and grab the box and he curls up beside me.

"Is that from Jo?"

"She said not to open it while people were there but that I could open it with you. I'm kind of scared."

"Knowing her, you should be," he laughs. I pull the lid off and gape at the contents of the box.

"What the hell, Johanna."

"Wow," Peeta says, pulling out a hand of silver handcuffs and inspecting them. I pull out a rubber ring and look at Peeta, puzzled. He looks as confused as I do as he takes it from me and studies it. He lets out a whistle and reaches in, bringing out a long silver stick that looks somewhat like a shower massage. My brow raises.

"I take it you know what that one is?"

"Not from experience but I've heard a lot about this one. It's more for you but I cant wait to watch." I blush furiously and he chuckles softly as he kisses my cheek.

"What else is there? Oh, good god Johanna," he pulls out a leather riding crop and I blush ten shades of red. He, on the other hand, looks a little pale.

"Yeah, we'll put that one aside," he mumbles. He also pulls out a blindfold and something else we have no idea about but the illustration shows the woman's feet tied with her legs spread. I can spread my legs just fine on my own. Well, Peeta can spread them himself. I don't need to be tied up.

"You ready to have some fun?" I shiver at how low his voice has gotten and I look up at him to see his eyes are a dark shade of blue. He looks ravenous and he swoops down on me for a kiss. Pushing me back, he brings my hands over my head and I feel something cold. When he lowers his hands, I realize that he has handcuffed me to the bed frame. I tug at them but they merely click against the bed. Peeta is leaving soft kisses all over my face before I'm swallowed by darkness. I gasp and shake my head, trying to shake the blindfold off but I hear him trying to soothe me.

"Hey, hey. I'm right here. You're safe. I'll never let anything happen to you." Despite my situation, I relax at his words and feel his lips on my skin again. He meets my lips and I am desperate for his kisses. But his lips travel lower and lower, stopping to suck on my breast and I arch off the bed, shoving more flesh into his eager mouth. Peeta's hands feel incredible as they knead my flesh, his tongue making gentle patterns around my nipple before taking it between his teeth and tugging. I'm already so turned on that I may come before he gets down there! He takes his time moving down my trembling body. He's teasing now and I grunt impatiently. He lets out a soft chuckle against my skin and his hands rake down my hips and thighs. Oh god, his hands. So gentle and so capable of creating such beauty yet so strong and ready to give me protection and pleasure. I strain against the cuffs and yearn to touch him. He seems to like the control. I don't love being tied up but his lips are comforting and he whispers soothing words in my ear each time I shake the cuffs. I hear a buzzing noise and feel an intense sensation on my already-sensitive nipple. He sucks one breast while running the vibrating wand over the other. He trails the wand down until he parts my thighs with his hands and kisses around my drenched center. The wand trails down my inner thigh and he circles my core with it. I'm already desperate for my release and I buck my hips but I feel him kiss my pelvis and laugh.

"Not yet. I want you begging for it."

"Peeta…please…"

"You're so anxious for this to be over? I rather like seeing you this way. Writhing in absolute agony." The tone of his voice startles me and I shake all over. I'm not sure if I want the blindfold off. It doesn't sound like Peeta and the thought sort of frightens me. But the wand moves higher and he parts my folds with his fingers and I scream as I feel the vibrations directly on my clit. I'm shaking within minutes. He flips a switch and the vibrations increase.

"Oh fuck," I whimper, my thighs starting to shake. My orgasm comes fast and hard and I'm screaming his name. But he doesn't let up. He moves the wand around and then presses on my clit again. I want to cry at how good it feels but I'm starting to feel weak and I don't know how I will reach another orgasm. Nevertheless, I feel it building and it takes the wand away just for a second, to kiss my thigh, before bringing it back and pressing hard. I strain against the cuffs again, arching off the bed as I come. Thankfully he switches it off and I feel his tongue circling me, lapping up my arousal.

"You are so fucking beautiful," he growls.

"Peeta." I shake my head and feel him shift beside me. "Take this off me. Please."

"Why? I thought you wanted amazing birthday sex. "

"I want to see you. Please." But he doesn't move to take it off. I feel him kiss my cheek and he bites my ear. A soft chuckle echoes in my ear and I shiver. I'm becoming panicked as I imagine my Peeta becoming someone else. Someone darker and more feral. I pull against the cuffs and wince as I feel them slice my skin.

"Peeta, please," I try again. "I don't like this anymore…"

"What's not to like, baby? Just catch your breath and we'll go again."

"Peeta!" I hope my sharp tone gets his attention. I feel him freeze and I sigh. Good. Let him come back to me. Let my sweet Peeta come back to me.

"Please," I soften my voice. "Let me out of these things. I just…need to see you." His shaking fingers lift the blindfold off and I blink up into his dark eyes. As I hold his gaze, I watch his eyes return to their beautiful blue and he blinks. He hurriedly shoves the key into the cuffs and they come off with a click. My arms are around him in an instant and he is holding me close, stroking my hair.

"I'm sorry," I register him saying, his voice much softer. "I'm so sorry." I pull away and search his gaze. His face is full of guilt and regret.

"What are you sorry for? You've been wonderful."

"Wonderful? You were crying, Katniss."

"I wasn't-" I stop as his thumbs run below my eyes and sure enough, they come back wet. I swallow and he looks at me sadly.

"I just went to a dark place," he says softly. "And I couldn't…I'm so sorry, Katniss, please forgive me." I gather him in my arms and rock him gently.

"Hush Peeta. It's ok. It was just for a moment and you didn't hurt me. Don't feel bad. Please don't." I glance at the wand and blindfold and decide we'll leave the kinky stuff to Johanna. I'm just fine with my sweet Peeta and don't need anything beyond that.


	28. Chapter 28

_**The reviews are OVERWHELMING- and I LOVE seeing new readers (shot out to pookieortega for her kind recommendation on her own story! That means the world!)**_

_**(btw, joanna808, I totally agree and don't worry, it will be addressed later on! Just so everyone knows, I have this almost completely written and am about to start on a sequel-but I love to see everyone's guesses on what will happen ;) **_

_**So here's a quick one before I leave! Love you all! XOXO **_

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><p>I realize that I'm crying in her arms and I can't stop myself. I feel so terrible and hate the Capitol even more. I'd made her cry. I'd scared her. She probably thought I was going into a flashback and now thinking about it, I could hit myself for doing that. I can't believe I actually chained her up! What the hell was I thinking?! I'm the one who should be cuffed. I'm a mutt! A capitol mutt who hurts the people I love.<p>

Stop it. Stop it! My eyes squeeze shut as I tighten my hold around her and bury my face in her hair. The smell of her shampoo and sex and us together brings me back and I sigh and relax. I lean back to study her and she leans up to kiss me. My hands take her face and hold her still so I can linger around her lips. Everything slows down and we take our time. I lean her back onto the pillows and take her gentler than I ever have. We stare into each other's eyes as we make lovely slowly, carefully even and even though I love being with her, I hate at how…tentative we're being. But I blink and put it out of my mind. Being with Katniss is unlike anything else in the world. It's not just about the sex. It's my pure unadulterated love for her and my need for her presence in my life. So tonight it's unhurried. It's passionate. It's slow. I never look away as sweet droplets of sweat break out on her skin and she reaches around to squeeze my ass, bringing me deeper into her. She seems to understand that we need this and doesn't urge me to go any faster. I don't even care about reaching my peak. It's really about us being together in a way that I have never been with anyone. Will never be with anyone except for her.

I feel her shuddering beneath me and I reach down and start to circle her clit but she shakes her head and grabs my wrist.

"I just want you," she whispers and leans up to kiss me. So I move onto my knees, changing our angle and feel myself slide in even deeper. She moans and reaches up to run her fingers through my hair and my arms start to shake beneath me. I feel her clench around me and I grit my teeth, releasing inside her. I lower my head to her chest for a moment before looking her in the eyes.

"Do you want me to-?" She shakes her head.

"No, another one might kill me." She laughs but I feel even more terrible. She brings me down and I rest my head on her breast.

"Thank you for that. Slow and sweet was exactly what I wanted."

"I'm sorry I couldn't hold off-"

"No, I wanted you to finish. I'm ok, really. Just really tired." I nod and give her a quick kiss as I rise up and make to lie down beside her. But I see a streak of blood on her wrist and I grab her hand.

"Oh god, Katniss."

"Hey, yours looked a lost worse in the Capitol." I shake my head.

"I knew I hurt you."

"It's just a lesson learned. We don't need extra stuff in the bedroom. Not right now anyway. We're perfect together." I try to say something but she cuts me off with her lips.

"Come take a bath with me." I nod and we walk hand in hand to the bathroom. I fill the tub and prop my prosthetic by the wall then slide into the tub. She gets in and settles in front of me, leaning against my chest. She brings my arms around her and tilts her head back. I softly kiss her cheek and our hands intertwine under the water.

"Happy birthday, Katniss," I whisper and I feel her squeeze my hands in response. 

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><p>When I wake I register that Katniss isn't with me and I begin to panic before I remind myself that she's probably gone hunting. I don't even remember coming back to the bedroom after our bath. I guess I was that tired. I stretch a little and blush when the blankets fall off, leaving me naked on the sheets. I hardly ever sleep without clothes and wish I could remember what happened after our bath. Surely we didn't make love again? I hurriedly dress and glance at the clock while doing so. I've still got some time before I need to be at the bakery so I brush my teeth and hurry downstairs.<p>

I hear hushed voices coming from the kitchen and I freeze on the stairs. They immediately stop and I hear Katniss call out for me.

"Peeta is that you?" I don't answer, and I'm not sure why that is. But I feel like if she stopped talking when she thought I came down the stairs, then she is definitely talking about me. I hear her sigh.

"I think he's still asleep. He's a pretty heavy sleeper when he actually sleeps with no nightmares."

"That's rare, I'm sure. Between the three of us, we could start a freak show act with just our messed up minds," comes Johanna's voice.

"His flashbacks happen more at night than anything else. I keep wanting to ask him what they did to him but…"

"No you don't," Johanna says sharply. "You don't want to know that. I try to forget it. Hearing his screams. Watching what they did to him. You don't ever want to ask it, Katniss. We went through hell in there, all of us. Just leave it at that." I grimace at Jo's words but realize she's right. How I wish I could forget it all. Better leave Katniss in the dark about all of it. She already blames herself for our capture. Why torture her with the grisly details?

"Aurelius says that he will have flashbacks for the rest of his life," says Katniss dejectedly.

"So that's why you don't want to marry him?" A pain seizes my heart and refuses to let go.

"I never said that. I never wanted to marry…anyone. Period."

"You've told me your reasons, Katniss. And I still call bullshit on it. You don't have to have kids to be married. And I don't even understand the whole no kids thing anymore! The Games are over. They'll never be reaped, thanks to you and Peeta and Finnick and Prim and me and Cinna and everyone else who fought for our freedom! What's the real reason you don't want children?"

"I'd make a terrible mother, Johanna. I basically raised Prim on my own and…look what happened." I reach out to clutch the wall with white knuckles. Oh Katniss.

"Katniss, you can't blame yourself for that," Jo's voice is much gentler now. "You did a great job with your sister. You saved her life. When are you going to stop blaming yourself for everyone else's actions? Peeta didn't have to protect you in the arena but he did, because he loves you. Cinna didn't have to make that dress but he did because he believed in the rebellion and in you. Finnick didn't have to go with you to the Capitol but he did because he knew what a freed Panem would mean for everyone. It's not all about you, little girl on fire. Stop making it all about you!"

"I would love to Johanna," she says shrilly and I can hear tears in her voice. I have to stop myself from running to her and holding her in my arms. "But every time I close my eyes I see their faces. I see them telling me that it's my fault. I see the faces of the kids I killed in the Games. I see Rue's expression when she was speared. I see Peeta's blood on the tile after he warned us about 13. I see them ALL THE TIME, Jo. Why would I ever subject a child to a lifetime of hearing mommy scream from nightmares and daddy gripping something to stop himself from killing mommy? Why would I do that to a child?"

"Fine." Johanna's voice is flat and defeated. She's given up easier than I had expected. "But go back to marriage. Children don't mean marriage."

"I still think Peeta is wasting his life with me." Again, I have to keep myself from falling over in shock.

"He's wasting his opportunity to have a happy life with kids. He may not agree with me, but mark me, ten years down the road he is going to regret being with someone who won't have his children. I don't want to live with that disappointment. I don't want to see it on his face, day in and day out and I don't want him to grow tired of being with me. Of waiting for me to change his mind. If I'm not his wife…he can leave whenever he wants."

"You really are SO fucking brainless," Johanna sighs. I understand her frustration. I'm vastly irritated with Katniss right now and it's all I can do to keep myself from bursting in the room. I know she's clueless but god is she selfish too.

"And what do you think you are to him now, hm? Just a random girl he lives with? Like it or not, you two were married ages ago! You are his wife in everything but name and he won't just up and leave you! Jesus Katniss, give the boy some credit will you? I thought you knew him better than that. I mean, I'm a little insulted FOR him. You must not think much of him to be saying shit like that."

"Shut up Johanna. You don't understand, alright?"

"I don't fucking understand?! I wasn't in the cell next to him and I didn't watch him fight his way back to you through the poison? What don't I understand, Katniss?"

"I don't know half the things that they did to you all and I have to find a way to comfort him and bring him back to the present when he has a flashback. I wake up and realize he's gone to a dark place and I have no idea what he is seeing or what they lied to him about. I can only imagine the atrocities they committed. And you're right, I don't want to know the details, but I still find it nearly impossible to bring him back every night after he's left me. He reverts to his hijacked state of mind and believes that I'm hurting him. He kicked me in the ribs the other night because he thought I was a vicious mutt about to attack him. When he came to, he didn't remember anything. I can't possibly tell him what he's done-"

"And he can't possibly tell you what they've done," Jo cuts Katniss off, just as I am blinking back tears. "Damn it, Katniss. He loves you. Peeta is in love with you and aside from his flashbacks and your nightmares, you guys have a pretty amazing life together. George told me on our second date that he could care less about my past. What we focus on is the future. You need to do the same. Believe me when I say, you'll be enough for him. He may want children but that doesn't mean he'd give you up to have them. Do you really think he'd ever go find someone else to have kids with? He wouldn't love that girl even twice as much as he loves you. Stop and think about what you two being together means for both of you. You both need some good in your lives and last night, man did I see the damn room light up with all the light you two were putting off. Together, Katniss. That's where it came from. From you being together. That love you two have isn't just going to go away. And whether you marry him or not, it's still going to be there. Marry him. Don't marry him. Do whatever you think is best for the both of you. But always remember, he came back to you in the end. He always comes back to you. Even after his worst flashback, he comes back and professes his love for you. You're the luckiest bitch in the world and if you can't see that, you don't deserve him." I hear a cup being set down, a chair being pushed back, and heels clicking on the floor. When I hear the door open, Katniss's panicked voice comes again.

"I told him I never wanted to get married, Johanna. What if he doesn't propose again? What if he's given up?" Johanna snorts and I can just imagine her shaking her head.

"Brainless, when has Peeta EVER given up on you?" The door shuts and I hear a thud, then sniffles. I want to go and comfort her but I know she'll be furious if she found out that I heard everything. So I stop my feet on the stairs and walk down the rest of the way. If she wants to hide her tears and pretend she's fine, I'll give her that option. I slowly walk into front hall and am surprised to see her slumped against the door, her knees pulled up to her chest and her face buried in her hands.

"Katniss?" When she doesn't acknowledge me, I fall to my knees and gather into her my arms.

"What is it," I whisper against her hair. "What's wrong?"

"Peeta cut the crap," she sobs, reaching up to wipe her eyes. "I know you heard everything." I swallow and lean back a little. She sniffles and doesn't look at me.

"You are the loudest person in the world. I know you were listening on the stairs."

"I didn't…" I say uncertainly, biting my lip. If she knew I was there, why didn't she stop the conversation? Why would she say those things? Just to piss me off? See what I would do? Did she want me to run in and hold her?

I'm so confused.

"Katniss," I sigh. "Why…what did you want me to do? Why did you say those things? If you knew I was there, why did you go on?" She takes forever in answering me and I clench and unclench my fists. She wipes her nose and finally sits up.

"I realized it after Johanna left. If I had thought about it, I would have realized you were listening and I would have stopped the whole conversation. I'm…I'm so sorry Peeta. I'm sorry for…well, everything you just heard." I can only stare down at her.

"You really think that about me?" She looks up at me quickly and I sigh miserably.

"You honestly think that little of me? That I could just…tire of you and leave you?" She bites her lip and her eyes are darting around the room. Everywhere but on me. It just makes me even angrier. I grip her shoulders and force her to look at me. I hate the fear in her eyes.

"Do you honestly think, Katniss, that I would give you up for anything? After so many years of pining for you and fighting for you, you think I would let you go? Do you think I'm some sort of coward, Katniss? A pathetic fool, just playing some kind of game?"

"Peeta, no! I just-"

"Just what? Explain it to me. Because for someone who tells me she loves me so much, you aren't giving me a whole lot of credit here. You're making me feel like a really awful person and I am once again wondering if I'm even worthy of your attention."

"Peeta!" She reaches out and grabs my face and it's all I can do to keep from pulling away. Her eyes fill with tears and she shakes her head.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry! I wasn't thinking straight. You know how scared I get whenever marriage and children are brought up. But no of course I don't think that. I know that you love me and that you will stay with me. Despite the fact that I think you are wasting your-"

"Don't say it," I growl, my hand flying up and covering her mouth. Her eyes widen and I lower my hand.

"Don't you dare say that I am wasting my life being with you. Can't you just let me choose what I'll do with my life? And who I'll spend it with? Damn it Katniss, can't you just let me love you?"

"Yes," she replies softly, tears spilling over the corners of her eyes. "Yes, I can. I love you, Peeta. I'll never feel like I deserve you. But I love you and am thankful that you love me." She lunges into my arms and clutches my shirt, her tears soaking the material. Sighing heavily, my arms come up and wrap around her. I can't ever stay mad at this girl. Not even when she's breaking my heart.

I pull her away and my thumb trails across her cheek.

"No more of this 'I don't deserve him' stuff, alright? I mean it. We deserve to be happy, Katniss. After all the shit we have been through, we deserve every bit of happiness that we bring to each other. I fought like hell to keep you alive and to give us a chance at actually living. You are what makes me happy. Deal with it." She wipes at her nose and manages a small smile.

"Ok." I kiss her nose and her forehead and rub her shoulders.

"I need to get to the bakery. Why don't you come around lunchtime and maybe we can sneak away for a picnic?"

"Sounds wonderful," she mutters. I kiss her softly before releasing her and we walk back to the kitchen. We don't say much as she pours me tea, omitting the sugar, the way I like it, and she disappears upstairs to get dressed. When she reappears, she has her game bag and her new bow and quiver on her shoulder.

"I have to go to the Hob," she mutters, adjusting her bow.

"How come?"

"I ran out of arrows. Used the last ones on the wild dogs," she explains, refusing to look at me. I give a little 'hmm' in reply and finish my tea. We walk to the door, kiss goodbye, and part ways. She heads off toward the woods and I toward town.

I hear someone call my name as I reach the end of the street and stop and turn.

"Well damn you are up earlier than I expected," I tell Johanna as she jogs toward me.

"I was up even earlier, talking to your girl. Is she gone to the woods?" I nod.

"I'm going to the bakery, if you'd like to join me? Pastries and coffee on the house?"

"How could I refuse," she says with a laugh and we head off toward town.

Johanna immediately knows that I heard everything this morning but she doesn't comment on it. I know we were both irritated with Katniss but there's no point in thinking about it, after Katniss and I somewhat discussed it.

"Hello? Earth to Peeta?"

"Huh? Sorry, Jo, what'd you say?" She rolls her eyes.

"I know the girl on fire is always on your mind but damn boy, focus."

"Sorry. To be fair, I haven't had much else on my mind in twelve years." Johanna makes a face and I have to laugh.

"Ugh, good thing I haven't eaten yet. You two lovebirds are too much for me."

"Really? George isn't that romantic?"

"He's romantic enough. He doesn't spout out mushy shit like that though." I shrug unapologetically. I've been in love with her all my life and I won't apologize for that.

"I'm just joking with you, Peeta," she says gently. "I'm honestly very happy for you both."

"Thank you. Here we are! Welcome to Mellark Family Bakery." She lets out a whistle as she looks around.

"Peeta, you did really good! Look at this place!" I grin with pride as I lead her inside.

"Here, let me get the coffee machines going and you can take your pick of what you'd like to drink." She sits at one of the bistro tables and her eyes dart around the room. I see that the cappuccino machine is already on and I sigh gratefully when I see Riley through the window.

"So Jo, what'll it be? Cappuccino? Latte? Iced coffee?"

"A plain cup of coffee is fine with me. When the hell did you get all fancy and shit?"

"Delly suggested I upgrade and get a couple of these machines. Coffee drinks are very popular around the district and people seem to want more than just regular coffee. I have no idea what the appeal is, I just stick with tea."

"Well let's change it up then. Let me try one of those cappuccino things."

"You got it!" I hurry to make her drink and nod to my other employees as they come through the door. Riley brings out a shelf of fresh muffins and I slide one onto the plate for Johanna. She takes her food and beverage gratefully and lifts the cup to me.

"I'm really impressed, Peeta. I gotta say when we were rescued from the Capitol, I'd have never thought we would even be allowed in polite society again, much less running businesses like this!" I try not to wince at her words; Johanna has always been more than blunt and I try not to let it get to me.

"Thank you," I say in a tight voice and she seems to understand. She nods and goes back to her muffin. I excuse myself to have a word with my employees about our upcoming day and we jump right into baking. Johanna chatters away about George and his assignments and I find myself tuning her out.

Until she mentions their next destination.

"Wait…go back. Where did you say you're heading next?"

"Yeah, you heard me right. District 1. Almost as bad as the Capitol but George has some important business to attend to-"

My mind starts to race. This could be really great! She sees the smile that's crossed my face and she raises a brow.

"What's with the goofy grin, bread boy?"

"Can you do me a really, really huge favor, Johanna?"


	29. Chapter 29

_**Holy wow! I go away for a few days and I come back to the most amazing of reviews and so many new readers! Thank you guys SO SO much! Here is a nice long one for yall, if I am able, I will get on to post another one this weekend! Hope you enjoy and keep those reviews coming! They do make me SO SO happy to see! XOXO**_

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><p>It takes me a bit longer than I expected to strip the birds that I killed but I want to make Peeta a nice lunch and am willing to let him wait just a little while longer.<p>

I can't believe how many times I have screwed up with him lately. And it's just my stupid paranoia getting to me. If I could just relax and let myself be loved, like he says, we would be just fine. He would probably have less flashbacks. I could probably muster up a yes to his marriage proposal (though to be fair, he hasn't actually proposed yet even though I know he has thought about it) and we could let ourselves be happy again.

Myself. I could let myself be happy. He has told me plenty of times how happy he is. How happy I make him. Now why can't I just believe that and move on?  
>Because his hijacked words still invade my mind. Whatever he said when he was in the Capitol, and whatever he says when he is in a flashback, those words pierce my heart and it's not so easy to just forget them. Aurelius tells me it's like Peeta is a different person when he is in a flashback. I can't let his words bother me.<p>

But they still do. He is still the boy I fell in love with and he has a darkness to him. He will always have that darkness, because of me.

A noise brings me out of my thoughts and my eyes shoot up to the ceiling. Gripping my bow, I make my way upstairs, my eyes peeled and my footsteps light. I hear a creak on the top stair and I pull an arrow taut.

"Jesus Christ," I hear her scream and with a scowl, I lower my bow. Johanna stands at the top of the stairs, her hands in the air and her eyes wide.

"Johanna, what the hell are you doing?"

"What are you doing home? You're supposed to be out hunting!" I narrow my eyes at her. She's been talking to Peeta.

"I'm finished. What are you doing here?"

"Peeta sent me home…to get something." I stare at her, waiting. She swallows and lowers her hands.

"To get what?"

"He, uh…he spilled something on his pants! And sent me home to get a new pair for him."

"Why didn't he just call me?"

"When do you ever answer your phone, brainless?" I shrug. Point taken. I hate using that Capitol device. I just let it ring and it irritates the heck out of Peeta when he tries to call.

"Besides, he thought you were hunting and then coming to the bakery for lunch. So he asked me to come get a pair." I survey her and see that her hands are empty.

"Ok, and you didn't find any of his pants in the closet?"

"I was on my way up to the bedroom when someone scared the shit out of me with her fucking bow!"

"Alright, sorry. His clothes are on the left hand side. I can take them with me though, since I'm about to go have lunch with him. Unless he's too busy?"

"He'd never be too busy for you," she says mockingly, making a face. I grin and turn away. As tough as she is, I know Jo loves us both in her own way. Sort of like Haymitch. We Victors are family, whether we like it or not. I set the bow and arrow down on the table and go back upstairs to our room. Johanna is in the closet and I quickly unbraid my hair.

"I'm just going to hop in the shower. If you want to take those to him, you can tell him I'm not far behind you."

"Can do," she calls from the closet and I hurriedly jump in the shower and scrub off the blood.

* * *

><p>A while later, Johanna is gone and I'm dressed in a pair of shorts and a flowy green tank top. I've packed us a nice lunch and wish I could have baked something but then I remind myself, that's Peeta's forte, not mine. I grab the basket, check my reflection one more time, and head out the door.<p>

I have an extra spring to my step today. I'm actually really excited about what I'm going to do. I plan to take Peeta to my special spot today.

No one has ever seen the lake, save for dad and me. I mean Gale may have seen it when he went deep into the woods but I never showed him. It was mine and dad's spot. He took me there almost every day, teaching me about hunting and fishing and edible plants. He taught me about social class and how important it was to be a good and honest person. He taught me his songs and how to whistle. I notice tears streaking down my cheeks and I impatiently wipe them away.

This day is about Peeta and me. I won't let my emotions ruin it. Dad showed me the most perfect spot and I'm about to share it with the most important person in my life.

When I arrive at the bakery, Cora greets me from the cash register and I wave back. I glance into the window and see Peeta running around the kitchen, his hair and face streaked with flour. He looks up and our eyes meet through the window. He says something to Riley, then pushes the door open and lifts the barrier between the counter and the guests.

"Hey you," he breathes as he pulls me into his arms. He smells like fresh bread and cinnamon and I cling to him, ignoring the stares we are getting. I'm usually not much for PDA but the feeling of his arms is too good to ignore.

"Hi," I finally pull back and give him a smile.

"You look nice." I shrug.

"It's just getting really warm. Are you able to take off for lunch? You look busy."

"We have a bunch of orders for this evening but I can take off for an hour or two."

"Good. Because there's somewhere special I want to take you." His brow raises and he watches me expectantly. I shift the picnic basket onto my other arm and lean in to give his cheek a kiss.

"Meet me outside?"

"Give me two minutes." I nod and watch him take off his apron before turning to go back to the kitchen. I smile at Cora and her two customers and go wait on the porch. My eyes automatically go to the sign hanging above the door and I smile. A second later, Peeta joins me and his arm goes around my waist. I lean into him, wanting more of his warmth and his smell. He takes the basket from me and kisses the top of my head.

"Lead the way." I grip his hand and we walk through town. He doesn't once ask me where we are going and that tells me he trusts me. When we arrive at the fence, however, his hand gets a little sweaty.

"Katniss-?" I turn to him and wrap my arms around his neck.

"I want to show you something very important to me. Do you trust me?"

"Always," he says softly. I lean up to kiss him quickly before leading him into the woods.

I'd forgotten just how loud he is until he is crunching the leaves and every damn twig his feet can find. I'm extremely glad I haven't brought him out here while I'm hunting. His hand grips mine tighter and I squeeze back reassuringly.

"Are we almost there?"

"Not really. We're going to a really deep part of the woods." I hear him gulp and I smile up at him.

"You're safe with me. I won't let anything happen to you." He squeezes my hand.

"I know." It suddenly occurs to me how much this might remind him of the Games and I feel terrible. Not everyone loves the woods like I do. And our first Games, we weren't together most of the time. He was off trying to fool the Careers and the rest of the time, he was dying from blood poisoning.

Really charming date, Katniss.

As always, Peeta can tell when something is bothering me and he stops me, his hands on my shoulders.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I-"

"Katniss." I look up into his eyes and see him patiently waiting for me to tell the truth.

"I just…feel awful for bringing you out here. I wasn't thinking, you're probably thinking of the Games and I just wanted to take you to my special spot and I just-" his lips press against mine and I fall silent. His hands move up from my shoulders to my neck and his kisses turn more and more urgent.

"You talk too much, you know that?" I scowl up at him and he chuckles.

"Come on. Take me to your special spot." His hand finds mine again and I pull him down the path that I know so well.

We have to stop twice for water and to allow him to catch his breath. I pat his back and tell him it's not much further.

Finally, I hear running water and my grip on his hand tightens.

"Close your eyes."

"Katniss-"

"Please," I add and he sighs before he obeys. I carefully pull him to a flat rock that I used to sit on with my father and I have him stand on it.

"Ok, open," I breathe in his ear. I lean back to watch him open his eyes and his face takes on an expression of wonder.

"Katniss…this is…it's beautiful." I smile and nod.

"My dad used to bring me here. He called it our secret place. I never brought…I've never brought anyone else here." He catches my meaning even if he doesn't comment on it. I'm telling him I didn't bring Gale here. It never crossed my mind, really. He turns to me and his face is soft and beautiful.

"You brought me to your secret place." It isn't a question really but I feel like I have to answer.

"This was my refuge, after he died. I used to run here and escape and just try to forget everything. Outside of the woods, I had to be the adult, raising Prim, making sure my mom ate, I had to take care of my family. Here I could be the little Katniss that came here with my dad. I didn't have to worry about anything and I just stayed here for hours, listening to the stream. It's just so peaceful."

"It is," he agrees before sweeping me into his arms and kissing me so hard that I would fall backwards if he didn't have a firm grip on my back.

"Thank you," he breathes against my lips and I feel my knees weaken.

"I love you, Peeta," I say before he claims my lips again and I welcome his assault. His tongue meets mine forcefully and his hands drift lower into my shorts, where he can grip my bare ass. I gasp into our kiss and I feel him throb against my belly. He breaks the kiss and gives me a sly smirk.

"Let's go ahead and have lunch. Else I won't have much strength to do anything else." I can't help but giggle and pull out the blanket I brought, spreading it over a patch of green right by the lake. We both remove our shoes and lay down on the blanket.

"I can't bake as well as you but I think the sandwiches will be decent," I say, handing him one. He smiles.

"I knew you were a horrible cook when I fell in love with you, Katniss."

"Hey," I cry indignantly. "I cook just fine. Sorry that I don't have baker hands." He holds up his hands, while he waggles his eyebrows and I know the next comment that comes out of his mouth will turn me on.

"But I can do so much with these 'baker hands'. Wouldn't you agree?"

"Pipe down and eat your lunch," I snap and he chuckles again. We enjoy the lunch and the sunshine and take our time just being together. As I lay with my head in his lap, he occasionally feeds me grapes while his fingers run through my hair.

"I wish I had my sketch book with me," he says softly above me. "This moment is so perfect, I want to capture it on paper."

"Just commit it to memory," I tell him without opening my eyes. I'm so relaxed and so at peace out here that I feel as if nothing can ruin it. It reminds me of the rooftop at the training center, the night before the Quell. If only I had confessed to him how I felt then. Would things be different? Would the hijacking have failed because he knew how I felt about him?

"You are so gorgeous out here." I open my eyes and see him staring down at me and my brow furrows.

"What do you mean, out here?"

"You're always beautiful. But this is your element. You look so perfect, like a wood nymph. I just have to keep staring because I'm afraid the moment I look away, you'll disappear into the trees and leave me wondering if it was all a fantastical dream." I shake my head and lean up to kiss him, wrapping my arms around his neck and threading my fingers through his curls.

"How do you do that?" I lean down and kiss his neck and he tilts his head slightly.

"Mm, do what?"

"Paint such beautiful pictures with your words. "

"Your beauty just brings it out."

"Oh stop," I hit his arm gently and his body rumbles with laughter. I reach over to clean up the dishes and pack everything away. I'm sure he needs to be getting back soon. His hand rests on mine and I turn to gaze into those depths of blue.

"Thank you for lunch. It was delicious."

"You're welcome. I'm sorry I didn't bring any kind of dessert or anything. Guess you should have grabbed a pie or something." He wraps me in his arms and kisses me until I'm breathless with want.

"I can think of sweeter things I like much better than pie," he whispers huskily in my ear. It sends a sudden rush of wetness between my legs and I fight to keep control.

"Wh-what do you mean?" His hands hold my face as he devours my lips and I don't even register when his hand leaves my face and is fumbling with the button of my shorts. I feel his fingers glide over my wet folds and I moan into his mouth.

"Damn you are so wet for me, Katniss," he whispers as he leans down and sucks at my breast through my shirt. He yanks it up to my chin and pulls the cups of my bra down so he can palm my breast in his hand. His other hand is busy below, circling my clit but never giving me the relief I need. His lips lower to my chest and his tongue rakes across my sensitive nipple.

"Oh…god Peeta," I stammer and he moans against my skin in reply. He leans back and starts to tug at my shorts but I sit straight up.

"Peeta! We're…someone could…"

"Who's going to see us, Katniss? We're in the deepest part of the woods. You said yourself no one comes here. Live a little." Biting my lip, I lay back down and close my eyes. I allow the serenity of the woods to wash over me and I realize he's right. We're miles from town and no one ever comes out this way. He tugs my shorts down my legs and strokes me through my underwear. I blush at how wet I am but all embarrassment is gone when I feel him lick me through the cloth. I buck my hips upwards and his fingers grip my hips. He moves the cloth aside and takes a long lick, eliciting a throaty moan from deep within my throat. He plunges two fingers in and I'm gone. The air is filled with my moans and cries and it only fuels him on. His tongue is relentless on my clit and when he takes me completely in his mouth, I shatter. He kisses his way back up my body and my hands frantically work at his pants. He leans over me, our gazes locked, as I free him from his pants. He quickly shoves his clothes down a little ways and then he's inside me. God I could never get tired of the feeling of joining with him. It's unreal and I mentally hit myself every time for denying myself…denying us of this. We could have done this every night on the victory tour. Nights spent in his arms, with our hair damp and our bodies glistening from what we had done.

I reach down and rub my clit, feeling myself reach my peak quickly. Peeta's eyes darken and he moves my hand out of the way, his fingers replacing mine. His thumb rubs hard and I feel myself clench around him. He lets out a strangled cry and I feel him release deep inside me. He collapses on top of me, both of us heaving for breath.

"My…god," he pants in my ear. He quickly rolls off of me and pulls me into his arms. I prop myself up and lean in to kiss him, grinning at the sight of his disheveled curls and his flushed face.

"Maybe you should come home and shower before you return to the bakery. People will definitely know what we were up to out here."

"I can't just tell them we got lost in the woods?" I grin and kiss his chest.

"You smell like sex. They'd know." He drapes an arm over his eyes and I cock my head.

"Even though I like it, I don't think other people would be too comfortable with it." He lowers his arm and he looks stunned.

"You like what?"

"The smell of us together. What we've done. I love having you all over my body." His eyes widen at my words and even I'm a bit surprised at myself. Where did that come from? He pulls me on top of him and leans in for a kiss.

"Are you trying to kill me, woman?"

* * *

><p>We make love once more, with me on top, before we hurriedly dress and repack the basket. I wish we'd had more time to explore the area so I could show him the lake properly but I won't complain about how we spent the day. He holds my hand as we make our way out of the woods and we decide to go home and shower before he goes back to work. I guess he's even more grateful about the fact that I took him to my lake, because he picks me up and takes me against the wall. I'm not sure how he will have strength to go back to work because I plan on taking a nice long nap when we get out of the shower. I watch him dress as I tangle myself in the covers and he looks at me, biting his lip.<p>

"Aren't you going to get dressed?"

"Why bother? I'm just going to fall asleep. And then this is what you'll find when you come home later tonight." I sit up a little straighter, letting the sheets fall off my breasts. His fists clench and unclench and I can tell he is struggling to keep control.

"Fuck, Katniss!" He shakes his head and turns away and I can't help but giggle. He looks up at me and glares.

"You know exactly what you're doing, don't you?" I merely shrug innocently. He snorts.

"Yeah, don't act all innocent. Sometimes you don't know the effect you have but right now you definitely do."

"You're saying you don't want to find this waiting for you when you get home?" His eyes narrow.

"You're dangerous, you know that? You're deadlier than a bow and arrows."

"And aren't you just so charming," I retort, making him scoff. He leans down to give me a quick kiss before straightening up and checking his reflection.

"I'll probably be at the bakery late tonight, finishing orders. Why not ask Jo over for dinner? Keep you company?"

"I've been alone plenty of times before, Peeta, I think I'll manage a few hours without you." He looks at me nervously and I can see the worry in his eyes.

"Katniss-"

"Oh go to work, Peeta," I say, turning away. I can't help but feel a little defensive. Does he think I'm so weak that I need someone with me at all times? Is that what I have become to him? That I need to be watched because he thinks I'll hurt myself?

I feel his hand on my cheek and he gently turns me to look at him.

"Don't," he says quietly. "Don't think I worry that you will…try anything. I just worry about you is all. And I know you need some 'girl time' or whatever it is. You just have Haymitch and me around and I don't think Delly qualifies as the best girlfriend that you have."

"I didn't have 'girlfriends' growing up, Peeta," I remind him. He cups my chin and smiles sadly.

"I know. But now you have friends who love you. Just have a nice evening with Johanna before she leaves again. I just like to see you smile, that's all."

"I know," I nod. I know he didn't mean anything by it but it still hurt just the same.

"I love you," he whispers before giving me a quick kiss and hurriedly leaving the room. I sigh and lie in the sheets for a few moments before the smell of sex and passion reaches me. Time to wash these sheets again! Seems like we are doing ten loads of laundry a day since we started sleeping together. I get dressed and pull off the blankets and sheets, throwing them into the wash bin. Peeta bought one of those Capitol machines to wash and dry clothes but I still refuse to use it. As I do with most Capitol things.

After I finish the laundry, I realize that I don't know where Johanna is staying. I make my way over to Haymitch's house and screw up my nose as the smelly geese bombard me, probably looking for food.

"Haymitch," I call when I get inside. "Your geese are hungry!"

"Just fed them," he mumbles, his head in his arms. An empty bottle stands next to him. I sigh and pick up the bottle.

"Then they're probably starved for attention. Why don't you get out of this house?"

"Is there a reason you are over here or did you just think I needed the pleasure of your company this evening," he snaps, finally looking up at me.

"Do you know where Johanna is staying? I want to invite her to dinner."

"Hotel down the road. Close to Merchant Circle. Don't expect me there. I've got a headache like you wouldn't believe." I snort and shake my head as I take care to slam the door as loudly as I can, behind me. I hear him groan and curse my name and I chuckle.

Johanna agrees to come to dinner and we actually enjoy ourselves as we attempt to fix something called lasagna. I don't know if it's a Capitol dish or where she heard of it but she said it would be fun to make and it's actually quite good. I shove some into a container for Peeta for later and put it in the fridge. Jo suggests we crack open a bottle of wine and after two glasses, I'm feeling really fuzzy. She props her feet up on the chair and leans back to survey me.

"So brainless! You thought anymore about what I said this morning?"

"Which part," I ask, dazed.

"You going to marry that boy or what?"

"If he asks me," I hiccup. "Then yes."

"Really? And if he asks you for kids?"

"Jo," I say warningly and she holds up her hands in the air.

"Hey, I'm just saying! You'd make a great mom, Katniss. I saw you with your sister. How protective you were. Hell you were even protective of me in 13!"

"It was my fault that you were taken to the Capitol in the first place," I tell her, sloshing my drink all over myself.

"No it isn't, brainless! Why do you keep thinking that?" I shrug.

"All I had to do was play the part of a perfect victor. Marry Peeta, agree with the Capitol's rules, do what was expected of me. There wouldn't have been a damn Quarter Quell or Rebellion if I had just-" I stop, realizing the liquid from my glass is now all over the floor. "Ah shit."

"Brainless, you are driving me fucking nuts," Johanna groans, rubbing her eyes. "You need to stop thinking that everything was perfect. Everything was NOT perfect. And contrary to popular belief, it was not just you that set it all in motion. Yes we needed a Mockingjay to lead the revolution but talks of rebellion started years before you were even born! Do you want to know what would have happened? If you had played the perfect victor, I mean?"

"Tell me." She leans close and I smell the alcohol on her breath. I start to move to clean up the mess on the floor but her hand shoots out and she grabs my shirt, pulling me close. I squirm a little but she leans even closer.

"You and Peeta would have been sold," she spats. "To every perverted, fucked-up Capitol citizen who wanted to pay for you. They would have auctioned off your wedding night, they'd broadcast it across the Capitol and Panem as Peeta fucked you for the very first time. And after that, they would auction off nights spent with one or both of you. Peeta tied to a chair while he watched some sick fuck take you right in front of him. Or better yet, you chained to the bed while Peeta serves the Capitolites, just to keep you from harm. And there's not a damn thing you could do to stop it. You could try to take your life but they would stop you and punish you, by killing the ones you love. And you would become this waste of a human being, who forgets who you even are! You lie awake at night, wondering how in the hell you can escape. And you realize you can't. Not until this Capitol is taken down and every one of these bastards are forced to pay for what they have done." She finally releases me and I can't breathe.

"That's what would have happened, if the revolution hadn't sparked, Katniss. You not only saved Peeta and yourself but you saved future victors, you saved kids from every district from dying in those games. You saved Panem. Be fucking proud of yourself!" She hiccups and leans back in her chair. She wipes at her face and I realize that she is crying. I also realize I have never seen her cry before.

"Johanna," I say quietly and reach out toward her but she rears back.

"No pity, Katniss. I don't want it."

"I don't pity you. But I can cry with you." And that's what we do. We hold each other and cry. For everything that we lost. For everything that we've endured. For everything that we hope for, everything that we long for in the future that we created. The two strong iron-willed women of Panem, holding each other and bawling like babies.

After what seems like hours of sobbing, we both lean back and wipe our faces. I push away the alcohol and shake my head.

"And now I know why I never drink."

"But it's fun," she hiccups and I laugh.

"I'm going to go freshen up. Be right back." She nods as she pours herself another glass. I shake my head in wonder as I head up to our bathroom.

When I feel satisfied that I don't look like a total wreck, I come out of the bathroom and my eyes fall on the gold locket that Peeta gave me. I pull it over my neck and open it up. The smiling faces of Prim, my mom, and Peeta warm my heart. I close it and look back at the table by our bed. Peeta has framed a picture of the two of us from the opening of the bakery where someone must have snapped it without us noticing. We are standing underneath the sign and we are looking at each other. His arm is around my waist and I am turned into him, my hand on his chest. We both have smiles that rival the sparkle in our eyes. It sometimes amazes me how happy we look.

How happy we are.

My eyes tear away from the picture and fall on the blue ribbon that I had bought for Prim. My eyes fill with tears as they move around the table. As I notice something is missing, I feel my heart start to pound in my chest. I hurry forward and drop to my hands and knees, searching the floor.

"Please no." I tear the bed apart, searching, and am scrambling around on the floor when I hear footsteps.

"What the hell are you doing, brainless?"

"It's gone, Jo!" I look up at her and know I look like a mess. She frowns.

"What's gone?"

"My pearl! My pearl from Peeta! It's gone! I can't find it anywhere!"

"Ok calm down. I'm sure it just…fell on the floor. I'll help you look." She gets down with me and we check every nook and cranny in the floorboards. I pull my knees to my chest and start rocking back and forth. Johanna gives me a worried look.

"Katniss, calm down. It's a pearl, it's not Peeta. You didn't lose him-"

"I kept that pearl with me every second," I choke out. "I used to imagine it as his heart. If I had it, no harm would come to him. I can't believe…I can't believe I've lost it."

"Ok, it's ok. We'll find it." She pulls me into her arms and I can't stop shaking. My sobs only increase and I suddenly have images of Peeta in the Capitol, tortured and crying for help. Crying for me to save him.

I start coughing and shaking even harder.

"Katniss, stay with me. Peeta's ok. He's at the bakery. Do you want me to call him and tell him to come home?" I don't answer. I'm lost in a world where I watch, over and over, as they inject Peeta with long needles filled with poison. I'm frozen, huddled in the floor.

"Katniss," she says loudly. "Katniss, I'm going to call Peeta. Stay here, ok?" I register her getting up to leave and I don't have the will to call her back. But I can't be alone. I can't.

I make my way into the hall and try to call for her but something has happened to my voice.

Peeta. Crying out for me. Peacekeepers beating him with metal pipes and whips.

Peeta. Screaming that I'm a mutt. That he needs to kill me.

I reach out and clutch the wall. But I miss a stair. I tumble down the stairs, until I land at the bottom and feel like all my breath has been taken away. I can't move, whether from the fear or from the pain, I don't know. Maybe both.

Johanna runs in and cries out.

"Katniss!" She drops to her knees beside me and I feel her hands run over my face.

"Oh god, what did you do? I told you to stay upstairs!"

"I…I couldn't."

"Peeta's coming, Katniss. He's on his way."

To kill me.

Because I'm a mutt. He's coming to kill me.

I scream and she jumps.

"Tell him I love him! Tell him I don't want to hurt him!"

"Katniss!"

"Tell Peeta I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for what they've done!"

"Katniss, stop! What're you-"

"Johanna, what the hell is going on?"

"It's Katniss! I don't…she's having some kind of episode! I called Peeta, he's on his way."

"Katniss! Katniss, look at me girl! Shit, she's going into shock."

"Katniss! Katniss, look at us. Stay with us. Peeta is safe. He's coming home to you. He loves you. Stay with us, Katniss."

"Katniss? What happened? What the hell is wrong with her?"

"She fell down the stairs…she was having some sort of episode and I couldn't calm her down."

"Katniss? Look at me, sweetheart. Can you hear me? It's Peeta. It's me, Katniss, I'm right here. Right beside you."

He's crying. I always make him cry. He's sobbing for me to come back to him, to save him.

I'm sorry, Peeta. I'm sorry.


	30. Chapter 30

_**Ooooh sorry my wonderful readers, I know cliffhangers are terrible but that's how we authors keep you on the edge of your seats ;) well, here's a quick one before I run to work! I'm loving everyone's guesses on upcoming chapters ;)**_

_** You'll notice that this one is a "two-parter" because Peeta's chapter was just too short. Warning: Dark stuff up ahead! Just a fair warning :) **_

_**Enjoy and keep those reviews coming! XOXO **_

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><p>I've never heard Johanna sound so panicked before and I am out the door so quickly that I'm not even sure if I remembered to lock it. I could care less. All I care about is making it home to Katniss.<p>

I burst into the house and freeze, horrified. Katniss is sprawled at the bottom of the stairs, her eyes wide and blank. Johanna and Haymitch are around her, patting her cheeks and talking to her.

"Katniss? What happened? What the hell is wrong with her?" Johanna looks up at me and I see that she's crying. I can feel my heart ceasing to beat right now.

"She fell down the stairs," she chokes out. "She was having some sort of episode and I couldn't calm her down." I kneel beside her and pull her into my arms.

"Katniss? Look at me sweetheart. Can you hear me? It's Peeta," my tears splash her face as I gently shake her. "It's me, Katniss. I'm right here. Right beside you." She doesn't respond and I lower my head to her chest, my tears soaking her shirt.

"Please Katniss. Please come back to me. Don't leave me here. I need you. Damn it I need you more than I need air. Come back to me, please. I can't live without you, Katniss!" I feel her take a shuddering breath and her eyes close. I look at Haymitch and Johanna, confused, and turn back to Katniss.

"Katniss?" Her breathing is steady and it's almost like she's sleeping.

"Why don't you take her up to bed? I think she'll be fine once she wakes up."

"How do you know," I choke out. "I've never seen her like this. She's had episodes but never like this."

"Before you returned, she would sit in that rocking chair and just stare at the walls. Those big blank eyes you just saw are the same that I saw. She'll be alright, kid. She just needs to sleep and wake up in your arms. She just needs to see that you're still with her."

"I don't understand." I blink back tears and lift her up carefully. When I enter our room, I stop at the sight of the chaos. Pillows and blankets are everywhere, our picture frame has knocked over, drawers have been turned over.

What the hell happened?

I gently set her on the bed and gather all the blankets and pillows and put them back where they belong. I prop the pillows up underneath her and bundle her up in the covers. I quickly put the picture frame back and pick up what I can. Giving her one last concerned look, I head back downstairs and see that Johanna and Haymitch have moved into the kitchen.

The first thing I see when I enter is the almost-empty bottle of wine on the table.

"You got her drunk?!" I explode.

"She had two glasses! Brainless is a light weight!" Haymitch is laughing and I am shooting daggers at both of them.

"She doesn't drink, Johanna! So not only did she have an episode and she fell, but she's drunk too?"

"I think they all coincide, boy," Haymitch says quietly. I groan and cover my face with my hands.

"Unbelievable. And what the hell happened to our bedroom? Drunken rage?"

"She discovered that her pearl is missing," she snaps and I feel my heart sink. Oh shit.

"Did…what did you tell her-?"

"I told her I would help her look for it. And then she started saying that she always held it because as long as she had it, she thought no harm would come to you. So she started seeing pictures of you tortured and beaten. She was crying for me to tell you she loves you, that she doesn't want to ever hurt you." I squeeze back tears. Damn it, I really know how to make a mess of things. Haymitch watches me knowingly.

"I think you should plan on calling into the bakery in the morning, Peeta. Sweetheart is going to need you." I nod and brace myself against the wall.

"Yeah. You're right. Look, I'm going to go up and be with her. You two can see yourselves out?" I gesture to the door and they nod. I make my way back upstairs and quickly check on Katniss. She's sleeping soundly and you can't even tell anything happened. Hesitantly, I pull her clothes off and slip her into an old shirt of mine. I put the drawers back in order and hurriedly change for bed. Propping my prosthetic against the wall, I settle in the covers and instantly feel too hot. Hopping over to the window, I push it open and sigh at the cool breeze. I get back into bed, pulling Katniss into my arms and nuzzling against her.

"I'm here, Katniss," I whisper. "I won't ever leave you." Her arms wrap around my waist and my hold on her tightens.

"Peeta," my name escapes her lips on a whisper and I squeeze my eyes shut.

"I love you, Katniss. I love you."

* * *

><p><em>Peeta thrusts into me one more time and I feel him spill inside me. He collapses on my back, his cheek pressed to my sweaty back as he heaves for breath. I turn toward him and push his hair out of his eyes, giving him a gentle kiss on his lips.<em>

_"Katniss," he gasps and I hold his face in both my hands. There's the sound of clapping from behind us and I jump. Peeta's arms immediately go around me and pull me into his chest._

_"That was a splendid show," I hear someone say in a Capitol accent. "Snow wasn't exaggerating when he set the price for you both. Well done."  
><em>

_"Thanks. I assume you're done with us?" Peeta wraps both arms around me and pulls me into his lap. He tenses and I turn to see the Capitol man is standing just inches from the bed._

_"Not quite." I feel Peeta's veins twitch._

_"Yes you are," he argues. "You paid for an hour of the star-crossed lovers. We're done. Let's go, Katniss." Peeta is suddenly jerked away from me and I hear him let out a hiss of pain. I look up into his face and see another man holding him by his curls. The man's fingers bury in Peeta's hair and he winces. At the same time, someone has grabbed my hair and is yanking me backwards. Peeta's eyes flash and he tries to get to me but a shining blade is held to his throat and he is forced to be still._

_"You're not done," the man growls at us, "until I say you're done."_

_"Let her go," Peeta says through gritted teeth. _

_"But we still have twenty minutes left of the star-crossed lovers," the man says mockingly. "And we intend to get every cent out of you." Peeta fights but the blade slices his neck and he hisses again. Tears fill my eyes as I watch him try to get to me. I feel something cold at my own throat and Peeta's eyes widen in horror._

_"Unless you want to watch us spill every drop of blood from your girl on fire, I'd suggest you start behaving."  
>"Wait until Snow hears how you're treating his victors," Peeta snarls. The man hits him and his head is sent in the other direction. I cry out as I watch blood trickle down his chin. One of the men yanks on my hair and pulls me to my knees.<em>

_"On all fours, little victor," he spits in my ear. I try not to whimper as I move onto my hands and knees and I wince when he smacks my bare ass. Peeta grunts as he struggles against his captor but I hear the sound of cuffs and Peeta's arms are yanked behind him, chained together. _

_"Don't make us gag you too," the Capitolite snaps at him._

_"Turn around, baby, and show us that you want it." I glare at all of these disgusting men. If I could fire arrows into each and every one of their hearts right now, I would. One of them yanks on my hair again and forces me up. Tears stream down my cheeks as I feel my hair ripping from my scalp. _

_"Head down. Hands behind your back." I obey and grimace as my ass is elevated. One of them touches me and his fingers slide into me. I wince and try to sit up but I feel a foot on my neck and I whimper into the bed._

_"I swear to you, you sons of bitches, if you do this-"_

_"Shut him up!" I hear Peeta's curses be muffled and I can't help but release a sob. I want to tell him to be quiet, not to anger them further. I couldn't bear if something happens to him because he is protecting me. _

_"Turn around baby." I rise and turn to find his hard cock mere inches from my face. I give him a disgusted look and he forces my head down._

_"Suck. Now." I contemplate biting it off. He grabs me again and turns me to face Peeta. His face is red, his eyes are narrowed in hatred, but there is sadness and sorrow etched into every line of his face. Two men stand behind him, with firm grips on his cuffed hands and his hair. A wad of material is stuffed into his mouth and he is shaking._

_"If you don't want anything to happen to your precious little baker, you'll do what we say. Suck it." I close my eyes as I take him into my mouth and then he is thrusting against my throat. I gag but he doesn't care. He winds his fingers around my hair and pulls, hard, while I suck him off. A moment later, he pushes me away and comes on my face. I blink and try not to look at Peeta but his hard stare is focused on me. _

_Forgive me, Peeta. I can't help this. I can't do anything about this. _

_One of the men turns me around and pushes me back down. I feel him probe my entrance and I glance up into Peeta's eyes._

_They are full of tears._

_As the man thrusts into me, Peeta struggles and yells into his gag. I close my eyes and try to leave the room behind me._

I sit straight up, tears streaming from my eyes. I can still taste the Capitolite's semen in my mouth and I swallow repeatedly, shaking my head. The nightmare lingers and I try to shake myself free of the horror. I blame Johanna and her fucked up attempt to comfort me. Or maybe she wasn't trying to comfort me, maybe she was just scaring me with what happened to her. That's more likely.

I shiver and wince as I feel every inch of my body aching. My head pounds as if someone is beating on my brain with a hammer.

Ugh. This is why I do NOT drink.

I glance sideways at Peeta and see he is sleeping peacefully. I start to slide the blankets off but let out a tiny moan when I feel a pain in my arm when I try to move forward. Peeta is awake in seconds. I don't know how the man does it but he always knows when something is wrong with me.

"Katniss!" He sits up and just stares at me. He brings his hand up and it hovers beside my cheek. His eyes fill with tears and I move forward, ignoring the pain. I take my usual spot on his chest and bury my face in his shoulder. His arms wrap around me and he holds me close, kissing my hair and whispers 'I love you's' in my ear. I glance at the window and see that it is still dark outside. He pulls away and gently strokes my cheek with his knuckles.

"Are you…alright?" he asks tentatively.

"I'm not sure. Could you please bring me some water and some medicine?"

"Of course." He tosses the blankets back and pulls his prosthetic on quickly. I watch him jog from the room and I hear his heavy footsteps on the stairs. Moments later, he is back with a glass of water and two white pills in his palm.

"One for the pain, one for the hangover. Drink all of the water too." I nod and toss back the pills, draining all of the water. Peeta sets the glass aside and pushes a strand of hair out of my face.

"Do you feel sick?"

"Not really. Just…really sore."

"Johanna says you fell down the stairs." I nod. Yes, it comes back to me. And the bruises on my body remind me of it.

"I'll be fine," I say dismissively. Peeta closes his eyes and pulls me into his lap. I wince and he doesn't miss it.

"Want some more of that healing salve?"

"I'm fine, really." His lips thin but he doesn't press the subject. I feel his thumb rake across my cheek and he looks worried.

"Nightmare?" He guesses. I sigh. He always seems to know.

"Johanna told me what our lives would have been like if there had been no rebellion," I launch into my explanation. "That we would have been sold, like Finnick and the others. I guess Johanna was too. And she said…I think she tried to kill herself. Once. But they found out and killed her loved ones. So she was forced to endure this lifestyle, all alone, and it just made me think…at least I would have had you. But in my dream, they tied you up and you fought against them and they were hurting you. You're always willing to get hurt for me. I hate it," I add. His face has gone pale, his eyes wide. But I continue to talk. I can't seem to stop.

"And you were cursing at them, yelling at them to leave me alone but then all I wanted to do was to protect you. So I did whatever they told me to. We're always protecting each other. I don't think it would have been any different, if things had happened differently. I would still belong to you. But you looked so…betrayed when the other men took me. I don't know, I wanted to apologize and beg you to forgive me but I couldn't speak. That's the first time I have ever dreamed something like that. I blame Johanna. I have to say it's a nice change from watching them pump you with tracker-jacker venom or beating you with pipes," he blanches and I instantly feel like the most awful person in the world. "Oh god Peeta, I'm sorry. I didn't…I wasn't thinking. Forgive me."

"There's nothing to forgive," he says firmly. "Your nightmare is…well, I've dreamed of that before. It was one of my worst fears when we were in the Capitol. But I would die before I let another man have you."

"Stop getting hurt because of me."

"I can't," he says sadly and I'm instantly returned to that terrible day in the Capitol, when I was saying farewell to the world and he stopped me from taking the nightlock. He seems to be remembering too and his grip on me tightens.

"Katniss, we may never get better. I mean, I'll always have flashbacks and you will always have these nightmares. But can't we at least try to live happily? Can't we make that promise to ourselves, to each other, that we will try to focus on the here and now and just enjoy being together?"

"Yes Peeta, but-"

"Promise." I look into his gentle eyes and bite my lip.

"I promise." We seal that promise with a gentle kiss and he brings me back down into the blankets.

"Peeta," I say after I'm sure he's fast asleep.

"Mmmhm?"

"I…the reason I was so upset tonight…I lost the pearl. The one you gave me…I'm so sorry." He's silent and I'm not sure if he heard me. I hope he didn't. But I feel him shift underneath me and I feel his hands in my hair.

"I came back to you didn't I," he says through a yawn. "Things always have a way of coming back to you." And with that comforting thought, I lay my head on his chest and fall straight to sleep.


	31. Chapter 31

_**Sorry if I disturbed some people with that last one. We all know that the Capitol subjected Victors to that fate and we definitely know that Katniss and Peeta would have suffered the same fate, had the Capitol continued to rule over them. It's just dreaming of the worst thing imaginable and I imagine Katniss's nightmares are none too pleasant, much like Peeta's flashbacks.**_

_**Here's a quick one before work! It's another two parter because Katniss's chapter is VERY short. But I have big things coming in the next few chapters- wanna read them soon? I want to see 10 reviews before tonight! If it works out, I will post a longer one tomorrow. And trust me when I say, it's a good one ;) **_

_** So 10 reviews tonight! Yall are so amazing, I don't think it will be that hard ;)**_

_** XOXO **_

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><p>I wake up early, as the sun is just starting to come up, and quickly call Dane and Cora to let them know what's happened. Cora assures me they will be fine and to take care of Katniss. I fall back asleep, with her wrapped in my arms.<p>

When we wake again, Katniss sits up and her hand goes to her forehead, her eyes squeezed shut. I reach out to steady her and her hand grips my arm.

"I think I'm going to be sick," she mutters.

"Want me to help you to the bathroom?" She sits there for a moment then shakes her head.

"Never mind." Despite the fact that my girl is suffering, I have to fight back a smile. Katniss is the very last person I would expect to be nursing a hangover.

She turns and scowls deeply.

"Stop laughing at me!"

"I'm not laughing at you!"

"Well then stop smiling at me. I'm sick, can't you see that?"

"I'm sorry," I tell her honestly, reaching out to brush hair off her head but she jerks out of my reach. "I'm sorry, it's just…I find it amusing, ok? Not that you're sick but that we're finally feeling something semi-normal for a teenager. We barely had time to grow up and now, with everything that's happened, a hangover seems too normal for you and me." She groans and lowers her head.

"Remind me to never drink again." I smile and gather her in my arms.

"I'll fix you a hot bath and some tea. Stay here."

"Wait. Don't you have to go to work?"

"I'm not going anywhere, Katniss. I'm not leaving your side, today."

"Peeta-"

"Katniss, don't argue," I sigh. "It's normal for boyfriends and girlfriends to help each other when they get sick. Don't deny me my rights as a boyfriend," I add teasingly but for some reason, her face falls and she bites her lip. I watch her, wondering what's going through her head.

"By those counts, you were my boyfriend a long time ago," she says quietly. Oh damn.

"Well, we just skipped the boyfriend and girlfriend part and went straight to engaged." I mean it as another joke but she visibly deflates and withdraws into herself.

Except this time I don't let her. I pull her into my arms and hold her close.

"Katniss, hey, listen to me. You have to stop going to that dark place."

"What place," she sniffles.

"Wherever you go when your eyes glaze over and you start sinking. I'm trying to keep you with me but you have to try too. I can't do it alone. And I'll be damned if I let you leave me. We're doing so much better, babe." She looks up at me with a raised brow.

"Babe?" I grin sheepishly. Katniss is not one for pet names but it doesn't stop me from trying them out.

"It's normal for a boyfriend to use pet names?" She shakes her head, though a smile lingers around her lips. Or at least, her lips are less thin.

"What is your obsession with normal lately?"

"I dunno. I guess I'm just trying it out. We were still kids when our lives changed. Seeing others around me, living normally, makes me want that. Seeing Dane and Cora so…happy with each other. I guess I want that for us," I finish, shrugging. She wraps her arms around my neck and straddles my lap.

"We're not Cora and Dane. We're Katniss and Peeta. And we're not normal. We will never be normal. But what we have, defies description. What we have is special, so why would you want it to be normal?" My heart swells and I swoop down on her for a kiss. I feel her fingers tug at my hair and I harden underneath her. She shifts a little and we both gasp. She's positioned right over me, and I can feel how wet she is getting, just through her underwear. I pull her into me, one hand pressing against her back while my other slides down her body and into her lace panties. She throws her head back and I hold onto her, keeping my eyes on her flushed face. I find her wetness and spread it around before I sink my fingers into her. Her fingers clutch my shoulders and her nails nearly break the skin. We're both panting as I work to bring her to the edge, my fingers moving faster and faster.

"Peeta," she says through clenched teeth and I close my eyes at the sound of it. I live for her breathy moans, her soft sighs, and her sweet declarations of love. We gaze into each others' eyes and I'm lost in those storms of grey. She reaches down and pulls back the waistband of my boxer shorts. I move them down to my feet and bring my fingers to my mouth, sucking her off of them. She reaches down to grasp me but I stop her. I can tell she's in pain when she moves. And all I care about is getting her off. I reach back down to finish what I started but she shakes her head.

"You first." She brings my hand to her breast and I cup her in my palm. My other hand slides down and I bite my lip as I grip myself. Katniss's arousal as well as my own saliva on my hands makes my heart leap and I thrust into my hand. I massage and knead her breast while my hand moves up and down. She leans back and spreads her legs wide, and I watch with wide eyes as her hand drifts down. I let out a strangled gasp as her fingers make small circles, then she sinks two fingers into herself and starts pumping. She throws her head back again and I squeeze her breast. She looks up at me and brings her fingers to my lips. I eagerly grab her hand and suck on her digits.

Fuck! This woman will be the death of me one day. She brings her hand back down and starts to finger herself. I can't believe that I am able to resist from thrusting into her, but I lean back to watch her as I feel myself getting close. I have never seen her do this before, I didn't even know if she did it, whenever I'm not home. But I love the look on her face. I have to wonder what she's thinking about. I think it's me. I hope it's me.

"Fuck! Katniss!"

"Mmm, I'm so close, Peeta!"

"God, me too." I hold off for as long as I can. But the sight of her before me, her hand moving quickly, her legs slightly bent, her sweet pussy, so pink and perfect and I am gone. I wipe my hand on my shorts and immediately push her hand aside. My thumb finds her clit and I rub, hard, until her hips jerk upwards and she screams my name.

I push her hair out of her eyes and kiss her forehead, her nose, her cheeks, and finally her lips. She lazily raises an arm and strokes my hair and my face.

"I love that my name is the one you scream when you finish," I say quietly. Her eyes flutter open and she smiles.

"You're the only one I've ever thought about. If you're not the one getting me off, then it's thoughts of you that get me off." I freeze and my eyes widen. Did she really just say what I think she did?

She seems to realize what she let slip and her eyes pop open.

"Wait, wait. Go back. What now?"

"Drop it, Peeta."

"Ohhhh no. You just admitted you think of me when you touch yourself," I say with a grin. "Allow me some time to process this. And bask in this perfect thought.

"Peeta!" She hits my arm and I grin down at her.

"Damn, now all I'll be thinking about is you in the shower, touching yourself and moaning my name." She blushes and I think it's the most beautiful thing in the world.

"I don't do it that often," she mutters.

"But you do it." She looks up at me and nods and I lean down to kiss her. Kneeing her legs apart, I rub myself against her and feel her so ready for me. She clutches my arms as I enter her and we spend the rest of the morning, becoming lost in each other with absolutely no desire to be found.

* * *

><p>When we finally make it out of the bed and head toward the bathroom, I feel awful. She is limping pretty badly and her body is covered in bruises. If I had been coherent, I would not have initiated sex this morning but at least I know she wanted it too. My hand goes to her back as I help her into the bathroom and I quickly get the tub filled. She slides in and looks up at me expectantly.<p>

"You're not going to join me?"

"I will in a minute. I'm going to go make you some tea and bring you more medicine." "Peeta, I don't need the tea. I need you." I grin at her words.

"The tea will help. Unlike me, who is probably making it worse. I'll be right back." I kiss her before she can protest and hurry downstairs.

While I'm taking the kettle off the stove, I hear a knock at the back door and my head jerks up when the door opens.

"Damn it, don't scare me like that," I scold. Haymitch and Johanna stop and stare at me.

"Well sweetheart must be feeling better!" I frown.

"Why would you say that?"

"You reek of sex, little baker boy," Johanna cackles and I feel myself turn red. "Sometimes I forget how young you two are."

"What's that supposed to mean," my voice is higher than usual and I blush again. Johanna and Haymitch chuckle and I can see why Katniss doesn't like being laughed at.

"Ok ok, enough. Get out of here, I'm about to take this tea up to Katniss and don't need you two upsetting her."

"Is she alright," Johanna's face is serious now. "Did she say anything?"

"I haven't really asked her. I think her hangover was just making her nightmares worse. Thank you, by the way, for telling her what would have happened to us if the revolution hadn't happened."

"What're you…oh," her face falls. Haymitch looks between us, bemused. I scowl at Johanna and she shrugs.

"Well I'm sorry but brainless has to realize, despite all the sacrifices, Panem is a much better place now. You mean to tell me it didn't once cross her mind that she was considered a desirable victor?"

"She was young and naïve, Jo. When Haymitch and I discussed it for the first time, I was shocked and vowed they would never touch her. That's part of the reason I went along with the whole marriage thing. I thought at least if we were married, they would leave her alone. Or I was willing to take her place, if needed." Haymitch finally catches on to our conversation and his nose screws up.

"Why the hell are we talking about this now?"

"Because Johanna told Katniss about it last night and she ended up having a new nightmare, featuring her and me in the lifestyles of the rich and fucked up."

"I'm sorry, Peeta. I didn't mean to make things worse. How is she after that fall, though?" I can see through Johanna's tough-girl layers and know she is genuinely concerned for us. For Katniss.

"She's pretty bruised up but after her bath, I'm going to give her some of my healing salve from the Capitol. It usually does pretty good with cuts and bruises and the like. When are you taking off again?"  
>"I was going to wait to say goodbye to her but George called this morning and asked me to meet him in 8 so I'm on my way to meet him. I'll have your package sent to the bakery, by the way." I nod gratefully.<p>

"I better get back to her before she starts to worry. Take care of yourself. We will see you soon." We hug and they leave. I finish the tea and set everything on a tray, then take it back upstairs.

She's leaning against the wall with her eyes closed when I come back in. I worry that she will fall asleep and drown herself but then I scold myself. Katniss knows how to take care of herself. Give her some credit. She opens her eyes and sits up and I set the tray on the toilet, lowering myself in the floor by the tub.

"Here, drink this. It will help with the nausea." She sips at her tea and obediently swallows down the pills. I brought up a couple of left over cheese buns and cookies and she devours those as well. She hands me the cup and I set it back on the tray before I struggle to my feet and remove my boxers, sliding into the tub behind her. I shiver, for the water's gotten a little cold but she settles on my chest and I welcome her warmth. I hold her for as long as she will let me. My arms wrapped around her waist, her head tilted back on my chest and my eyes start to close. I know we need to talk about everything but for now, we enjoy the peace and perfection of just being together.

* * *

><p>-I am REALLY bad at planning parties. To be fair, I have never really planned a party before but my birthday was so wonderful and Peeta did such a great job in planning that I wanted to do the same for him.<p>

Of course I fail.

I call Effie while Peeta is at work and ask her to help me. She squeals in my ear and starts listing all of the things I'll need. It takes about a half a second for me to feel vastly overwhelmed. I decide immediately that I will be the one to bake his cake. I might regret this but I am following his father's recipes. Please, Mr. Mellark. Help me.

Then it's my turn to worry about gifts. Johanna cackles and tells me sex is the best gift but I give that to him every day. Something special, I tell her. So she sends me a lingerie catalogue that makes me blush ten shades of red.

"All Peeta has ever wanted is you," she tells me. "For one night, let him have you. Whatever he wants, give it to him."

It's not that I don't trust him but I know my Peeta and he always puts me first. He wouldn't go with this idea because he'd ask me what I want, and this night isn't about me! So I make up my mind to order the lingerie that Johanna suggested and finish calling everyone to invite to the party. We're still a week away from his birthday and I try to keep everything as secret as I possibly can.

I start to notice that he is acting sort of strange. Almost nervous. When I ask him if everything is alright, he blushes and mumbles 'fine'. So of course I start to worry. I'm terrified that I have done something wrong and it sends me into a panic attack. My panic attack sends Peeta into a flashback and he spends several hours trying to bring himself out of it.

We are so messed up. I could never think of being with anyone else but I don't even think that's possible anymore. We would scare other people away. Maybe that's why we don't have many people over for dinner. We keep to ourselves and sometimes spend time with Haymitch. We rarely see the others, except at work. Johanna has come by, of course, and Effie has come to visit on several occasions and Annie has promised to bring Finn for a visit soon.

That's it. Victors. People who understand us and what we have been through. I start to wonder if we will ever have the normal life that Peeta so desires. I don't think so. But then, as I told him, we aren't normal. And I don't really want to be. So I spend the week trying to figure out what's wrong and if there's any chance of me fixing it before his birthday.


	32. Chapter 32

_**Well done fantastic readers, you exceeded my expectations ;) I'm still awake after work so here ya go! This is another of my favorite chapters I have written. I hope I've done Peeta justice, in your eyes. Please tell me what you think! **_

**_ Enjoy! XOXO_**

* * *

><p>I am a nervous wreck and I know Katniss has noticed. I've been trying to avoid her but don't want her to think she has done anything wrong. It all started with a certain package that arrived at the bakery last week.<p>

I had been in the kitchen when the mail was delivered. Delly burst through the doors, her face flushed and her eyes wide.

"Peeta! This was just delivered for you! From District 1!" I nervously held out my hands and Delly handed me a small black box. She stared at me, almost tapping her foot impatiently. I cleared my throat and stuffed the box into my pocket.

"Peeta! Is that really what I think it is?"

"It depends on what you think it is."

"Oh please. A black box! A little black box! It's a ring! It's a ring for Katniss! You are going to propose!" I remained silent and she squealed and jumped around the room. I took a step back, shaking my head in amazement. Delly has always been one of my dearest friends but sometimes her…enthusiasm is a lot to take.

"Delly, calm down. You can't breathe a word about this. To anyone!" Her eyes widened. Damn it. She's probably the last person who should know about this.

"I swear it, Peeta. My lips are sealed!" I nodded and took a deep breath.

"Can I see it?" I looked back at her and bit my lip.

"Ok." I pulled the box from my pocket and noticed my hands trembling as I opened it. Delly and I both gasped at the same time. It's absolutely perfect.

I don't imagine Katniss one for a lot of flashy jewelry but I think she will love this. Her pearl is set in the middle of two rows of jewels, one of small diamonds, the other tiny emeralds. The rows form a design that looks like a wave, reminding me of the beautiful waves we watched together in District 4. If I could take her anywhere for a honeymoon, it would be 4. We were both so at peace and she was even flirtatious and giddy. The emeralds are her favorite shade of green and they surround the pearl perfectly. I started to shake at the thought of this ring on Katniss's slender finger.

"Peeta," Delly said quietly. "It's so beautiful."

"You…you think she'll like it?"

"It's perfect. She will love it. And there's no way she can say no!" I bit my lip. There is a way she could say no. She has made herself clear where she stands on marriage more than once. But then, I remember what she said when Johanna was in town. She thinks I've given up on asking her. I don't know what she'll say, quite honestly, but I can hope that she has changed her mind and she will agree to marry me. I closed the box and put it back in my pocket.

Now I just have to think of how to do it, I thought to myself.

So here I am, almost a week later, still racking my brain for romantic ideas. Trouble is, Katniss isn't really the romantic type. She still takes my breath away when something loving comes out of her mouth. The other night when we were making dinner, I caught her staring at me and asked her what was wrong. She just grinned and said, "I can't believe how lucky I am to have found you." Later on, when we were working on the Memory Book, she let slip that she hopes our kids understand how incredible their aunt Prim was.

I swear I nearly had a heart attack. I had turned white as a sheet and so had she, once she realized what she had said.

"Oh Peeta…I'm sorry. I didn't…that just slipped out, I wasn't thinking…"

"You…you're still dead set against having kids, aren't you?" She gave me a sad look.

"I just can't, Peeta."

Still, it was the first time I have ever heard her say anything like that. And we're not even married yet! We're still really young so I'm determined not to give up.

Deciding I need some extra help, I push aside my pride and enlist Johanna and Annie. Annie is more help than Jo, because at least she's somewhat romantic but Johanna is changing due to her relationship with George and they both had some good ideas.

Best thing they both came up with is asking her in her favorite spot. The lake. She's taken me out there many times and I love the time we spend together. I love that she took me to hers and her father's special spot. She never even shared it with Gale. But me…she chose to share it with me. Oh I'll admit, I was doing a little happy dance inside my head. Take that Gale Hawthorne, I say to myself smugly.

Surprisingly, they both came up with the same thing. Maybe it's because they both know Katniss or maybe because they know what we've all been through. We just want something real. I want to ask her, for real, to be my wife and not for the cameras. For real.

I call Mrs. Everdeen and formally ask for Katniss's hand. She consents and gives me her blessing.

I decide the day before my 18th birthday is perfect. I'm not sure what she has in store for my actual birthday but she has been sneaking around so I know something is up. She's really terrible at surprises so I'm actually shocked that I haven't figured this one out. Then again, I'm not really trying. The very thought that she is trying to do something special for me is more than enough.

We wake up in each other's arms and are still naked from the night before. I grin as I kiss her nose and continue to plant kisses all over her face until I'm met with those grey eyes I love so much. She sits up a little and smiles.

"Mm, good morning."

"Morning beautiful." She tries to hide her smile but I pull her into my arms and kiss her forehead.

"Why're you smiling?"

"I just love waking up next to you like this," she says softly and my heart is about to leap out of my chest.

"Me too. I hope we can do it for the rest of our lives," I tell her honestly.

"That's the plan," is her reply. My breath catches in my throat and I squeeze her hand. She smiles and squeezes back before tossing back the covers.

"Can't believe I slept that late. I was going to go hunting early."

"Hey, take a day off. Spend some time with me. We can have a picnic in the woods."

"That sounds nice but don't you have to work?"

"Tomorrow's my birthday. Let me celebrate it early." She frowns.

"You were planning to go into work on your birthday?"

"Well…you haven't really said if we have plans or not," I test her. "And besides, it's just another day. I didn't have too many happy birthdays growing up."

"Neither did I, Peeta, but you made mine the best one ever. Besides, you told me you expected a big deal for yours. Fireworks, if I recall." I chuckle and shake my head.

"I don't need fireworks. Just you."

"Fine. I'll cancel the fireworks. But I want to spend the day with you." Two days off? Well, I am the owner and the boss. So I shrug.

"I might get in trouble with the boss but it's worth it to spend two whole days with you." She rolls her eyes at my joke and leans in to kiss me.

"I'll start getting ready." I hold our next kiss for longer than she intended and to my delight, she's breathless when I pull away.

"Let's take a shower," I murmur before I kiss her again. Just for good measure, I squeeze her backside and hear her squeal against my lips. I grin and end up chasing her into the bathroom.

* * *

><p>I pack our lunch while she gets ready. When she comes down the stairs, she's wearing a cute green summer dress and little white sandals. I'm shocked that she hasn't covered her shoulders; she's usually very self-conscious about her scars but I suppose the woods makes her feel free and I love that. I wrap my arm around her waist and pull her in for a kiss.<p>

"You're a vision." She bats my hand away but returns my kiss.

"You're finally getting your swimming lesson today." I try to act excited. She has been wanting to teach me to swim for ages and I just can't shake my nervousness, despite the fact that I feel safest with her. She senses my anxiety and holds my face in her hands.

"You're safe with me, Peeta. I'll protect you." I bring my hands up to rest on hers.

"You always do," I tell her. Another quick kiss and we are heading out toward the woods.

I had hoped it would be a cooler day, what with it being September already but my shirt is sticking to my back as we trek through the woods. Katniss braids her hair and drapes it on her side so it is out of the way and by the time we reach the middle of the forest, we both stop and nearly drain our water bottles. The good thing is, fall is approaching and nature is beautiful at this time. The woman beside me is even more exquisite. These woods really bring out another side of her and at first, I was stunned to see how she completely lit up in the woods. Now, I expect it. Whenever she brings me here, there is color in her cheeks, her eyes are bright, and she has a smile that is just infectious.

Katniss sets the picnic basket on a large rock by the lake and turns her face toward the sun, closing her eyes and enjoying the warmth.

"Should we eat first or swim?" She turns to me and looks skeptical.

"Don't you know you should never swim right after eating? You'll drown."

"Who told you that," I say laughingly.

"Dad. He used to tell me lots of random life-saving advice."

"Well, in that case. I guess we swim first." I watch her lift her dress up past her knees and wade into the shallow part of the stream. She loves this part of her woods because the stream trickles into the lake and it is really beautiful watching the ripples in the water. The stones at the bottom are multi-colored and the water is so clear that we can easily see the bottom. She's said before that it brings her peace and comfort. I'm not too sure about my prosthetic on muddy banks but I reach for her hand and she pulls me to her. Her arm snakes around my waist and she tugs me close.

"Just feel the water, Peeta. Be one with the waves." She closes her eyes and I follow suit. The feel of her arm around my waist and her hand in mine comforts me. I take in the beauty of the place I am in and the woman beside me. I decide my life can't get much better than this. I suddenly can't wait any longer. If I don't ask her now, I'm going to chicken out and that will be the worst thing in the world.

"Can we go ahead and eat? I'm just hungrier than I thought." She looks surprised but nods and I lead her out of the water. We settle on the blanket and I pass her the basket.

"Did you make sandwiches?"

"I made a loaf of bread and brought a jar of preserves with some fruit. The bread should be on top."

"Yeah, it's right…right…here," she trails off, her eyes wide and I know she's found it. I watch her hesitantly, as she holds the loaf of raisin-nut bread in her hands. The words 'Marry Me' have been carved into the loaf. She looks up at me, her eyes wide and her jaw gaping. I take her hand and move to sit up on my knee.

"Katniss, you are my world. My reason for breathing. I told you once, without you, I'd have nothing. You're my whole life, and I know without you, I'd be completely lost. You told me a long time ago that you never wanted to be married but I feel like we have just grown closer and waking up next to me every morning may have changed your mind. I know we will never really be fully healed…but with you, life is better. It has meaning again. With you, I'm happier than I have ever been in my life. I know I'm a lot to handle and love and I thank you for doing it every day. I'll only ask this once and if your answer is no, then I'll respect your decision and continue to live with you without asking you to change anything. Katniss Everdeen, will you do me the tremendous honor of becoming my wife?" She's silent for the longest time and I feel like I am in quicksand , just sinking deeper and deeper. My knee is starting to get sore and I bite my lip so hard that I draw blood. All of a sudden she flings her arms around my neck and kisses me hard on the mouth. My arms go around her and I respond to her urgent kisses. But after a few moments of this, I draw back and grin at her swollen lips.

"Is that a yes?"

"Yes Peeta," she cries. "I want nothing more than to call you my husband."

Oh my god, those words. They're the most amazing and terrifying and wonderful and breathtaking and mind-numbing words I have ever heard in my life. Even more so, than hearing my name called at the Reaping. Than hearing Katniss's name called.

She said yes. She's agreed to be my wife. And it's just for us.

It's real.

I gather her in my arms and kiss her until we're left with no breath. And then I continue to kiss her a little more. When I come back to earth, I lean back and pull out the black velvet box. Her eyes widen and her hand goes to her mouth.

"I don't want you to be mad," I tell her quickly and her eyes fly back to mine. "I feel awful for hiding this from you. But I think you understand." I open the box and she lets out a gasp. Her hands fly to her mouth and I gently lower her hand. She sniffles as I slide the ring onto her finger and then she's kissing me again. I barely have time to register what is happening before my pants are around my ankles, she's lifted her dress and shoved her panties aside, and then she's sinking down on top of me. I moan as I clutch her hips, helping her move up and down.

"Oh god, Katniss," I pant as her arms wrap around my neck. One of my hands remains on her hip while the other finds her clit.

"Peeta!"

"God I love you, Katniss. I love you so much."

"I love you, Peeta. I'm yours forever," she gasps out as she continues to ride me. We release together and I lay back on the blanket, bringing her down on top of me. She pants into my shoulder and her arm drapes over my waist. My fingers absent-mindedly play with her hair and I glance at her to see her admiring her ring. I grin broadly.

"You like it?"

"Peeta, I love it! It's so beautiful! And I can't tell you how relieved I am that I didn't lose this." I bite my lip uncertainly.

"I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you…but I knew the ring would make it worth it."

"At least I'll never lose it again," she says tiredly as she repositions her head onto my chest. I'm about to close my eyes too when hers shoot open and she lifts her head.

"Johanna," she says quietly. I nod, guiltily.

"She and George were taking a trip to 1 and I know they do the best with luxury items. She sent me pictures, asking me what I wanted and I saw this design and knew it was perfect. But instead of all diamonds, I asked for emeralds for your woods. The jeweler said he had never made anything like it. It's one of a kind, just like you." She smiles and lowers her head again.

"I love you," she says breathlessly.

"I can't believe…is this really happening? Did we just…you're going to be my wife?" She looks up at me again and reaches out to touch my cheek.

"Real, Peeta," she breathes. "It's real. I love you. And I'm going to be your wife." She gasps and sits up. "I need to call my mother! She'll be…oh, I don't know what she will say-"

"She already knows," I say gently, sitting up with her. She looks puzzled and I grin sheepishly.

"I called her to ask her for your hand. She gives us both her blessing and says she can't wait to see you at the wedding."

"Oh…a wedding," her face falls a little and my hand goes to her face.

"What's wrong?"

"It's just…I don't want a big wedding, Peeta. I never did. The opening of the bakery was almost too much for me and that wasn't even about me. I don't want cameras or people I hardly know. Just us. And our closest friends. I'm sorry," she adds, looking guilty. I tilt her chin up and smile.

"You just agreed to marry me. We can get married in a bunker in 13 for all I care. It doesn't matter how or where we get married, Katniss, all I care about is being with you for the rest of my life."

"Then can we just have a private toasting? Just us? And then we can figure out a reception to invite our friends and family too?" I'll admit it took me by surprise. But it shouldn't have. Katniss is a very private person. I know Mrs. Everdeen was hoping to see her daughter wed, and Effie would scream if she knew she missed the actual moment. But as I had told Katniss, as long as I get to marry her, I don't care where it is. So I agree to a private toasting. I ask her if she wants to tell everyone and she agrees for us to go home and start calling people.

I'm holding her hand while we have Mrs. Everdeen on speaker. She starts crying and Katniss looks at me uncomfortably. Mrs. Everdeen says that Prim would be so happy for us and that's when Katniss starts crying too. I hold her close while she and her mother exchange words. Katniss promises to inform her the moment we know our plans and Mrs. Everdeen promises to be there. Before she hangs up, she thanks me one more time. After she hangs up, Katniss sinks to the floor and cries and I hold her close. Prim would be so overjoyed to see her sister so happy. And she was the one in 13 who would not let me give up. She was the one who told me that Katniss loved me and I couldn't give up on that.

I'm so glad I didn't. Thank you, Prim.

When she's calmed down, we call Haymitch but of course he doesn't answer. We decide we will walk over and tell him and we call Johanna next. She doesn't answer either and we don't know the number to George's. So Annie is next and she squeals louder than Effie would.

"Oh I'm sorry," she says, dropping her voice. "I'm just so excited for you both! I have been dying to take a trip to 12 to see you ever since Peeta's bakery opened! Johanna tells me you're both doing wonderfully."

"We're still taking it one day at a time, Annie," Katniss says, her voice still raw from her tears.

"That's all you can do, sweetie. Please call me with details and Finn and I will both be there!"

"That would be so great, Annie, we're dying to meet him," I tell her. "Johanna showed us a picture the last time she was in town."

"It's scary, isn't it?" she says quietly. Katniss and I both nod. Finn is the spitting image of his father. I often wonder how Annie copes but she sounds great and Johanna says she is a terrific mother.

I feel a pang in my chest. I'm not around many kids. Sure some of them come into the bakery and I always give them free cookies but Annie will bring Finn and I know I'll get attached to the kid. I couldn't help but love his father. I don't want to let myself get too attached to children. I don't want Katniss to see the look of longing on my face and decide that she can't marry me because she thinks I'm wasting my life or whatever bull shit she spouts out.

I feel Katniss shaking me and watching me expectantly.

"Oh, sorry Annie, what was that?"

"I asked if you'll be taking a honeymoon? You deserve a lovely get away and 4 is so beautiful around this time."

"I'd…we'd love that Annie, but…" I trail off, glancing at Katniss, who is hanging her head. I pull her close and kiss her cheek.

"We will probably just stay in 12," I say firmly. Annie is quiet for a moment and I know she is remembering about Katniss's exile.

"Good idea," she says cheerfully. "It's home, after all. Well, please let me know as soon as you know the details! I wouldn't miss it for the world. And congratulations again."

"Thank you, Annie." We say goodbye and hang up. Katniss turns away, sighing and I place my hands on her shoulders.

"Stop thinking so much," I say firmly.

"She's right though. You deserve a honeymoon. I'm keeping you trapped here."

"First off, I'm not trapped. I can come and go if I want and I just choose not to. Secondly, I choose this life with you. No one forced me into it and I definitely made the choice to be with you and only you for the rest of our lives. Besides, maybe we can get Paylor to lift your exile for our honeymoon? As a wedding present you know?" She nods but looks doubtful. I kiss her forehead and assure her I'll take care of everything.

The evening has gotten a little cooler so we change clothes and head over to Haymitch's house. He's on the porch with his geese and he blinks up at us.

"Well hey there lovebirds. What's got you all aglow?" Katniss doesn't say anything but just extends her hand and the light catches the ring perfectly. Haymitch's eyes pop open and he lets out a whistle.

"You actually did it then," he says softly, looking up at me. I can't help but grin broadly as I hold her close to my side.

"Well congrats kids. Can't say I'm too shocked but I'm happy all the same. When's the big day?"

"We want a private toasting, just the two of us. Then we will have a reception in town with all our friends and family. I suppose they won't consider it 'legal' until we sign the papers at the reception but I want to marry him without everyone watching. We have been in the spotlight for too damn long." Haymitch nods in understanding.

"I think that's a great idea." I'm surprised at how quickly he agrees with her but then again, they have always had a mutual understanding. I think that's why he always chose her over me. They're a lot alike. Not that I would have it any other way but I know Haymitch likes me and he looks at us as his own children now.

"You want the toasting before or after the ceremony?" Katniss glances at me then back at Haymitch.

"I sort of want us to be married before the ceremony. But if you don't think they will agree to that-"

"You're both of age," he says, waving his hand. "You can do whatever you want. The toasting is just our tradition in 12. Not everyone does it. In some places, the ceremony IS the wedding. In others, they don't have any kind of ceremony. The man and woman exchange vows and rings and that's it. They're wed. It's your wedding day, sweetheart, you choose what's important to you." She glances up at me again and I know this time, she will surprise me with whatever she's going to say.

"Then I want to get married in front of our closest friends and family. We could do it here, in Victor's Village. Small and intimate," she pauses and looks shy. "And Haymitch…I want you to give me away." Haymitch and I gape at her in shock. I swear there are tears in that old man's eyes but he covers it as he always does and straightens up in his chair.

"Gladly, sweetheart. He can have you." I chuckle and Katniss joins in.

"Aw damn, this means I'll have to get a tux," he mumbles and I shake my head.

"Who else do you want at the wedding?"

"We can hold off on telling the others for now. We'll invite your employees and Sae, of course. Let's go home and plan." She squeezes my hand and I laugh at her excitement. Katniss is the last girl I'd expect to be excited about her wedding but you know what, she always said she never wanted to get married and she just asked our mentor to give her away.

The girl never ceases to amaze me.

When we get home, we try Johanna again but still no answer. We call Effie and she squeals even louder than Annie.

"Oh my darlings," she gushes, "I am so very happy for you both. After everything, you deserve the most splendid wedding anyone has ever had."

"I don't want a huge spectacle, Effie," Katniss says quickly. "Something small and intimate. We don't want this to be for all of Panem. It's for us. And we'd love to have you there."

"I'll be there, my dears," she assures us. When we hang up, she turns to me and smiles.

"So, want to go downstairs and start planning?"

"Actually," I say slyly, my hands going to her waist, "I think I'd rather take my fiancé into the bedroom and make love to her until the sun comes up."

"Peeta," she squeals before she runs out of the room. I chase her all through the house and punish her by pressing her wrists into the bed as I plunge into her. I don't think she minds the punishment too much, because when we're finished, she's off streaking through the house again, leaving me to call her name threateningly before I run off to find her and punish her again.


	33. Chapter 33

I am completely exhausted when my alarm goes off but I quickly shut it off and roll out of Peeta's arms. Thankfully, he continues to sleep. I think we finally went to sleep around 4 am and the sun is barely up now. But I want to get a head start on his birthday so I quickly don one of his shirts and head downstairs.

The cake I have been working on is tucked safely at the back of the fridge. I'm actually very proud of it and hope it tastes decent. I hurry around, fixing breakfast and arrange it all on a tray. I open the cabinets and search through his baking supplies, finally finding what I need. I glance at the clock, trying to hurry before he wakes up. Finally I'm finished and I examine my work. Not as neat as Peeta would have done but still not terrible.

Carefully, I carry the tray to our bedroom and see that he is just starting to wake. I set the tray on the table and lean in to kiss him. His eyes flutter open and I'm still breathless when I see those crystal blue orbs.

"Good morning," I say through my kisses.

"Mmm. Morning," he says, his voice husky with sleep. He leans back to survey me and he grunts in approval. I know he loves seeing me in his clothes. The button up shirt I'm wearing is much too big and hangs off me but he doesn't seem to care. I reach over and bring the tray into his lap and he sits up, his eyes widening.

"What's all this?"

"Happy birthday."

"Katniss," he looks at me reverently and I lean in to kiss him again. I don't even mind the morning breath. This beautiful boy-man- will soon be my husband.

The moment he asked me to marry him, I was terrified. I never wanted to be like my mother, when she lost my father. If something happens to Peeta I know I will never make it. But I suppose that's true even without marrying him. I know now that I need him to survive. My dandelion. My perfect flower in the spring. And I've agreed to become something that I never thought I would become.

A wife.

He sips at his tea and smacks his lips in delight.

"This is wonderful. Where did you get this recipe?"

"Annie actually suggested it. They have it a lot in 4. I tried it and thought you would really like it. I love the mint." He nods and takes another sip. For breakfast, I've made him eggs benedict (he tried it in the Capitol during the Victory Tour and now doesn't eat his eggs any other way) with squirrel meat patties (he says no matter how fancy he can eat now, his favorite is still squirrel) with potatoes and a slice of raisin-nut bread.

"This looks amazing, Katniss. Thank you."

"Dinner won't be until later so enjoy your breakfast. What would you like to do today?"

"You mean you don't have the whole day planned out," he teases.

"I had a tentative schedule but I wanted to see if you'd like to do anything in particular." 12 isn't exactly filled with things to do. We just got two new restaurants and there is talk about putting in something called a cinema. I have no idea what it is but I stay away from Capitol inventions, even though Delly says it will be fun. But for Peeta and I, who have toured all over Panem and seen their districts, we both are content just to stay close to home.

"Well tell me what you have planned."

"I cancelled the fireworks." He smirks at me and I grin. "Ok, we were going to go for a walk in the woods and lunch at Sae's. Then see if Haymitch wants to join us for a game of croquet (Effie brought us the game from the Capitol several months ago and Peeta turned out to be very good at it) and then we could come inside and freshen up and get ready for your party. Our friends will be over around 7 for dinner and presents. And we will wrap up the evening with a bubble bath for two." He looks surprised that I have planned this all out.

"I'm impressed," he says, pushing the tray onto the table and pulling me closer to him. "But what if I just want to stay in bed all day long with my gorgeous fiancé?" I think he loves saying that word. I love hearing it. I shiver and he kisses my neck.

"Well it's your birthday. I'll let you make the plans."

"Good. Come here."

"Wait! There's still one more thing you haven't eaten."

"I'm hungry for something else right now," he says in a low growl that makes me grow wetter by the minute.

"Peeta," I plead and he sighs and releases me.

"Ok. What is it?" I grab a napkin from the tray and hand it to him. He holds the napkin in his palm and glances up at me once before lowering his eyes to examine what is in his hand.

A single sugar cookie, one that he has baked, with two messy words in icing.

I Do.

He looks up at me with the biggest smile on his face and he sets the cookie aside.

"It's too beautiful to eat," he mutters before he yanks me forward. He nuzzles the buttons on his shirt and slides it off my shoulders, leaving me naked to his gaze. He lets out a moan of longing when he sees I have no underwear on and his hand trails down my stomach.

"Miss Everdeen, you're such a naughty girl."

"Only for you, Mr. Mellark." His eyes light up and he pulls me in for a kiss. He leans me back onto the bed and starts kissing his way down my body. I squirm underneath him and try to sit up.

"Peeta," I pant, trying to stay focused. "It's…your birthday! I should…I should, ah! I should be doing-"

"You should quit talking, lie back, and let me do whatever I want to," he growls, looking up at me from between my thighs. When I feel his tongue on me, I don't have the strength to argue anymore. So I obey and let the birthday boy do whatever he wants.

* * *

><p>Peeta throws a complete wrench in my plans and we stay in bed for the entire day. When I finally tell him guests will be over soon, he agrees to get in the shower but he pins me against the wall and has his way with me again. I guess I can't fault him for it. I denied him my love for too long and if he wants me for his birthday, he can have all of me. I just hope he isn't tired of me by the end of today.<p>

After we shower and dry off, I dress in a long orange dress I found while I was out with Delly. His eyes light up and he pulls me to him but my hands gently press against his chest.

"Behave yourself tonight," I admonish.

"You can't tell me what to do," he argues. "I'm 18 now."

"I was 18 before you," I remind him and he sticks his tongue out like a petulant child, which makes me laugh. He grins and looks quite proud of himself for making me laugh. I kiss him sweetly and he rubs noses with me. I can't believe how insanely happy we are and, dare I say it, normal. Just two normal kids, in love.

"I love you so much," he sighs and I wrap my arms around his neck and stand on tiptoe.

"I love you too."

"Those words. I still…" he trails off and I kiss him again.

"Real," I breathe and he nods.

"I know. I know."

We break apart and head downstairs just as I hear a knock on the door.

"Damn it, I haven't even started," I groan as I run to the door. Delly and Thom enter together, their arms around each other. This takes me by surprise and I spin around to see Peeta's wide eyes watching them as well. Guess we've missed a lot.

"Happy birthday, Peeta," Delly cries as she runs to her friend. I smile when she hugs him tightly and Peeta thanks her graciously.

"Thom, could you help Peeta bring up that table from the basement? We'll need the extra space."

"Of course Miss Katniss." The boys disappear into the basement and Delly joins me in the kitchen.

"What can I do to help?"

"Well, I'm terribly behind on everything," I say guiltily. "It's a good thing I already cooked the turkey. Can you go ahead and peel the potatoes so we can get those started?"

"Of course!" Cora and Dane come in next and immediately offer to help. Peeta and Thom bring up the table and set up the kitchen. Peeta's eyes light up at the smell of the warming turkey and I know he must be hungry. Hell, I don't know how he has any strength left. Effie and Haymitch walk in, followed by Johanna and a man we haven't met but I'm positive this must be George.

"Happy birthday, bread boy," she yells as she hugs Peeta tightly.

"Thanks Jo! You look great!"

"So do you. You have this…familiar glow about you," she winks and Peeta blushes, which makes her burst out laughing.

"You're terrible to the poor boy," the man says as he wraps his arm around Johanna's waist.

"Eh, he knows I love him like my brother. Katniss, come here for a second." I wipe my hands on the towel and join them.

"This is George. George, Peeta and Katniss, the Star-Crossed Lovers of District 12."

"It's an honor," George says as he kisses my hand. "Though not so star-crossed anymore, from what I hear." His eyes sparkle and I return his grin.

"Let's see it, brainless!" I hold out my hand and Johanna whistles. I had forgotten we haven't told the others and with a gasp, Delly, Cora, Dane, and Thom are all grouped around us, muttering. Delly squeals and throws her arms around Peeta.

"I am SO happy for you, Peeta! I told you! Didn't I tell you when we were young? You WOULD marry Katniss Everdeen one day!" I have to laugh at Peeta's red cheeks and I quickly give him a kiss on the nose. Haymitch chuckles and claps Peeta on the shoulder.

"Didn't think the kid would ever have the balls to pop the question."

"Why not? He's already asked her once before," Effie says carelessly. Peeta and I tense and Haymitch scowls.

"You know very well why they did that, Effie. This time it's real," his eyes fall on Peeta and they soften. "It's real, kid."

"I know," Peeta says softly as he takes my hand.

Rory, Riley, Sae and Sae's granddaughter all come in just as we are sitting down to eat. I serve them all the turkey, potatoes, greens, and bread and everyone compliments me on the meal. Peeta squeezes my hand as I sit down. Haymitch presents Peeta with a bottle of nice wine and he pours everyone a glass.

"None for your sweetheart," he says to me with a wink. I feel Peeta squeeze my hand tighter and I try to smile it off but I know how much I scared him that night when I had too much to drink with Johanna.

"Fine with me, I don't need the alcohol anyway," I say with a shrug.

"What, are you pregnant or something," Rory blurts out and my eyes widen. Beside me, Peeta starts choking on his food. Delly reaches over and gently pats his back and he takes a long gulp of his wine.

"No, Rory, I'm not," I say through gritted teeth. He seems to understand my reaction and he looks ashamed.

"Sorry," he mutters, lowering his head.

"Yeah, what a birthday present that would be," Riley says, laughing. My face is burning and I chance a glance at Peeta. His face is lowered and his smile is gone.

"Excuse me," he mutters before pushing his chair back and hurrying out of the room. Riley's face has gone pale.

"Oh…dammit, Katniss, I'm sorry…I didn't…I mean…"

"It's ok, Riley. Um, excuse me too," I hurry after him and find him pacing at the foot of the stairs.

"Peeta?" He whips around and I freeze, seeing his eyes are a shade darker than they usually are

"You're not, are you?" His voice is frantic and strained.

"What? No, of course not."

"You never want children with me. Real or not real?"

"Peeta-"

"Real or not real?!" My eyes widen at his tone. He looks pleading, almost desperate and I stifle a sob.

"I don't know, Peeta. Maybe. Someday. But not now. Definitely not now." I inch closer to him and he tenses up. I reach out my hand, as if I'm cornering a frightened animal, and slowly approach him. My hand touches his arm and he doesn't flinch. My hands move up to his face and I hold his cheeks in my hands.

"Look at me." When he doesn't, I tilt his head downward and capture his lips. "Look at me," I say again when I've released him. His eyes open and they are bluer than before. I sigh with relief.

"I love you, Peeta Mellark. I love you and can't wait to be your wife. I don't know what the future holds for us, if kids are even in the picture, but all I care about is having you by my side. Ok?" He nods slowly and looks miserable.

"I'm sorry, Katniss."

"There's nothing to be sorry for," I tell him firmly. "Let's return to your party." He nods and grips my hand as I lead him back into the kitchen. Haymitch is telling a dirty joke when we reenter and Delly rolls her eyes and pats Peeta's arm.

"You came back too early. His jokes are getting worse and worse." Peeta smiles and I let out a breath of relief. Across the table, Johanna catches my eye. She grins and nods and I return her smile. For now, we're ok. So I make a toast to Peeta and thank the heavens that he made it through 18 years so that I could have this wonderful man stay by my side for the rest of our lives.

Delly brought a pie, which we serve with ice cream for dessert. Peeta opens his presents and he graciously thanks everyone. George and Johanna are the first to leave, having to catch the early train back. Effie is right behind them, promising us she will see us soon and Haymitch escorts her out (Peeta and I both exchange looks at this) Delly is the last to leave and she gives Peeta a big hug.

"I hope you had a wonderful birthday," she says as she pulls away.

"The best one yet," Peeta says, his eyes on me. Delly smiles and hugs me goodbye and Peeta waves everyone off. He follows me into the kitchen and helps me clean up the mess and put away the leftovers. When I open the fridge, I reach into the back and pull out the cake I made for him.

It's small and round and nowhere near his perfect skills but I made it all on my own and fought with the piping bag for hours to perfect this. His eyes fill with tears as I hold it out to him.

'Happy 18th Peeta' was written in orange icing across the blue frosting. I had tried to make it look like waves and a sunset but now looking at it, it just looked like a mess of frosting.

"It's my sunset," he says softly.

"Well it's supposed to be," I say gloomily. He cups my chin and his lips are on mine before I can say anything. His kisses are deep and passionate and I suddenly remember his last birthday gift that is upstairs. He grabs a fork and sticks it into the cake and I watch him cautiously. His eyes light up and he grins.

"Katniss, this is delicious! Why haven't you been in the kitchens helping me all this time?"

"I tried really, really hard for your birthday. Dane and Rory offered to help but I said no, I wanted to do it on my own. You really like it?"

"I'll probably finish it all for breakfast," he says as he takes another bite. "Where did you get the recipe?"

"The Mellarks, of course." His face softens and his smile grows sadder.

"Dad's books."

"I hope you don't mind. I just wanted it to be…special for you." He sets the cake and fork down and tugs me into his arms, spinning me around so my back is pressed to his chest.

"I love it," he whispers in my ear before his lips are on my neck, "and I love you. So much. You can't. Even. Imagine," he says through his kisses. I gasp and toss my head back and his hand cups my chin as his kisses travel across my neck and face.

"I have one more present for you," I manage to get out.

"Can I have it tomorrow," he murmurs, his lips busy with my skin. I force myself to focus and shake my head.

"Your birthday will be over by then. Come on," after he puts the cake back in the fridge, I tug him into the living room and help him carry his gifts upstairs. I had ordered him an entire new paint set with new brushes and several new canvases and he was in tears as he opened them.

"Ok, go set these up in your studio and I'll be there in a moment." He raises a brow but doesn't question me as he takes his new supplies into his studio. I take a deep breath and pull out a box from the closet. I had taken Johanna's advice and ordered one of the scrappy pieces of lingerie from the catalogue she had sent me. But when it had arrived, I turned ten shades of red. As I hold it up now, I feel my face heating up.

It's for Peeta. Peeta's birthday. It's all for him, I tell myself firmly. When I finish with the damn contraption, I glance at myself in the mirror and gasp.

The soft orange lace pushes my almost non-existent breasts up and out and make them look full. It stops right below my bellybutton and the piece of string that could be called underwear is sheer in the front and a string goes between my cheeks. The white garters that cover my thighs are tied to the underwear with little bits of ribbon. I reach up and undo my braid, allowing my hair to cascade over my shoulders. I shake my head a little, making it look a little messy. Johanna calls it sex hair, whatever that means. I quickly put a little of the dark liner on my eyes, as Jo says "it makes the eyes irresistible and the eyes are the nipples of the face". Yeah, I hardly ever know what she's talking about but I like the effect it has on my eyes. I quite like how the soft orange looks with my olive skin and dark hair. Taking a deep breath, I walk into Peeta's studio without even knocking.


	34. Chapter 34

_**Pure smut coming up! But of course, you guys already knew that ;) still, I feel like I have to put a warning. Read at your own risk! And plz review! (I know it's rather short but I'll try to post a longer one tomorrow or this weekend! XOXO **_

* * *

><p>Katniss is finally going to let me paint her. I mean, I assume that's what she means by telling me to set up my paints and canvas. I've been asking her for months to let me paint her and she always blushes and shakes her head. This is the best present I could ask for. The paint set is amazing and the canvases I know must have cost a fortune! But if this is really happening, this is the best gift she could give me.<p>

Oh. My. God.

I feel rather than hear her in the doorway and I look up. My eyes are going to pop out of my head and my jaw has dropped to the ground.

Holy Shit! Katniss is…holy shit!

Her face is turned down a little and she looks incredibly shy. But I admit, I'm not looking at her face for long.

She's wearing some kind of sexy lingerie in my favorite muted orange and her breasts look tantalizing as they jut out of the cloth. Her underwear (can I even call it that?) connects her garters and her legs look long and shapely, her ass luscious and perfect.

Fuck, I'm a goner.

I lied. THIS is the best gift she could give me. Wait. Does she want me to paint her like this?

Shit, can I even hold a paintbrush right now? She finally looks up and a soft smile crosses her beautiful face.

"Happy birthday, Peeta," she says quietly. I let out a soft moan and her smile widens. I have to adjust my jeans as I hurriedly finish priming the easel.

"Here, why don't you come sit here," I lead her over to the sofa and have her lay on her side. I swallow as I see the bustier falls down a little and her breasts are nearly completely out. I turn around and take a deep breath before crossing back to the easel.

"Are you blushing, Mr. Big Artiste," she says teasingly and I turn back to her, my eyes narrowed.

"Watch yourself, mademoiselle. I have other uses for that busy tongue of yours." Her mouth clamps shut and I see her rub her thighs together, as if she's uncomfortable.

All I want to do right now is bury myself between those thighs but I force myself to focus and sit in front of the easel. I take a deep breath and pick up the pencil and begin sketching. I look back over at her and see she's trembling and her eyes are closed.

"Open your eyes, Katniss. Just focus on me." She does and I give her a warm smile. She returns it and I lower my eyes back to the canvas.

After I have her form sketched out, I throw the pencil aside and start mixing paints. I've painted her before but never with her in front of me. I want to get the color of her skin just right. The shade of her eyes is important too. They're soft and beautiful right now and so full of trust.

I'm impressed that Katniss hasn't moved all this time. I guess it comes from years of hunting but she hasn't said a word and I'm suddenly nervous for her to see it. I put the paintbrush down and study my work. It's beautiful, like she is.

"Are you finished?"

"Yep. It just needs to dry."

"Can I see it?" I glance at her.

"Do you want to?"

"Only if you want me to." I smile and turn the easel around and see her suck in a breath.

"That's how you see me?" Her voice is so soft and vulnerable that I have to take a moment to look at the painting to see if something is wrong with it.

"What do you mean," I finally ask. "I told you, I paint what I see. You're perfect."

"I'm not," she says softly, "but your work is…it's breathtaking."

"It's the subject matter, I promise you." I cross the room to sit beside her and she sits up to kiss me. I hold her face in my hands and my tongue rakes along her lips, tasting her completely before she opens up and allows me in. I explore her mouth thoroughly before I scoop her up and her arms go around my neck.

I carry her into the bedroom and gently set her on our bed. She leans up on her elbows and crosses her legs, looking seductive and so fucking perfect! I try not to let her see me shaking as I strip myself of my clothes and I kneel on the bed in front of her. I gently spread her legs and swear out loud when I see her panties are completely soaked through. My hands tear at her underwear and garters and throw them aside as I settle underneath her, pulling her up my body. She straddles my stomach and I pull the bustier, freeing her breasts so I can feast upon them. She throws her head back and moans as I push them together so I can nip and lick at both of them. I reach back to pull at the stays of the bustier but can't even understand how she managed to put it on by herself! Giving up, I pull her up over my face so I can plunge my tongue inside her and she lets out a little scream as she clutches the bed frame. I love the way she arches her back when she's like this and I let her ride my face. I pull my mouth away from her and hear a mewl of protest as I move out from underneath her. But I keep her turned away from me and put her hands on the bed frame, so they are gripping tightly. I spread her legs and continue to devour her. I swirl my tongue around, tasting her arousal, and dare to venture further. I reach up and spread her cheeks with my hands, my tongue traveling to the one place I have yet to explore.

"Peeta Mellark, you did not just….OH GOD!" I chuckle against her skin as I suck at her sweetness and I feel her shudder. I reach around and plunge two fingers inside her as I continue to attack her clit with my tongue. Not even a second later, I feel her clench around my fingers and she squeals my name loudly. I allow her to collapse forward, as I kiss up and down her back. I make my way back to her luscious ass and kiss my way down her body. I move closer on my knees and I rub myself through her wet folds. She glances at me over her shoulder and my eyes meet hers as I sink into her. I feel her knees buckle and I move my hand underneath her to hold her up.

"Oh my god," she squeals. I'll have to hold off for as long as I can. I've never had her like this and holy shit, the difference in this position. I feel myself slide deeper inside her than I've ever been and every time I thrust, I feel her buck as I hit her special spot. My fingers scratch down her back and grab the material that's hanging around her waist, to allow me to pull her into me roughly. I'm slamming into her and the sound of our flesh slapping against each other makes me reach my peak quickly. I reach up and grab a fistful of her dark hair, pulling up gently. She arches her back and I feel her clenching around me. Her orgasm milks me of mine and I'm coming harder than I ever thought possible. Exhausted, I collapse on her back and I'm not even thinking that I may be squashing her. After a minute, I find the strength to move and I roll over on my back. Katniss sits up and wrestles with the bustier for a moment before letting out a frustrated cry.

"Help me." Chuckling, I sit up and tell her to hold her arms straight. I pull the material over her head and toss it aside. Her back is red from my fingernails and I tenderly kiss her skin before I hurry to the bathroom for a wet cloth to clean her up. I wipe the come from both of us and she sighs as she spreads her legs.

"I love when you come so deep inside me," she says quietly. My eyes widen.

"My god, Katniss," I gasp and she gives me a sly smile. "Seriously, you can't say things like that to me if you actually want sleep tonight."

I finish cleaning us up and toss the cloth aside. She sighs as her head finds its place in the crook of my arm and we slowly come back to normal breathing.

"Thank you," I gasp out. She smiles at me and it makes my heart even lighter.

"Did you have a good birthday?"

"It was the best I've ever had," I tell her honestly. "I thought that you letting me paint you like that was the best present I could ever get. But I realized I was wrong."

"Hm? What was the best then?" I nuzzle against her and press my forehead to hers.

"You loving me."


	35. Chapter 35

**_You guys are so utterly fantastic, I'm going ahead and posting tonight since I got off work early! I'll try to post again later in the week, so this should tide you over for awhile. It's a long one coming up and some dark stuff, so just be warned! _**

**_ I'm glad everyone is excited about the upcoming wedding! I'm excited to see what everyone thinks. It's definitely my favorite chapter(s) I have written thus far (I know I've said that a bunch, lol) but I truly loved every second of writing it. _**

**_ Anyway, not quite yet, dear readers! Almost there ;) until then, continue to enjoy! _**

**_ XOXO_**

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><p>After Peeta's birthday, we settle back into our regular routines. It's starting to get cold again and I'm hunting for the orphanages as much as I can. Peeta's bakery is doing tremendously and he even had a Capitol reporter asking him if he could interview Peeta about the bakery. I didn't go anywhere near the bakery that day, wanting the reporter to steer clear of all talk of the 'star-crossed lovers' and focus on what was important. I've told Peeta that I know his family would be so proud of him for all that he has done.<p>

As we get into the colder months, the reconstruction of Panem continues. Paylor has called us twice, asking us how we are doing and if there is anything that she can do for us. I guess I should be grateful that the president of Panem is calling to check up on us but I'm not. Panem owes us a lot more than a few phone calls. But I keep my opinions to myself. Peeta expresses his gratitude when she calls.

Our calls with Aurelius continue and Peeta's flashbacks are fewer these days. He has definitely learned how to predict when one is coming on and sometimes asks me to tie him to a chair until it is passed. If I'm not around, I return home to find him handcuffed to the table and sighing, I quickly find the key to release him. He holds me close and whispers he loves me and I assure him I love him too. It's the only way to go on, I decide, just to assure each other of our love for one another.

We still haven't set a date for the wedding yet and I know Effie is getting anxious. Peeta tries to pretend that it doesn't bother him but I know he wants to set a date too. I just get anxious every time plans are brought up and we move on to talking about something else. Finally, at the end of October, I bring it up while we are sitting together on the couch.

"How's November 17th for the wedding?" he nearly drops the paper he is reading and he stares at me.

"What?"

"We should set a date. October is nearly over. And I don't want to wait much longer. How does November 17th sound?"

"The 17th…sounds good," he says uncertainly. "Why that day?" I shrug.

"I've just been doing some research. That is World Peace Day, you know. I think it's…appropriate. The world is at peace when I'm with you. I think it'll be a good day." Peeta smiles.

"The 17th it is then. You know it will be cold. I didn't think you'd want to be a winter bride."

"I don't really care, I'm sure you'll warm me up right after the toasting anyway." He flushes and I see his eyes darken, as they usually do when I say something that turns him on. He folds the paper and reaches for me.

"I'm feeling really chilly all of a sudden. Come here and warm me up." I giggle as I straddle his lap and grind against him, letting him know I know exactly what I am doing to him. He groans and leans in close.

"Katniss," he breathes against my lips. "I can't believe we are talking about our wedding. For real."

"I can't wait to see how handsome you look in your suit."

"You'll still wear white. We'll just pretend," he grins as I hit him and he tugs me in for a kiss.

"Not so pure anymore, are you?"

"You know I hate that word," I grumble and he kisses the corner of my mouth.

"I know." He glances at the clock and puts the paper on the table.

"We will call everyone tomorrow and let them know we've decided a date. We should probably get to bed soon, though."

"I thought I was supposed to warm you up," I say slyly and he narrows his eyes. I smirk at him and jump out of his way as he makes to grab me. I love this chase game we play. I always run from him and quite like how he throws me onto the bed and has his way with me, as my 'punishment'. The way he takes control and slams into me makes me come undone in seconds.

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><p>Turns out that even with Effie's help, planning a wedding is exhausting and hard on both the bride and the groom. Somehow, word has gotten out and Cressida has called to warn me that camera crews are going to try to come to the wedding. Panem wants to see us again and I want to cry at being in the spotlight again.<p>

I have almost cancelled it twice and Peeta looks like he wants to cry. I always change my mind when I see him again but we're so tired and he has the bakery to deal with, as an extra weight on his shoulders. The amount of cake orders he has had lately is astounding. He comes home with slumped shoulders and I massage the tension out of his back before we fall into bed. What bothers me the most is how far we sleep apart. I no longer wake to find myself burrowed in his arms. He's usually gone before I wake up and I go hunting alone, to return home to cook dinner by myself and wait until he gets home. He assures me it won't be like this much longer. His employees are all sick right now and he is having trouble keeping up. I sigh and tell him it's fine but the truth is, I miss him. We haven't made love in weeks. And as we are approaching the wedding, he is having flashbacks again, as he did when the bakery was about to open. It makes me nervous and I still want to call off the wedding. Or at least postpone it. If it's doing this to him, why does he want to be married to me?

Another thing is the guest list. I go back and forth whether I want to invite Gale. I finally call him but he doesn't answer. I invite Hazelle and the rest of her family and ask her, if she speaks to Gale, to invite him as well. She promises me she will and when I tell Peeta I invited him, he falls silent.

No surprise that after all of the stress and sleepless nights, we both get sick. We're both terrible patients and snap at each other constantly. He has to shut himself in his studio and I stay in bed. After two days of my mother's healing tea, we are back on our feet and I scold him for wearing himself too thin. Of course he gets angry and says that me going hunting every morning isn't helping either.

We part ways without speaking.

And our wedding is in a week. How is this going to work?

Haymitch even notices, which is shocking because he's drunker than normal these days. I wonder if the alcohol helps keep away sickness. He hasn't gotten sick like the rest of us.

"What have you done now, sweetheart," he calls to me one afternoon as I come home with my kill.

"What makes you think I've done something?"

"Because it's more likely than being the kid's fault. You're getting married next week you know."

"Yes, thanks for the update Haymitch, I am fully aware we have a week left." He snorts.

"Sounds like it needs to be pushed off. What's going through your head girl?"

"Nothing. Just leave me alone," I snap.

"Gladly. Don't know how he puts up with you," he says as I slam the door closed. I feel my heart sink. Yeah that one hurts. I don't either, Haymitch. I have been terribly moody and surly and I miss my boy with the bread. I decide to try to make amends. I start getting dinner ready and make everything look nice. I light candles and clean up the place and wait for Peeta to get home.

Two hours past closing time, I call the bakery to find out where he is. He apologizes and says he has to catch up on orders before he can leave. I yell at him that he should just sleep there and he yells at me that maybe he will. I hang up the phone and cry myself to sleep. I don't even notice when he comes to bed.

I toss and turn all night long. Finally I can't stand it. I throw the covers back and pad into the bathroom. I light a candle and turn the shower on. Hanging my robe on the hook, I climb into the shower and stand under the scalding water for a moment, trying to collect my thoughts. I'm so lost in my mind that I don't hear him pull the shower curtain back and climb in with me. I feel his rough baker hands on my breasts and I suck in a breath as his fingers tweak both my nipples. His lips make contact with the skin on my neck and I close my eyes, leaning my head back against his chest.

It's been too damn long.

He pushes me against the wall and my cheek is pressed to the cold tile. He knees my legs apart and shoves a hand between my thighs. I'm startled by how rough he is and I gasp as he makes fast hard circles instead of trying to warm me into it. He grabs a bunch of my hair and yanks and I let out a little gasp of surprise.

"You like it when I do this, Katniss?" His voice is deep and husky but there is a sharp edge to it that I haven't heard in quite awhile. It makes my eyes shoot open. I whimper as he continues to flick at my clit and he plunges three fingers into me without warning. I cry out, not ready at all and my fingers claw at the wall.

"Peeta, please."

"Please what? Please fuck you like he did?"

What?! I try to turn to look at him but he is pressing me into the wall and I can't move.

"Peeta, what are you-"

"I can smell him all over you," he growls in my ear. "You've been meeting him in the woods, haven't you?"

Oh god. He can't mean…

"Peeta! Please listen to me. I'm not-"

"Don't lie to me! You reek of sex. Do you let him do this to you?" He thrusts his fingers in and out viciously and I can't fight my body's reactions. As he presses against my clit, I cry out and he lets out an appreciative grunt. He's inside me before I can process anything and I arch my back as he tugs on my hair.

"Or this? You let him fuck you against a tree?"

"Peeta," I gasp out. "I haven't been with anyone but you! You're the only one…oh god!" He is taking me hard and fast and I can feel myself careening towards another orgasm already. I hate my traitorous body. I squirm against him but he slams into me, bruising my thighs. His fingers are digging into my arms and hips. He reaches down and flicks my clit and I cry out his name as I release. He pulls out and I feel him slide up and down between my cheeks. He reaches down and spreads me wide and I jerk forward as I feel him at my other entrance.

"Peeta," I whimper.

"I bet you let him fuck you in the ass," he growls against my neck. "You're a dirty whore, aren't you? You don't say no to him, do you?" He pushes and I feel tension. I shake my head violently, trying to squirm away from him.

"Peeta, don't!"

"You mean you don't like this? I thought you would like this, you little slut. You want me to slide my cock into your ass, Everdeen? You want me to fuck your tight little hole, right before I fuck your tight little pussy?"

"Peeta, stop it!" I rear back against him and knock him in the chin. He grunts and I rip the curtain back and jump out without turning the water off. I only had a brief look at his eyes but they are as dark as night and I am terrified.

"Katniss!" He yells at me but I run away. I don't know where I'm going, I don't know what I'll do if he comes after me, but I have to get away from him.

Tears stream down my cheeks as I rock back and forth under the kitchen table. I'm cold, naked, and wet and the tile floor is freezing. But I don't say a word. I listen intently to hear if he is coming after me.

I must have fallen asleep under the table because when I feel hands on my arms, I wake up in a panic.

"No! No!" I flail around and try to fight them off but they hold on and pull.

"Katniss! Katniss, it's ok, it's me," I hear his voice and it's lost the rough edge it had earlier. "I'm back."

I look up and see him on his knees beside the table, his eyes back to brilliant blue and full of tears. I crawl out from under the table and into his lap and he holds me to his chest, our bodies shaking from our sobbing. He strokes my hair and mutters his apologies over and over in my ear. His kisses are soft and tender, decorating my hair and my forehead and my cheeks and my nose. He never gets close to my mouth. Tears streak his fair cheeks as he shakes his head in disbelief.

"I am so sorry," he whispers. I kiss his forehead and hold him close, allowing him to cry. We both sit there, crying for what seems like hours. When we finally seem to stop, he pulls away and notices me shivering.

"Let's get you dressed." He stands and helps me up, his arm around my bare waist. He drapes a blanket around my shoulders and leads me up the stairs. He helps me dress, as I pull on a pair of panties and he helps me into a long cotton nightgown. We don't say a word as he pulls back the blankets and I climb in. I look at him expectantly as he stands beside the bed.

"Aren't you-"

"I shouldn't. I shouldn't be near you, Katniss. I- I can't believe I…I wanted to… I almost hurt you. Again." I grab his hand before he can protest and tug him forward.

"Get into bed. Now." He stares at me and finally obeys. He distances himself but I'm not having it. I lay my head in his arm and drape my arm over his chest. I can feel his heart racing in his chest.

"You didn't hurt me."

"I said such awful things to you," he whispers through his tears. "I almost…I could have-"

"It wasn't you. I know that. You didn't hurt me."

"Katniss-"

"No! You didn't hurt me." He sighs and I nuzzle closer. Finally, he brings up a tentative hand and strokes my hair.

"I'm sorry. I didn't…mean any of it."

"Then why did you say it?" I prop myself up and look down at him. He squeezes his eyes shut and shakes his head.

"Peeta," I say gently. "Do you really think-?"

"No," he says sharply. "No, I-…I don't think that. Anymore." He takes a deep breath and looks up at me, his blue eyes full of tears.

"They used videos as part of my torture," he finally says in a pained voice. "After the beatings and the knives and the shocks…they forced me to watch hours of videos of you and Gale. I didn't know what was real and wasn't anymore. I just watched you with him. After awhile, they convinced me that you had slept with both of us. I honestly believed we had done things on the train. And they showed me videos to prove it. My eyes were held open by force to see you writhing on the bed underneath me. And then Gale taking you up against a tree. I know in my heart that you have only ever been with me. But my hijacked brain tries to tell me otherwise and I just…lost control. Mutt Peeta took over and I…I couldn't save you from myself." I lean down to kiss him and he seems reluctant to return my kisses. But I don't break them and eventually, he responds. I hate the Capitol. I despise Snow. He deserved so much more than the quick death he got. My Peeta is forever changed and corrupted. He will never escape this darkness completely. He sobs while I pull him into my arms and I gently rock him back and forth. I tell him not real. I tell him I love him. He falls asleep to my caresses and my soft singing.

When we wake up, I gently ask him to call into work so we can spend the day together. He agrees and hurries off to the study to call them. When he returns, he climbs back into bed and pulls me toward him. His cheeks are still wet with tears.

"I'm so sorry, Katniss," he whispers. "I don't know what's happened between us these past few weeks…I wanted to stop it but I've just been, you know, so bogged down with work and everything-"

"I know," I stop him. "I'm sorry too. I should have been more understanding and more patient. I should have been there to help you. These have been the worst weeks of my life, Peeta. I can't stand it when we aren't talking."

"Tell me when you're irritated, love," he says softly, kissing my cheek. "Before it blows up into a huge mess."

"You tell me when you're feeling something," I insist. "You have to tell me when you're feeling neglected or you don't trust me about something-"

"Katniss, I trust you with my life. It's just the venom. It's still not completely out of my system," he says miserably. "The doctors tried to get most of it but there's some left and what they did to me…" he takes a deep breath and I try not to cry at how pained he looks. "It takes everything I have to conquer that. And it's your love that helps me defeat it but when I feel like you know, you're upset with me, it gets harder to remind myself of how much you love me."

"Peeta," I take his face in my hands and gaze into his eyes. "I will never stop loving you. You have to know that." His hand covers mine and he kisses my palm.

"I know," he says quietly. "Can you forgive me?"

"I told you, there's nothing to forgive. Let's just spend the day loving each other." He smiles weakly.

"Sounds like the perfect plan." Nodding, I surge forward and kiss him with all of the pent up frustration I have. He moans at the intensity of our kiss and I wrap my fingers around his curls. His hands hover in the air uncertainly, as if it is our first time being intimate.

"Peeta," I whine against his lips. "Touch me. Please."

"K-Katniss," he stammers and I take matters in my own hands. I bring his hands to my breasts and he groans. I feel his fingers slide down and underneath the cotton gown and he pulls it over my head. I grasp his head and bring it down to my chest so he will take the hint. Luckily he does and I feel his tongue on my nipple. I let out a low moan and a squeak when his teeth gently rake across my sensitive skin. He leans back and I see his eyes soften and his smile fade. I frown, wondering what caused his mood to change suddenly and he gently traces a pattern across my arm. Without looking I know he is seeing bruises from his fingerprints.

"Katniss," he moans and he shakes his head. I wrap my arms around his neck and move to straddle his lap. He groans as I grind against him and the angle I'm at causes the perfect friction for us. His hardening length is hitting my clit just right and I know my panties are soaked through already. He lowers his head and takes my breast into his mouth again and I reach down and pull the waistband of his pajama pants back. I move back and pull them down his legs and his head falls back on the pillow as I take him in my hand. I waste no time in lowering my mouth to him and my tongue travels all over his shaft before I take him completely into my mouth. He tries to lean up on his elbows to watch me-I know he loves to watch me do this and I love the power I feel when I look up into his eyes and watch him come undone. I didn't think I would like doing this so much but watching him writhe and shake underneath me makes me feel even more like the girl on fire. He reaches down and gathers my hair in his hands so he can thrust and I feel him hit the back of my throat. I try not to gag as I take all of him in and he lets out a strangled cry. I feel him tense up and he tries to sit up and warn me but I continue to suck until I have sucked him dry. I swallow all I can and I wipe at my lips, seeing that he is watching me with wide eyes.

"Come here," he says softly as he pulls me forward and he pulls my soaked panties off and tosses them aside. He closes his eyes and his fingers make gentle patterns on my thighs.

"I can smell you," he says softly. "Fuck you drive me crazy, Katniss. I always want you. Every minute of every day. I'm always thinking of you, always wanting to be by your side. Always thinking of being inside you."

I let out an embarrassing moan at his words and just as he is about put his mouth on me, I stop him.

"I only want you," I tell him before I slide on top of him and grip his shoulders to help me adjust. His shaking hands hold my hips and he groans as I rise up a little and fall back down. We find our rhythm and it is glorious. But I know I won't reach my peak like this and I think he knows it too. He flips us over so that my legs are in the air and he drapes them over his shoulders while he thrusts into me. He pushes my knees back so far I fear they may hit me in the face. Peeta's beautiful face scrunches up as he starts to pant heavily. His thumb moves in circles on my clit and his thrusts bring me to completion. He waits a moment before he continues to thrust, harder this time. I lean up on my elbows and our eyes meet.

"You're mine, Peeta," I say in a low voice and his eyes darken. "You're mine and no one else's."

"Fuck, Katniss!" His thrusts become uncoordinated and his hips are slamming into mine as he races to his peak. When I feel his warmth spill inside me, he slumps forward and I curl my hands around him, holding him to my chest. He tries to move but I hold him there, loving the feel of our bodies melded together like this. He looks up at me and gives me a warm smile, which makes my heart glow.

"I love you," he says softly. I pull him up for a kiss and stroke his curls.

"I love you too."

"Thank you for reminding me."

"Of what?" His smile broadens.

"Just how much I love you."

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><p>We're a week away from the wedding and I am shocked it took me so long to realize, I don't have a dress!<p>

Peeta and I were lying on the couch last night and he casually mentioned all the gowns I had to try on for our Capitol-planned wedding when I sat up, wide-eyed. He followed me and looked worried.

"What is it?"

"Peeta…I don't have a dress!" To my surprise, he chuckled.

"I'm pretty sure Effie will have taken care of that for you, sweetheart."

So while Peeta is at the bakery, I go up to the study and dial Effie's number.

"Oh Katniss, it's so good to hear from you! How are you doing dear? Ready for the big day?"

"Not really," I mumble. "Effie…I don't really have a dress."

"Katniss! That's usually the first thing brides think of! Goodness me, what should we…well, let me make a few phone calls. I will phone you back in just a few minutes. And please, dear, answer the phone this time." I smile as I hang up. I know I just shocked her more than I usually do. After all, I'm not a typical bride.

When she calls back, she gives me instructions. She tells me to go into my basement (I don't think I have ever been down there) and put in the combination that she gives me to get into the cabinet down there. I reluctantly go back to my house and briefly wonder if I should wait for Peeta. I have a feeling I know what I will find down there but I'm not 100% sure. The way Effie's voice softened, though, makes me pretty certain.

I nervously stand in front of the cabinet and take a deep breath. When I open the door, tears rush to my eyes at the familiar presence that wraps around me.

Cinna.

There is a note taped to the inside of the door and I pull it down.

_Katniss,_

_ If you're reading this, it means the Mockingjay defeated the Capitol and Panem is free._

_It also means that I am dead._

_Do not despair, my sweet girl on fire. I give my life to this cause and know it will all be worth it in the end._

_A world where you can be truly happy and can grow into the beautiful young woman I know you will be._

_I gave Plutarch and Effie strict orders not to give you the code, unless you decided on your own to marry. And I know when you finally do decide, it will be no one but Peeta Mellark. You have been burning for each other since the moment I met you. _

_Portia and I designed these after I designed your "fake collection" as I call them. I know this is the real thing because when you do marry him, it will be your decision and no one else's. I hope you both like them and wear them with pride. I couldn't do traditional white because you are anything but traditional. _

_I wish you both the very best and wish I could see how beautiful you will be on your wedding day. But wear these and I will be with you._

_ Give my best to Peeta and remember, cherish every moment you are given._

_I'm still betting on you, girl on fire._

_All my love,_

_ Cinna_

I fall to my knees and sob for my friend. The note wrinkles in my fist and I hastily smooth it out. When I have finally cried all my tears, I reach to the back of the cabinet and pull out two hangers.

My jaw drops at the sheer perfection in my hands. Cinna designed these with us in mind. They are perfect and I can't imagine getting married in anything else. I decide to leave mine down here and I take the suit back to our room and hang it up in Peeta's closet. I put the note from Cinna on the bedside table and curl up on the bed, weeping into a pillow. So many people I wish could be here for my wedding.

Prim. Cinna. Finnick. Rue. My father. So many people I want there.

What would I have done if I was marrying someone else? No. Cinna knows me well. He already knew I was in love with Peeta. Seems like everyone knew but me. When Peeta comes home, I pull him to me and kiss him deeply. I inhale the scent of fresh bread and cinnamon and he looks dazed as he pushes my hair out of my eyes.

"Not that I'm complaining but what was that for?"

"You always knew, didn't you? That I really loved you?" He smiles as he strokes my cheek.

"I think in my heart I always knew. But I had to wait for you to figure it out yourself. And it was so worth the wait." I reach over and grasp Cinna's note and hand it to him to read. He does and he looks up at me, his eyes wide.

"Did you find-?" I nod.

"Yours is in the closet. You don't get to see mine this time. I know you were watching that stupid show Caesar hosted with all the gowns." He grins.

"You looked perfect in every single one of them." He sits beside me and squeezes my hand.

"I wish you had waited for me, though. Are you…ok?"

"I'm ok. I just can't wait to be married to you." He flushes and grins broadly.

"Not much longer," he says as he kisses me. He gets up and goes to the closet and I hear him suck in a breath. I go to him and wrap my arms around his waist and his hands cover mine.

"It's…"

"Perfect," I finish. He nods, still staring at it.

"Portia helped him," I say quietly and he glances at me over his shoulder. He hasn't spoken of Portia but I know her execution hit him pretty hard. His entire prep team had been executed in front of him. He turns to me and has tears in his eyes but he smiles.

"Come on, let's go get started on dinner."


End file.
